Curious not Furious

We continue looking at the unique dynamic that exists between siblings. 
Now that we have established that we can safely take a step back in a lot of our children's daily squabbles - there is something that we DO need to pay attention to as parents. 

The red flags that warrant our interference are important to know about so that our children feel that it is safe to take off their armour when they return home from being in the world with a brave face. 

This episode talks about boundaries, values and shame.

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One minute they laugh and share and you feel like you've succeeded as a parent. The next moment they are at each other's throat and you despair; "What's causing all this fighting"?

Love and hate, peace and war, tears and laughter - are all part of the sibling relationship dynamic and we have got to hold on tight to not get swept up in the daily storms. 

There are 3 things that can massively help us and our children to get on better and I have shared these top 3 tips in this episode, available for you whether you are currently at your wits end or simply wish to understand what might help you in moments of need. 

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We can always insist that our child says 'sorry' but we can never control whether our child's apology is sincere. 

How do we ensure that our children learn to apologise when in the wrong? 
And how come it feels so difficult for one of our children to admit to any wrong doings, while for another child they rush to reconnect and rebuild relationship? 

In this episode we look at the 'GOOD APOLOGY' and the 4 ways that we so easily mess up an apology with an excuse. 

As parents, we are going to have to be willing to lead the way .. and be patient. 
The road to this ability is through a commitment to the act of 'repair'. 

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Few things can feel as confronting as when the people closest to you share their thoughts on your parenting or on your child's behaviour. 

Our survival strategies come out: 

- Push back and defend 
- Shrink and hide
- Increase perfectionism 


We all have a preferred strategy that helps us when we feel overcome by shame. 

In this episode, we continue to look at the resilience skills that we can hone in order to be able to cope with more heat - without tapping out. 

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When was the last time you played offence in your own life? 

- Said yes to something that made you feel nervous? 
- Followed your gut instinct around care of your child, although it veered from what -   your friends were doing? 
- Dared disappoint someone else so as to not disappoint yourself? 


The more we can work up the capacity to tolerate the uncomfortable feelings that follow when we lean into courage or choose to live from our values rather than what is expected from us - the better we can show our children to do the same. 

In this episode I share how this is playing out for me at the moment and delve into the 7 behaviours that make up resilience - and that I lean on at the moment to avoid running back to safety. 

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Ever wondered why other people are so annoying or inconsiderate - and why your children take you for granted? 

There's more to other people's unwanted behaviours than meets the eye - and I do a quick dive into the human phenomenon that we all fall prey to in relationships. 
The fundamental attribution error!

Let me share with you my top tip to improving your relationships instantly. 

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How do we actually stop ourselves from melting down WITH our child? 
In this episode I share my top tips on regulating yourself when your child pushes your buttons. 

Self-care is best practiced OUTSIDE of those 'alarm moments' because it allows us a buffer in moments of stress. But self-care is so much more than 'a massage and a trip to the nail salon'. 

You want to catch this episode if you are finding self-care difficult and constantly feel time challenged. Or if you find it hard to lower the bar a little for yourself without seeing it as a failure. 

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As parents, we expertly try to respond to our children's wants and needs from the moment of birth. We soothe, we hold, we nurture and we give. Also, when we have nothing more in the tank. And while we may have a faint idea of just how disconnected we have become from ourselves and how divorced we are from our own needs, it can be hard to notice when life is lived 100mph. 

That's why slowing down can feel so confronting. 

In this first of two episodes on self-care for parents - we address the difference between: 

Hard and difficult
and
What I want and what I need 

While we all want to scroll incessantly or eat a bar of chocolate when we've had a row with our partner - it might not be what we actually need. 

So what DO you need? 
And why is it so difficult to be with the messiness? 

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You've said no. You've held the boundary - allowed your child to feel upset - and now what? 

Are you so upset at all the emotional turmoil that your child has caused that you are finding it hard to re-connect and hold the door open on connection? 

This can be a very hard to pivot to make, minutes after our child has had a meltdown. 

In this episode I share my top tip for preventing more unwanted behaviours for occurring - and how you will be able to tell that your child is ready to connect with you again. 

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A five minute break is not too much to ask. 

Why is it that children appear to not listen when we say no? 

How come it isn't till I've lost my temper, gotten more cross than I want to get or threatened to take something away, that my child respects my 'no'? 

This is what we explore in today's episode. 
The art of a 'good no' is a vital parenting skill. And don't worry if you don't feel you're mastering it yet. 
You'll have plenty time to learn. 

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