Dad Toolbox

Most Dads have had that moment where they’ve reacted to their kids, walked away and thought, “I didn’t handle that well.” The hard part is finding a way to interrupt that reaction while it’s actually happening.

The Resilient Reframe is a simple tool designed to create some space between what’s happening around you and how you respond, helping you step out of the emotion of the moment and make a more considered choice.

Teaching us the tool is Rob Marston, a mental fitness advocate, Certified Resilience Coach, Mental Health First Aid Instructor and Resilience First Aid Instructor who works with individuals, workplaces and communities to build greater resilience and mental fitness. He’s also deeply involved in men’s mental health, including founding the Inner West chapter of When No One Is Watching.

In this episode, Rob shares:

• Why taking five before reacting can completely change what happens next.
• How to recognise the situations and triggers that bring out a version of yourself you don’t want your kids to see.
• How to use the Resilient Reframe to step out of the emotion of the moment and choose a response that better reflects the dad you want to be.
• Why perspective can help you decide what actually matters and which battles aren’t worth fighting.
• How practising the Resilient Reframe can help you become a more stable, present parent when things get chaotic.

KEY QUOTES

“This is the first time I’ve been a parent. Like, I’ve been a kid before, but I’ve never been a parent before, and I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got.”

“You need to know you’re not doing well in order to be able to access doing better.”

“I think it’s really about trying to give people a bit of a distance between stimulus and response.”

MORE ABOUT ROB

• Connect with Rob on LinkedIn

GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE

• Join our community of Dads on Facebook
• Follow on Instagram: @dad_toolbox
• Follow on Youtube
• Sign up for weekly Dad tools, advice and support
• Find out more at https://linktr.ee/dadtoolbox

SUPPORTING RESEARCH

Download a compilation of the papers and books used to research this topic.

Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We all want to protect our kids from struggle, disappointment and stress. But what if constantly stepping in to make life easier is actually getting in the way of something they need?

Today’s tool is “Stress Your Kids Out” and is about deliberately giving our kids small, manageable doses of stress, challenge and adversity so they have the opportunity to adapt, problem-solve and build resilience.

Teaching us how to use it is Tim Curtis, author of Building Resilient Kids and co-author of the bestseller The Resilience Shield. Tim spent much of his professional life exploring: what makes some people better able to cope, adapt and grow when life gets difficult? A former SAS officer, Tim draws on 16 years of military service, an MBA, decades of leadership and resilience work, and, importantly, his own experience as a father. He is here to show us our job is not to remove every stressor, failure or disappointment from our children's lives, but to help them develop the skills and confidence to navigate them.

In this episode, Tim shares:

• Why resilience isn’t about avoiding stress, but learning how to respond to it.
• Why letting our kids experience stress and adversity is essential for their well being and development.
• The difference between harmful stress and the moderate stress our kids can actually benefit from.
• How to know when to step in and support our kids, and when to stand back and let them struggle a bit.
• Why fixing every problem for our kids can rob them of the chance to find their own solution.
• Simple ways to “dose the discomfort” through everyday things like ordering at restaurants, carrying school bags, chores and losing games.
• The questions we can ask instead of immediately jumping in with advice.
• How Rose, Bud, Thorn can help kids reflect on their day and work through the things they’re struggling with.
• Why praising effort rather than results can help our kids develop a growth mindset.
• The importance of letting our kids experience the consequences of their choices.
• Why building resilience is less about big parenting interventions and more about consistently getting the basics right.
• How the way we respond to our own stress teaches our kids how to respond to theirs.

KEY QUOTES

“Stress in itself is not inherently harmful. But managing stress, teaching our kids to embrace a little bit of discomfort, is incredibly useful.”

“Dealing with discomfort makes us better at dealing with discomfort.”

“The role of the lifeguard isn't to prevent the swimming, it's to prevent the drowning.”

MORE ABOUT TIM CURTIS

• Find out more about Tim including his podcasts, books and work, at https://linktr.ee/resilienceshield

STRESS YOUR KIDS OUT RESOURCES

Buy a signed copy of Tim’s book: Building Resilient Kids

Check out the Building Resilient Kids podcast

Find more resilience tools at The Resilient Shield

GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE

• Join our community of Dads on Facebook
• Follow on Instagram: @dad_toolbox
• Follow on Youtube
• Sign up for weekly Dad tools, advice and support
• Find out more at https://linktr.ee/dadtoolbox

SUPPORTING RESEARCH

Download a compilation of the papers and books used to research this topic.

Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What do you do when your child is completely losing it? You can feel yourself getting frustrated and every instinct is telling you to either give in or put your foot down…

There’s another option: holding a firm boundary while still giving your child space to feel everything they’re feeling.

This is a process called Loving Limits and for this episode we are joined by Jason Seeman to help guide us on the process.

Jason is a father of two, fatherhood guide, educator and founder of Raising Fathers. Raising Fathers supports new fathers through parenting education courses, as well as running rites of passage experiences, 1:1 mentoring, and community events for Dads. Loving Limits has fundamentally changed the way Jason parents his own kids, offering a practical way to stay connected through the messy moments, without giving in to every demand.

In this episode, Jason shares:

• What to actually say and do when your child is melting down, dysregulated or refusing to cooperate.
• Why being emotionally attuned doesn’t mean becoming permissive or giving up boundaries.
• How Loving Limits creates a firm “no” to challenging behaviour while saying “yes” to the feelings underneath.
• Why crying, raging and other big emotions don’t necessarily need to be stopped or fixed.
• How to recognise when our own fight-or-flight response is kicking in and then regulate ourselves before reacting.
• Why trying to reason with a child in the middle of big emotions usually doesn’t work.
• How to set limits when you genuinely don’t have time to sit with your child’s feelings.
• What Loving Limits can look like in public, when other people may be watching or judging.
• How to validate anger while still physically preventing a child from hurting someone.
• What can happen when kids grow up seeing emotional attunement modelled at home.

KEY QUOTES

“Kids need to feel felt. It doesn’t matter what the gender is. They need to feel felt and held by both parents.”

“The places where they push your buttons the most are the things that you still haven’t fully sat with and made peace with in yourself.”

“How you parent your kids is how you parent yourself.”

MORE ABOUT JASON

• Find out more via Jason’s website.
• Or follow him on Instagram
• New Dads check out his Expecting Dads Course

LOVING LIMITS RESOURCES

• Download the free Loving Limits Guide
• Learn more about Aware Parenting from Aletha Solter PhD and Marion Rose PhD

GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE

• Join our community of Dads on Facebook
• Follow on Instagram: @dad_toolbox
• Follow on Youtube
• Sign up for weekly Dad tools, advice and support
• Find out more at https://linktr.ee/dadtoolbox 

SUPPORTING RESEARCH

Download a compilation of the papers and books used to research this topic.

Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When life is already busy, a little friction at home can quickly add up. For single dad Matt Harbour, creating a home where his kids feel safe, settled and loved is something he approaches with intention. His “Home Game” framework starts with a simple question: what do you want it to feel like for your kids to be at Dad’s place?

Because a calm, connected home isn’t about having everything perfect. It’s about creating an environment where your kids can relax, feel like Dad’s got things handled, and know that they belong.

Matt Harbour is a single dad of three who has worked in divorce coaching, particularly supporting men navigating separation and the transition to single fatherhood. 

In this episode, Matt shares:

• How to create a home where your kids feel safe, settled and like Dad has things handled.
• Reducing the everyday friction that gets in the way of being present with your kids. 
• Setting up your home so kids can find what they need and become more independent. 
• Using routines and rituals to create familiarity, connection and stability. 
• Protecting your kids from adult conflict and stress inside the home. 
• Where to start when you’re setting up a new home as a single Dad. 
• Keeping things simple and affordable when organisation doesn’t come naturally. 
• Creating spaces around what your kids actually need as they grow. 
• Maintaining connection with your kids when they’re staying with their other parent.

KEY QUOTES

“So if I wasn't on top of things and organized, it'd create friction, and the more friction I found I had in trying to run the home, the less presence I had with the kids.”

“I feel like being a dad, I'm the lighthouse, right? I'm the lighthouse on the rock, and no matter what comes from outside, whatever waves and weather crashes over the lighthouse, I'm still standing there looking out for them all the time.”

“I think just keep it simple and start with what's best for the kids and what's best for my wellbeing.”

