Dad's Guide to Twins

Dad's Guide to Twins

By Joe Rawlinson, twin pregnancy and raising twins expertKids & Family
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Dad's Guide to Twins episodes

  • Raising Twins After a Divorce with Randy Morton – Podcast 250

    Episode 250 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes

    Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Randy Morton, father of 9 year old boy/girl twins. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

    • Getting twins to sleep early on
    • Separating the twins in school
    • Getting divorced when the twins were young
    • Hobbies and interests similarities and differences between twins
    • Challenges of not seeing kids during the week
    • Grandparent involvement with twins
    • Finding babysitters for the twins
    • Overcoming reading challenges and behavior problems
    • Getting out with the twins to parks or the beach
    • Managing screen time with the kids
    • and more…

      • Connect with Randy via email.

      Transcript

      This is auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

      Joe 0:00

      Today on the show we’re talking with a divorced father of boy/girl twins about what he’s learned along the way through his twin parenting adventure.

      Intro 0:08

      Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast the podcast that will help you survive and thrive as a father of twins Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, the “Dad’s Guide to Twins”, Joe Rawlinson.

      Joe 0:24

      Hey everybody and welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. As always you can find me on the web at twin dad podcast comm where you’ll find the complete transcript for this episode. And you can listen to all previous podcast episodes. In fact if you have binge listened to a bunch of the podcasts I would love to hear about it you can reach out to me via email Joe at dads guided twins calm I’m also on Instagram and Twitter @twindadjoe. Today’s show is brought to you by twintshirtcompany.com where you’ll find dozens of T shirts designed specifically for families of twins. We’ve got lots of shirts for dads are twins, moms of twins, the grandparents and the twins themselves. Check out all those designs at twin t shirt company.com. Today we are continuing our father of twins interview series with a father of eight and a half year old boy girl twins. Let’s jump right into that chat. today. We’d like to welcome to the show, father of twins Randy Morton, welcome to the show, Randy.

      Randy 1:13

      Thank you, Joe. And welcome, everyone.

      Joe 1:16

      So Randy, how old are your twins right now? And what’s the most exciting thing about this age?

      Randy 1:21

      They’re eight and a half have boy and girl twins. And the exciting part now i guess is just seeing them grow up as they get older from being infants and just the different quirks that they have and how they get along as well. So

      Joe 1:38

      I suppose they’re in school right now? Are they in person school or doing remote learning?

      Randy 1:42

      They were in person. And then when the cases spiked the school went back to virtual, but they’re actually getting ready to go back next week for in person.

      Joe 1:54

      How have you been able to manage having them learn from home, or having them learn at school has has been juggling with your family?

      Randy 2:02

      It’s been a little difficult. I am divorced. So they actually live with the mother. So she deals with mostly the school aspect part of it as far as the virtual learning. And then I get them every other weekend. So I I’ve done some of the virtual schooling on Fridays, when I usually pick them up.

      Joe 2:23

      How long ago did you get divorced?

      Randy 2:25

      It’s been four years now.

      Joe 2:27

      So let’s rewind back to when you found out that you would be having twins. What was your family situation like at that time?

      Randy 2:35

      I was married, of course, we had been trying for several years to have kids. And unfortunately nothing was working out. We actually did lose a baby at one point early on in the pregnancy. And then we ended up going the IVF route after her trying it why that wasn’t working with the shots. So then we did IVF we put two eggs in thinking, well, if one didn’t take at least we’d still have a good one. And they both took so yeah, we ended up with twins.

      Joe 3:14

      So it wasn’t a complete shock. As you know, that was a possibility.

      Randy 3:17

      Yes. And actually, it’s an interesting because my ex wife, twins run on her side of the family. So of course it skips every other generation and her mom, her mom’s mom was a twin. So obviously it skipped her mom and the possibility of my ex having twins or her sister having twins. We always knew that was in the back of our mind as well.

      Joe 3:43

      Were there any complications with the pregnancy or the birth of your twins?

      Randy 3:47

      Um, no, thankfully, there wasn’t. No,

      Joe 3:50

      that’s wonderful. So looking back in those early days with twins, what kind of surprised you the most about having two babies at once?

      Randy 3:56

      Well, the initial process I mean, with the whole IVF aspect of it was just crazy and mind blowing, I guess you can say as far as seeing what they’re able to do that just take the eggs and then basically preserved them. And then they showed us like which ones took because they had several obviously. And then they showed us which ones they were going to put in and yeah, it’s just really incredible the whole process of what they’re able to do.

      Joe 4:28

      Yeah, modern medicine and science is just just amazing. I mean, you mentioned that your wife, your ex wife had a history of twins, but ended up you were leveraged leveraging modern science to make that happen anyway. So yeah, it’s amazing things that we can do. I talked to lots of parents of twins. And just like y’all, there’s more and more assistance going on. And that’s increasing the number of twins, which is it’s pretty amazing because people who would not have otherwise been able to have children are able to have them and the more twins the merrier. So when you brought the twins home, what were some of your memories about that first year, what were some of the big challenges that you had there?

      Randy 5:04

      Well, the biggest challenge, I guess, had to do with obviously trying to figure out a sleep schedule and feeding and all that, thankfully, I was able to get more time off at work because of the job I was at the time. And she was as well as we were obviously able to both be at home and in the beginning stages. And as far as the sleeping aspect of it, we had read horror stories that basically some people would put the one baby in the master bedroom with the parents, and then they cut the other baby in the baby’s room. And we knew right off the bat that we didn’t want to do it that way. So we had two separate cribs that we had in the same room. And we just had them sleeping together, basically, from day one. And it worked out great. don’t recall any issues as far as them going to sleep. I mean, knock on wood, I guess we got kind of lucky. But yeah, as far as the sleeping aspect, I mean, other than waking them up, obviously the feed them in the middle of the night or change them or something like that. We got pretty lucky with that.

      Joe 6:16

      We found if we could get them in a good schedule, a good routine. Usually that kept things moving forward and the way we liked. Course, kids would always have points of regression where they fall back on not sleeping regularly or what have you. But if you if you start a habit and try to keep that that, then it makes things go a lot more smoothly.

      Randy 6:38

      Yeah, and I think that was a trick, because we had a nap schedule too. So we always had like pretty much the same time that we put them down for nap. So that’s where I think it was good to have a schedule and definitely stick to that as much as we could.

      Joe 6:53

      Or one of them. Were you or your ex wife able to stay home with them. Are you did you need to find daycare for them early on?

      Randy 6:59

      We were able to stay home in the beginning for a couple months. And then yeah, we did go the daycare route said they did have the experience of daycare. Yes.

      Joe 7:11

      When it came time to go to like preschool or school? How did you manage keeping your twins within the same class? Or were they separate? How did that work out?

      Randy 7:20

      Yeah, they’ve always been separated even from when they were little when we did the daycare. Yeah, they were always I mean, the daycare they they were sometimes together. But then yeah, once they got to the preschool level, and now being an elementary school, they’ve always been separated as far as that goes, because we just knew that was the best route to go as far as I’m not being together.

      Joe 7:46

      we’ve had our our girls together and separate. And I mean, right now they’re, they’re middle school age, so that they have their own schedules and stuff right now. But when they were younger, it was a little more of a big bigger deal if they were together or not. So I know from having multiple kids in the same grade that you’re dealing with, maybe the same teachers or different teachers are some same, some homeworks. The same someone was not the same. Did you have any challenges with with keeping track of who was doing what?

      Randy 8:12

      Yeah, I mean, it’s a little tricky. They don’t share any of the same teachers, except for some of the the extra classes that they have beyond like your normal history or math classes. But for the most part, yeah, they do have different teachers. As far as like homework wise, or test wise, they have had some of that has been the same. But of course, with the virtual learning, it’s a little difficult doing tests and stuff, as opposed to being in the actual classroom. But I mean, we’ve managed to get through like I said, they they’re with the mom, for the most part for the learning, but I have experienced some of it and things get a little tricky. But we’ve persevered, I guess you can say and gone through it

      Joe 9:02

      How about any hobbies or interests, or they’ve been very similar between the two of them are very different?

      Randy 9:09

      No, and they’ve actually changed what they want to do. My son prior to COVID, he had played soccer for one season, and now he’s no longer really interested in doing that. He’s expressed interest in doing basketball. But of course, that season is now already pretty much done. So we have to wait until next year for that. But now he’s actually mentioned how he wants to take piano lessons because he always comes over to my parents house when they’re visiting and he always sits down at the piano and just starts playing around with that. So it’s kind of interesting how he has grown in interest in that. My daughter she has been taking dance lessons for the past I want to say two or three years, maybe now she has been doing that. And now she also wants to do gymnastics. So that’s something we’re looking into, as well as swim lessons for both of them.

      Joe 10:10

      Our kids have been somewhere where they’ve had interest for a while. And then that wanes and they want to try something else. A lot of the same activities you’ve mentioned. So it came time where the relationship with you and your ex was not working was not working anymore. It’s time for divorce. Can we talk a little bit about how you manage that with the twins? What was their reaction?

      Randy 10:29

      Sure. I mean, they were young, obviously, at the time, they were between the three and a four year old mark, basically, when that all happened, so you can imagine they didn’t really understand what was going on. And to this day, we haven’t really set that set them down necessarily, and like explained it to them, but they don’t really know what happened or what caused it, obviously, or any of that part.

      Joe 11:01

      So you mentioned that you’re able to see them every other weekend or so over the last several years with this new arrangement. How have you been able to maybe give individual time to your twins are always with them altogether?

      Randy 11:17

      Yeah, I usually have them both at the same time. Yeah, I usually pick them up on Fridays. And then I have them until Sunday. And then I see them Thursday of the following week, and I take my daughter to dance practice. But even with that my son still comes to me. And now with COVID. Like we can’t even go inside the watch it. So if the watch it over zoom while I’m sitting down in the car, basically.

      Joe 11:43

      That’s tough. That’s, unfortunately part our part of life these days. Yeah. What have been some of the challenges of have not been able to be with your kids during the week?

      Randy 11:54

      Um, well, the main one is my work schedule. So my schedule has changed a couple times upon accepting different roles with the company. So currently, like I work a second shift type schedule, and I work Sunday to Wednesday. So I go in at two in the afternoon. And I get done at two in the morning. So obviously, as you can tell, there’s unfortunately no time for me to be able to have my kids let alone spend the night during the week or something like that.

      Joe 12:26

      That’s tough, because when you’re when you’re available, they’re in school and when you’re when you’re working. Right, exactly. You mentioned I think your parents, oh, how the grandparents been able to be involved with the twins?

      Randy 12:40

      Oh, they’ve been great. And yeah, even through the whole divorce thing, and when that was all happening and what was going on during that time period? Yeah, they’ve been great. And the difficulty though the logistics with them having on is they live on one of those age restricted developments. So it’s a smaller house. So as far as like having them for overnights, it’s just not feasible as far as that goes. Because there’s really no space for him to sleep or anything like that.

      Joe 13:10

      When the twins were babies were the grandparents able to help over just you and your ex on your own with that.

      Randy 13:17

      Oh, yeah, they definitely. Yeah, both sides. parents. They were involved. Yeah, with helping out as far as babysitting. If like, the ex and I wanted to go out for dinner or something like that. They helped out we had friends to the course stepped up and they were able to help out some times and watch the kids for a couple hours here or there.

      Joe 13:37

      Did you have success finding babysitters other than family?

      Randy 13:40

      Yeah, we actually most of the babysitter’s I mean that we used were obviously friends that we had known. We had tried to do the whole care comm route and didn’t have unfortunately too much luck with that. So yeah, we just pretty much stuck to people that we knew, basically. And that seemed to have worked.

      Joe 14:05

      Yeah with our babysitting history, it was usually we’d find matches like you somebody we knew a family couldn’t watch the kids. You know, we go to maybe the youth in our church congregation find, you know, a teenager that could come over and hang out with the kids. We did have a neighbor across the street for several years that was like the go to babysitter but then she got you know, she graduated high school and moved to like, Oh, no, our babysitter’s gone. That was perfect. Because she could just walk across the street and yeah, that’s nice. with people that you knew for babysitting were. Were these adults. Were they teenagers. What did you settle on?

      Randy 14:41

      They were pretty much Yeah, all adults. Yes. And none of them. The only young ones we’ve used are pretty much like currently. There’s a girl that comes couple times a week and she’s 16. So she’s in high school, obviously. But yeah, for the most part, it’s always been adults pretty much.

      Joe 15:03

      How have the twins reacted to babysitters?

      Randy 15:06

      Um, they’ve been, for the most part pretty good. It’s been hit or miss with my son. Unfortunately, we’ve had a couple incidents with the younger babysitter, not with the older ones that have come by. Yeah, he’s got some behavior issues we’ve been dealing with for the past couple years. And he’s in a program in the school because of his behavior. So it’s been a little touch and go with that. But we’re hoping that with him going back to school, as opposed to doing the virtual learning, that’ll kind of get better in that respect.

      Joe 15:43

      We found once we found a babysitter that worked that kids liked, we would try to stick with a babysitter. So the kids at least knew what to expect. And so you mentioned some behavior problems with with your son has been a big contrast between him and your daughter.

      Randy 15:59

      Oh, yeah, definitely. Well, it’s interesting, because they’re both in programs for different things. My daughter is actually in an IEP program for some learning issues that she’s had for the past. Once, I guess two years now, she’s been on that. So she’s in that for learning. And like I said, My son’s in another program because of his behavior. But my daughter has gotten a lot better. And that’s definitely helped with her being in that program. And then there’s a specialized teacher, that helps her a lot with things. So that’s definitely seen huge improvement with learning.

      Joe 16:41

      It’s great that they’re getting the help that they need. Were there signs of this these challenges early on, or it just kind of snuck up in the last couple years?

      Randy 16:49

      Oh, no, I definitely. Yeah. When my daughter was, like, more, so the reading aspect. We noticed like she wasn’t pronouncing words correctly, or having trouble making what the word was like in a book or story or something. And once we noticed that happening more frequently, that’s when we got the school involved and had to sit down with a couple people. And that’s when they agreed that she needed to be in this IEP program.

      Joe 17:22

      When you’re when you’re twins premature, are they pretty full term?

      Randy 17:25

      Yes, they were. It was four weeks premature, or three weeks? I guess it was

      Joe 17:32

      Yeah. Yeah, sometimes. I mean, twins are often born early, definitely earlier than just a single baby. And sometimes I can have kind of lingering challenges with their development, their cognitive skills, their physical development. And that manifests itself in many different ways. I’m not saying there’s a connection between them and what what your twins have had. But I did see in our girls, they had some speech challenges. that once we once we started realized that was a problem, we were able to get some speech therapy, and some get through that. I don’t know if this was the case with you, but we kind of just got used to their, their way of speaking. And we just assumed that just the way that they spoke and the way they were, and it took a look, some input from grandparents or friends or family was like, Hey, we can’t really understand your girls, for us to be like, oh, maybe we should. Maybe we should look into this. So I know, I know. Other I’ve talked to other other dads on the podcast that the kids have had some one challenge or another. And once they realize that unable to get the help that they need through therapy or programs like you’re describing, they usually have some pretty quick breakthroughs in a good direction.

      Randy 18:48

      Yeah, like I said, it’s definitely helped. And yeah, I’m grateful that they have that obviously, in the scoring system, because Yeah, it definitely has helped.

      Joe 18:56

      So what are some of your favorite activities that you’d like to do with your twins?

      Randy 19:02

      Um, well, they love going to the park or playground. So anytime that it’s nice out. And when it’s the weekend that I see them. Yeah, I try to get them outside and get some exercise. And yeah, they love going to the playgrounds and playing on all the stuff. I try to get them to the beach sometimes because I don’t live that far from there. So they definitely love being outside. That’s for sure.

      Joe 19:31

      Let’s talk about screen time screen usage. Have you had any trouble with that with your kids? or How are you able to manage that?

      Randy 19:38

      Oh, boy. Yeah. So they both have the Kindle tablets. And yeah, that’s been a struggle, but it’s gotten better as far as recognizing Yeah, that Okay, you guys have spent enough time on it today. Let’s do something else. So there Understanding that a little more as far as, yeah, they can’t be on that, obviously, all day. And there’s other stuff that we can do. So then we’ll go and like play games or dominoes, or I’ll get them outside or something like that.

      Joe 20:17

      We have the same sort of struggle. I mean, I think every parent has struggled with with screen usage and management with their kids. Have you … I know what the Kindle in particular, you can have some parental controls on that to control usage? And yes, yeah. How do you how do you manage that with with the technology and some kind of family rules? Or how do you how do you mix those together?

      Randy 20:37

      Yeah, I mean, we haven’t said obviously, based on their age group. So there are limits as far as what they have access to. And that may also change the time. So it basically shuts off I think it o’clock at night. So we can obviously use it beyond that timeframe. And then it’s set to come on, want to say like six or seven in the morning, the next day. So basically, they can’t, they won’t be able to use it between their time frame. So that definitely helps, too. And yeah, it is nice to be able to have the extra control controls on there to be able to change stuff like that.

      Joe 21:17

      You made a good point about doing alternative activities to get them off the screens. We found that if we just say get off your screen, and that’s there’s nothing else to do, then it’s kind of a discovery back to the screen. It’s like a moth to the flame. Right? Yeah, exactly. If there’s some there’s some alternate activity, like you mentioned, great ones getting outside going in the park or playing games or playing dominoes, then the screen is not is not an option. It’s not a distraction, because you’re doing something else. That’s one. So in the early years, with twins, you have a lot of extra overhead and logistics, because there’s two of the same age and they’re very needy at early age. At what point do you think that? It was just like having two kids? It wasn’t necessarily all Twin Twin stuff all the time?

      Randy 22:03

      I would say maybe a year or two year mark? Um, it kind of changed a little bit. I mean, we got the typical questions, as I’m sure you did, too, with like, oh, are they identical? And oh, those twins and that always got annoying, obviously, in the beginning. But once that phase are part of it kind of was done. It was a little less annoying. And yeah, I kind of just treated like yeah, okay, it’s two kids. And

      Joe 22:36

      yeah, we all get those questions when they’re young. I mean, it’s really easy to get them because you know, they’re the same age or they’re in double stroller together. And it’s pretty, it’s pretty obvious that maybe they’re maybe they’re twins, but then they get older. I mean, we have identical girls, so they still get the twins stuff if they, you know, standing side by side, but otherwise, they’re just, you know, normal young women. So it’s like, not that big a deal that they’re a twin anymore. So, Randy, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out?

      Randy 23:05

      You can reach me by email, which is my last name morton301 at gmail.com.

      Joe 23:16

      Excellent. And I’ll link up to that in the show notes for the episode today. Randy, thank you so much for spending time with us and sharing your journey with us today. We really appreciate it.

      Randy 23:24

      Thank you, Joe. No problem. You’re welcome.

