Crossing The Line

In this episode I talk about the concept of gaslighting and why narcissistic people tend to re-emerge in our lives during the holidays.

The term gaslighting is discussed. Abusers create/manipulate a gaslit environment so their target is powerless to fight back. I give several personal examples of this. 

Victim vs. Survivor- for those of us who have experienced abuse and are learning about it and how to prevent it moving forward- we are survivors, not victims. The victims are the abusers- they have no control over their own environment and life, so they project their lack of control by controlling others in an abusive dynamic. They portray themselves as the victim of being powerless, over things they truly have power over. 

Enjoy, listen and rate. Comments and questions can be sent to [email protected]. 

Did you know that narcissistic families have roles for their family members? Continue to listen! 

I reflect on the prior podcast from 5/20/19 in this episode. Take a listen to that podcast, if you haven't yet. 

The Piper Narcissistic Recovery Handbook- www.thenarcissisticmother.com  - available on Scribd.com. 

It is ok to love those who are abusive, from afar. This can mean No Contact, or Low Contact. 

Narcissistic and Abusive people have no self-awareness of their actions or words. They don't understand or comprehend narcissism, unless it is to their advantage. 

Do you have a narcissistic mother? Narcissism exists on a spectrum, from benign to malignant. We all can exhibit some narcissistic traits- without being labeled or diagnosed as a "narcissist". Again, it's all on a spectrum. 

We talk about narcissistic rage, as well as "supply". What is "supply"? It is viewed as attention (positive or negative), or admiration. 

Listen to my episode that talks about one of my passions- discussing and educating on toxic relationships, and in time for Mother's Day- toxic mothers. 

Narcissism is a term that is way overused. There are a lot of people that deal with people that are toxic/dysfunctional, but true narcissism requires a diagnosis from a qualified professional. 

I grew up with a toxic mother, who likely has some form of narcissism, even if just exhibiting strong narcissistic traits that affected her daily life, as well as those around her. According to one article, the average age of those who realize they have a toxic relationship in their life is 44 years old, and is usually a result of a traumatic life event in order to realize it! This needs to be changed- we should be educated on this, way before this age. 

One of the classic signs of a narcissistic mother is pitting the siblings against each other. I talk about the "spider web" effect and the beginnings of the triangulation concept in abusive relationships. 

A second (informal) sign is how they operate when their teenage children are in abusive relationships- do they stick up for their child, or do they turn a blind eye to it? 

Abusive parents view love as a transaction, conditional upon the behavior of that person, whether it be a child or adult. 

I also talk about the uneducated people who only view abuse as physical. It also includes mental, psychological, and emotional abuse (to name a few), consisting of control, triangulation, and projection, just to name a few concepts. 

I talk about my family of origin and how they acted when I was a child and adult. It consists of conditional love and I discuss the tactics of isolation, as well as the concept of abusers relying on feelings as facts. I talk about the enabling partner of the abuser, as well as those termed as "Flying Monkeys". 

I also talk about the "all or nothing" concept that narcissistic individuals have- Bill Eddy describes it as "splitting". Family roles in abusive families also are discussed. 

Exploiting vulnerabilities is a part of abusers and how they choose to control you later on during the devaluation phase. Listen in to learn more! 

Follow and rate. Questions and comments can be directed to [email protected]. Thank you for your support!