Dad Toolbox

How do you keep showing up as a dad when the person you thought you'd raise your children with is suddenly gone?

This episode of Dad Toolbox is a little different. Instead of sharing a parenting tool, I'm sharing my own story of losing my partner Shari, becoming a full-time solo dad to our two daughters, and navigating the overwhelming grief, love and transformation that followed.

My dear friend and returning guest Pete Coles joins me, this time taking the interviewer's seat. Pete was there the night Shari passed away, and together we revisit her life, the heartbreak of losing her, the incredible support of our community and the ways I've found meaning and connection through grief.

This is a deeply personal conversation, shared in the hope that it helps my daughters understand our journey and supports other families navigating grief and loss.

In this episode we share:

• The life and love I shared with Shari
• The night that changed our family forever
• The moment I told our daughters their mum had died
• How I navigated the overwhelming early stages of grief
• How our community came together to support us
• Why we find comfort through rituals and honouring Shari's life
• The signs and synchronicities that helped us feel connected to Shari
• How grief has transformed my understanding of life and love

KEY QUOTES

"I learnt in this time how grief is love. And how the more you love something that you lose, the more you grieve it."

"She didn't let the fear of dying stop her from living. It just inspired her, I think, to go more and embrace more and make the most of now."

"Where all of a sudden we're not this isolated Western world nuclear family structure. Suddenly we're a village again and we're all there to help and support"

PARENTING WITH GRIEF RESOURCES

• Weller, Francis. (2015). The wild edge of sorrow: rituals of renewal and the sacred work of grief. North Atlantic Books.
• Listen to "To Build a Home" by English electronic music group, The Cinematic Orchestra, on Spotify or Youtube.

GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE

• Follow on Instagram: @dad_toolbox
• Find out more at https://linktr.ee/dadtoolbox

Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The online world can be a dangerous place for kids, but how do you protect them from risks you can't always see or control?

The tool we're adding to the Dad Toolbox today is Safe Online Space, helping dads protect their kids online while building the trust and open communication they need to speak up when something goes wrong.

Joining us is Kirra Pendergast, online safety expert and founder of Safe on Social, who has spent 17 years helping families, schools and organisations navigate the digital world. Kirra shares practical ways to make devices safer, recognise online dangers and create a relationship where your kids know they can come to you, no matter what.

In this episode, Kirra shares:

• Why creating a safe space for kids to speak up is the most important part of online safety.
• How to set up smartphones safely and gradually increase access as kids become more responsible.
• Using a smartphone readiness plan to teach kids responsibility and critical thinking.
• How to respond when your child makes a mistake or experiences something distressing online.
• Simple ways to start conversations about online safety without making kids feel interrogated.
• The warning signs that your child might be experiencing problems online.
• Why kids need online safety education even if they don't have social media.
• Understanding sextortion, online grooming and the risks of posting photos of your children online.
• The difference between monitoring your child's online activity and building a relationship based on trust.
• How to help your kids feel confident recognising online dangers and asking for help.

Warning: this episode contains discussions about sextortion and online grooming, which some listeners may find distressing. If you or someone you know needs support, you can call Lifeline on 13 11 14, or contact the Australian eSafety Commissioner or Netsafe New Zealand.

KEY QUOTES

"The thing that you can control is to be in their corner and to be able to hear them."

"If they don't tell you and you don't know. It's going to get scary."

"Knowing what's going on rather than monitoring what's going on is a much better position to have that trust-based relationship with your kid."

MORE ABOUT KIRRA

Personal website: Kirra Pendergast

Safe on Social website: Safe on Social

Kirra’s Instagram: @this_is_kirra

Kirra’s LinkedIn: Kirra Pendergast

Her Substack: The Current

Book: Digital Freedom — co-authored with Maggie Dent

SAFE ONLINE SPACE RESOURCES

Download The Smartphone Readiness Project using this link and use the coupon code DADSTOOLBOX for a 100% discount (making it free)

Download a compilation of the papers and books used to research this topic.

GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE

• Follow on Instagram: @dad_toolbox
• Find out more at https://linktr.ee/dadtoolbox

Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You don't have to do fatherhood alone. Yet for many Dads, asking for help can feel harder than facing the challenge itself. That's where the Phone a Friend tool comes in. It’s a simple and powerful way to break through isolation, build genuine connections and create a support network you can rely on.

Joining me is Arion Light, author, coach and men's work facilitator who has supported tens of thousands of men through groups, circles and gatherings. Drawing on his own experience of losing his wife and raising their son, Arion shares the life-changing power of having other men show up when you need them, and how to be that support for other men.

In this episode, Arion shares:

• Why so many Dads struggle with isolation and asking for help.
• How shame and the pressure to appear strong prevent men from opening up.
• What reaching out for support looks like
• Why vulnerability can build stronger friendships and deeper connections.
• How a men's circle became Arion's lifeline after his wife's cancer diagnosis.
• The difference between having mates and having a genuine support network.
• How to find or create a men's circle of your own.
• Simple ways to check in on a mate and encourage honest conversations.
• Why listening and asking questions can be more helpful than offering solutions.
• How to recognise when someone needs additional support.
• The power of reaching out before things reach crisis point.

Warning: this episode contains discussions about suicide and mental health challenges, which some listeners may find distressing. If you or someone you know needs support, you can call Lifeline anytime on 13 11 14.

KEY QUOTES

"It just takes one question and a bit of presence to open a door."

"Every time we phone a friend, we reach out. Every time we make a bridge, we start to build a world where that emotion is wanted."

"If I had to carry this grief, I wouldn't make it."

MORE ABOUT ARION

• [email protected]
• Resources from Arion
• Find out more via Blase’s website.
• Or follow him on YouTube or Instagram.

PHONE A FRIEND RESOURCES

Lifeline: Phone 13 11 14.

Men's Work events: TGOM and Mankind Project https://www.mankindproject.org.au/

Download the free Home Game Checklist

Download a compilation of the papers and books used to research this topic.

GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE

• Follow on Instagram: @dad_toolbox
• Find out more at https://linktr.ee/dadtoolbox

Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Being a good Dad isn't just about showing up for your kids today. It's also about making sure your family is financially secure tomorrow. But between mortgages, bills and the everyday costs of raising a family, planning for the future can easily fall to the bottom of the list.

That's where Super Moves comes in. A practical tool that breaks down five simple steps Dads can take to make the most of their superannuation, build long-term wealth and protect their family's financial future.

Helping us put these moves into action is Corey Wastle, a father of three and founder and CEO of Verse Wealth. With more than a decade of experience in financial advice, Corey is also a nationally recognised industry leader, having been named Executive of the Year for Financial Advice and Wealth Management Professional of the Year in 2025.

Disclaimer: This conversation includes general financial information and general financial advice only. It doesn't take into account your personal objectives, financial situation or needs, and may not be appropriate for you. Before making any decisions about your superannuation, investments or insurance, consider your own circumstances and seek advice from a qualified financial adviser where appropriate.

In this episode, Corey shares:

• Why taking control of your finances today can give your family more choices in the future.
• Understanding what you've got in super and the differences between industry, retail and self-managed funds.
• How compounding can dramatically grow your wealth over time.
• Why it's never too late to start investing in your future.
• Making additional super contributions without putting your family under financial stress.
• How choosing the right super investment option can make a huge difference to your retirement savings.
• Why staying calm during market downturns is so important.
• Protecting your family's financial future through insurance and binding death benefit nominations.
• Three simple actions dads can take to improve their super in just 15 minutes.

KEY QUOTES

"When you're investing, The biggest asset you have isn't your intelligence. Far from it. It's time."

"We can only start where we are now. So starting today is better than starting tomorrow and it's much better than starting in a year."

"You can look at your balance. but you should be more concerned and more focused on what's the trajectory of my balance as opposed to what it is right now."

MORE ABOUT COREY

• Verse Wealth website: https://www.versewealth.com.au
• Corey's LinkedIn: https://au.linkedin.com/in/coreywastle
• Verse Wealth financial coaching: https://www.versewealth.com.au/service/coaching

GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE

• Follow on Instagram: @dad_toolbox
• Find out more at https://linktr.ee/dadtoolbox

Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What if one simple word could help you stop solving every problem for your kids, while teaching them to become more independent?

