I am a huge Orson Welles fan, for all the right reasons and all the wrong reasons, though not as huge as the man himself.

Welles was fascinatingly one of history’s great directors, as well as an immensely gifted writer and actor, while simultaneously he was a scrappy underdog and an insufferable ass. His films like Citizen Kane and Touch of Evil are regarded among the giants of cinema, while the outtakes from his television commercials for Findus frozen peas and Paul Masson wine are just as infamous in the annals of recorded train wrecks.

I recently published a lengthy article about the Findus debacle that I had been researching for half a year. The story, which you can read in K Composite Magazine (kcomposite.com), is what I humbly consider to be a must-read for fans of the Findus outtakes.

With all the excitement surrounding the release of Welles’s final film The Other Side of the Wind, I thought it only fitting to dedicate this week’s episode to that theme of celebration. This episode is my interpretation of what the Findus outtakes may have been like, had Orson Welles been in a much better mood, more willing to cooperate, and of course, had the less impressive voice of a much smaller person. Me.

If you’re not familiar with the Findus frozen peas recording upon which this week’s episode is based, you can hear that legendary tape and get the entire backstory in the aforementioned article.

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