      Joe 23:26

      I hope you enjoyed the conversation with Randy about his adventures as a twin dad some of the ups and downs that he’s had. Now he’s managing with his twins, while being divorced while working a crazy schedule and coming through pandemic. Again, today’s show is brought to you by twintshirtcompany.com. Where you’ll find designs of T shirts specifically for families of twins, shirts that will make you laugh shirts that are fun to wear in public. And shirts that you get because you are a parent of twins. You can see those shirts over at twintshirtcompany.com. If you would like to share your story like Randy did today, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me via Instagram or Twitter @twindadjoe. Or you can email me [email protected] and I would love to hear from you. I’m also on facebook.com/dadsguidetotwins. Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time.

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        The post Raising Twins After a Divorce with Randy Morton – Podcast 250 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

        25 min
      • Do twins come from Mom or Dad?

        Do twins come from Mom or Dad?

        Well, we know that twins grow inside of Mom and she does the lion’s share of all the work in that process.

        But what about family history or genetics? Will Dad’s history or that of the Mother determine if you’re having twins?

        This question requires that we go back to our high school biology class to remember how babies are made.

        If you remember, there’s an egg from the mother and a sperm from the father. When those come together, it creates the baby.

        With twins, you have certain circumstances that caused them to become twins.

        Identical Twins

        Let’s start with identical twins.

        Identical twins are completely random. It’s not based on family history or genetics.

        Identical twins form when a single fertilized egg splits and forms two embryos. Now in this case, it’s not because of mom or dad. It’s just beautiful luck that creates identical twins.

        So who “causes” identical twins? Mom? Dad?

        The answer: neither one. You’re just lucky!

        Fraternal Twins

        Next are fraternal twins or non identical twins. In this case, Mom’s side of the family has more influence than the father.

        Instead of a single fertilized egg splitting into two, you have two eggs that are independently fertilized.

        Why would Mom have two eggs at the same time ready for fertilization?

        It could be due to several different factors.

        First is that Mom released two eggs at the same time. Typically, a mother will release one egg every cycle that is available for fertilization.

        However, in the case of fraternal twins, the mother may have released two eggs.

        As Mom ages, she may tend to release more than one egg every cycle. So the older the mother, the more likely that she may have non-identical or fraternal twins. This is one reason so many celebrities seem to have twins.

        Another option is that the mother has a family history of hyper ovulation where mom releases more than one egg every cycle. So if mom has a history of that, or mom’s family has a history of that, you may be more likely to have fraternal twins.

        We also have the wonders of modern medicine. If families are having a hard time conceiving and having children, parents may decide to go for additional measures to help encourage conception and pregnancy.

        When you start to involve modern medicine, the game changes completely, it doesn’t really matter what mom’s family history or dad’s participation is.

        Because if mom is taking some medication to help her ovulate, she may release more than one egg. That could cause potentially fraternal twins or triplets or more.

        Parents may use in-vitro fertilization (IVF) to get pregnant. This is where an embryo is created outside of mother’s uterus and then implanted in the uterus. Oftentimes parents choose to embed more than one embryo in the uterus with the hopes that they take. That could lead to more than one baby: twins, triplets etc.

        Dad’s Role in “Creating” Twins

        So of all I’ve explained so far, dad has little to no say in if they’re twins or not. Sorry, mate.

        Of course if mom and dad are the couple are deciding together that they want to embed more than one embryo through in-vitro fertilization, then obviously dad has a say in things.

        Are twins hereditary through the father? No.

        When you look at spontaneously conceived twins, dad’s family history, genetics, and opinions really have nothing to say with whether you have identical twins or fraternal twins at all.

        The Bottom Line about Having Twins

        If you have identical twins, congratulations, you won the twin lottery. It’s not because of mom or because of dad. It’s just random and a beautiful thing. As we know, we have identical twin girls.

        If you have fraternal twins or are expecting fraternal twins, it could be because of Mom (age, hyper ovulation, medical assistance, etc.)

        So there you go. Are twins because of Mom or because of Dad? Well, it depends.

        How about about you? Do you have identical twins or fraternal twins? Go ahead, leave a comment below and tell us what you have and when you found out what you would be having.

        The post Do twins come from Mom or Dad? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

        5 min
      • Dealing with Twins’ Individual Needs and Issues with Ian Sadler – Podcast 248

        Episode 248 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes

        Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Ian Sadler, father of identical five-year-old twin boys. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

        • When one twin isn’t growing as fast as the other in utero
        • At 25 weeks, issues arose but managed to get to 32 weeks
        • Boys spent 3 weeks and 5 weeks respectively in NICU
        • Creative naming of the twin boys after a basketball player of Dad’s alma mater
        • One boy on heart monitor when came home due to Bradycardia
        • Dealing with sensory processing disorder
        • Boys in separate classes
        • Birthday celebrations so they feel celebrated
        • Preparing at night for the next day
        • and more…
          • Transcript

          This is auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

          Joe 0:00

          Super creative naming of twin boys after a basketball player at dad’s alma mater, plus the joys of raising nearly five year old twin boys today on the show.

          Intro 0:13

          Welcome to the dads guide to twins podcast the podcast that will help you survive and thrive as a father of twins Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, the dads guide to twins Joe Rawlinson.

          Joe 0:28

          Hey there and welcome to the 248th episode of the dads guide to twins podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. As always you can find me on the web at twindadpodcast.com where you can find the complete transcript for this episode, and you can listen to all previous podcast episodes. Today we continue our father twins interview series with Father of identical twin boys. Before we jump into his story, I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by twintshirtcompany.com. Where you’ll find unique designs of T shirts designed specifically for us families of twins, there are shirts for dads, moms with the grandparents and the twins themselves. You can browse all the shirts at twintshirtcompany.com. Today we’d like to welcome to the show, father of twins. Ian Sadler. Welcome to the show, Ian.

          Ian 1:14

          Thank you, Joe, excited to join you today.

          Joe 1:16

          Ian, how old are your twins right now? And what’s something exciting about this age?

          Ian 1:20

          So my twins are four about to turn five. And right now we’re in the phase of life where they’re, they’re deciding on what their unique styles of life are. So one of my one of my kiddos is very sports focused and the other one likes to sing in the bathroom and tell everybody he’s a rock star. So they’re, they’re formulating their own unique identities right now. And it’s but it’s all it’s right at the beginning of them. So they’re still very similar, but at the same time, there’s glimpses of who they may become in the years to come.

          Joe 1:52

          They always kind of demonstrated different personalities like you’re describing

          Ian 1:56

          a little bit. I think I think that early on, we anticipated what their personalities were going to be but as you can imagine, we’ve been dead wrong, right? So you know, you think that you have this specific vision of what you anticipate based on names based on initial characteristics, but yeah, I work in college athletics is my assumption is that they’re going to love sports. But they’ve established their own identities and they’ve gone to complete different directions.

          Joe 2:26

          Are they identical or fraternal?

          Ian 2:28

          They are my boys are identical. mono di twins.

          Joe 2:34

          I have mono di girls. And, so do you? Is it is it pretty obvious who’s who are other people still tricked by telling them apart?

          Ian 2:42

          Yeah, they Um, so for us, it’s pretty easy. So they weren’t they are identical twins. However, in your you’re in utero, Landen was growing a little bit faster than Luke was early on. And so forever, we describe Landen as the one who has a little bit rounder, a face. And he’s always been, you know, three, four or five pounds heavier than Luke. And so for us, it’s, it’s pretty easy to tell which one is which. But for others, we occasionally have to make sure we label them with stickers or, or different colors, and each of them has their own favorite color that they wear, which makes it easier for our friends.

          Joe 3:22

          Yeah, for sure. We had to find some patterns, or we would dress them in different colors. It was all really to help other people. And in help us later, like if we took pictures of them, we can look back and see who was who based on on like the color clothes they had on

          Ian 3:35

          early on. Luke was on a little bit of a monitor. And so when he looked back at pictures, it’s impossible to tell who was who except there’s a little there’s a little cord hanging off the sock of Luke. And we can always tell which one he is.

          Joe 3:48

          Let’s rewind the clock back to when you found out that you were going to be having twins. What was your family situation like at that time? And how did you find out?

          Ian 3:56

          So my wife and I, at the time had only been married for years. It we you know, we were in the phase of life where we were considering starting, you know, the family and kind of realizing that, hey, everybody’s experience in pregnancies is unique. And some folks are fortunate to get pregnant at an early, early timeframe. Others have to wait many years. And so we were just mentally preparing for, for what that outlook would be. And, and so we fortunately got pregnant early on, in the timeframe that we were we were trying and I was we were both living in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I was working at the University of Tulsa. And right smack in between our families. My family’s from Kansas, my wife’s family’s from Texas. And so it all all of the steps around us kind of came together perfectly. And so we found out one day after church that that we were pregnant, and it was obviously our first pregnancy and so we always laugh that between the When telling my in laws and us finding out ourselves, my wife probably took 10 to 12 different pregnancy tests just because you can’t use never know. And you want to make sure that information is shared correctly the first time that you share it. And we actually it was Halloween, when we have 2015. When we found out when we confirmed ourselves that we were pregnant after that 11th test, we decided that that was enough for us to start sharing the news with my in laws. And so we surprised my in laws by driving down to Dallas, Texas, our Halloween costume that night was was a line and a plus sign. And we had our in laws, guess what we were and we told him we were a pregnancy test and that we were that we were pregnant. And so that was the earliest phase of figuring out that we were pregnant.

          Joe 5:50

          So how much time after that did you find out there was not going to be just one but two?

          Ian 5:55

          So we went in about I want to say so we my wife had her next or first exam to confirm that we were pregnant. And then it was probably a month, maybe two months later that we went in for the sonogram. And the bless her heart that the tech put the the the sonogram checker, what’s the technical term for that, put it on, on my wife and kind of moved around. And again, this is our first pregnancy. So they’re in the back of your mind. There’s always this concern of, of you know what’s going on. And the tech kind of gasped, and we’re like, our hearts sank a little bit. But then she goes, Well, here’s baby a. I’m like, well, that’s interesting. And she doesn’t, here’s baby B. And we my wife shot up and we just like in complete shock. My wife said a few choice words that only come out when she’s really surprised. And we all giggled and and then the text said and here’s and she goes No, I’m just kidding. There’s only two in there. So so that was the day we found out we obviously called my in laws and but held off on telling my parents until a later time and and we were going to surprise them a little bit differently. But that was the day. And I want to say that it was probably a week later that I shared with some of my best friends what was going on in our lives and, and one of my friends directed me to your book. And we kind of went from there.

          Joe 7:26

          Awesome. That’s great that you can be there together. I know the ultrasound technicians. Sometimes they just come out and they tell you what’s going on. or other times they like to tease you with information. So it’s always fun to see how that actually plays out. Are there any complications during the pregnancy?

          Ian 7:43

          There was yes with it. And obviously there’s always you know, some concern for hurdles throughout throughout any pregnancy. But about halfway through we realized with with mono/di twins that there was some pacing issues with with our boys. So the trying to remember the term for it, but there was some essentially the chord for one of my boys Luke was was placed kind of off to the side on on the placenta, right? So he was not getting the same distribution of nutrients that Landen was. So fast forward. Again, there’s there’s a little bit of a weight difference and a size difference between the two of them. But at that time, it was just something that we were going to have to keep an eye on. So about 25 weeks into the pregnancy. And then we’re going into the doctor every every couple of weeks couple of weeks, it started showing glimpses that, that Luke was pacing a little bit slower than Landen. And so we were encouraged that the goal was to get to 32 weeks. And we got to 32 weeks and realize that Luke was pacing about 2728 weeks at that time. So at that time it was it was the perfect time from the doctor’s perspective to deliver our boys. And we got them out and they were delivered c section. Luke was two pounds 11 ounces and Landen was four pounds and one ounce. And there’s always that he again first pregnancy so I didn’t really know what to expect in the delivery room. But the doctor said pulls out Landen, who again is four pounds one ounce, looking like a bobble head. And she goes well here’s the big one. And kind of showed us and quickly rushed him off. And then they said and here’s here’s Luke, and he showed us and quickly rushed him off as well. So so we had some hurdles early on. But But we were very fortunate to have really experienced doctors in Tulsa where we were living at the time and ended in a special Nick you unit there at the hospital in Tulsa as well, that that really, that really provided us an experience that we had less worry and more more support than we ever could have imagined it to This day where should we still have great friendships with the nurses and the doctors who continuously check up on the success of our boys and how they’ve grown and, and it really feels like, you know, not only do we add the twins to our family, but but our family of friends grew from that relationships with those nurses and doctors.

          Joe 10:15

          That’s great. It’s always reassuring when you get good professionals that can help you. Because you’re probably like, all this is, is unknown to you. It’s a can be very anxious time situation. But to have reassuring medical staff there is a huge benefit. How long were your boys in the NICU? Or do they need to stay for some extra care?.

          Ian 10:37

          So So Landen was in the nick new for I believe it was three weeks, and Luke stayed and additional two weeks after that the whole goal was to to get them I believe it was that eight pounds was the goal of getting them and so and then the heart monitors and everything else that came along with it but so yeah, Luke Luke was in there for a total of five weeks. Landen was in there for about three weeks.

          Joe 11:02

          So you have an interesting story of how you came up with the names for your boys. So what you tell us how that happened to

          Ian 11:07

          do. I do so I’ve been very fortunate to work in college athletics for about at that time, it was about 9-10 years and my alma mater is the University of Kansas now if you if you graduate from an institution that has a high caliber of athletics programs, the first opportunity you get to name something whether it’s a goldfish, a dog a baby or twins there’s always that that idea in the back of your mind to to name it as a as a tribute to your storied Cali college history. And so when when we found out we were pregnant, with with with this with what we thought at the time was a single child, my wife jokingly said no, you can absolutely not name the child. Wilt Chamberlain Sadler or, or BILL SELF Sadler. Right. And so, you know, that was always in the back of my mind that we joke about. And then when we found out that there were twins, we discussed there was some twins, I played basketball at Kansas, Marcus Morris and markieff Morris that went on to the NBA. And so jokingly, I would refer to the twins as Marcus and markieff. Or there are days that I would do rock and chalk all kinds of traditions attached to the University of Kansas. And so one day my wife who worked at the time she did social work at the time while she was pregnant she she came home and said hey, I you know I really like the name land and I she had interacted with a child whose name was Landen. And I was like, that’s great. I love that name. And I said I also love the name Lucas. And the both L’s it fits really well together. I mean, twins, we assumed the names had to be very similar. And and I was like, but we could call him Luke, right. And so she’s like, ah, Landen and Lucas Lucas and Landen, Luke and Landen, it just works perfectly. And so in the back of my mind, the reality was, is that at Kansas, there was a basketball player named Landen Lucas. And he was still he was still in on the basketball team at that time. And so we fast forward through you know, through the pregnancy and basketball seasons coming around, and we’re watching a basketball game. And keep in mind the last couple of months prior to this, my wife is referring to the boys as Lucas and Landen or Luke and Landen. And we’re watching the game and Landen Lucas just has a phenomenal basketball game that day. So we’re sitting there on the couch watching it and then he’s getting rebounds and put put back points and his name is just popping on the TV constantly. So I’m just watching like a normal fan. Well, my wife looks over, elbows, me in the side points at the TV and she goes Landen Lucas huh. And so it finally clicked to her. And to me, I just thought it was a great opportunity to take advantage of because she brought one name to the table I brought the other and and so in the back room, you know, overall, we have a tie back to something that was very beloved to me and the names fit the boys perfectly. And we’ve been fortunate to connect with Landen Lucas over the years and his family and we stay in touch and provide them updates on our boys constantly but it’s a it’s a very unique story that we kind of took a maximize the opportunity in front of me when my wife delivered the the name Landen.

          Joe 14:22

          That’s great. That’s a great story of how your boys got their names, or your boys old enough now to be aware of that history of their names?

          Ian 14:29

          They are not and that was that was our other favorite part of you know, lane and Lucas had a great career at the University of Kansas but if we’ve since moved, you know further away from from Kansas and work at other schools and it’s it’s less obvious, you know, living where we live now, versus if we lived in Kansas folks would be a little bit more aware of it. But But living out of state it’s not front of mind for anybody else. And one of these days I’m sure the kids will have some sort of opportunity To share you know that the history of their name or the source of their name, and we’ll visit the store with them. There’s some, you know, there’s some some articles online about in a couple of YouTube videos that we’ve hold held on to and, and we’re excited to visit that with them in the future but, but as of right now, Luke thinks his name is lukey. And Landen thinks his name is superspeed Landen. So, we’re gonna let them keep their names just like that for the time being.

          Joe 15:29

          You mentioned some time in the NICU for each of them. But then you brought them home. What were some of the things that surprised you the most about having infants in the house?

          Ian 15:39

          What surprised me honestly, what surprised me most was the speed at which I drove from the NICU with both kids in the backseat of my car, I think I drove eight miles per hour, the entire drive back to our house. Um, you know, both both of our boys were on. We’re on one of our boys was on a heart monitor when he came home. And so you have that safety net of knowing that something else is keeping an eye on on your boys that there’s concern, but you also have that paranoia that this could go off at any time. And, and it think it was bradycardia is what he was going through at the time. And but the experience was, you prepare as much as you possibly can, but you don’t know how extreme or how pushed, your limit is redefined? In a sense, right. So we were waking up between that between our two boys every every 15 minutes throughout the night, every 30 minutes, depending on if it was a good night or a bad night. And, and my wife was who’s a rock star to begin with was she was also Nursing at the time, and so nursing twins throughout the night. And so I think I complain about the limited amount of sleep that I got. And I know she got maybe a fourth of the sleep that I had for those first few months. But you you set up your household in a way I mean, I’m sure it’s like building a house, you you establish that household and in whatever way you think you’re going to utilize it. And in so we put their room together but but after getting into it and getting into the life cycle of these boys stuff just kind of evolves. And you realize, hey, maybe I didn’t need that changing table, because I’m really just going to change them on the floor. Or you know, we spend a great deal of money on, on on certain carriers or things to rocker kids to sleep at night realizing we’ve used that thing once. And so it’s all about adapting and what we joke about the whole the whole friends episode is pivoting right, you’re constantly pivoting with your twins, and figuring out their identities, figuring out their their triggers and their the ways that you need to adapt to them individually. And so those were the surprising aspects of of our experience with them, when we brought them home.

          Joe 17:56

          How long did one of your boys need that heart monitor once he came home?

          Ian 18:00

          I believe Luke had it on. I believe it was four and a half weeks, I think the goal was to go four or five straight days without the alarm going off. And so the hard things about these little these little monitors is that if you tape it on the tape, right, if you tape it on to their foot incorrectly and it slips the alarm goes off, or if you know if you don’t turn it on correctly, then then it doesn’t count in your in your timeline has to start all over. So I think it had to go a few days without having any sort of alerts before we were officially given the thumbs up that he didn’t have to wear it anymore. But But yes, so so he had to wear it just you know, all things considered. I think it was probably four weeks, four and a half weeks.

          Joe 18:47

          Have there been any lingering complications? I mean, your boys were born a little bit early and they had some a few issues after birth there anything leftover from that?

