This episode is brought to you by MamaSocial, who connect mums across the Netherlands so you actually have a community to lean on. Brunches, mingles, networking, whatever you need — MamaSocial will be hosting something near you. Check out their website and Instagram to find your nearest one now.

Have you ever had sex because saying no felt harder than just getting it over with? In episode 3 of DAMSex, Eva sits down again with sex and intimacy counsellor Debby Poort to talk about obligation — or "duty" — sex, and what it quietly does to you, your partner, and your relationship over time.

They unpack what's really happening when one partner is having sex out of guilt rather than desire, and what it does to the partner on the receiving end of that obligation — most of whom don't actually want it that way. Debby introduces responsive desire, a concept that explains why "wanting" doesn't always come before "willing," and why that's a completely normal, healthy starting point — especially for parents whose spontaneous desire has quietly disappeared since having kids.

They also get into the orgasm gap, what a healthy "no" actually sounds like, how to respond to one without it becoming a wound, and how to keep this conversation going with your partner without it turning into an accusation.

This episode is part of the monthly DAM Sex series — sex, intimacy, and connection for international parents in the Netherlands, and honestly, everywhere else too. Brought to you this month with thanks to MamaSocial, supporting our community of mums across the Netherlands.

Find Debby Poort: yellowwood.nl
Got a question for Debby? Send it via Instagram DM or email damparentingpodcast @ gmail.com

When Aldo's daughter arrived via surrogacy in Canada, he looked around and realised he'd spent 10 years focused on becoming a dad — and forgotten to build a community for her. So he started a WhatsApp group for four or five families. Within months, it had grown to 250 members from every corner of the Netherlands.

In this episode, Aldo — founder of Queer Families NL — talks about what it actually takes to raise a child in a rainbow family here, the gap between the Netherlands' progressive reputation and the lived reality for queer parents, and the moment his two-year-old daughter came home from City Hall and said: "Mama — baby Sophia haved two papas. Kaya haved two papas."

Whether you're a queer parent, an expat family finding your footing, or someone who simply wants to raise their kids in a more open world — this one's for you.

Find Queer Families NL on Instagram: @queerfamilies.nl Tiktok @queerfamiliesNL and Aldo and Kim on @2GayDadsinNL

DAM Parenting is the podcast for international and expat parents in the Netherlands. New episodes every week.

Your child speaks the school language all year without thinking. Your language — the one you grew up in, the one your parents use, the one you hoped would just stick — has to fight for space. And then summer comes. You get on a plane. And suddenly the whole dynamic shifts.

In this episode, Eva talks to multilingualism specialist Mimi about what really happens to language development when families travel home — and why most parents underestimate how significant that window actually is.

They talk about the child who understands everything but answers in the wrong language, why love of family isn't always enough motivation, and how to have the conversations that actually help your child build a relationship with their own multilingual identity — not just manage it.

Practical, honest, and grounded in lived experience as a multilingual parent herself, Mimi brings a warmth to this topic that cuts through the anxiety and gives you something real to do.

For international families in the Netherlands navigating language, identity, and belonging.

What actually happens after a relationship ends — when you have children together, you're living in the Netherlands, and your village is far away?

Niko, a German dad, joins us this week to talk honestly about something most men never say out loud: the grief, the guilt, the fear of what separation would do to his kids — and how he came out the other side.

They talk about growing apart after years together, the question he had to ask himself when staying felt like slowly disappearing, why he believes ending a marriage and ending a family are not the same thing, and how he and his ex built a coparenting relationship they're both proud of.

This is not a conversation about divorce being easy. It's a conversation about what's possible when two parents put their children first — and take care of themselves in the process.

For any dad who is struggling and hasn't told anyone yet: this one's for you.

RESOURCES — Nationwide Netherlands

For children:

• KIES (Kinderen In Een Scheiding Situaties) — free municipality-funded support groups for children aged 4–18. Available across the Netherlands. Self-refer or via your child's school. Find your local KIES via: kiesvoorhetkind.nl or kiesamsterdam.nl (Amsterdam-specific)
• Villa Pinedo — online support platform for children and young people with divorced parents. Available in English. Buddy app, forum, and parent resources: villapinedo.nl/english

For parents:

• Mediation in the Netherlands — if you need support building a parenting plan, a registered mediator can help. Search via the Dutch Mediation Federation: mfnregister.nl

• Your gemeente — ask your local jeugdregisseur (youth coordinator) what coparenting support is available in your area. Every municipality is different.

If you became a father and suddenly felt like you couldn't keep up — with the admin, the overwhelm, the switching, the forgetting — this episode is for you.

Liam, founder of Dads Do Art and familiar Dam Parenting voice, joins Eva to talk about his late ADD diagnosis. What fatherhood revealed that decades of coping had hidden. How he navigated the Dutch healthcare system — the huisarts, the waiting lists, the private vs public route. Why he initially thought he'd fooled the professionals. What medication actually changed, and what it didn't. And the moment his mum arrived at the diagnostic session with every school report from age seven, and everything finally made sense.

This episode covers: adult ADHD and ADD diagnosis in the Netherlands, neurodiversity and fatherhood, burnout and undiagnosed attention difficulties, ADHD medication, ADHD therapy, and the very first step to take if you think this might be you.

For international parents in the Netherlands. Every Wednesday.

The Dutch housing market is fast, opaque, and genuinely unforgiving if you don't know the rules — and most of us didn't get the rulebook.

In this episode, Eva is joined by Nic, co-founder of Buy Home Helper, who built a platform specifically for internationals navigating the Dutch home buying process after his own experience of lost bids, hidden costs, surprise neighbours, and a final invoice that came out of nowhere.