The Power of Sure is a simple parenting tool that takes the pressure off Dads to have an immediate answer to every request. By replacing a yes or no with “sure”, parents can encourage their kids to take responsibility, solve problems and become more comfortable with uncertainty.

To share this, we are joined by Associate Professor Gabriel Dabscheck, a paediatric neurologist in Melbourne Australia. Gaby is a father to three, happily married to an amazing woman, and a very amateur basketball coach. He shares how he uses this approach with his own children, why it can help build resilience and independence, and the situations where kids need clear answers and boundaries instead.

In this episode, Gaby shares:

• Why “sure” can be more useful than yes or no.
• How uncertainty can help kids build independence.
• The power of putting the responsibility back on your kids
• When uncertainty can become overwhelming.
• The process of moving from fixing problems to coaching your kids.
• Why kids need to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them.
• When to use “sure” and when kids need clear answers and boundaries.
• How “sure” can take some pressure off parents.

KEY QUOTES

"Sure means in the correct circumstances, “yeah, it can happen."

"Your time is valuable as well. The world doesn't revolve around them. Theirs is not the only reality."

"It kind of motivates them to create a circumstance by which what they want to happen will happen."

MORE ABOUT GABY

• Connect with him on LinkedIn

POWER OF SURE RESOURCES

Download a compilation of the papers and books used to research this topic.

GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE

• Follow on Instagram: @dad_toolbox
• Find out more at https://linktr.ee/dadtoolbox

Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As Dads, when we see our teens or kids struggling, our first instinct is often to jump in and fix things. We want to help, share what we've learned and save them from making mistakes. But what if our attempts to help are actually getting in the way?

The good news is that sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is stop giving answers and start asking better questions.

Psychologist, psychotherapist, parenting educator and author of Parenting for a Peaceful World and Heart-to-Heart Parenting, Robin Grille, shares a simple but powerful tool called Ask a Better Question, designed to help Dads move away from being Mr Fix It and towards raising confident, independent kids who feel heard, supported and capable of figuring things out for themselves.

In this episode, Robin shares:

• Why jumping in to fix our teens and kids' problems can do more harm than good.
• How asking better questions helps teens and kids build confidence and independence.
• What makes a good question and why curiosity matters
• How to approach tricky conversations about gaming, school and motivation.
• When asking questions isn't the right approach.
• Why kids don't need a perfect Dad, just one who's willing to learn.

KEY QUOTES

"And wouldn't you say that a good coach is somebody that says less but observes more and asks more?"

"Our children don't need the perfect dad. Our children need a learning dad."

"Don't teach, ask a question. Makes a huge difference."

MORE ABOUT ROBIN

• Find out more about Robin on his website
• Or follow him on Instagram. and Facebook

ASK A BETTER QUESTION RESOURCES

• Robin’s Parenting Books: https://www.robingrille.com/publications/books/
• Robin’s Parenting Articles: https://www.robingrille.com/publications/articles/
• Robin’s Parenting Videos: https://www.robingrille.com/videos/
• Robin’s Parenting Courses & Workshops: https://www.robingrille.com/seminars/
• Robin's writings on Substack: http://robingrille.substack.com/
• Download a compilation of the papers and books used to research this topic.

GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE

• Follow on Instagram: @dad_toolbox
• Find out more at https://linktr.ee/dadtoolbox

Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Most Dads have had that moment where they’ve reacted to their kids, walked away and thought, “I didn’t handle that well.” The hard part is finding a way to interrupt that reaction while it’s actually happening.

The Resilient Reframe is a simple tool designed to create some space between what’s happening around you and how you respond, helping you step out of the emotion of the moment and make a more considered choice.

Teaching us the tool is Rob Marston, a mental fitness advocate, Certified Resilience Coach, Mental Health First Aid Instructor and Resilience First Aid Instructor who works with individuals, workplaces and communities to build greater resilience and mental fitness. He’s also deeply involved in men’s mental health, including founding the Inner West chapter of When No One Is Watching.