          Ian 18:55

          So So we’ve we’ve learned and we’re continuing to learn they’re four years old. And so some things you know, it’s a little bit early to to diagnose certain aspects but but Landen, who is a big teddy bear we’ve learned has, he’s been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder. I think I think traditionally, sensory processing is sensory avoidance, where maybe that that noise is too loud, that light is too bright or this closes these the shirt is uncomfortable. Landen is sensory seeking, which is it’s, it’s, I tend to call it the Hulk effect. So if bear with me here, but if but as an example or an illustration, if your back itches, and a toddler comes over to scratch, it probably not going to satisfy that that itch right? laughs But if an adult comes over and kind of scratches it and then you’re probably going to be well off. So Landen has spatial awareness is just like that, right? So the temperature of the bathtub always needs to be a little bit hotter. He always wants to sit Little bit closer, he always wants to hug a little bit tighter, he will, if he opens a door turns a page of a book, there’s a there’s a possibility he rips that page out because he’s just feeling it a little bit differently than than what everybody else is. And it requires a little bit more and more strength are a little bit more pressure than everything else does. And so there’s there’s other signs of stuff that we you know, that we evaluate constantly. But, but but right now we just try to gauge you know, what is temporary? What can we get, you know, pay attention to now what stuff that we don’t need to be focusing on that, that when that when that page turns, and we need to pursue information on that, and we can accordingly, I think you learn early on in twin parenting, that you can’t sweat the small stuff, and you don’t want to get ahead of too many concerns, because it’s easy to fall in that, oh, he’s he’s one he’s not crawling at the same speed as the other ones not speaking at, you know, at the same level as the other. So I think you really learn early on not to compare and whether it’s with other kids or anything else, you just take every day, one day at a time with each individual child. So. So yeah, there’s there’s, they’re now in pre K. And they’re both thriving within their pre k classes, we made the decision to put them in separate classes, just because we noticed that, you know, each of them could kind of establish their own identity and their uniqueness. When they’re away from the others. We felt like it was also probably easier on the teachers if we put them in separate rooms. But But yeah, so each of them has their unique hurdles. But but we’re taking it all one day at a time and keeping a clear and positive outlook on on what’s to come next.

          Joe 21:46

          So pre k was this their first year outside of the house, or were they in some kind of daycare before then?

          Ian 21:51

          So we would do just the evolution of trying stuff, whether it’s you know, I, we move often because of my job. And so when we would move, you know, my wife would keep them home for a little bit until until she found a job opportunity. And when she would we transitioned them into to schooling. So they did daycare for a little bit and then transitioned into a little bit more of a structured pre k setting. This last fall is really the first time that they’ve been in an actual Monday through Friday 7:30am to three o’clock in the afternoon class schedule. So they’re really getting on that schedule day to day where they really know what to transition to next, which as you can imagine is, is transitions are either really easy or really, really tough, depending on the day, but it’s kind of given us a strategy to repeat when they get home. Okay, so when you get home, we’re going to do coloring time, and then we can transition into a dinner and then there’s entertainment and family time moving afterwards. So it’s kind of allowed us to have a little bit more structure to our, to our experience.

          Joe 22:58

          How have the boys handled being separated in preschool?

          Ian 23:02

          I think honestly, I think I think it’s been really in their best interest. It’s, you know, if you’re if you’re stuck with a person your entire life and your identity is kind of established as you as a couple, I think you initially it was a little bit difficult that they were going into two different classes because you know, you’re you’re attached at the hip in a sense and, and so when they once they started going to different classes, they were back to being excited to see each other after school, right. So where there’s usually frustration of too much time spent with this other person, I think you’re kind of the distance made them grow fonder. And so there’s that little glimpse, it’s not for long, but there’s that little glimpse when they get back together after school weather excited to see each other again, as they’ve missed each other throughout the day. And we get reports from the teachers all the time that that when one’s walking past the others classroom, they always explain that that’s you know, that’s Luke’s classroom or that’s Landen’s classroom and, and you know, and the teachers are constantly they they’re, they’re identical twins and so they tend to and we we occasionally dress them up the same so they tend to stick out like a sore thumb in their in their schools and and folks know about them you know, parents of other kids go Oh, you’re looking Landen’s dad. And so they definitely have a presence as a unit but putting them apart from each other and it has given them their unique identities and I think they’re really flourishing but being separated has allowed them to grow fonder of each other in their in their absence of being right next to each other all the time.

          Joe 24:35

          We’ve had our girls in the same class we’ve had them in separate classes and the but they always come home they’re I mean they share a room they always have everybody’s shared a room as well?

          Ian 24:44

          So our boy the week we started them out when they were crib bound right when they were in their cribs. They were in the same room. What we found with Landen sensory is that again he likes to cuddle he likes to he likes to give really tight hugs well that was for Landen that was occasionally happening at two o’clock in the morning and not letting Luke sleep and so we we made the decision to transition them into other rooms which I think also helped facilitate they’re they’re in different classrooms as well but and they love it they you know they both know which room to go into at nighttime it’s it’s sometimes tougher on different nights but but yes so they are in separate rooms and in loving it Luke, Luke has his own bed with his his own bedspread, Landen still has the leftover from when my in laws got them these little race car beds early on, but he keeps it in there because some nights he wants to sleep on the floor some nights he likes to sleep in his bed and and so it really gives them space to to establish themselves.

          Joe 25:43

          You mentioned that they’re turning five soon now that you’ve gone through several birthdays with your boys, what are some of your favorite family traditions for birthdays to help them feel uniquely celebrated? Even though they share the same birthday?

          Ian 25:56

          My wife likes to plan their birthdays out months and months in advance. And so she’s currently gauging Can we do this type of theme? Or? Or what if we did this week? So we try. We tried focusing on the individual as much as we possibly can we pick certain aspects of their party of who you know, who’s going to love this specific food or you know, what, what is really important to this child that we that we activities that we can integrate into their birthdays, or, or what are the common themes that they both individually like, like one year, they, they both like airplanes, great, we’re gonna do an airplane theme to this, they both are really into Paw Patrol. And so you know, one one likes Chase, the other one likes martial, and it’s colors that attached to the peril that they wear. And so we really try to make the most of that and encourage our friends, hey, if you’re getting something for land, and he really loves this stuff, this is what makes them feel special. If you do something for Luke, he really loves this stuff. This is what makes them feel special. And there’s, you know, all of that kind of integrates into what they as a collective unit love together. But at the same time, we focus on the individual through that. And that’s the same, you know, one of the things that we do, whether it’s birthdays or Christmas, that’s incredibly special than a couple of days before, we will take them both to like $1 store and let them walk around and and ask them hey, what do you want to get your brother, what’s something special that you really think, Luke, what’s something special, you really think Landen is going to want land and what is something really special Luke is going to want and so we individually take them through through the store, they usually pick out something that they think their BrothER’S gonna want. And then on their birthday, or on Christmas, they present that gift to their brother. And there’s a lot of pride from that individual because they really feel, you know, the appearance purest sense of what a special gift is for their brother. And they, they really consider and again, they’re four years old, but you still see the glimpses of it, of what a special special gift will be for their sibling and, and so you see their eyes light up knowing that, you know, again, their their default best friend is really thinking about them individually. And it’s kind of a special experience. And it tips off mom and dad of what they might like individually because they’re pointing out 20 other different things throughout the store that they want. So it’s a nice little twin parent cheat per se, of taking them into to shop for their sibling.

          Joe 28:19

          Yeah, that’s great. I know, when I’ve taken my girls to shopping for their sister, or for their siblings, they always are looking for stuff that they like too so you’re like, oh, let me take notes about that. That’s okay. Interesting. Thank you.

          Ian 28:30

          Exactly, exactly. And again, it but that’s also those little glimpses of, Okay, well, one of them really likes dinosaurs. The other one really likes music. Okay, great, that’s helping us see what they might see in each other. Or it helps us kind of understand what their uniqueness are and based off the eyes of their sibling that’s around them that really they know each other the best.

          Joe 28:54

          So what is working really well, right now, with parenting your boys?

          Ian 28:58

          preparing the night before, right? So So laying out what the next day is going to look like. So we build schedules, my wife takes you know, she’s she’s found these really bad clip art images of what a day looks like. And so we have a piece of paper that’s essentially Monday through Friday, a piece of paper that is Saturday and a piece of paper that’s Sunday. And, you know, Saturday morning, it’s brush your teeth Eretz make your bed, brush your teeth, go have breakfast, and then the next step is we’re going to do a family activity and then we’re going to watch a little TV and then we’ll do coloring or some other activity, then we’ll move on to lunch. And so it really lays out and so when one of them gets distracted or one of them wants to do something different, we always go back to what that schedule for the day looks like. So that they know what they’re transitioning to. Again, it’s it’s really just adopting the model of what their school looks school day looks like throughout the week. Now saying Alright guys, we’re gonna you know, we might move on to counting and numbers next and then after that, we’re going to look out, look over to the left And reading, but it really is kind of just opening up the day for them, they can see what’s ahead, they can see the stuff that, hey, they really want to go play outside. But first we’re gonna we’re going to work on our reading, so they can see what’s ahead, but they know that there’s something in between there. And so planning that out setting out clothes the night before. And, you know, I think, again, you learn to adapt if you think you’re going to perfectly lay it out on the bed and, and you know, it’s going to be right there in the same spot the next morning now, nope, we, we tend to pile them up on the coffee table and knowing that they’re going to sprint downstairs and lay on the floor and, and then you you wrestle them to put their clothes on every morning, but, but it’s those little cheats, and those little tweaks in between that, that you adapt, or you try getting ahead of as, as the experience progresses,

          Joe 30:49

          getting the kids in a routine, it’s it may be difficult, but it’s totally worth that effort. Because once they start to know what’s coming next, and how to get ready for that, and in this case, you’re just describing and ready for tomorrow. It makes life so much easier. Because they start to roll with that instead of fighting against it.

          Ian 31:05

          absolutely and having something with pictures of what it looks like whether it’s a made bed and showing, okay, this is what your made bed looks like, Can you make this bed it becomes more of a challenge versus a chore? And I think they get a little bit more joy out of that.

          Joe 31:21

          Whenever we can turn. Yeah, chores into like a game, you know, gamify it make it exciting? Make it fun? There are a lot more likely to want to do that for sure.

          Ian 31:30

          Oh, yeah, the number of times I’ve turned searching for socks and in the laundry as a treasure hunt is you know I can it’s really allowed us to be successful in your everyday everyday tasks and activities.

          Joe 31:45

          So he in how have you been able to maintain and strengthen the relationship you ever with your wife through the ups and downs of parenting?

          Ian 31:52

          I think for us, it’s just it’s a constant reminder that we’re really on the same team. Right. So again, I work in college athletics. So, so I think the the mindset constantly is, is pursuing the same mission or being on the same team and reminding each other Hey, on days, where one of us is off, or one of our boys is off, I’m still here with you, we’re still collaborating on this, we’re still tag teaming, we’re a unit, trying to just, you know, keep our family together and, and raising our boys together. So I think it’s just a constant reminder that, that we’re supporting each other because, you know, early early on when their sleep schedules were off, we were there’s times where literally just high fiving each other and we were taking turns to warm up milk or, or when a baby woke up and the other one was screaming, we’re you know, we’re two ships passing in the night to go into the different rooms to to piece them, but and so you constantly have to remind each other, that you’re that you’re this is, you know, what, what bond you had initially is still there. And there’s a reason why God for us has blessed us with these boys and their uniqueness and the you know, the individual hurdles that they may have, you know, we were blessed to have those boys. And there’s a reason why we’ve been we’ve been placed, you know, that they’ve been placed under our care. And so there’s a purpose for everything, even the chaos and, and so we’re really, really fortunate for that my, my in laws are also incredibly available, even though they live, you know, a couple 100 miles away. So they help us out and come spend weekends or, and when they’re here, they give us date nights and or they’re they’ll you know, I’ll get a text from my mother in law who’s incredibly generous with us about hey, go on your way home, pick up dinner, it’s on me tonight or, you know, just those little things that that, you know, in the absence of family members right next to you, that just reminds you that, Hey, everybody else is supporting you. Even in the chaos where you know, we’re praying for you. We’re thinking of you and we want to help out in every way we can. But it’s a you know, it’s a team sport. Parenting is especially parenting twins and, and so if you can have a constant reminder and the opportunity to take a step back and remind ourselves of why we’re doing this the way we are and why persistence and consistency matters with kids. It’s a really special experience for us.

          Joe 34:18

          That’s wonderful. Ian, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out?

          Ian 34:25

          Feel free to find me on Twitter and that’s @IanESadler I’m on Twitter. I probably tweet a little too much. But it’s occasionally my escape and my ability to be creative as much as possible. And it’s it’s a great place to follow you as well and stay in touch with other twin parents that are going through the same experience that we are but yeah, find me on Twitter.

          Joe 34:51

          Perfect. Yeah. And I’ll link up to that in the show notes for this episode. And thank you so much for sharing your story today. We really appreciate it.

          Ian 34:57

          Absolutely. My pleasure Joe, I appreciate you.

          Joe 35:00

          I hope you enjoyed that chat with Ian about his adventures as a father of twins. If you want to connect with Ian I’ve linked up his contact information in the show notes for this episode over at twindadpodcast.com where you can also listen to all previous podcast episodes. If you would like to share your story like Ian did today, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me via email [email protected] or reach me on instagram or twitter @twindadjoe. I’m also over at facebook.com/dadsguidetotwins. Today’s show is brought to you by twintshirtcompany.com. We’ll find unique t shirts designed specifically for us parents of twins. You can see all the shirts at twintshirtcompany.com thank you so much for listening and I’ll see you next time.

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            The post Dealing with Twins’ Individual Needs and Issues with Ian Sadler – Podcast 248 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

            36 min
          • Solving Tough Twin Parenting Challenges with Eric Langenderfer – Podcast 247

            Episode 247 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes

            Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Eric Langenderfer, father of twin boys. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

            • Raising identical 9-month-old twin boys
            • Getting a DNA test to prove they were identical
            • Childproofing for crawling twins
            • Creating a child safe room
            • Finding the perfect stroller for side by side
            • Putting the twins into daycare at 6 weeks
            • 6 months of bed rest with restrictions and how they adapted
            • Why feedings were time-consuming
            • Keeping track of baby feedings and changes
            • Dealing with teething symptoms
            • When kids get sent home from daycare
            • and more…

              • Connect with Eric on Instagram

              Transcript

              This is auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

              Joe 0:00

              You may encounter some crazy problems during twin pregnancy and with very young active twins. But it doesn’t mean you have to throw in the towel. You can be very creative in how you solve these problems, to help your wife to help your kids to get the house ready, etc. We talk about a lot of creative solutions with a dad of twins today on the show.

              Intro 0:20

              Welcome to the dads guide to twins podcast, the podcast that will help you survive and thrive as a father of twins Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, the dads guide to twins Joe Rawlinson.

              Joe 0:36

              Hi there, and welcome to the 247th episode of the dads guide to twins podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. As always, you can find me on the web at twindadpodcast.com, where you’ll find the complete transcript and Show Notes for this episode, and you can listen to all previous podcast episodes. Today we continue our father of twins interview series with a father of identical twin boys. But before we jump into that, I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dads. It’s called “Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins”. You can pick up your book at raisingtwinsbook.com Now let’s jump straight into that twin dad chat. Today, I would like to welcome to the show, father of twins, Eric Langenderfer. Welcome to the show, Eric.

              Eric 1:18

              Thanks for having me.

              Joe 1:20

              Eric, how old are your twins right now? And what’s something exciting about this age?

              Eric 1:25

              They are nine months. And the exciting part is that they’re crawling around getting into everything. They’re really expressive and using their hands a lot. So I think that’s kind of the nicest part compared to say, right when they’re first born with it, they don’t really have many expressions, and they’re not obviously moving and crawling at that stage.

              Joe 1:47

              Do you have two boys? Two girls, one of each?

              Eric 1:49

              Oh, yeah, twin boys, identical. Zeke and jack, they thought that they were not identical because they each had their own yolk sac or whatever it is. And someone actually for the longest time they said they weren’t identical. And then we got and a DNA test and I came back like 2 million to one or some crazy amount that they’re identical.

              Joe 2:12

              How old were they when you got the DNA test?

              Eric 2:15

              Maybe like three months, four months, something like that. Because we I mean, I could just I just couldn’t tell them apart. And Rachel had trouble. The daycare couldn’t tell them apart. So we were just thinking we’d get it tested.

              Joe 2:26

              How did the test worked? Is it with like a mouth swab or a blood draw? Or what?

              Eric 2:30

              Yeah, it was like a mouth like a beautiful sample, like a little swab on the epithelial cells of their, their mouth, you just do a little swab inside the inside of their mouth and send it off in the mail.

              Joe 2:43

              You mentioned that your boys are crawling now, how long ago did that start?

              Eric 2:47

              Probably Zeke started first. And he’s probably been calling for maybe a month, maybe six weeks or so? I don’t know. I don’t know for sure. And then jack was a little bit later.

              Joe 2:59

              So about the eight month marker so

              Eric 3:02

              yeah, yeah, I think they’re a little bit don’t like quote unquote, you know, behind the the milestones. But they’re, they’re doing fine.

              Joe 3:10

              So how have your childproofing efforts gone so far?

              Eric 3:15

              Oh, well, we just turned kind of our whole house into child land. We have the plugs we’ve got they don’t get into too much really. But on some drawers and stuff. We like bungee cords just from like Harbor Freight. That’s pretty much it. But in terms of like, making the kit making it kid friendly, and like fun for them and everything we actually opted to go with, like we moved our kitchen, our dining room, kitchen table, whatever, just ended the foyer way. And then in that whole area, we have down like grappling mats from like jujitsu or wrestling. And they’re like two inch thick foam there from Amazon. And they’re awesome. Because I just you know, like, they’re pretty comfortable. You can like lay on them and been great because the boys are just constantly on them and crawling around and you know, learn how to get up and falling over and stuff. So highly recommend those. And they just get delivered right to your door on Amazon. And they’re also I mean, we thought about doing like the puzzle piece kind that you can get. But these are like so much easier to just pick up on kind of one foldable piece. So we have that all set up. And that’s the main thing. Just to have everything, you know, to do bouncers to little juvie spoon Walker’s to just to have everything just your whole house is full of twin stuff, basically.

              Joe 4:37

              Is there any other gear that you got that you’re really glad that you have on hand to help with the twins?

              Eric 4:43

              Oh, yeah, we’re we haven’t gone anywhere really. Like we haven’t really. It’s dependent, you know, with everything being locked down and like closed down quite a bit. We haven’t gone quite as many places but we still really like the backpacks and the stroller. We have the Osprey poco packs. And we have the what is it the donkey the Bugaboo donkey because we looked at twin milk, the double strollers and a lot of double strollers, it seems like I have a ton of research on stuff. A lot of them that I found got different weight limits. So you might have one seat that goes up to 50 pounds, the other one only goes up to like 30. And if we would have done that, we’d have been like, dang, we gotta change strollers with one of them gets 30 pounds. So this one was actually like they both had the same weight limit of like 50 pounds. And as a side by side.