We get into what the market actually looks like right now, why more internationals are being pushed into buying whether they're ready or not, and how Buy Home Helper guides you from first search to signed keys — with the tips, warnings, and stage-gate reminders your makelaar probably isn't sharing.

If you're logging into Funda morning and night, building spreadsheets, and wondering if there's an insider club you somehow missed — this one's for you.

Exclusive offer for the Dam Parenting community: Use code DAMPARENTING at buyhomehelper.com — the first 10 listeners get a full year free.

Confused about vaccinations in the Netherlands? You're not alone — it's one of the most asked questions in every expat parenting group. This week I'm joined by Youth Healthcare physician Dr. Marenne van Hengel Budde for a complete, plain-English guide to the Dutch vaccination system — from pregnancy through to age 14, and everything in between.

We cover the full Dutch National Immunisation Programme (RVP), why chickenpox isn't on the Dutch schedule, the BCG tuberculosis vaccination that surprises many international families, meningitis B, travel vaccinations, and how to check your child's vaccination record online in minutes.

IN THIS EPISODE:

The Dutch National Immunisation Programme — who runs it, how it works, and why your GP is probably not involved

Every vaccine on the schedule — from the whooping cough vaccine in pregnancy to the HPV vaccine at age 9, including the new RSV antibody (September 2025) and rotavirus vaccine (added 2024)

Chickenpox — why it's not in the Dutch programme, what to do if you want it privately, and why age 12 matters

BCG tuberculosis vaccine — who receives it, how the automatic invitation works, and what to expect from the skin reaction

Meningitis B — why it's not included in the Dutch programme and how to access it privately (and what it costs)

Travel vaccinations with babies and young children — where to go and how far in advance to plan

How to check your child's full vaccination record online at mijn.rivm.nl — in under 2 minutes

Missed a vaccination window? Here's what actually happens (it's probably not as bad as you think)

Arriving from abroad with an existing vaccination schedule — do you have to start again? No. Here's how it works.

ALL LINKS AND RESOURCES:

🔗 Dutch National Vaccination Programme (English): https://www.rivm.nl/en/dutch-vaccination-programme

🔗 Check your child's vaccination record online: https://mijn.rivm.nl

🔗 JGZ parental portal (online environment of the Youth Healthcare Centre): https://www.mijnkindgegevens.nl

🔗 DigiD (needed to log in to mijn.rivm.nl): https://www.digid.nl

🔗 KNCV TB Foundation — high-risk TB country list: https://www.kncvtbc.org

🔗 GGD — find your local office for BCG and travel vaccinations: https://www.ggdghor.nl

🔗 LCR Travel Vaccination Advice (enter destination country for required vaccines): https://www.lcr.nl

🔗 Private vaccination centres in the Netherlands (incl. chickenpox / varicella): https://www.vaccinatiecentrum.nl

🔗 RIVM contact (to request vaccination record by email or post): https://www.rivm.nl/en/contact

‘We used to be so passionate. Now we’re housemates who just happen to share a bed. I’m scared we’ve lost something we can’t get back.’

IIn this episode, sex and intimacy counsellor Debby Poort answers it.

This month on DAM SEX, Eva and Debby go into Emotionally Focused Therapy — the attachment-based model that reframes ‘we have a sex problem’ as ‘we have a connection problem.’ They talk about the pursue–withdraw cycle, what it looks like in real couples, and why both people in the cycle are doing the exact same thing: trying to get their needs met.

Plus: the A.R.E. framework (Accessible, Responsive, Engaged), what emotional safety actually feels like in the body, and why couples wait an average of seven years before getting help.

The cycle is the problem. Not the couple.

Debby Poort — Sex & Intimacy Counsellor

Yellowwood | Amsterdam & Amstelveen

Website: www.yellowwood.nl

DAM SEX is monthly. Every episode builds.

Dam Parenting — every Wednesday.

Gossip. Gossib. Godsib. The same word — and the meaning was changed on purpose.

Before gossip became something shameful, it meant godsib: God's sibling. Your circle. The women who gathered around you when you gave birth, who cooked and held and stayed.

That tradition was deliberately dismantled — and we are reclaiming it.

In this final episode of the Maternal Mental Health Month series, I sit down with artist Sanne Freijdag, whose project the Gossib Gathering is doing exactly that: bringing women together over fabric, stitching, and the kind of honest conversation that happens when your hands are busy and your guard is down.

We cover the medieval history of women's gathering spaces, how the quilting circle became women's last sanctioned meeting place, the science of why working with your hands is so healing, and what matrescence — the becoming of a mother — has to do with all of it.

And we launch the next session: three Sunday sessions in Amsterdam Oost where we'll be making a quilt together for one pregnant woman in our community. Because you can't always see your village — but you can make something that proves it exists.

You don't need experience. You just need to show up.

Book your spot HERE

📅 28 June · 5 July · 12 July

12:30–16:30

GROND, Amsterdam

A donation of €10 on the day to fund the supplies is all that is asked!

Sanne Freijdag: www.freijdag.com

Instagram @sanne.freijdag

We close Maternal Mental Health Month with something the research says matters just as much as therapy: community. Rachael Forester — therapist and new lead of MamaSocial — joins Dam Parenting to talk about why mum friends aren't optional. The science of co-regulation. Why female friendship in early motherhood is neurologically unique. And what MamaSocial — the community space for international mothers across the Netherlands — actually looks like to walk into for the first time.

If you've moved to the Netherlands, newly pregnant or just looking to fine more mom frirneds and you're doing this without your village yet — this one is for you.

MamaSocial runs events in Amsterdam, Rotterdam, Utrecht, Haarlem and more.

MamaSocial instagram page