In this episode, Rob shares:

• Why taking five before reacting can completely change what happens next.
• How to recognise the situations and triggers that bring out a version of yourself you don’t want your kids to see.
• How to use the Resilient Reframe to step out of the emotion of the moment and choose a response that better reflects the dad you want to be.
• Why perspective can help you decide what actually matters and which battles aren’t worth fighting.
• How practising the Resilient Reframe can help you become a more stable, present parent when things get chaotic.

KEY QUOTES

“This is the first time I’ve been a parent. Like, I’ve been a kid before, but I’ve never been a parent before, and I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got.”

“You need to know you’re not doing well in order to be able to access doing better.”

“I think it’s really about trying to give people a bit of a distance between stimulus and response.”

MORE ABOUT ROB

• Connect with Rob on LinkedIn

GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE

• Join our community of Dads on Facebook
• Follow on Instagram: @dad_toolbox
• Follow on Youtube
• Sign up for weekly Dad tools, advice and support
• Find out more at https://linktr.ee/dadtoolbox

SUPPORTING RESEARCH

Download a compilation of the papers and books used to research this topic.

Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We all want to protect our kids from struggle, disappointment and stress. But what if constantly stepping in to make life easier is actually getting in the way of something they need?

Today’s tool is “Stress Your Kids Out” and is about deliberately giving our kids small, manageable doses of stress, challenge and adversity so they have the opportunity to adapt, problem-solve and build resilience.

Teaching us how to use it is Tim Curtis, author of Building Resilient Kids and co-author of the bestseller The Resilience Shield. Tim spent much of his professional life exploring: what makes some people better able to cope, adapt and grow when life gets difficult? A former SAS officer, Tim draws on 16 years of military service, an MBA, decades of leadership and resilience work, and, importantly, his own experience as a father. He is here to show us our job is not to remove every stressor, failure or disappointment from our children's lives, but to help them develop the skills and confidence to navigate them.

In this episode, Tim shares:

• Why resilience isn’t about avoiding stress, but learning how to respond to it.
• Why letting our kids experience stress and adversity is essential for their well being and development.
• The difference between harmful stress and the moderate stress our kids can actually benefit from.
• How to know when to step in and support our kids, and when to stand back and let them struggle a bit.
• Why fixing every problem for our kids can rob them of the chance to find their own solution.
• Simple ways to “dose the discomfort” through everyday things like ordering at restaurants, carrying school bags, chores and losing games.
• The questions we can ask instead of immediately jumping in with advice.
• How Rose, Bud, Thorn can help kids reflect on their day and work through the things they’re struggling with.
• Why praising effort rather than results can help our kids develop a growth mindset.
• The importance of letting our kids experience the consequences of their choices.
• Why building resilience is less about big parenting interventions and more about consistently getting the basics right.
• How the way we respond to our own stress teaches our kids how to respond to theirs.

KEY QUOTES

“Stress in itself is not inherently harmful. But managing stress, teaching our kids to embrace a little bit of discomfort, is incredibly useful.”

“Dealing with discomfort makes us better at dealing with discomfort.”

“The role of the lifeguard isn't to prevent the swimming, it's to prevent the drowning.”

MORE ABOUT TIM CURTIS

• Find out more about Tim including his podcasts, books and work, at https://linktr.ee/resilienceshield

STRESS YOUR KIDS OUT RESOURCES

Buy a signed copy of Tim’s book: Building Resilient Kids

Check out the Building Resilient Kids podcast

Find more resilience tools at The Resilient Shield

GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE

• Join our community of Dads on Facebook
• Follow on Instagram: @dad_toolbox
• Follow on Youtube
• Sign up for weekly Dad tools, advice and support
• Find out more at https://linktr.ee/dadtoolbox

SUPPORTING RESEARCH

Download a compilation of the papers and books used to research this topic.

Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What do you do when your child is completely losing it? You can feel yourself getting frustrated and every instinct is telling you to either give in or put your foot down…

There’s another option: holding a firm boundary while still giving your child space to feel everything they’re feeling.

This is a process called Loving Limits and for this episode we are joined by Jason Seeman to help guide us on the process.