              Joe 5:32

              That’s cool. Yeah, the bugaboos like a premium stroller. So how’s your experience been with that so far?

              Eric 5:37

              Oh, it’s been awesome. We, I spent a lot of time like looking at all this stuff and comparing and we were originally going to go with one of those like inline ones, but like the weight thing, and yeah, we got, you know, we had, we were very fortunate to get it as a gift. And so it’s in our garage, and we go for walks least a couple times a week, several times a week. Yeah, and it can like collapse into a single stroller. Also, something like yesterday or two days ago, I carried one of my back and we put in a push one in the stroller. So it’s pretty, it’s pretty cool. I think that we got a good deal. I got a good deal on it too. Because it was like the older the older model and the new model was coming out soon.

              Joe 6:19

              Yeah, strollers are kind of like cars, you know, via last year’s model. It’s usually cheaper. Which is whenever whenever you’re trying to save a few dollars with twins always comes in handy.

              Eric 6:29

              The biggest thing for us is daycare. I mean, it’s this little all about the money of course, but the daycare. It’s really just one two punch you know very fast because you got you got to in daycare instantly.

              Joe 6:40

              How old were they when you put them into daycare?

              Eric 6:44

              Six weeks, maybeit was they were pretty young. My wife Rachel actually had to be out on bed rest for how many months, six months, something like that. So all of her PTO and everything like was used up so she didn’t have any time like didn’t like the bare bare bare very bare minimum of time before she had to go back to work. So that’s kind of why we had to put them in daycare so quickly.

              Joe 7:10

              And how did you find a daycare that you felt would be a good fit for your family?

              Eric 7:15

              Um, well actually, we just kind of looked at what was nearby and what was close to our commutes, and whatnot with work. So that’s what we’ve gone with right now. We always cut it just around here. It’s like a really kind of dense population area. Like it’s everybody wants to move here and live here. And so you really have to kind of pick probably right when you get pregnant. So we did that really, really early on. And most of the wait lists are six months to a year. So that’s that’s kind of what we did.

              Joe 7:45

              Did you know you’re having twins when you got on the waitlist? Or was it just you were having a baby? We knew we were having twins.

              Eric 7:52

              I think it was like the smae first or second visit. And they did the ultrasound and then ultrasound tech was like Do you see what I see? And I didn’t see it. But Rachel saw it. And I just and they said oh twins and then we went out to get like a blood test or something and the phlebotomist was over there and she said, Oh, we just had someone who thought she was having twins. And then it was she was like, you know, seven months along. And actually it was triple it’s like Don’t tell me that like we just five seconds ago found out it was gonna be twins. So it was just it was just funny. But yeah, we knew pretty early on and that was why also like Rachel had to be on bedrest is because like so much going on in there you know? Yeah,

              Joe 8:35

              bed rest is common with twin pregnancy. The six months like you described is a long time. So what necessitated that and was she at home or in the hospital or combination of the two?

              Eric 8:46

              She went to the hospital a couple times throughout that there was a couple times we were just like concerned but she had symptoms and different things going on. Slowly over a couple of those like visits and we’ve been to the ER I think once or twice. We’re working with Maternal Fetal Medicine and so like, they kind of like ease this into the topic, but they took her on put her on bedrest permanently,

              Joe 9:10

              as we mentioned that through kind of a kink in the works as far as her paid time off and maternity leave, how did you juggle her needing to be on bed rest? and you still working you taking care of her all that?

              Eric 9:22

              Oh, yeah, the pregnancy was I mean in terms of sort of complexity and just general challenges I would say the pregnancy was harder than actually having twins in my in from my from my view, at least, I mean, the twins are awesome so it’s that so there’s always that’s like the nice part of it, but on bedrest like Rachel really she wasn’t allowed to walk very far. She was only supposed to go up and down the stairs with like stairs in our house. Go up to the bedroom was supposed to go to up and down. I’m like once a day, maybe twice a day at most. So yeah, she was just kind of homebound. We were like, you know, in like pandemic lockdown before there was a lockdown. You know, it was it was, you know, we’ve been in Rachel’s living in the house full time all the time since like november of 2019. And then yeah, it just was kind of tough. And then like later in the pregnancy to like she really had trouble getting getting out of the couch or like out of bed or standing up. So that was kind of when all the like crazy, home gym equipment stuff was going on. And I already had a home gym, I already had like home gym stuff happening. And so we actually had like a pull up bar kind of mobile pull up bar that I set up in our living room so that she could pull herself up its height adjustable pull herself up. And then we attached like a rope to that so she could like pull herself up and we got went to Tractor Supply and got others grabber, one of those grabber things you see like for picking up trash or whatnot. So she could pick stuff up off the floor, because she couldn’t bend down on get stuff off the floor. But I made what I called the Rachel mobiel 1200. It was a pallet with a lazy boy, and four, pneumatic wheels, casters. And so I screw the Lazy Boy onto this pallet, and then I’m attached the wheels onto it that way I could roller, you know, roll Rachel out onto the driveway on sunny days, and she could get outside, I tried to walk with her with it like with, you know, push it in stuff. And it was just a little too hilly in our neighborhood. But that was really nice, because you could actually get outside them and like, you know, get some sunshine stuff because I go, you know, Parker on the driveway, and she just sit out there for a while and then roll her back inside. So that was probably the funniest thing that we did.

              Joe 11:49

              Well, kudos to you. That’s very creative problem solving. To help take care of of your wife. Because six months is a long time to be holed up in the house. So

              Eric 11:59

              yeah, yeah, it really it was a while and then it was also drying, like me, probably a lot of people recently who, recently who had pregnancies during, like, March of last year and everything unknown and everybody, seeing if we can even be with your kids in the hospital and stuff. We were really lucky. We didn’t have to deal with anything like with people having COVID or anything, but we just Rachel was at home already. Like she was pretty much at home, which was kind of a blessing. Because it really decreased like her risk of getting it at that time. It wasn’t so there wasn’t much known about what you know, what would happen with the babies and all that. So it was kind of a blessing. But like you said it was it was tough with employment, because like I said, we both were originally both working full time, and then Rachel had to be out. And so it used up all of Rachel’s PTO and stuff. So ended up just having to go back to work pretty quickly and then had no PTO until just now. So for the entire year of 2020. She had no days off, essentially,

              Joe 13:04

              tell us about the birth experience. Did that go as planned? Or was it a surprise? timing?

              Eric 13:10

              It went as planned because of everything going on. It was a C section. So we just kind of knew the day and time we showed up and brought you know, all of our supplies and everything. And yeah, we went I brought a coke, but they didn’t let her have it. Oh, she had the gestational diabetes too. So she she really didn’t wasn’t able to have cokes which she loves Coca Cola for much the pregnancy. But uh, yeah, it was pretty great. I mean, just went to the hospital and you don’t sleep much at all, at least we didn’t. Because boys are up all the time. And we were feeding them like through it a little eyedropper. You know, it’s like it was just the feedings in the beginning were very time consuming especially in the hospital, but then when we came home Rachel’s mom versus mom’s flew in from out of out of state and stayed at our house for a couple of weeks before without overlap. So we because it was concerned about like, air travel and you know, the virus and everything. So she did quarantine before and then and we were not to bring anyone else to the hospital just me. And so then we came back and then Rachel’s mom and I and Rachel kind of took shifts while I was off work for a couple weeks. And so we did like the night shifts and we had a whole calendar and schedule and everything. So at least some of us could get sleep like for like a little block of time, like six hours or something. But it worked out pretty well.

              Joe 14:47

              And we did something similar with we had like my mother in law came down or my sister in law and we took we would take turns so at least some adult could get some sleep every night which was really helpful. You mentioned the feedings were a little complicated in the hospital. How did that go? When you got the babies home?

              Eric 15:06

              They say that the feedings are every What was it like every hour and a half or two hours, something like that. It’s pretty frequent. And you think, Oh, you know, I’ll just do it. But like, they take a significant amount of time each time, 20 minutes or 30 minutes, plus, you know, worrying warming stuff up and cleaning stuff and putting them down for nap and diaper changes. So like, you’re pretty much going full time the entire time, at least with twins, maybe it’s the same way with with one but like, it’s pretty much nonstop. So it’s not like you really have like, Oh, it’s two hours, like all you know, every two hours for 24 hours, I’ll just sleep during like, the one hour between every two hours is like no, like pretty much there’s stuff going on that entire time, which was kind of an eye opening thing for me. And then also at the hospital. They want you to chart everything. And I’m just me personally, I’m not the biggest like, I’m going to write everything down on paper. I’ve done a lot of my work history has been sort of in like healthcare IT and so I’m like, man, I’d love to do this digitally. So when we got home, I just put together like a little online sort of quick little database thing. And we would just each log it in from our phones that we didn’t have to be like keeping a log and you know, like timestamps that and everything. So we did that for a while when we were really like into how much we were feeding them and how often and all that

              Joe 16:29

              sounds pretty handy too. So you’re making you’re making cool chairs for your wife and websites and apps. You can track everything. That’s pretty slick. Did your boys are they in the same room? Have they been that way? The whole time?

              Eric 16:40

              Yep, they’ve been in the same room. We’ve got two separate cribs in there right by each other. So it really kind of turned out that we did so we could fit them in the field of view of the twins’ baby monitor like the video monitor. We just put them kind of close.

              Joe 16:57

              and your boys How do they interact when they’re in their in their cribs, when is supposed to be sleepy time is one like more active disturbing. The other are they totally cool with each other’s noises?

              Eric 17:07

              for the past like a week, they haven’t been sleeping that well. And they cry for a while, like maybe like 5-10 minutes before they go to bed. And then jack has been waking up at night. Probably we get up. It’s like what, eight o’clock now he’ll probably up again in like another hour and a half, two hours and just start screaming and then that’ll wake Zeke up potentially. that’s been happening several times at night. And I think it’s the nine month sleep regression. Because what Rachel tells me is like, they’re learning new skills, and they’re learning like new motor patterns and things and that makes it so like, when they’re sleeping. They’re like kind of practicing those things. And so it makes it tougher for them to like keep a full night’s sleep.

              Joe 17:46

              Oh, yeah, sleep progression or regression in generals is is the thing. And so that could catch you off guard as a parent because you feel like you’re making progress. And then all of a sudden, they like take a step back and you’re like, what, what is going on? You know, like you mentioned they’re waking up at all times are things go a little crazy. And, but eventually they’ll just you know, revert back to what they were doing before. It’s just like a step back for a while then they’ll take their two steps forward again, and away you go. So they had some teeth poppin already have you dealt with teething?

              Eric 18:15

              Yeah, they’ve got like two or three teeth on the bottom. We didn’t even really realize that they were teething. But there they are like one day we just looked in their mouth and they were so there must have been teething. And yeah, they’re probably still eating. Now sometimes they chew on their pacifier is like in the back of their mouth a little bit. We haven’t noticed too much. When they’re really fussy. We’ll give them a little Tylenol. But other than that, that’s that’s about it.

              Joe 18:40

              That’s great because do you think can be kind of a bear. So if it’s a if it’s pretty subtle, then that’s that’s awesome. What is the typical schedule like for a day in the life of of your nine month olds, swords wakeups and feedings and things like that.

              Eric 18:55

              Wake up like quarter to six, put the bottles in the warmer, get ready for work and everything and then the boys will get up a little bit later like 615 or so. Downstairs on the mats in the bobby bottles. Rachel will make eggs using like eggs every day for breakfast eggs and sometimes waffles to for Rachel to eat before she heads out the door. I’ll put the rest of the bottles that they need for daycare, I’ll make it if they need to mix any more up with we Similac if we don’t have enough breast milk, and then put those in the cooler, put the boys you know get them ready to go for daycare, put their little shoes on and everything. Put them in the car seat. And then we have a dog who kind of likes to try to escape. So I usually take the boys in their car seats close to the front door. Then I put them outside on the front porch and lock the door and then I get them in the car and then we drive to daycare. I’m dropping off at daycare. And, and I’ve been working from home for pretty much since like all this started since like March. So I just had to come back home, I run a couple errands or something on the phone, if it’s on the way back and then can come back home. And then Rachel pick them up from daycare, well, then our daycare and so they have their bottles, and they’ve all that stuff go on there. And then Rachel picks them up from daycare, and we feed them dinner at home, put them down around seven o’clock at night, usually. So let’s get him dinner and bottles. There’s all by timing and everything like that. But that’s pretty much the day.

              Joe 20:35

              So Eric, imagine your best friend finds out that he’s having twins. And instead of giving him the joke about triplets that you got earlier, what advice would you give to him to help him get ready?

              Eric 20:48

              just start thinking about like things in terms of processes. And this is something I kind of comes easy to me because I’ve been in like operations and like, kind of process improvement sort of stuff for a while. But if you’re not in that, especially just thinking about, like, everything has to scale, everything has to be able to be done, like twice. So you might as well make it work well, I think, you know, like, if, if you’re gonna do something, you might as well be able to be able to, like, learn from it, and repeat it, because you’re gonna get so much practice with it, like diapers, or just setting up like, where you’re doing things like in your house, it really pays to just take a second to think about some of those things or to think, Hey, I’m going to be bending over, you know, so many times to do this, just even to put them in the car seat or something like that. Is this something that I could build, like, I’d have a little table here. So I wouldn’t have to be, you know, bending over all the time for this or height, the changing table or just just things like that, because you’re going to be just doing it so much is my only my only like real thought and takeaway. And also don’t sleep on daycare, because daycare costs like, definitely add up pretty quickly.

              Joe 22:06

              So daycare, we’ve talked about daycare a couple times and expensive daycare. So how do you go about the decision of, of paying for daycare versus, you know, both parents working, or maybe you want parents to stay home was some of the discussion you had around that?

              Eric 22:20

              that’s probably the us trying to be optimizing everything and getting everything working? Well, that’s probably still our one kind of, like Achilles heel is daycare because it is just in the current environment, it’s very tough to drop your kids off and like not know what’s gonna happen, and there’s all these temperature checks, and it’s just, there’s just a ton of extra hoops right now. So we’ve debated, you know, having someone, like come home and do it, do you know, like, sort of, like, in home care, or, then you got to kind of have to, like, have a space for that. And there’s just a lot of kind of ups upfront work that goes into figuring that out and finding someone who fits well with your family. So we haven’t gone down that path, but we thought about it. But we go to just like a commercial daycare now. And I mean, it’s been good, but it’s it’s probably one of our biggest stressors, I would say not just from like a financial sense, but more that we never know, if the kids are gonna be sent home. And, and they’re just like, for a while they’re just constantly sent home, I think that they were in daycare, like, a couple days, one month, because no one will have a rash. And that’s a symptom of COVID. Like, it’s like a potential symptom of COVID. So you got to be at home. And then one will have, you know, like a something else some some little symptom of something, and like they’re gonna get sick, because our daycare, like they’re just gonna get normal, not COVID, but just other random things, because they’re, they’re young kids. And so it’s just like, you’re constantly getting these messages from daycare, where it’s like, you gotta be here in an hour. And I’m like, I always wonder, like, what are they going to do in an hour, like, you know, I mean, we live like, about 40 minutes, almost away, 30 minutes plus, with traffic, sometimes 40, away from daycare. And it’s like, DEF CON one, like when the message comes in, because it’s just barely gonna make it in an hour. And then you might as well just get them both out, because you’re not gonna run back to daycare, to go pick up the other one in two hours or whatnot. And then you got to go to the doctor to get a doctor’s note. So they can return to daycare after the symptoms have resolved. So it’s just the whole mess of things. And there’s been times also where we’ve had them out of daycare and had to have them out of daycare for, you know, a rash or something. And, like, Rachel didn’t have any PTO. So it’s like, if Rachel if I can’t stay home with them. Rachel just has to take, you know, be like, I can’t I have to take care of the kids and then she doesn’t get paid. And so it doesn’t make a lot of sense to do that sometimes. So for a while, for like a week or two that we had a family friend. Come over Very lucky. And we just paid her what we normally pay daycare in addition to what we’re paying daycare. So yeah, I mean those days like, one of us probably doesn’t even make any money but at least you know we still in good graces with your job and whatnot and so

              Joe 25:15

              so since you’re you’re the one working from home are you the one that gets those calls and has to go pick them up?

              Eric 25:21

              Well yeah, but there’s also, you know, some need to be on some of these calls and stuff. It’s not like I can always just because just 100% drop things. So there’s been times where it’s like, I just like I have some important meetings and I’m running, running different things from home. So every time I’ll talk about it, and she has to go she had to go get them a couple times are gonna take off work. And so it’s, it’s really kind of a shared thing. But there’s been times where I’ve been able to, like watch them for, you know, around meetings and stuff for like a week or two straight and so that’s been definitely nice.

              Joe 25:56

              Eric as we wrap up today, if listeners would like to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out?

              Eric 26:02

              Joe 26:11

              Eric, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it.

              Eric 26:15

              Thanks for having me on Joe.

              Joe 26:16

              I hope you enjoy the conversation with Eric about his adventures as a twin father, some of the creative problem solving and creations that he made to make his wife’s life easier during pregnancy to help make the kids happy and safe at home. A lot of good ideas in this podcast. Hope you enjoyed those. If you would like to share your twin story like Eric dick today, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me via email [email protected] or reach out on Instagram or Twitter @twindadjoe or facebook.com/dadsguidetotwins. Again, today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dads. It’s called “Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins”. You can pick up your book at raisingtwinsbook.com it’s the perfect book to guide you through the first several years of your twin adventure.

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                The post Solving Tough Twin Parenting Challenges with Eric Langenderfer – Podcast 247 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

                28 min
              • First Year Twin Milestones with Rich Banbury – Podcast 246

                Episode 246 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes

                Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Rich Banbury, father of boy/girl twins. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

                • A typical day in the life schedule of one-year-olds
                • How dad can take care of the twins
                • When breastfeeding didn’t work due to trouble latching
                • Dad can be more involved when bottle-feeding
                • Induction but no progress so had to have c-section
                • Mom lost lots of blood so had to go back into surgery
                • Bringing twins home and figuring everything out
                • One more active than the other
                • Advantages of the bottle prep machine
                • and more…

                  • Connect with Rich on Instagram.

                  Transcript

                  This is auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

                  Joe 0:00

                  Getting through that first year with twins can be really tough. We’re going to jump into one twin dad’s journey from finding out he’s having twins through that first year today on the show.

                  Rich 0:09

                  Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast, the podcast that will help you survive and thrive as a father of twins. Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, the “Dad’s Guide to Twins”, Joe Rawlinson.