MORE ABOUT MATT

• Connect with Matt on LinkedIn

HOME GAME RESOURCE

Download the free Home Game Checklist

GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE

• Join our community of Dads on Facebook
• Follow on Instagram: @dad_toolbox
• Follow on Youtube
• Sign up for weekly Dad tools, advice and support
• Find out more at https://linktr.ee/dadtoolbox 

SUPPORTING RESEARCH

Download a compilation of the papers and books used to research this topic.

Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sometimes the fastest way to get your kids to do what you want creates a much bigger mess afterwards.

Yelling, threatening or simply overpowering a situation can work in the moment, but Jake Casella argues there’s often a better option: using ‘power’ instead of ‘force’.

Through his own very imperfect parenting moments, Jake explores how dads can stay in control without always needing to take control, and why understanding what your child actually needs can make cooperation a whole lot easier.

Jake is a friend, father, qualified psychotherapist, social worker, educator, and kids resilience coach with 10 years experience in casework, coaching and educating children, including two years developing and delivering school-based resilience programs.

In this episode, Jake shares:

• The difference between using power and force with your kids, and why both can have a place in parenting.
• Why using too much force leads to having to repair the relationship afterwards.
• The times when force can actually be appropriate.
• The reason why yelling, threats and other forceful reactions can become our automatic response.
• How considering your child’s unmet needs can help you respond with more empathy.
• Simple ways to use power that work for both you and your child.
• Why giving kids some control and autonomy can make them much more willing to cooperate.
• How to reflect and repair when you do lose your cool.

KEY QUOTES

“When you use too much force, things break.”

“When you are trying to use power, you need to think about the exact scenario going on right now and what leverage do you have.”

“The minute that I reflect on those needs, I feel compassion and empathy.”

MORE ABOUT JAKE

• Follow Jake on Instagram
• Or get in touch via his email: [email protected]

GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE

• Join our community of Dads on Facebook.
• Follow on Instagram: @Dad_toolbox
• Follow on Youtube.
• Sign up for weekly Dad tools, advice and support.
• Find out more at https://linktr.ee/dadtoolbox 

SUPPORTING RESEARCH

Download a compilation of the papers and books used to research this topic.

Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For Sheldon Lieberman, learning to trust his son Spike meant first confronting the fear he was carrying himself. After the devastating loss of his two-year-old daughter, Sheldon and his former partner Olivia could have held their surviving son even tighter. Instead, over time, they found themselves giving him more freedom to explore, take risks and find his own way.

That approach became the tool Sheldon calls Fearless Trust. Not pretending the fear isn’t there, but learning how to work through it so it doesn’t automatically become a limit you place on your kids. It’s an approach that has shaped Sheldon’s relationship with his now 19-year-old son and challenged his own ideas about risk, resilience and what it really means to keep our kids safe.

Sheldon is a father, owner of brand design house Big Fish Design. a kids music performer called SalmonHead, and the writer and animator of Spike and Dadda, an internationally-awarded short animation series based on real recordings of Sheldon and his son Spike from the age of three to eight.

In this episode, Sheldon shares:

• Why giving your kids the freedom to take risks can build their confidence, resilience and independence. 
• How to recognise when your own fear is getting in the way of trusting your kids. 
• A simple way to pause, process your reaction and come back to your child before making a decision. 
• Why letting kids take progressively bigger risks can help them learn their own limits. 
• How getting involved in the things that scare you can help you better understand the actual risk. 
• Why other people’s judgement can make it harder to parent differently and the importance of finding like-minded support. 
• How working on your own fears and experiences can change the way you respond to your kids. 

KEY QUOTES

“It's not just what they're asking you to do. It's how you're reacting to that question and what it brings up in you.”

“Kids instinctively know that they can do more. And if they're not shut down by the parents, I think it's more about the parents being able to trust.”

“I realized I had to change because I was the one who was fearing life.”

MORE ABOUT SHELDON

Watch Spike and Dadda on YouTube

[TOOL] RESOURCES

GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE

• Join our community of Dads on Facebook.
• Follow on Instagram: @Dad_toolbox
• Follow on Youtube.
• Sign up for weekly Dad tools, advice and support.
• Find out more at https://linktr.ee/dadtoolbox 

SUPPORTING RESEARCH

Download a compilation of the papers and books used to research this topic.

Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Learning to read is one of the most important skills our kids will ever develop, but when they struggle with it, it can be hard as a Dad to know what’s actually going on or how best to help.

Our tool for this episode is ‘The Brain-based Model of Reading’, a simple way to understand what’s happening inside your child’s brain as they learn to read and how you can better support that process.

To help us understand it, I’m joined by Dr Duncan Milne, an educational neuroscientist, CEO of Junior Learning, and author of “Teaching the Brain to Read”. Duncan is an expert in literacy and develops educational resources that support children learning to read which are used in schools across the world including the US, UK, Australia and New Zealand.

In this episode, Duncan shares:

• How the brain learns to read and the two different circuits kids use to sound out and recognise words. 
• The difference between phonological and surface dyslexia, the signs of each and how they can affect the way your child reads. 
• Simple ways to target the areas your child is struggling with.
• How to make reading fun which can keep your child engaged and build their confidence.
• How working memory affects reading and some simple games that can help strengthen it. 
• The early warning signs that could indicate your child may struggle with reading.
• When it might be worth getting a tutor or professional assessment. 
• The simple things you can do at home to build your child’s reading skills.
• Why you should focus on finding something your child enjoys reading.

KEY QUOTES

“Giving the gift of reading is like giving children a time machine.”

“We need to really make that effort to model excellent language and read to our children.”

“If you can make it fun, you can turn on learning.”

MORE ABOUT DUNCAN

• Find out more about Junior Learning via the website
• Follow Duncan on LinkedIn.

BRAIN-BASED MODEL OF READING RESOURCES

Buy Dr Milne’s kids book “How My Brain Learns to Read” to help you and your children understand what their brain is doing when learning to reading

GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE

• Join our community of Dads on Facebook.
• Follow on Instagram: @Dad_toolbox
• Follow on Youtube.
• Sign up for weekly Dad tools, advice and support.
• Find out more at https://linktr.ee/dadtoolbox 

SUPPORTING RESEARCH

Download a compilation of the papers and books used to research this topic.

Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If we don’t help our kids find somewhere they belong, they’ll go looking for it somewhere else. And as parents, we might not always like where they find it.

A strong sense of belonging can help our kids understand who they are, where they come from and where they fit in the world. 

Our guest today is Thomas Keily, a father, poet, writer and economist. He uses a tool called the Ancestor Altar to build a sense of belonging in his own family, including a brilliant ritual that connects his kids with the stories, struggles and people that came before them.

As part of discussing today's tool, we talked about measures of success as a parent. A shared family value both of us feel is important is for our children to have a sense of belonging, which leads us into today's episode…

In this episode, Thomas shares:

• What exactly an Ancestor Altar is.
• How an Ancestor Altar can help your kids understand where they come from and feel part of something bigger than themselves. 
• A simple way to create your own Ancestor Altar using family photos, stories, food and meaningful objects. 
• Why sharing both the good and difficult stories from your family history can help build resilience and a stronger sense of identity. 
• How he incorporated Halloween into this family ritual and made it more than a lolly grab.
• Why creating a strong sense of belonging at home matters, especially as kids get older and start looking for places to fit in. 
• How learning about your ancestors can help put your own challenges into perspective and remind you of the strength that runs through your family. 
• How rituals around remembering loved ones can give kids a way to understand grief, death and what it means to remember someone after they’re gone. 
• Why family traditions don’t need to be inherited. You can deliberately create rituals and meaning that reflect the kind of family you want to be. 

KEY QUOTES

“If we don't help their kids find their belonging, they will go and find belonging somewhere.”

“You belong here. There's a place for you. You fit in the weave in whatever way it is, but you're supposed to be here.”

GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE

• Join our community of Dads on Facebook.
• Follow on Instagram: @Dad_toolbox
• Follow on Youtube.
• Sign up for weekly Dad tools, advice and support.
• Find out more at https://linktr.ee/dadtoolbox 

SUPPORTING RESEARCH

Download a compilation of the papers and books used to research this topic.

Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The title may suggest this episode is just for Girl Dads, but trust me, after recording this, I feel this is an episode that will help every Dad, even if it’s just supporting them to be a better partner.

