Are there chicks in the Koopa Kingdom? Seems like all dudes. No wonder Bowser is such a sad boi.

Watch as LL Cool J does tongue stuff with a bird named Bird—then feeds it his sweet cream.

With an Oscar-worthy cameo by Jerry O’Connell as sex-starved frat-bro Trip McNeely.

One trash ‘stache to rule them all.

All respect to Brian Cox aka Big Daddy Agamemnon.

With all the gambling and skateboarding and video games and cigarettes, we’ve collectively decided the Foot Clan hideout is our happy place.

It’s like a two-and-a-half hour music video. In space. On PCP.

Oh, Robert Pattinson. You're so much better than this. You sparkly bastard.