                  Joe 0:23

                  Hey everybody, and welcome to the 246th episode of the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. As always, you can find me on the web at twindadpodcast.com. Where you’ll find the complete transcript for this episode. And you can listen to all previous podcast episodes. Today we continue our father of twins interview series with a fellow twin dad from the UK, and father of boy girl twins. But before we jump into that conversation, I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by my first book for dads. It’s called “Dad’s Guide to Twins: How to survive the twin pregnancy and prepare for your twins”. You can learn more about this book at twindadbook.com. Let’s jump right into that interview. Today I would like to welcome to the show father of twins. Rich Banbury Welcome to the show Rich.

                  Rich 1:08

                  Hi there Joe, Great to be here.

                  Joe 1:09

                  Rich, how old are your twins right now? And what’s something exciting about this age?

                  Rich 1:13

                  they they’re going to be one years old, on the 12th of this month, I think I think the best part for myself and Clare, my partner now is just where the you know, the really becoming their own little sort of people start to interact with the small being able to play with them more, you know that it’s not just sort of practical, you know, day to day stuff with them is exciting watching them grow up. Now. It’s a good age or, you know, it’s, it was very tough, you know, I’m sure as you know, you know, the first three months, up to six months, it was quite intense where some of us just now, you know, sort of enjoy your time in them a bit more.

                  Joe 1:51

                  Yes, for sure. The first year is quite a challenge. So you’re almost full, almost finished with that first year, which is quite the accomplishment.

                  Rich 1:59

                  Not Absolutely. It was it was really timing for yourself. I mean, you have you’ve got two boys have new and two identical girls.

                  Joe 2:10

                  That’s right.

                  Rich 2:11

                  That must have been incredibly intense.

                  Joe 2:13

                  Yeah, it was fun. They all came really close together. And so we had our hands full with not just the twins, but two very young siblings as well,

                  Rich 2:23

                  That must have been tough.

                  Joe 2:24

                  Now they’re all teenagers are almost teenagers. So it’s a whole different level of excitement around the house now.

                  Rich 2:33

                  Does it? Does it get easier? Oh,

                  Joe 2:36

                  it does. I mean, you’re coming out of the first year, which is insane and crazy. And as you started to notice, they become more self sufficient, you know, they sleep better, the better and they can entertain each other and life starts to get a little bit easier as time goes on.

                  Rich 2:51

                  I think that’s a bit already for us where it’s small things but were even down to them, you know, holding their own bottle or trying to think of things now below that, that that type of stuff where but you know, before you had them you wouldn’t think of make that much difference but just being able to feed themselves for instance, it you know, it does make such a difference. Then we even started to slip through the night where we you know, any up to recently have they started going through the night. But that is just been an absolute godsend again, you just don’t realize, you know, you’re almost like walking around like a zombie. You know, a lot of the time. Yeah, now they’re starting to sleep through it. Yeah, it’s a big difference. It’s good.

                  Joe 3:35

                  What is the typical schedule for your nearly one year olds right now? Like, what time do they wake up? And when do they even take naps, things like that?

                  Rich 3:42

                  Yeah, they get up. I get up with them in the morning. So you know, how we kind of work and structure meaning class work and myself. Obviously not. At the moment I’m, when I’m at work next day, Claire generally has an overnight but I get them up then in the morning. So then seven, I’ll feed them breakfast, and spend a bit of time with them before then I have to go to work where then I’ll you know, I’ll get Claire let her have a better line of shoes, you know, had a bit of a bad night with them. Then she’ll get up I’ll go to work. Then we then around sort of nine o’clock ish, or sorry, they have breakfast soy around between half seven and eight. But then about nine half nine, they’ll get out for a nap. Get up again. And it’s that sort of about three to four hour, you know, window then between them, you know, they don’t have lunch, have their next nap. And then they’ll have no dinner, etc. and then go down about sort of seven, half, seven, something like that. And then fingers crossed for the night.

                  Joe 4:45

                  So you mentioned taking turns with your partner who would get up in the nighttime. How did you have that scheduled look over the last year as far as who would wake up and who was to get a rest

                  Rich 4:54

                  when we first had them. Claire what was super covering from The birth I did a lot of it for the first probably, you know, two to three weeks. And again it you know, it was so intense and Claire and on our body where we she was trying to breastfeed and did for a teeny bit, but it wasn’t working, it was very hard. And so Claire did express though. So we didn’t use formula, then Claire sort of expressed it at first, I think was about three months, four months. But again, so she was, you know, she was up a lot just having to do that anyway. So, um, I was trying to feed and support Well, I could, then we went, I went back to work. And then again, it kind of fitted basically, you know, if I was at work, the next day, Claire tried to take them if if it was, you know, really bad night or something, you know, you kind of got to just go with the flow a bit, something happened, I’d get up and obviously help. But if it was a more simpler night, clever, take them, I’d get my sleep, I’d go to work, then we’d plan it. And my days off deck, and I’d take them overnights and Claire could have a decent sleep. But I think it was about when they were six weeks old is when the lockdown happened. So if you imagine I’d had my my paternity leave, gone back to work for something like that between, you know, four to six weeks, and then the lockdown happened. And even though that caused, you know, there was other issues, obviously, same with everyone with that. And the business and other things, in certain ways actually helped. I was quite lucky in a way to then have you know, about another 12 weeks off because of lockdown with Claire. So then we would just stagger it, you know, either every other night, or, you know, two nights on two nights off sorts of things. We did that for the next three months. And then now I’m back at work full time, genuinely Claire has them during the week, and then when I’m off weekend, I have them in the evening, you know, overnight, I mean.

                  Joe 7:02

                  sounds like a good rotation, a good schedule. So you mentioned that your partner tried to breastfeed the twins, it just didn’t work out was there a source of why that wasn’t working?

                  Rich 7:12

                  they weren’t great sort of latching in, you know, it is so tough, I think the pressures as well, because, you know, everyone kind of knows, generally, you know, breastfeeding if you can, is better in the sense of for the, for the bowl, that’s where you read, you know, in here bed for the baby. So, like anyone else with, you know, tried and tried, especially with having two of them, it’s almost like a bit of a time game, you know, when they’re hungry, and you’re trying and it’s not working, it comes to a point where, you know, you have to feed them. And if they’re not, you know, latching on and it’s not working. You know, you don’t have a choice, really, there’s only so far you can push that. So it just it just happened for us where and it was definitely through not lack of trying. But yeah, it was more the babies weren’t latching again, there being two of them, trying to position them just trying to logistically do it as well, you know, it was when you can use a lot of pressure and work on Claire. And so we sort of compromised at that, you know, we’d Express for as long as we could carry Care’s milk supply was really good. And so we could express and feed them the amount without any formula, again, for probably the first four months, just you know, just from Claire, so you know, sort of a compromise in the end, but it was good. And, you know, it was the way it was going to be and so be it. You know.

                  Joe 8:38

                  That’s true. That’s very common, what you’re describing, where the mother will try to feed, try to breastfeed the twins directly. And for whatever reason, it just is not successful. And you just have to change him, you have to do something different to make sure the babies are getting the nourishment that they need. So you mentioned latch problems. I mean, we had the same problem with our girls, they had a hard time latching on. And so we ended up having to switch to bottle feeding. So you know, whatever ends up working, whatever ends up working for the babies, whatever ends up working for the parents.

                  Rich 9:10

                  I think one of the one of the benefits of that. I know, you know, some of my friends who have Singleton’s but top, you know, knowing the husbands that they missed out on a bonding phase, they kind of felt quite useless that you know, how they described it to me through that phase because they couldn’t really do much, you know, because the baby basically, you know, either wanted to sleep, you know, or be fed. And other than changing maybe nappies now and again, you know, a lot of the pressure was on the mum where I think when you can bottle feed for the dad, it gives you an opportunity to genuinely, you know, share the workload and have time with your children and bond with them. So again, you know, we would have breastfed if we could, but in a certain way again, I think it was kind of quite beneficial with being able to get involved

                  Joe 10:00

                  I agree that was a big deal for me too. I being able to bottle feed my girls, you know taking turns bottle feeding them was give you time with them one on one that you would not have otherwise have gotten. Well Rich, let’s rewind back to when you found out that you would be having twins. How did you find out about that news? And what was your reaction?

                  Rich 10:21

                  Well, we we found out in the dream that Claire was pregnant, she came to my work with with come up with a set, it was coming close to my birthday. I think you said Happy Happy Birthday daddy on it. I think it was Claire came to my work. And yeah, gave that to me. And me being just me being me being being bit stupid. I’ve opened that and because I’m at work I’ve read, but sort of said to Claire, what you know, what is this? What do you what you’re talking about with my work mind still on. And then Claire gave me a little box that had the pregnancy, you know, tested. And then obviously, I realized, and, you know, that was great. And then it was was a flee. Eight weeks after that. The Claire had a slight bleed, which obviously isn’t necessarily, you know, often not anything to worry about. But again, being twins slightly higher risk. And what we’d read, you know that there was a slight bleed, and we were concerned. So we booked in a different appointment to get a checked. We, I laugh just looking back, it’s crazy. Now being a year year past it, we went to this, you know, in the sonographers they’re doing the scan, and we couldn’t see the the screen shadow facing her. She’s doing it. And you know, we turned up worried obviously, for the worst, I was thinking in my head, you know, in case something, the worst have happened to try to prepare myself slightly for it. And so she’s scanning, and we suppose that they’re quite nervous. And she then said, she turned the screen towards us, and then said, Look, there’s you know, there’s the heartbeat. And obviously, we both had a massive sigh of relief. And then she said, and there’s the other heartbeat. And I won’t say exactly what I said. But we were rather shocked to say the least, I think when we walked out, I think people thought we’d had bad news because we were in such shock. If you see what I mean, they kind of ushered us over into another room opposite, where we were going to see a specialist afterwards. And we both just sat there in silence. And we were really happy. But you know, when you’re just so shocked by something, we kind of just sat there staring at each other for about 10 minutes. But yeah, so that’s how I found out that then it was a different ballgame, then it was Google time. And that’s how I found you was a you know, looking through a whole array of twin, you know, YouTube videos and podcasts, etc. and trying to do as much research as we could and prepare ourselves for it.

                  Joe 12:51

                  So you found out through some big surprise that you’d be having twins? When did you find out what kind of twins you would be having? And what was your reaction then?

                  Rich 12:58

                  When we went for the scans when he was at the point? You know, when you could find out the sex of the children? We we wanted to know who you know, we’re we’re not very good at waiting Anyway, there’s no way we’re going to wait. So they could tell jack, you know, we tell we were having a boy. But they were saying sometimes that it’s hard to tell for the girl because just because they can’t see, you know, whether it’s a boy or not doesn’t mean it’s not. So we didn’t 100% know whether we’re going to have two boys, or a boy and a girl until they popped out. So yeah, we knew we’re going to have a little boy out of time that we weren’t 100% sure whether it was going to be a girl or boy until we in our two we were there, which was quite exciting as well. Anyway.

                  Joe 13:48

                  So how did you make some How did you make preparations when you didn’t know if you’d have two boys or a boy and a girl?

                  Rich 13:54

                  I think it was more first sort of practicalities, you know, or just just I suppose you know, again, really just googling looking in here again for instance near listening to your podcast going on to YouTube videos and just listening to other people’s advice and the kind of you know the must haves for twins to make you know either easily packed whether it’s from bottle making, you know, whether it’s to them, excuse me, whether they’re sleeping, whatever it might be, you know, carrying them around from slings and bounces and everything and everything so more you know, not knowing it was girl or boy didn’t affect too much. At that point we’re in a two bed flat and so they were gonna have to share rooms it wasn’t like we were going to be decorating the room a certain color or anything. And we just bought any clothes we bought we you know, they were pretty neutral kind of colors, etc. So for them so yeah, it was really just practical prep, you know as much as we could just to get ourselves ready for that. That first ominous first night when you you know you get kicked out of hospital and you suddenly realize you when you run with them realize you don’t know what you’re doing.

                  Joe 15:02

                  So were there any complications during the pregnancy?

                  Rich 15:05

                  We were booked in on the Monday for the, you know, to start the process, and we go in and Claire is checked, you know, everyone does and everything’s normal. We they started inducing on the Monday and started putting the oxytocin, I think it is, you know, to sort of start that process. Later on that day, they broke Jack’s water to start and we were doing they’re kind of you know, they’re walking around the hospital and bouncing on the gym ball and that kind of stuff to try and get things going. That went into Monday night into Tuesday. And they got to Tuesday evening. And they said that, if nothing had happened that night, they were going to do a C section that following morning to Wednesday morning, which is what then happened. So then the Wednesday morning, they, you know, prepped us all the consultants are coming to speak to us, we went down and went to the theater, which again was quite a surreal environment, it’s it’s oddly calm, you know, for how nervous I wasn’t, you know, in that kind of environment, but the staff there were fantastic. And just, you know, made you feel like, they were in complete control. And, you know, you were doing it was very odd. This, the C section itself kind of went okay, did it, they came out, I got to know, cut the cord, and that, that kind of stuff. Jack was struggling to breathe a bit. But we got to hold them there for a little bit. And they took them away, then just you know, to do some checks on them. And clear me and Claire went to the recovery room afterwards, then and Claire, she was just bleeding a lot, basically. And it wouldn’t stop. So we went back to the Labor ward. And we were so they could watch her. And he wouldn’t, it just wouldn’t stop. And the reason we found out afterwards, some to do with it. Again, if I get this slightly wrong excuse it, but the oxytocin they use to induce the labor, it’s the same thing they use after labor to stop the bleeding and something about attracting the uterus. But because Claire’s body had no response to it, you know, when they were trying to induce this sadly, at the same effect, the other side where this main drug they use, you know, which works kind of 90% of the time, it didn’t work and so you trust one contract, and so she wouldn’t stop bleeding. And then that got a bit heavy, you know, one point and then the Wednesday evening, they took it back into theater again. Then she came out of that. And then they had to do a blood transfusion where they’re at dead cut from the first day, you know, she started perking up a bit more, and then started recovering, you know, very quickly and we were actually out of hospital on the Saturday but it was scary. My buddies were as well that’s I don’t want to fight in every you know, every parent to be listening to this. It was a very rare circumstances not common for that to happen. But it was our experience anyway,

                  Joe 18:12

                  were you able to be with Claire or were you with the babies during during this challenging time with the blood loss?

                  Rich 18:18

                  We said we’d held the babies, they then be brought to us in the recovery room. So they were there with us. But it got like I said it sort of got a little bit tense at one point on I actually asked for them if because we had a trainee midwife who had followed us through the whole experience as well. So she was kind of like an extra midwife who was there as well that would normally be and cause what was going on there was many consultants and you know, our little sort of curtain doff area was incredibly busy with people and actually asked whether we could they could almost take just the babies away for a second because it was it was quite a stressful scenario. And again, the sort of what you know, pick them up and look after them but was quite distracting within obviously very concerned for Claire and wanting to be you know, be there with them and be able to talk to her and put my full attention to her. So they they just took the babies away for a little bit. Whilst you know, they they kind of worked on Claire and just, you know, maitri she was okay. And then after that, once we got back to the labour ward, we are you know, they they were there sort of waiting for us. So we spent some time with them. That was nice, but they got they got taken away then to the new cube because they thought they had an infection. So they had to go on antibiotics. I pretty much came straight back that day. I remember rightly, but jack that had gone to ventilate, because he wasn’t breathing correctly. And he stayed on that until we do have been, I think this Saturday morning. So the morning we actually left we got off the day we shot we didn’t leave too Saturday evening, but we got jack back on, on Saturday morning, then, you know, the we were with them, both of them then for that whole day. And in between that time, you know, Claire was was pretty bedridden couldn’t really move. So I was walking over to the NICU, you know, just sitting with Jack in his little incubator, you know, as you do, and then walking back and seeing Claire stuff going back and forth for the sort of four days, four or five days, whatever was we were there. So quite, quite intense.

                  Joe 20:33

                  Yes, that is an intense week, you go from induction, trying to have babies naturally to a C section to trouble with Mum, maybe issues with baby, you know, then all of a sudden they send you home, and it’s time to start.

                  Rich 20:49

                  Absolutely. But that is what it felt like, I think you get we that we were looked after, you know, so well that the NHS staff and the nurses, and doctors were just absolutely fantastic. And they did such a good job, you know, looking after us, but kind of, you know, catering to every whim of us, you know, the babies everything that the when we left, you just you almost didn’t realize how much they were doing for you, you know, till you have some of your home. When you own then yeah, just worrying about every noise the baby makes. I mean, the amount of nights where you know, you take X amount of time to get them to sleep. But then if they didn’t move too much, I’ll be putting them awake again to make sure they were okay. I mean, it’s insane in a way, isn’t it? What do you what you do?

                  Joe 21:41

                  Yes, it does take a while to get used to all of the noises and, and things you hear out of them when they’re perfectly fine. It’s just it’s new to you. You’re like what’s going on? What’s wrong with my babies?

                  Rich 21:53

                  How did you find out when you’re, you know, when you had your first was this similar,

                  Joe 21:57

                  oh very much very much similar to what you’re describing where I would hear a noise, I would jump out of bed, I would go check on the baby. And I mean, at first it was a singleton, but he’d be asleep. Totally fine. breathing normally. And then I my heart would be racing because I jumped out of bed so it’d be hard for me to fall back asleep. And then I then I’d hear another noise and I’d jump out of bed anyway it was eventually I think I just got so exhausted that I would sleep through some of the sounds and when he was ready to feed and such then we’d hear him you know, crying.

                  Rich 22:28

                  Did that stuff get easier when you had your second and then third and fourth, I presume has all become a bit of a bit of an expert within that a bit. relax a bit.

                  Joe 22:36

                  Yeah, a little more relaxed because you knew what to expect. But with with going from like a Singleton’s to having twins. My wife and I would both wake up to take care of the twins were when it was just the one baby. She would wake up to feed, feed them and I I’d sleep more often than not so yeah, it was it was a little more. Everybody got sleep deprived. Not just not just mama time. So Now was it just you and Claire after you brought the baby’s home or did you have grandparents or anybody else there to help you?

                  Rich 23:07

                  So we were in the hospital, we know we’ve been visited by the sort of the parents etc. And we got back one of my very close friends and his wife had met us at the hospital when we were leaving and kind of just helped us with stuff we had at the day came back to the to the flat for an hour or so, you know, with us and just spent a bit of time with us. And then when then after that it was it was pretty much us really doing it I mean, the parents etc, will get you know, we’re sort of getting involved and wanting to see them, etc. But, and again, to be honest this year, I mean, like I said it, it’s I’ll never quite know what it will be like in a way to have a kid in it when I say normally that without the lockdown, because that is thrown such an odd, you know, like an egg. You know, it’s hard enough as it is and unpredictable as it is but you know, I never would have predicted this kind of thing. And it that’s more we’re having to after obviously, six weeks or so no one can see them anyway. So we were very much he didn’t want to vote and that that was hard then just myself and Claire, you know, just just in that flat with the babies just going through that, you know, day in day out. It was it was tough not seeing anybody that we’ve we’ve still to this day, you know, never seen a health visitor. We’ve we’ve you know, where you get even that kind of support, you know, we never be baby meet. We haven’t been to any of that kind of stuff where you get to speak to other parents. see other kids interact, you know what I mean? And that kind of stuff. haven’t had any of it. And it it it’s it’s it’s been it’s been hard or just strange. Like said from that point of all that kind of stuff like picture doing with the kids, you know, in this first year. Basically none of its really happened. For plans we had just kind of put it to a halt a bit which you know you know a bit a bit a bit worried about the you know, their progression as well you know, knowing how important it is for them to be socialized and you know, seeing different people etc. And again, just sort of sort of had our hands tied where we haven’t really been able to do that.

