Arenthaer Gald has been asked to give a speech at the Ceallach Wizard College Class of 1324 graduation. Apparently the goal of these speeches is to give advice to the new grads. But when it came time to write, all Arenthaer could think about was how nearly any piece of advice he could think of would only be relevant to some of the grads. This is what he came up with.

Direct any questions or comments to [email protected].

Special thanks this month to Baz Luhrmann, who did the song I'm parodying, and also to Mary Schmich, whose essay provided the words for that song.