Critical Mess Podcast

Our particular set of skills involves four shot glasses and Jeppson’s Malort.

Taken is a 2008 action-thriller directed by Pierre Morel. It stars Qui-Gon Jinn, documenting his difficult-but-necessary transition from master Jedi to ex-special-forces-deadbeat dad. It begins with his daughter hatching a plan to hook around Europe. Then Qui-Gon uses Jedi mind tricks to hunt down a smelly young Frenchman and humiliate a band of room-temperature-IQ Albanian gangsters who take advantage of her. 

Taken has a 59% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and an 85% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). 

Check out criticalmesspodcast.com to make your own custom Hot Pocket recipes! (And vote on which movie we do next.)

Three plus. F-ing. Hours. 

Pearl Harbor is a 2001 war drama film directed by the GOAT, Michael Bay. It stars Ben Affleck, Josh Hotnett (aka Josh Hartnett), Kate Beckinsale, Alec Baldwin, Michael Shannon, Jon Voight, Tom Sizemore, Cuba Gooding Jr., and thousands of other people. It’s about…Pearl Harbor. And some love triangle thing. 

Pearl Harbor has a 24% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 66% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people).

Listen to this podcast. Right meow. Super Troopers is a comedy film from 2001 starring Jay Chandrasekhar, Kevin Hefferman, Steve Lemme, Paul Soter, Erik Stolhanske, Marissa Coughlan, and of course Brian “It’s a Good Day for the Crows” Cox. We love anything with Big Daddy Agamemnon. Super Troopers has a 37% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 90% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). Be sure to check us out at criticalmesspodcast.com and suggest our next movie!

Bumblebee Tuna! 

Ace Ventura 2: When Nature Calls is a comedy film from 1995 starring Jim Carrey, Ian McNeice, Simon Callow, Maynard Eziashi, Bob Gunton, Sophie Okonedo, and Tommy Davidson. It’s about a pet detective, bat turds, and a bird named Tinky. It also involves a rhinoceros giving birth to a man.

Ace Ventura 2: When Nature Calls has a 23% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 72% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). 

Be sure to check us out at criticalmesspodcast.com and suggest our next movie!

10 days? Munch some garlic anchovies and he’ll be gone in 10 seconds, amarite? 

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days is a 2003 romantic comedy starring Kate Hudson, Matthew McConaughey, Adam Goldberg, Michael Michele, Shalom Harlow, Bebe Neuwirth, and Robert Klein. It’s about a guy and a girl who manipulate and lie and obfuscate until they fall in love. How quaint. 

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days has a 42% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 77% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). 

Be sure to check us out at criticalmesspodcast.com and suggest our next movie!

Remember when people actually liked Ryan Reynolds? National Lampoon’s Van Wilder is a 2002 comedy starring Ryan Reynolds, Tara Reid, Kal Penn, Tim Matheson, Paul Gleason, Daniel Cosgrove, and Sophia Bush. It’s basically a documentary about “the raddest f’n dude alive.” Does it hold up? Does it suck? We get to the bottom of it. National Lampoon’s Van Wilder has an 18% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 73% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). Check out criticalmesspodcast.com and give us movie recommendations!

The Wizard is a 1989 adventure/comedy starring Fred Savage, Beau Bridges, Christian Slater, Luke Edwards, Jenny Lewis, Wendy Phillips, and Frank McRae. It’s a Nintendo advertisement with the occasional “plot point.” We also “enjoyed it.”

The Wizard has a 29% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 60% rating with audiences (aka popcorn) people. 

Check out criticalmesspodcast.com and give us movie recommendations!

If only we could go back in time to change this film. The Butterfly Effect is 2004 sci-fi/thriller starring Ashton Kutcher, Amy Smart, Eric Stoltz, William Lee Scott, Elden Henson, and Logan Lerman. It’s about a guy who can time travel back to traumatic moments in his youth to right the wrongs of the past. It’s a pretty cool idea on paper, but—according to the critics at least—ain’t working too well in practice. The Butterfly Effect has a 34% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and an 81% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). Check out criticalmesspodcast.com and give us movie recommendations!

$150 to see the butt? We’ll show you ours for free.

Coyote Ugly is a 2000 comedy/drama starring Piper Perabo, Adam Garcia, Mario Bello, Tyra Banks, and (are you f*ing kidding me) John Goodman. It’s mostly just girls dancing on a bar, and yet the plot description on Wikipedia is inexplicably five paragraphs long. But seriously, butt shaking on a bartop is at least 80% of the film.

Coyote Ugly has a 23% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 71% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people).

Check out criticalmesspodast.com to give us movie recommendations!

If Optimus Prime had bad credit, would he be Optimus Subprime? 

Transformers is a 2007 sci-fi/action movie starring Shia LeBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, John Turturro, Jon Voight, Rachael Taylor, and lots of CGI. It’s directed by Michael Bay, so obviously we had to talk about it. The film is mostly about big robots from space that do lots of punching and shooting. As you might expect, many, many things explode. Transformers has a 57% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and an 85% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). 

Check out criticalmesspodcast.com to give us movie recommendations!