                  Joe 25:21

                  Have you been able to get out of a flat at all with them maybe go to a park or anything like that or is it been stuck inside the whole time?

                  Rich 25:29

                  No, we had a first look that was about three months where jet you basically weren’t allowed to really go out and so we didn’t really we did go just walking locally with them you know, who were there to mitigate the lockdown these two bit we would regularly go up to sort of Windsor Great Park in some of the world parklands around where we live and things of that we you know, we wouldn’t go out constantly and again, we wouldn’t be able to meet with friends on the walk at least. So we do try and get out with the you know, as much as we can. Absolutely, yeah, we do do that. It’s more the lack of sort of meeting with other pen again at the moment you know, we’re back down we’re back locked down again. Now again, so

                  Joe 26:10

                  So speaking of milestones for your twins, are they are they walking yet? Are they still just crawling around?

                  Rich 26:17

                  Yeah, crawling round Aila was very stubborn. She She enjoys sitting and watching definitely with Jack’s into everything he you know Yeah, he’s crawling about you’re finding him all over the place. Which good is good fun. Aila can kind of you know, she can pull herself up and stuff and stand there but even the crawling she she she doesn’t seem particularly interested I’m what I’m wondering whether she’s going to be kind of one of those that walks you know, without crawling kind of just go straight to that. But yeah, jack jack definitely. You know, you leave him somewhere for two seconds, you’ll be off

                  Joe 26:56

                  Has that always been the case where your son is a bit more active or done things first before your daughter?

                  Rich 27:06

                  Aila teeth first teeth came through way before jack? Aila was smiling before jack actually. She smiled first. I think jack I think Jack was the best way almost like physically in a way he seems to be doing some more first you know he seems in his personality even even at this age to be kind of a bit more bolder, a bit more kind of carefree where Aila assumes a bit more reserved. You know a bit more thoughtful I’d say as well your jack doesn’t have a problem you know with kind of trying to just clear off the end of the sofa with no thought where Aila seems to know that’s not as good idea you know she’s lovely more held back.

                  Joe 27:48

                  How did the transition go when you started feeding them solid foods?

                  Rich 27:54

                  Yeah, when I first went to solids they they struggled I think like any baby does you know where it’s very new to them and very odd. They’re just figuring it out. But yeah has been initially they love their food. And so you know meal times or meal times okay? It’s not particularly stressful, which is nice. I much prefer than bulk feeding them. I can’t wait again I can’t wait for them to you know not to have to be making X amount of bottles a day and they could you know, either eat, you know, a portion of what we’ve cooked or or whatever you know,

                  Joe 28:28

                  is there a particular piece of baby gear or a toy or something that has been very helpful with your twins.

                  Rich 28:36

                  Practically the the bottle machine was an absolute lifesaver. I you know, I’ve heard anyway some people you know the kind of boiling you make a bottle and then you’re putting in boiling water to heat it up or or something like that. I’d gotten those people do that for twins if they are and so the book permission was an absolute must for us because it just made it you know you’re making so many when they’re young. That really helped the twin feeding pillow was a good one because again there was numerous times we were obviously on our own with them without the other partner at work or out shopping whatever it was. So using that feed them was a real godsend. And also we found there’s a product called a baby move which is a it’s kind of a it’s like a safe sleeping kind of support mattress that fits you know the kind of babies shapes or supports their head and has like a little curve at the bottom for the legs to kind of go over where the bum is. It supports them and it stops them rolling about but it’s safe. It doesn’t it doesn’t encroach up on their face, you know for weed breathing or anything. But that again was an absolute brilliant product way mentioned you could have them in it but you could you could you can move them anywhere in it and sort of lay down next to anywhere whilst they’re asleep without disturbing them. So yeah, that would that was that are probably top three items we’ve got, and we got, you know, the normal things like bounces, etc that helped either calm them or sue them or sit them in whilst you know you’re sat there doing other things. But yeah, baby move was brilliant. I’d recommend that to anyone.

                  Joe 30:25

                  So Rich, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out?

                  Rich 30:31

                  I’ve got probably the best one is there’s a count Instagram account, twin journey two, I’ve got which I set up specifically, you know, for the twins. And on that we’ve had, you know, actually quite a bit of contact form, you know, other people either about to have twins or I’ve got twins. Again, just sharing ideas, asking questions, you know, just chatting and supporting. So that would be the best way to get hold of myself and Claire.

                  Joe 31:00

                  Excellent. And we’ll link up to that in the show notes. for this episode. Rich, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it.

                  Rich 31:07

                  Yeah, thanks, Joe. It’s been brilliant. Really enjoyed chatting with you.

                  Joe 31:10

                  Hope enjoy the chat with Rich about his journey as a twin dad with his first crazy year with twins. If you want to connect with Rich, I’ve linked up his contact information in the show notes for this episode over at twindadpodcast.com. If you’d like to share your story like Rich Dad today on the podcast. I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me via email [email protected]. I’m also on Instagram and Twitter at @twindadjoe or facebook.com/dadsguidetotwins. And I would love to hear from you. Again today’s show is brought to you by my first book for dads called “Dad’s Guide to Twins: how to survive the twin pregnancy and prepare for your twins.” You can learn more about this book and get your own copy at twindadbook.com. Thank you so much for listening and I’ll see you next time.

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                    The post First Year Twin Milestones with Rich Banbury – Podcast 246 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

                    32 min
                  • Road Tripping with Two Year Old Twins – Podcast 245 with Chris Mason and Kyle Strickland
                    Episode 245 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes

                    Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Chris Mason and Kyle Strickland, fathers of boy/girl twins. Listen as we explore their twin parenting journey, including:

                    • Their surrogacy journey including finding an egg donor
                    • 20-week ultrasound only doctor visit able to attend
                    • Relocated to Wisconsin right before the twins’ birth
                    • C-section because the daughter was breech
                    • Flying with one week old twins
                    • Living for 3 months in an AirBnB before their house was ready
                    • Getting twins on the same schedule
                    • Relief of getting over formula
                    • Joys of when twins could hold their own bottles
                    • Road tripping with toddlers
                    • and more…

                      • Connect with Chris and Kyle on Instagram.

                      Transcript

                      This is auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

                      Joe 0:00

                      Surviving a road trip across the country with nearly two year old twin toddlers. Today on the show.

                      Intro 0:07

                      Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast, the podcast that will help you survive and thrive as a father of twins Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, the “Dad’s Guide to Twins”, Joe Rawlinson.

                      Joe 0:22

                      Hey everybody. Welcome to the 245 episode of the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. As always, you can find me on the web at twindadpodcast.com. Where you’ll find the complete transcript for this episode. And you can listen to all previous podcast episodes. Today we are continuing our father twins interview series with twin dads Chris and Kyle as they share their journey raising boy girl twins. Want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dads. It’s called “Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to thrive as a father of twins”. You can learn more about this book at raisingtwinsbook.com. Now let’s jump straight into the interview. Today, I would like to welcome to the show fathers of twins, Kyle Strickland and Chris Mason. Welcome to the show, guys.

                      Kyle 1:03

                      Thank you for having us.

                      Joe 1:04

                      How old are your twins right now? And what’s something really exciting about this age?

                      Kyle 1:08

                      They are they will be two next month, something that’s exciting about this age. You know, they’re getting into the toddler phase, I think what’s really interesting now is they’re really getting into that independent nature where they can play by themselves and seeing them interact with each other and play with them. But they aren’t as needy on to us to play with them. So we can leave them alone for a little while. And it’s just kind of cool to see them really grow into those personalities and just really kind of start to interact with each other in a lot of different ways.

                      Chris 1:40

                      Yeah. And I think with that they become good friends. And as Kyle was saying. They can take care of each other and play together. And for us. It’s limited. It’s not limited, but we don’t have to 24 seven, watch them. They can keep each other company.

                      Joe 1:54

                      Let’s go back to when you found out that you would be having twins. What was that experience? Like? And how did you know you’d be having twins come in and come into your family?

                      Kyle 2:01

                      What’s interesting with us is it wasn’t really a surprise, we actually went into the whole process expecting twins and hoping for twins, which I don’t think most people say. So we came we came about with having twins through our surrogate. So we went through our surrogacy journey. So when we transferred in two embryos on our transfer day, we did that with a conscious decision of best case scenario, we’d end up with twins worst case scenario, and that was one or nine had to go through the process again. And then really worst case scenario, one of them split. So we end up with triplets, which we were hoping against. But we actually went into the whole process of saying, Hey, we’re only going to do this journey once. So let’s try to get two kids out of it as much as possible. So we were we were very excited and elated. When we did find out and see the sonogram that two little heartbeats were there.

                      Joe 2:54

                      That’s great. Can you share a little bit about how you found a surrogate for this journey to begin,

                      Kyle 2:59

                      we went through a bunch of different agencies to go through the process. So there are a bunch of companies and groups that actually will facilitate the entire process for you, especially helping not only like LGBT couples and families, but also heterosexual couples, who would need that help as well. So we weren’t, we weren’t the agency basically here in LA. And they actually went through the process of vetting out and finding surrogates matching us up with a surrogate, who was fantastic and amazing, and really guided us through that entire process.

                      Chris 3:35

                      But as part of that, they also had to help us find egg donors, which I think was actually much longer experience than we thought it would be, is kind of just going into we didn’t actually have much experience just thinking, you know, trying to find egg donor. It’s kinda like a dating process, and that you kind of like, get all these just profiles of people and you kind of have to just pick which ones you like. And there’s just a very weird experience. And I think it took us a while to figure find, just wait our way through that.

                      Joe 4:03

                      How much interaction Did you have with the surrogate as far as the doctor visits or ultrasounds, things like that?

                      Kyle 4:09

                      At the time, we were based in New York, and we lived in Manhattan. Our surrogate was actually in Wisconsin, outside Green Bay. And so we talked fairly frequently. We texted all the time. We made it to Green Bay for the 20 week, ultrasound I believe. So that was the only like real doctor visit we were able to make it to through the process. And then as it got closer to when the twins were coming, we actually relocated to Green Bay for the last month. And so as you start to go into those like weekly doctor’s visits, we were able to make it there for the last couple of weeks.

                      Joe 4:50

                      Oh, that’s, that’s great. You’re able to relocate to be so close. So how far along did the babies make it when it was time for them to be born?

                      Chris 4:57

                      They went 38 weeks And change. I mean, at that point they were removed via scissoring section, I think we were hoping to have them be a vaginal birth. However, our daughter was breech. So we they had to go in and take her out with a C section. And I think we’re, you know, we could have kept going,

                      Kyle 5:19

                      they showed no sign of wanting to come early whatsoever. So we kind of, we kind of forced that decision upon them.

                      Chris 5:26

                      I’m sure the surrogate wanted them to come out earlier. But

                      Joe 5:30

                      yes, yeah, 38 weeks is pretty long. For twins. Yeah, they usually come before then,

                      Kyle 5:34

                      we were very fortunate that we had no issues with the pregnancy, at all, it went fairly swimmingly all the way up, up until up to delivery. And so we were because they were full, almost full term, at least at that point, like, we were able to take them home, they had no no visits to NICU, you know, medical issues, etc. Everything was actually pretty, pretty good with them.

                      Chris 5:56

                      And once they were delivered, they put them out, put them in a little cart, and we were able to bring them back to our room,

                      Joe 6:01

                      great that they were healthy and birth and ready to go. They’re born in Wisconsin, but that’s not where you were gonna end up long term. So how long were you there before you decided to go back to New York or head to California.

                      Kyle 6:11

                      So we lived in New York at the time, we knew we were going to relocate to LA when the kids were born. So we ended up leaving, we had movers come pick up all of our stuff, we packed up everything we were going to need for like the next three months in New York. And then we left New York and moved to Green Bay for about a month. So we stayed there until the kids were born. And then we put them on a flight about a week after they were born, which was the the long short is not a timeframe that we could actually put them on a plane per airline restrictions. And now we brought them straight to LA. So not only were we going through the process of having twins, we were also in the process of relocating coast, as well as building a house at the same time and which our house was not ready when we actually moved to LA. So we had to spend three months in Airbnb, before we actually got into the house. So it was definitely a very chaotic time.

                      Joe 7:07

                      It’s like, Can you make any other big life changes at once it’s in like moving across the country. New Kids. new house. Wow. So okay, let’s talk about flying with one week old babies. How was that?

                      Kyle 7:18

                      it was very stressful and nerve nerve racking. But looking back on it, it was probably the easiest flight we’ve ever had with them. We had my mother come Chris’s sister come. And so we kind of just, we’ve got six seats, two rows behind each other, we put them in the middle of each row. So we had them, you know, at least protected on both sides. But it was it was fairly fine. They slept I think the entire plane ride the here. They we did bottle feedings on the plane and takeoff and landing. I think the flight was about three hours,

                      Chris 7:54

                      yes, three hours or so

                      Kyle 7:55

                      about three hours. They were perfectly content did not do anything. I think we changed diapers in the bathrooms maybe two or three times during the flight. And then of course then when we landed, and for anyone who is in LA, you know, you had traffic, because I think we landed around 5pm in the afternoon. So we had traffic trying to get to Studio City. And of course, then they chose that time to scream the entire way home for an hour and a half in traffic. But our thought was rather better have them screaming here then on the plane for three hours.

                      Joe 8:26

                      Yeah, we found that when our kids were really little, they were easier to travel with. Yeah, cause they would just asleep, like you say, and when they get older than they they’re harder to contain on things like an airplane for sure you’re in temporary housing for a couple months. What surprised you the most about having two little ones at the same time?

                      Kyle 8:42

                      how easily we were able to get them on the same schedule. I think that was going to be our biggest concern, having two of them when they sleep on the same schedule that they’d nap the same time. Would they feed at the same time, etc. And as everyone tells you, we’re expecting twins, you know, it’s important to get them on schedule. And and they were fairly good. Would they actually have them like sleeping 12 hours, by for five months,

                      Chris 9:07

                      probably even earlier. And that probably went from three months onwards, they were sleeping. This they’ve been sleeping 12 hours a day. So we put him down an evening they’d sleep generally through the night. I mean, the only time they woke up in the middle of the night was when we were still feeding them every two hours. But once that stopped,

                      Kyle 9:23

                      a lot of people have talked about how difficult it was like to transition. The babies from like the parents room into like their nursery, especially with single times. And for us it was seamless, like they had no problems with it because they had each other. If they woke up early, they would just sit there and talk to each other and giggle and they were probably concerned so we came in and pick them up.

                      Joe 9:45

                      That’s great. So they shared a room the whole time. Even til now?

                      Kyle 9:48

                      yeah they still they still share us and we’re in their cribs are facing each other so they they can sometimes we have to go in and break them up because they’ll start poking each other and trying to wake the other one up. But Yeah, we’re gonna plan on keeping on a room for for a while.

                      Chris 10:03

                      I think our plan is to have them stay together in the same room until they asked to be put into separate rooms.

                      Joe 10:09

                      So they’re still in cribs, they have not escaped yet from the crib.

                      Kyle 10:11

                      They have not escaped from the cribs yet no, surprisingly

                      Joe 10:15

                      Our kids all had figured out how to get out of the crib by about two ish so hopefully you can get them keep them in there a little bit longer because once they get out there’s no there’s no stopping the insanity.

                      Kyle 10:25

                      Yeah, I think that’s that’s our fear. We want to keep them in those cribs and locked in there as long as possible.

                      Joe 10:30

                      We found with our first our first two boys, which were Singleton’s like they, when we move from cribs to beds, they would still stay on their bed as if it were a crib as if they were trapped, right. But then they weren’t. But our twins are not like that all as soon as they were out of the crib it was forget about it, they were all over the place. It’ll be interesting to see how how your kiddos do with that.

                      Kyle 10:48

                      Yeah, I expect to wake up in the middle of the night just have one staring at me from the side of the bed.

                      Joe 10:53

                      So what have been some of the other milestones that they’ve hit over the last almost two years now that made life a little bit easier for you guys.

                      Chris 11:00

                      At least for me, one of the biggest milestones that I enjoyed was when they stopped using formula. Just because that was a pain every single day, making the formula and mixing it all together, we wound up having a machine that did it for us like it was a little baby brezza. But just from buying the formula and making it and just putting it all together every day that was a big milestone. And that ended

                      Kyle 11:23

                      probably to that sticks out on my head is when they can hold their own bottle. That was always a major one because I remember, I took the night shifts when they were born. And so having wake up like every two, three hours and have to hold the bottles for both of them. When they’re there. Like it just dripped out very slowly. So it took like an hour to feed both them holding those bottles, so that the minute they could hold their own bottles was it was life changing. So I was a big one.

                      Chris 11:53

                      I think, as you said, one of the other ones that comes to mind, for me is probably the point in which as I was talking to them, they would comprehend what I was saying and follow my my request. So if I asked them to go give me their plate or something. Once they started doing that, that made somewhat life easier for us as well,

                      Joe 12:11

                      for sure, once they’re able to start communicating and following simple instructions. It opens up a whole new world, you mentioned taking turns for feedings at night was that the kind of the routine the whole time when they were still on the bottle.

                      Kyle 12:21

                      I think I mostly took the night shift. Because luckily Chris had Chris was off for six months, I think when they were born four months when they were born. And I was working. So like I would take the night shifts. And so he looks he could sleep and then take care of them during the day. So I think for the first like two or three months, we were waking up waking them up every two to three hours to feed them once they got up to their their birth weight. And then after that it didn’t take us long to get down to only about one feeding a night. So we just wake up probably whenever they would wake up, we would just grab a bottle and feed them. But by six months, probably not even that long. We had them sleeping through the entire night,

                      Chris 13:03

                      when they were really little. They slept in our room every single night. But then one night a week, the one parent would sleep in a separate room just so they could somewhat get a full night’s sleep and not have to hear them. He kind of just you know, I guess you’d say is that was one day a week to recharge recharge.

                      Joe 13:20

                      That’s smart. Yeah, every little bit helps in those early days when you just just need a little bit more sleep for sure. So have you seen one of your twins maybe hit milestones before the other one or they’ve been kind of on par with each other?

                      Kyle 13:33

                      No, they actually trade back and forth. Like our son Cavin, he army crawled first. Willow never army crawled, she went straight to crawling and she started actual crawling before he did. She started walking before it happened did he started about a month after she that they’ve been close. But they sometimes kind of switch back and forth to whoever reaches that first milestone.