Our tool in this episode is called Period Savvy Dads, and as you might guess, it is all about creating a home where periods are understood rather than treated as awkward or ignored, and understanding the menstrual cycle so you can better support your daughter (and partners and friends) with empathy, confidence and practical help.

To help us learn this tool, I am joined by Karin Lucia Gisler, a qualified counsellor, youth mentor and family support practitioner with more than 10 years of experience supporting young people and families. A mother of two teens herself, she combines professional expertise with lived experience to help families navigate communication, emotional challenges and major life transitions.

In this episode, Karin Lucia shares:

• Why Dads' understanding of periods can strengthen their relationship with their daughters, especially as they go through puberty.
• A simple way to understand the different phases of the menstrual cycle and the changing energy and needs that come with them.
• How the way Dads talk about periods can shape their daughter’s own relationship with menstruation and their body.
• How to best support your daughter (and partner) during her period, and recognising that her needs can change from cycle to cycle.
• Why using correct anatomical language matters when talking to your kids about their bodies.
• Practical ways to prepare your daughter for her first period, including putting together a period kit for school or sport.
• Why your reaction to your daughter’s first period matters, and how to acknowledge it as an important moment without making it uncomfortable.
• Why boys should understand the menstrual cycle too, and how the whole family can support each other rather than treating periods as “women’s business.”

KEY QUOTES

“Never underestimate the power that a father figure has in the daughter's life.”

“The more open our conversations are around the menstrual cycle, around periods, the more likely she will have a positive experience as well.”

“Boys need to know about the menstrual cycle too, how that all works, about the different phases and how to be a supportive brother or later in life a supportive partner.”

MORE ABOUT KARIN LUCIA GISLER

• Find out more via Karin Lucia’s website.
• Or follow her on Facebook or Instagram.

PERIOD SAVVY DADS RESOURCES

• Counselling and parenting support
• Period Savvy Dads online course
• Let's Talk: Sex Ed eBook for Teens & Parents
• Youth and parent programs

GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE

• Join our community of Dads on Facebook
• Follow on Instagram: @dad_toolbox
• Follow on Youtube
• Sign up for weekly Dad tools, advice and support
• Find out more at https://linktr.ee/dadtoolbox

SUPPORTING RESEARCH

Download a compilation of the papers and books used to research this topic.

Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What values do you want to instill in your children? And how do you plan to instill then?

There is a tool called The Family Code which enables you to identify your family values, and support your children to embody and live those values as they grow up.

To share this tool with us today is Blase Grinner. Blase is a men’s transformational coach, mentor and father of two who helps men find greater purpose, confidence and direction in their lives. Drawing on his own journey through addiction, insecurity and destructive behaviours, as well as more than a decade of leadership and mentoring experience, Blase now works with men to better understand themselves, take accountability and build more purposeful and fulfilling lives.

In this episode, Blase shares:

• How the values he learned from his mum shaped the way he now approaches fatherhood.
• Why knowing what you stand for gives you a compass for making decisions as a Dad.
• The three stages of shaping personal values and identity as our kids grow up.
• How to narrow down the values that really matter to you and turn them into a Family Code.
• How Blase and his wife brought their individual values together to create shared family values.
• A practical way to teach young kids what values like kindness actually look like in everyday life.
• Why giving kids a voice in your family values becomes increasingly important as they get older.
• How family values can give kids a framework for making their own decisions, even when they’re facing pressure from friends, school or different households.

KEY QUOTES

“The values is your compass, your vision is a map, and you walk that path of being a man on purpose.”

“It doesn't mean it's right, it doesn't mean it's wrong, but it shows you where you could improve if you wanted to.”

“You're never going to get it right the first time.”

MORE ABOUT BLASE

• Find out more via Blase’s website.
• Or follow him on YouTube or Instagram.

THE FAMILY CODE RESOURCES

To identify your family values, download the free eBook Unlock The Warriors Code

GET INVOLVED WITH THE PODCAST ONLINE

• Join our community of Dads on Facebook
• Follow on Instagram: @dad_toolbox
• Follow on Youtube
• Sign up for weekly Dad tools, advice and support
• Find out more at https://linktr.ee/dadtoolbox

SUPPORTING RESEARCH

Download a compilation of the papers and books used to research this topic.

Podcast produced by The Podcast Butler

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.