I used to blame myself when Dan's ex would go off the rails, like it was my fault I encouraged him to grow a backbone. Like maybe I never should've tried to create rules and structure for my stepkid. Maybe if I'd just kept my mouth shut, the conflict between houses wouldn't have escalated the way it did.

Then I remind myself of something my sister always says: "Crazy doesn't need a reason."

Even if Dan & I had never met, his ex would've found some other way to alienate him from his kid. She'd have found some other excuse to flip out about every little thing, because that is the nature of a high-conflict person who thrives on chaos and drama. Nothing we did or didn't do would ever have changed that.

When you're dealing with a high conflict co-parent, the answer is always better boundaries, not more compromise. A high conflict person is gonna be high conflict either way, so you might as well err on the side of protecting yourself and the family you're trying to build.

Unfortunately, this advice is the opposite of what most co-parenting resources will tell you. But the truth is that most co-parenting resources don’t have any lived experience dealing with someone who’s determined to be unreasonable. Which is why I wrote this: ➡️ 4 things typical co-parenting advice gets wrong about high conflict 👀

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