                      Chris 13:59

                      And I think Cavin got his teeth first. But then she got eight of them all at once. They kind of go back and forth as you know, Cavin’s taller right now but Willow’s been taller.

                      Joe 14:10

                      That’s fun to see. That’s kind of a guessing game of who’s gonna do what next? You mentioned teething. Tell us about how teething may have snuck up on you and how you’re able to keep things sane.

                      Kyle 14:21

                      It snuck up on us because we actually didn’t know they were teething at some point. I think we kind of surprises we were looking you know, checking for teeth and they were automatically there. Willow had no problem with teething it did not bother her at all. She would just chew on things but it shouldn’t wake up crying or screaming or having rough nights. Cavin he couldn’t handle it as well. So there are a couple like rough nights where he would wake up in the middle of night and you know, kind of give give him some like little Tylenol to help ease the pain. The worst night for teething for us. Chris was away on a work trip I was by myself here. And normally with them, they don’t wake each other up if one like wakes up in the middle of night, doesn’t wake up the other one. except for that one incident where I was by myself and they both woke up screaming, because of teething and I had tried to get them both down and about to lose my mind. I think I called a called Chris at like 330 in the morning on the east coast and said, I need help. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I said, I just need someone to talk to. And I had been like, breathe in someone to call me down. So I could get them down and get them back to sleep. I think that was the worst night that we ever had to watch on the baby. Can I see someone else’s suffer through that pain of screaming babies at 330 in the morning? By myself? I need I need to share that pain with someone.

                      Joe 15:50

                      That’s right. That’s part of the joys of fatherhood is dealing with crazy middle of the night shenanigans. Now y’all just completed a big road trip with toddlers, which is in itself a road trip is hard enough, but then to take toddlers on a road trip is another level of skill. So let’s talk about how that trip went. And what are some things you were able to do to make it go as smoothly as possible with what I assume are two very active toddlers.

                      Kyle 16:13

                      I think I’ll start off the reason why we did the road trip to begin with. Obviously, with the pandemic, our daycare has been closed or like they’ve been out of daycare for a year. And we’re both working. And so we’re both at home with them while working and maintaining at the same time. In our grandparents are one sense in Texas, the other set is in in Pennsylvania. So they weren’t able to travel and kind of come help with us. And I think we This was our third attempt at driving to Texas to one of the grandparents house were helped. I think we tried it twice, last summer and chickened out both times of it. And now looking back at this trip, I’m actually glad we didn’t do it because we actually really kind of needed them to be at this phase where unfortunately, like, put a screen in front of them and let them watch a movie and keep them kind of quiet for a while which would not have worked last summer. And thankfully, they’re at this age now. So that’s what was really the blame. He said, Well, we’ll suffer through three days to get to Texas, just to get help for about two or three weeks and get our sanity back. The key to the success of it, it actually went fairly well. I think we spread it out over three days. So I think we maxed out at maybe 910 hours a day. In the car, we’ve stopped at the hotel, we push a little harder on the way there. And what we came to learn is that when you get the kids out of the car, especially toddlers and get them in the hotel room, they go crazy. They need to run around, they need to exert energy, which then delayed bedtime. So they want to go into bed until very late that night. And so on the way back we we cut the days a little bit shorter, so we could give them time to exert all that energy run around and get them out of bed at a normal time. The other key things that we did was we actually have an electric car. So we actually had to stop every like two to three hours to charge the car, which really actually worked out with toddlers because then that gave us opportunity for them to get out of the car. So we stretch the legs, we did bottle feedings out of the car, we let them run around with the likes to go find rocks, so she would go pick up rocks for a good 20-30 minutes. And it allowed them to just kind of stretch their legs a bit before we got them in the car for the next you know stop that we needed to get through.

                      Chris 18:39

                      One of the big things for us is without you know if we didn’t have children, it would have been a much faster trip. We probably wouldn’t have taken three days we probably could have done it in two. Certainly I think for us what we found is the secret to working for us was that we would stop every you know every 90 minutes every two every two hours just to let them get out and run around and not go entirely stroke crazy of sitting in their car seats.

                      Kyle 19:04

                      The other thing is you know we bought a couple of new toys that they had never seen before so introduce them along the ride so they got new coloring books and markers on the way there on the way back they got some talking books that they could interact with that they really enjoyed. And then you know the other thing is what they always say keep them fed so feeding them snacks as much as possible. They probably did not eat the eat the most healthy on notice three days. But you know I kept them saying and apparently there is no limit to the amount of cocoa melon episode you can watch on repeat and the car apparently. So as long as you have coco melon, they will be quiet and calm in the back of the car.

                      Joe 19:48

                      That’s great. You guys have obviously found out a good pattern method to keep keeping kids calm. We figured out some of those things when our kids were younger but some of the other ones we wish we had known as well. The making sure they get their energy out. Way too many times we make a big road trip and we get to the hotel, it’d be time for bed. And the kids would just be in the hotel room going crazy. And more than once we get a call from the front desk saying, sir, we’re getting complaints about noise in your bedroom. Great. So

                      Chris 20:20

                      One of the other good things about the pandemic? For us not for the hotels, of course, is that they aren’t there. They are there for so they’re at their smaller capacity than normal. But we, we did often say is like, I hope there’s nobody below us because these kids are just gonna be run around like crazy. And then what that’s exactly what they would do is they would sit there and just run effectively from wall to wall just repeatedly screaming. But so usually when we would check in, we would at least ask them tell them hey, if there’s any if there’s anybody coming in, don’t put them below us.

                      Kyle 20:50

                      Yeah, we definitely look look at the floor map and say, hey, go pick a room that’s on the first floor, or maybe on the second floor over a public space and not someone else’s room, just in case. So we didn’t bother anyone. We did that as much as possible. But yeah, we learned that lesson. I think after the first night,

                      Joe 21:09

                      the smart, the wise hotel manager will recognize who’s in your party and be like, okay, yeah, we’re gonna put you on the ground floor. Let’s talk about a typical day in the life of your nearly two year olds, what’s what’s the typical schedule, like as far as waking up and eating and naptimes.

                      Kyle 21:23

                      Funny enough, like when they’re in daycare, we don’t really care as much about routine during the weekend. Because you know, if we messed up, the routine daycare would take care of it Monday through Friday. We’re a little selfish that way. And then once they kind of came home, then we realized how critical a routine was. And we had to maintain that for their sanity and ours. So I think like, during the week, it’s important that we get them out of the house as much as possible. So I think what they get up around seven, seven o’clock in the morning, give them bottles in the rooms, we bring them down, let them run around for a little bit before our day starts work wise, give them breakfast, after breakfast, then we try to go and take them a walk and their strollers. So at least one of us can stay at the house and start doing work. And the other one can kind of get out of the house. I usually take them in the morning. So I take meetings on on the walk, we have learned that one of us cannot walk like let them walk by themselves. Without both of us being there, they just impossible. So we had to make sure they’re in the stroller and they know they’re going into the stroller. So we do that morning, they come back, then we have that snack and mid morning within probably another bottle. That’ll get us through, you know some more playtime, they’ll have lunch, and then we put them down for a nap a little bit after lunch about around one ish.

                      Chris 22:47

                      And then one of the children will actually tends to sleep 90 minutes or two hours, but rather mostly up to three hours in the day. Which is probably 15 of which for us is the best part of the day, because that’s the only time of the day that I can get you know, a lot of work done. I also schedule all of mine more important meetings, or at least the lender and have to do more talking and we’re paying attention during that nap time. And then once they wake up from their naps, we have a little little basket a little bit of more, a little bit more milk, and then kind of as our workday starts to drop down, we will then try to take them on a walk where they physically walk. So they can get a little bit more energy out. Then we come back we’ll have dinner, usually at this point because we don’t get to see our grandparents anymore. They call their grandparents on a video chat device pretty much every night. And then we’ll you know, depending on the day, we then take a bath or we just don’t go to bed. So at this point, they go to bed around seven and then they wake up around 630. We let them play in the room. And then 7am we repeat.

                      Joe 24:06

                      That’s a good schedule. So the one that wakes up more quickly from a nap. Do they disturb the other twin? Or is do you just go get that one who’s awake?

                      Kyle 24:17

                      It depends. It depends. We will usually if they during nap time she, she wakes up earlier, she will make a lot more noise usually than she does in the morning when she wakes up beforehand. As we tried to go get her as quickly as possible and get her out of that room. Because if if Cavin does not get his three hours of sleep, he is grumpy and definitely a pain for the rest of the day.

                      Chris 24:44

                      And once it being one of those things, like sometimes she’ll wake up after 45 minutes or an hour and then you’re like, what do I do here? You kind of have to figure it out among yourself was like, Oh, I tried to let her sit up. Stay up there for a couple more minutes and hopefully they fall back asleep Of course. problem with that is when she doesn’t do that she then starts to get a little bit more wild. And sometimes we’ll wake up her brother. And then yeah, then he’s cranky the rest of the day.

                      Kyle 25:08

                      We were joking the other day about the worst day is going to be that day where they stopped taking afternoon naps. I don’t know what we were going to do when they stopped taking those naps.

                      Joe 25:18

                      Yeah, that’s a tough transition, because you get used to having that time. And you like what you described, just to maybe do the most important things you have to do that day in that little window. And eventually, the window closes, and you have to figure out something new. Hopefully, by that time, we’ll have some more normalcy and daycare may be an option again, for your little ones.

                      Chris 25:36

                      Yeah, we, we hope. I think we often I often at least say that call details, daycares back open, because that’ll we often think it will be the greatest day of our lives.

                      Joe 25:49

                      So over the last couple years, twins can be quite taxing on you physically, emotionally, mentally. So have you been able to maintain your relationship between each other, while still being dads still being parents?

                      Kyle 26:02

                      pre pandemic, I think we had a good, nice routine. We had both of our sisters live very close to us, who loved to come over and watch the kids, which gave us a lot of opportunity to have like date nights, we, we also would like do like daytime dates, as well, like we dropped the kids off daycare and we would have the day off work for various reasons. And we could go and have lunch and sit down and go out to a movie and really just kind of enjoy our time together. I think post pandemic has not been that great, mainly because there’s also nowhere to go for us. Here we are. But while we were in Texas, we were at the grandparents house, they were able to stay there and watch the kids. So at least we got a little bit of sense of day night. It wasn’t a lot but uh, you know, stick going in the car and pick up some ice cream and sitting in a parking lot and watching Netflix for a little while just to have some kind of downtime at night.

                      Joe 26:57

                      It does require creativity. And you just got to make it work with what you have for sure. Well, gentlemen, it’s been a pleasure to get to know your story today. If listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out?

                      Kyle 27:07

                      We have an Instagram account that’s been kind of tracking our journey. And then it is called @twodadsjourney. So that’s the best way to kind of track you know, how the kids are doing and how we’re doing. We try to travel. We used to try to travel a lot with the kids and hopefully we’ll do it again in the future.

                      Joe 27:28

                      Fantastic. Well, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. We really appreciate it.

                      Kyle 27:32

                      Thanks, Joe

                      Chris 27:33

                      Thank you. Thanks for having us.

                      Joe 27:35

                      Hope you enjoyed that chat with Chris and Kyle about their adventures as twin dads. If you want to connect with them I’ve linked up their contact information in the show notes of this episode over at twindadpodcast.com if you would like to share your story, like Chris and Kyle did today on the show, I would love to hear from you. You can email me [email protected] or reach out to me on social media. On Instagram and Twitter. I am @twindadjoe, and also on facebook.com/dadsguidetotwins. Again, today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dads it’s called “Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: how to thrive as a father of twins”. This will help guide you through the first several years with your twins and overcoming the challenges thereof. You can learn more about this book at raisingtwinsbook.com thank you so much for listening and I’ll see you next time.

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                        The post Road Tripping with Two Year Old Twins – Podcast 245 with Chris Mason and Kyle Strickland appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

                        29 min
                      • From the NICU to Toddler Twin Milestones with Tony Rowe – Podcast 244

                        Episode 244 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes

                        Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Tony Rowe, father of twin girls. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

                        • When the twins came earlier than expected when water broke while dad was 45 minutes away
                        • Twins went to NICU after about 15 minutes
                        • Wife had high blood pressure
                        • Leaving one twin at the hospital when Mom and one baby go home
                        • Getting bearings with just one child
                        • Taking turns to go see the daughter in NICU
                        • Pumping for 7-8 months then formula
                        • Hiring a nanny through care.com
                        • Twins starting to walk at about 13 months
                        • Moving to a new house with infant twins
                        • and more…

                          • Connect with Tony on Twitter.

                          Transcript

                          This is auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

                          Joe 0:00

                          What’s it like when you had to leave one of your twins at the hospital in the NICU? When mom and the other twin come home? We discuss that and much more with a twin dad today.

                          Intro 0:11

                          Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast, the podcast that’ll help you survive and thrive as a father of twins Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins Joe Rawlinson.

                          Joe 0:27

                          Hey everybody, and welcome to the 244 episode of the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. As always, you can find me on the web at twindadpodcast.com. We’ll find the complete transcript for this episode, and you can listen to all previous podcast episodes. Today we are continuing our father of twins interview series with a fellow father of twins. But before we jump into that, I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by my first book for dads. It’s called Dad’s Guide to Twins, how to survive the twin pregnancy and prepare for your twins. You can learn more about this book at twindadbook.com. Once again, that’s twindadbook.com. Now let’s jump straight into the interview. Today, I’d like to welcome to the show, father of twins, Tony Rowe, welcome to the show, Tony.

                          Tony 1:11

                          Thanks for having me, Joe.

                          Joe 1:13

                          Tony, how old are your twins right now? And what’s something exciting about this age,

                          Tony 1:17

                          they are about 19 months. And I guess what’s exciting is Oh, they’re running around repeating stuff and just kind of you know, experienced experiencing stuff for the first time and you get to see that kind of those light bulb moments or those you know, those wonders and that those learning moments basically.

                          Joe 1:40

                          So what have been some recent learning moments or light bulbs that have gone off for them?

                          Tony 1:44

                          I think obviously, you know dancing and you know listening songs and animal noises and books and you know, repeating books or you know, you pointing to something in a book and then repeating it, you know, say right now it’s kind of funny, the, you know, good night moon book, classic, I remember that would be a pretty, pretty sell staple in our household when I was growing up. And the little late little old lady whispering hush and not put my finger on me lifted and say hi, should they do it too? So that’s that those stuffs just kind of funny right now to me.

                          Joe 2:21

                          Do you have twin girls? Is that right?

                          Tony 2:24

                          Yep. twin girls. Yeah.

                          Joe 2:25

                          Are they identical or not?

                          Tony 2:27

                          No. faternal. So they, yes, my mom, they’re identical. Just because grandma has a really hard time telling them apart.

                          Joe 2:35

                          Alright, let’s let’s rewind the clock back to when you found out that you were having twins. What was your family situation like at that time?

                          Tony 2:41

                          So the first to family? So we started trying and basically, October of 18 a sure you know, Fall of 18. And soon after, like, Oh, my wife kind of did in a card and are announcing a card and the first ultrasound. The tech was like, Oh, you know, they look good. You know, the pronoun base. And you know, he was like what? You know, they? And so yeah, yeah, you’re twins, you didn’t know that we’re like, no, so it was just kind of nervously laughing through the, you know, through the rest of the ultrasound and just kind of in shock.

                          Joe 3:19

                          Yeah, it is a shock when you’re not expecting to and they just kind of subtly mention it as if we’re in a big deal. fraternal twins, twin girls, did you have any complications during the pregnancy? That that made you concerned or worried?

                          Tony 3:32

                          Not actually not. At first, everything was going by great. Like, you know, first, the teens 20s weeks into the pregnancy first trimester, second trimester was just awesome. You know, not a whole lot of complications, or you know, pretty boring, actually mundane. So, that’s when I read your book, I’d read your book all throughout it. And you know, you’re kind of listening to or looking at blog stuff and you know, your social media posts. And I was like, Well, you know, model this doesn’t really apply to me too much yet. But we’re really stuck out to me, I think, you know, it was probably about 30 ish week mark, the pregnancy of my wife’s pregnancy. You posted something I forget on one of the platforms is like, you know, how long did your twins stay in your Nick you or did they, you know, did you basically what was a hospital situation week situation like, excuse me, did they come home or both come home right away. So I sort of read through that. And I was like, Oh, no, you know, that’s, you know, I heard about the ones you know, one came home first or they both stayed for a while. And so I kind of sifted through that. And I was like average doesn’t apply to me. Fast forward to the pregnancy. Or she me and then the night of about 35 weeks, my my my wife delivered through C section. And I was about I work about 45 minutes away, and I actually had my golf league on Thursday nights. Were around where I work, and I just got off the course basically when the clubhouse Insert eating. And she said there she, he or she, me, she called me. And I’m like, Oh, you know, I’m eating right now, you know, I’m about to wrap up and pay my bills and get out here. And then I got the call another call no text. And so she’s like, yeah, I think my water broke. Miko, 35 weeks, I’m like this. And I suppose you know, you know, everything was going by smoothly, it wasn’t gonna be one of those things, you know. So anyway, so I got home by 4550 minutes later, and we went in and she went into contractions, so they’re, like, you know, kind of what we do, she got shipped back. She’s probably around midnight, that night, that Thursday night on the 23rd. And soon after about probably about 45 minutes 30 and 45 minutes, I was kind of in the waiting area or, and one of the rooms and got got called in, got my bunny suit wherever we got called in. And I sat down basically and it seemed like you know, everything the room spawn, and basically, you know, Father twin girls right away. So you read these stories and kind of one of the things never happened mean everything to me, everything was called by so so smoothly that I didn’t, didn’t expect it, but glad I read through the stuff because that kind of prepared me for what came next.

                          Joe 6:25

                          It foreshadowed something that was gonna happen after birth. So there’s obviously some complications with the babies after they were born. What was the circumstance there?

                          Tony 6:33

                          They came out, we kind of did their check. And we actually had we got wheeled back into kind of the you want to call it a room, but basically where you can have skin to skin Cana interaction with the, with the twins. And so we had that for about 10 ish minutes, a little bit longer, maybe. And then they start checking vitals and in the room, and they’re like, you know, we might, you can you’re wheeled up to the room. And then we’ll see, you know, check vitals and see if they can, they can join you. Well, both of them, their vitals were where they want it to be hardware rate, their breathing rate, their Oh, two levels were not where they wanted to be. So they went to the new queue, right then in there, right about, you know, 15 minutes after we were in the recovery room with them. So, and then my wife had high blood pressures, we can had to deal with that a little bit, it wouldn’t come down. But the older one by five minutes, Olivia, she only stayed about about half a day about 11 hours in the nick queue. But Adeline, the younger one, she’s pretty to Kip Next, you know, her breathing was really sporadic or irregular. So she spent about 11 days in the NICU.