Jason is a father of two, fatherhood guide, educator and founder of Raising Fathers. Raising Fathers supports new fathers through parenting education courses, as well as running rites of passage experiences, 1:1 mentoring, and community events for Dads. Loving Limits has fundamentally changed the way Jason parents his own kids, offering a practical way to stay connected through the messy moments, without giving in to every demand.

In this episode, Jason shares:

• What to actually say and do when your child is melting down, dysregulated or refusing to cooperate.
• Why being emotionally attuned doesn’t mean becoming permissive or giving up boundaries.
• How Loving Limits creates a firm “no” to challenging behaviour while saying “yes” to the feelings underneath.
• Why crying, raging and other big emotions don’t necessarily need to be stopped or fixed.
• How to recognise when our own fight-or-flight response is kicking in and then regulate ourselves before reacting.
• Why trying to reason with a child in the middle of big emotions usually doesn’t work.
• How to set limits when you genuinely don’t have time to sit with your child’s feelings.
• What Loving Limits can look like in public, when other people may be watching or judging.
• How to validate anger while still physically preventing a child from hurting someone.
• What can happen when kids grow up seeing emotional attunement modelled at home.

KEY QUOTES

“Kids need to feel felt. It doesn’t matter what the gender is. They need to feel felt and held by both parents.”

“The places where they push your buttons the most are the things that you still haven’t fully sat with and made peace with in yourself.”

“How you parent your kids is how you parent yourself.”

MORE ABOUT JASON

• Find out more via Jason’s website.
• Or follow him on Instagram
• New Dads check out his Expecting Dads Course

LOVING LIMITS RESOURCES

• Download the free Loving Limits Guide
• Learn more about Aware Parenting from Aletha Solter PhD and Marion Rose PhD

GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE

• Join our community of Dads on Facebook
• Follow on Instagram: @dad_toolbox
• Follow on Youtube
• Sign up for weekly Dad tools, advice and support
• Find out more at https://linktr.ee/dadtoolbox 

SUPPORTING RESEARCH

Download a compilation of the papers and books used to research this topic.

Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When life is already busy, a little friction at home can quickly add up. For single dad Matt Harbour, creating a home where his kids feel safe, settled and loved is something he approaches with intention. His “Home Game” framework starts with a simple question: what do you want it to feel like for your kids to be at Dad’s place?

Because a calm, connected home isn’t about having everything perfect. It’s about creating an environment where your kids can relax, feel like Dad’s got things handled, and know that they belong.

Matt Harbour is a single dad of three who has worked in divorce coaching, particularly supporting men navigating separation and the transition to single fatherhood. 

In this episode, Matt shares:

• How to create a home where your kids feel safe, settled and like Dad has things handled.
• Reducing the everyday friction that gets in the way of being present with your kids. 
• Setting up your home so kids can find what they need and become more independent. 
• Using routines and rituals to create familiarity, connection and stability. 
• Protecting your kids from adult conflict and stress inside the home. 
• Where to start when you’re setting up a new home as a single Dad. 
• Keeping things simple and affordable when organisation doesn’t come naturally. 
• Creating spaces around what your kids actually need as they grow. 
• Maintaining connection with your kids when they’re staying with their other parent.

KEY QUOTES

“So if I wasn't on top of things and organized, it'd create friction, and the more friction I found I had in trying to run the home, the less presence I had with the kids.”

“I feel like being a dad, I'm the lighthouse, right? I'm the lighthouse on the rock, and no matter what comes from outside, whatever waves and weather crashes over the lighthouse, I'm still standing there looking out for them all the time.”

“I think just keep it simple and start with what's best for the kids and what's best for my wellbeing.”

MORE ABOUT MATT

• Connect with Matt on LinkedIn

HOME GAME RESOURCE

Download the free Home Game Checklist

GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE

• Join our community of Dads on Facebook
• Follow on Instagram: @dad_toolbox
• Follow on Youtube
• Sign up for weekly Dad tools, advice and support
• Find out more at https://linktr.ee/dadtoolbox 

SUPPORTING RESEARCH

Download a compilation of the papers and books used to research this topic.

Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.