                          Joe 7:54

                          Let’s talk about your wife first. You said she had some high blood pressure problems. How did that get resolved after delivery,

                          Tony 8:02

                          it was a it was probably about through the night was kind of rough because I woke her up every 10 hours, or excuse me, not 10 hours, every couple hours. And so she was kind of, obviously, late night, late night pregnancy, through the night not getting much sleep going through. So probably about eight hours or sitting at eight or nine hours that she had the high blood pressure they had to deal with and it finally came down. So that was the main thing though, that that she went through.

                          Joe 8:36

                          So both of your girls are taken to the NICU. And after one day, I guess you had your oldest with you probably in the recovery room with your wife and then it’s probably time to be discharged from the hospital. But one of you girls, we’re gonna still be in the NICU. So what were some of your thoughts and emotions as you had to leave one of them at the hospital?

                          Tony 8:54

                          is hard for sure. Obviously. Most people have that reaction, but it was good to have that or Olivia with us and my wife get to you know, interact with one of her kids right away she and seeing him in a while after that the 10 or 11 hours. So she was kind of happy to have one in her arms and and that was kind of like well, you know, they see kind of see you out but it especially this is our first first two kids. I was like kind of what now you know, like they’re just gonna release this, you know, what, what is the manual that you know, or you know, what’s who’s gonna tell us what to do next. So, but my wife had a pretty hard time with it, you know, I’m just waiting on one of my babies is still still in the in the queue and you know, seeing her she was basically kind of, you know, it wasn’t like total under behind glass or she was kind of in an oxygen box I guess you could call it so seeing her kind of last time and saying goodbye to her for just for a little bit was was pretty rough. But like most of the people said that, you know, I’ve read on your, your social media, whatever it was just kind of nice kind of trying to get our bearings with one You know, and because we’re first time parents, so to see him introducing her to the dog to the dog, we’ve reacted to Olivia, the older one. And he did. He was great with showing us a two year old dog at the times, and he’s three now, but so that’s kind of nerve wracking. sleeping at night, you know, when we had a pack and play that had a bassinet, basically her bassinet, he could lay over top. So we’re like, Alright, you know, we’ll try that because we’ve heard some stuff that that might help or that might be the way to go, at least for you know, the very early stages of infancy she didn’t really like that Olivia didn’t so he did take her out and put her in, like basically, you know, back in the crib or in a crib, so yeah, a lot of touching go stuff. Olivia was she Adeline still hanging tough. But definitely hard to leave her.

                          Joe 10:56

                          what was the schedule like for when you would go back to visit your younger daughter who’s in the NICU, and who would take care of the one that was at home had that workout?

                          Tony 11:04

                          Yeah, so obviously, my wife is on maternity leave. So she would go in the morning. And we’d have either one of my parents or one ever heard dad come and kind of help out and they would go and visit in the morning and stay for you know, through a couple hours to me a couple hours to three hours, something like that. And and then I was a teacher so I could get some time off. But you know, it’s hard because it’s weird. They were born in May so right before the break before summer break. So you’re wrapping up stuff starting to prepare for exams for high school exam, so and I just had so much so much vacation days that like it was kind of limited a little bit but I would right after school, I would go and hang out and basically 334 o’clock until seven or eight o’clock. So we kind of wind shifts, which is good because, you know, one of us was was there not all the time but enough that time that you know, we knew what was going on and we get to spend time with her.

                          Joe 12:05

                          So describe the experience when you’re in the NICU with your daughter like what kind of interactions are able to have and what are you seeing around you?

                          Tony 12:11

                          Yeah, so obviously everybody you know you hear that the alarms going off and that’s kind of unnerving at first year that ding ding ding and for my it was mostly the oxygen level so you know at first you’re like why isn’t anybody do anything because your oxygen levels dip in for the you know the alarm like that’s you know that’s why it’s there somebody come and help but but you know you got you learn to kind of say okay, it’s not that low you almost became hollinshead expert yourself but you know you kind of learn to know the I guess the alarms and how serious and that serious it was and you know the other babies around obviously doing the exact same thing and I think there’s at least eight other kids in this part I guess you could call it that we’re at Nick you and you know he got to know some of the parents and talk to them from afar a little bit and get to know their situations and it was kind of like I guess pretty comforting experience that you know that these other parents are going through the same thing and other parents have went through the same thing and and even though nothing’s guaranteed that you know kind of trust the process and trust the nurses to get through it.

                          Joe 13:23

                          Was the health of your daughter ever really in doubt or was it just she just needed to spend some more time in the NICU

                          Tony 13:29

                          you try to get information out of the nurses and and well how much are there protecting you a little bit and how much they’re they’re giving you straight hard truth? I don’t think it was that bad but I think it was worse than I thought especially originally when they were born you know all this stuff that they were doing when there’s I couldn’t tell you what’s a normal situation is for twins in a in a C section situation but I mean there’s obviously the doctor the nurses the NCD ologists and but there seemed like more like three four nurses per kid when they were working at you know when they were first kind of cleaning them up and getting the vitals and everything and I was like well it seemed kind of normal because I didn’t know different any different but looking back on a site that actually normal or you know where they actually uh you know all hands on deck type thing and then and then in the neck queue it seemed like Adeline was was pretty touching go and pretty I would say a vulnerable they’re hanging by string but probably a little bit worse than I thought just her breathing was just you know it looks like look like her chest chest was caving in every you know, breath he took it was kind of as kind of difficult to look at but but yeah, obviously she got through it. And she’s there’s no real complications yet and now that she’s 19 months that no, no residual. I guess complications from it.

                          Joe 14:53

                          Were you able to touch her to hold her and then ACU What was your physical interaction there.

                          Tony 14:58

                          So at first not really because you Under that kind of actually unbox and you know, kind of be able to like stroke her leg a little bit because then shoes on her on her stomach. And then when they turn it to her back and you know, brought her put an oxygen tube in her nose, you they will hold her unable to feed her actually, as well through a, you know, syringe. So that was that was awesome to do and actually get to hold her. And it’s kind of progressive, I guess you could say. And then finally, after she was off oxygen, it was just basically for she was under observation for a little bit. And you know that before sheep about a day or two before she was really so it’s kind of progression of just, you know, just looking at her and not being able to do anything, and it’s kind of touching her her foot to, you know, holding her to or tough holding her and then feeding her and then just without any cords or anything to make too many cores attached.

                          Joe 15:57

                          So after about a week apart, you were able to bring everybody home. So you go from you probably just had figured out to take care of one and then all of a sudden you have to now at the house. So what was that transition, like having two to take care of

                          Tony 16:12

                          it actually, you know, after getting to the hang of one is just because my wife and I she was really prepared. You know, she’s the one that bought me your book. And you know, she had a bunch of materials. And she just she’s a lawyer, so she she’s just, you know, prepared, ultra prepared. So, you know, we had a plan, you know, that they had to wake up every three hours to you know, to feed, they defeat every three hours. So we kind of had that kind of schedule to work off of, but even beyond that she had a pretty, pretty tight schedule. So you know, we it was, you know, one handling one, one and the other one handling them another handling claim on duty or something like that. actually pretty good. We worked as a pretty good team and it kind of, you know, brought us together bonded us a little bit more beyond what I think of was just having a single 10. So yeah, it was it wasn’t too crazy anything was to that after we had both, it was just kind of regimented schedule. Obviously being a little bit flexible because kids are you have to be very flexible with kids but having a plan in place but not being panicky, I guess if you had to deviate from one

                          Joe 17:27

                          was mom breastfeeding or bottle feeding? What worked for you?

                          Tony 17:30

                          She pumped. Yeah, so she, she tried at first. It just just didn’t work out. Basically, they were not they weren’t lashing whatever. So breastfeeding, there’s gonna be bottle feeding from pumping for about a six, seven months, seven, eight months. And then we switched formula after that.

                          Joe 17:51

                          So by the time you had everybody home, you had already gone back to work, or you still had time off

                          Tony 17:56

                          to being a teacher. You know, by the time they were both back, there’s a little bit of overlap where I was still working when both Omar’s home. But then summer break happened and, and you know, I was my wife was on maternity and I was you know, on summer break. So that was a real blessing that, you know, we I was able to be around for the most part after that. And to you know, to help out and to to be around. Yeah,

                          Joe 18:22

                          that is good timing. How long did your wife have a home before she had to go back to work?

                          Tony 18:26

                          Basically, is this over two months? Or three months? Three months? I think it was for her maternity.

                          Joe 18:32

                          So when you both went back to work, oh, who was watching the babies?

                          Unknown Speaker 18:37

                          So we hired a nanny. We found her through care comm so we signed up like you know for the there’s a free you know, whatever version but we signed up through the the paid version, we set everything out the I guess the resume out or the what we were looking for out and we had about nine that we sifted through and and said that we were going to interview or wanted to interview and then from the first interview we narrowed it down to three and then we finally ended up with one and we’re really happy with with her right now. She’s She’s great. She’s local, kind of obviously been a mean education and wanted I tried to get somebody with education background and she does a pair pro in local schools and whatnot. So you know, she’s been great of doing early childhood development stuff with a girl so

                          Joe 19:33

                          so what’s the typical schedule like for the nanny

                          Tony 19:36

                          She usually gets you around nine my COVID stuff my my wife gets up a little bit earlier than I do and works and then I get up. I try to help out as much as possible, but usually they get up after I leave. Nanny comes at nine. I get home anywhere. If I have meetings after school. I usually get home around four 30 ish on average and then I prepare as much dinner as I can and then she leaves around five so and then she’ll help out on the weekends whenever you know we can but again COVID we’re not really doing what’s

                          Joe 20:11

                          That’s wonderful, you’re able to find someone that was a good fit for your girls. How much as in any cost

                          Tony 20:16

                          me when we put the job description I always have between 15 and $20 and we’re paying her $16 an hour right now and pay vacation we kind of have like a paid vacation schedule and

                          Joe 20:29

                          let’s talk about some of the milestones your girls have hit walking are they working right now?

                          Tony 20:34

                          Yeah, walking I say about 13 months early summer they started to walk they did pretty well eating I mean they are now inside solid foods and whatnot. It was just kind of just trial and error with with eating foods and they didn’t spend too much time on on baby food after the bottle and now we’re working on eating with with utensils and sometimes it works out well and sometimes it’s just catapult session so

                          Joe 21:02

                          do you have them in high chairs or a little booster seats when we’re eating

                          Tony 21:06

                          chairs right now we’re slowly transitioning reduce your seat sometimes just sit on our laps and eat our snack or whatever. We have a learning tab where I guess you call now right? So they’ll they’ll climb up into that they can climb up and climb out of it. You know help us out or you know help us cook cook bring silverware pots and pans around basically so what it is but but when they have snacks and stuff so yeah and then we have a minute and a straw a cup the safety lid and the straw so yeah, trying to you know, I guess push the boundaries are trying to try to get him to new milestones every time now

                          Joe 21:48

                          Are they still in a crib serve they figured out how to climb out

                          Tony 21:51

                          Yeah, no, they’re still in right now. So they had to move the crib away from the wall for one of them Adeline shoes like tugging on the drapes and I have to fix that now. But still in sewing cribs. They haven’t obviously get the camera out on the baby mom banded around them but I haven’t seen them try to climb out of it yet but probably you know, it’s it’s coming so we have a crib that converts into a bed that just has a rail on it but we haven’t even tested that out yet or are not at that stage yet

                          Joe 22:27

                          as we tried to keep the kids in the cribs as long as we could because then we know at least the chaos is contained. But you’re right it doesn’t last forever unfortunately.

                          Tony 22:36

                          Yeah. And and are we just kind of a side note we we move into a new house during all this craziness when they see about may so they just before year we moved into a new house just kind of expanded we were in about 1300 square foot house and we just stayed in who was a singleton but you know we see a twin we’re like all right well looked into a site to build just about a mile and a half away so but my parents nanny helped out with the move they were great with that. But the the new door handles that we have they’re not like just the knobs they’re like the handle and they reach those right now. Most of them have locks but like my mom my wife’s office that I’m in right now doesn’t have a lock So at the beginning obviously you heard him come in just because there’s no locks and stuff so you know they they learned how to open doors

                          Joe 23:31

                          what are their child proofing challenges have you had with them

                          Tony 23:34

                          dog dishes a little bit toilets to definitely toilet seats and whatnot and trying to trying to play in the toilet basically. I’m trying to think obviously steps a little bit we get you have a baby at the bottom baby eat at the top but they they’re heavy enough now that they can you know shake it it’s just kind of you know, the screws they just tighten and vise basically on the outside of the walls. We did have a little bit on the back patio. We had one of them we’re my wife now we’re getting ready for cleaning up dinner and my wife’s doing dishes and I’m kind of slipping stuff back and forth and then like come out and she’s on the chair and then boom she’s not on the chair so she busted her busted her chin was just bleeding we we just took her to the ER to for precautionary stuff but so that was as big as a scary moment and kind of one of those things where obviously it was you know we were nice that wasn’t we collected them and didn’t didn’t watch him or turned around. Yeah, but just turning back for a second and boom, she’s up there and then she’s down. So fairly bad parents obviously felt like you know, like when CPS is off, take them to the hospital. CPS is gonna get the wrong type stuff you know, you just have all those those things rushing through your mind. But no stitches. Nothing Nothing happened after. But that’s one of those things, parents turn your back and boom, something happens.

                          Joe 25:07

                          Yeah, that happens. Every parent, every kid somehow gets in trouble. You just, it’s just takes a second, right you turn around and then accident happens. It’s just part of life, especially very active toddlers. And then when you have two of them running in different directions, it’s not always easy to keep keep an eye on both of them all the time. What’s the typical day in the life like right now as far as sleep schedules and eating schedules for your girls,

                          Tony 25:31

                          sleep schedules, pretty good. I mean, so going back to I know it got your stuff you’ve suggested sleeps, training stuff, and I forget which one my wife did. But so after, you know, obviously, like I said, at the beginning, we had to feed him every three hours. And then after that, that kind of period expired, that we had a pretty regimented sleep schedule and followed up a training guide pretty well. So they’re actually pretty good sleep through night, we put them down, probably around eight o’clock at night. And then they don’t really get up till about 738 o’clock. Maybe you hear him Stewart hear him talking to each other at 730. But they’re pretty content until eight o’clock. nap schedule. Now we’re down to one nap basically right after lunch 12 1231 o’clock, and anywhere they get up between to hopefully 233 o’clock. A little beyond but and then eating schedules with no breakfast, lunch and dinner with snacks in between. So breakfast, right, if they get up, snack around 10 ish 1030 have lunch in it depends on lunch, whether they get up, or if they sleep late. So if they’re if they go down late, so let’s say you know, it’s 12 o’clock and 1230 they’ll probably have lunch, then if it’s like 1130 and they seem pretty sleepy, then it’s just the light snack and then opposite on the other side. And then when I usually when I’m cooking dinner around for 430 they just get some Cheerios out or you know something out to hold them over to dinner and about six o’clock. And then usually they’re pretty good, you know, we try to have a bottle or just some not a bottle, just a glass of milk right before they go to bed. 732. And then they go down. So we’ve been blessed with pretty, pretty, pretty consistent sleep schedules for him, which I know here that’s this horror stories of other people. But knock on wood, we haven’t experienced that yet, at least.

                          Joe 27:34

                          Yeah, once you can get him in a good schedule. That’s, that’s a lifesaver. Because you know what to expect. And you get, you’re guaranteed, like some time for just you or you and your and your spouse together. Whereas when things are kind of unpredictable, turns everything on its head, speaking of time with your wife, how have you been able to keep your relationship strong with your wife through the ups and downs and challenges of raising twins?

                          Tony 27:55

                          You know, and one of the things that you mentioned? He obviously got to, you know, yeah, yes, yeah, find ways to you know, get to get a loan to wife, we actually one of the things we did pre COVID, when everything hits that we are to get away for a destination wedding, in December of 19. My parents thankfully volunteered or we asked them to Washington, they did. So we will do that. And that was nice. And then the nanny has been really good. We’ve even for COVID we tried to get some high school, local high school babysitters to, you know, put some stuff out there and bulletins and newsletters, and nobody really, we didn’t get any bites on that. But but then adding has been pretty good. You know, let me just let us we’ll go out golfing or something like so obviously kind of a COVID approved situation or you know, outdoors and but you just out and around. So but then in the summers as well off in May, were in Michigan. So we’ll go up north and we’ll have my immediate family around to help us out and either go for walks or you’re gonna go for a boat ride or go for a swim or something. So that’s been good. So obviously, like you said, a little bit different with COVID. And but we still have been able to kind of sneak out here and there kind of, you know, try to use many date nights and as possible. And yeah, it’s it’s tough. It’s challenging. And a lot of nights is just like, you know what, like, what do you what do you want to watch or you know, you want to watch this show or you know, what, what do you want to stream now on a Friday and Saturday night, which we’re fine with, but we did definitely have had some, some opportunities to get away for sure.

                          Joe 29:46

                          That’s great. So imagine a friend of yours finds out he’s expecting twins, what would be one piece of advice that you would give to him?

                          Tony 29:53

                          Plan as much as possible. But don’t freak out. When things go awry. Look to the communities that he said. Like you You’ve talked about local twin communities, you kind of roll with it. It’s just awesome. I mean, I tell parents for especially first ones are first time parents of twins. That might seem overwhelming, but it’s basically normal. It’s what we call normal, right? We didn’t know anything before. We didn’t know parenthood before twins. So people are like, Oh my gosh, first first time, you know, you get twins right off the bat. It’s like, well, I come on stick, it’s kind of better because, you know, no different and, you know, they interact with each other, you know, if you’re, you know, Friday so now you’re you’re home and you’re playing with them or even you know, weeknight, you’re home and you’re playing with them. And they’re playing with each other. If you’re there Singleton they, you know, they just be sitting playing they it’s an instant playmate, it’s instant, you know, instant friends. So it’s, it’s, it’s awesome. And, and it’s scary. It’s daunting, but it’s awesome at the same time. And it’s, it’s unbelievable.

                          Joe 31:00

                          That it is it’s awesome to be a parent of twins for sure. Tony, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out?

                          Tony 31:09

                          I’m pretty active on Twitter. My, my Twitter handle is trowe84 for all lowercase you can reach out, send me a direct message. And I’m pretty good at checking them. So feel free to reach out with any questions or any anything you want. Excellent.

                          Joe 31:31

                          Well, Tony, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. We really appreciate it. Yeah, thanks for having me. Enjoy. Appreciate it a lot. I hope you enjoy the chat with Tony about his adventures as a father of twin girls. If you’d like to connect with Tony, or listen to any of the parts we discussed, you can find everything over at twin dad podcast com. If you would like to share your story like Tony did today on the show, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me via email Joe at dad’s guide to twins calm. Or I’m on Instagram and Twitter at twin dad Joe and also on facebook.com slash dads guide to twins. Again, today’s show is brought to you by my first book for dads called dads guide to twins. You can learn more about this book at twin dad book.com. Thank you so much for listening and I’ll see you next time.

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                            The post From the NICU to Toddler Twin Milestones with Tony Rowe – Podcast 244 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

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                          Survive the twin pregnancy and thrive as a father of twins