Episode 688: Dan Neumann, Gay, in a Mixed-Orientation Marriage, Father of 2 Beautiful Girls

My friend Dan Neumann (Pediatrician, age 36, married father of 2, RM, lives in Roy Utah, no longer active in the church) joins us to share his powerful story. Dan talks about growing up in Elgin, IL, being very active in the Church, and knowing he was attracted to boys — but always expecting it would go away. Dan talks about silently suffering during these years with depression and suicidal ideation, while trying to compensate by being an overachiever.

Dan talks about how, because of his same sex attractions, his relationship with God struggled greatly. He felt that God is “not pleased with me”, that he “never could measure up”, that “God is mad at me”, and that he “never felt acceptable to God." Dan asks, “if I hate who I am, how can God love who I am?” These are sobering insights into how the things we say about queer people deeply affect how they feel about themselves as well as how they believe God must feel about them. Dan talks about the work he is doing to take away shame, to be honest and authentic, and to move forward in his life.

Dan also talks about being open about his sexual orientation while dating women, including with his wife, Anna, as they were dating. Dan talks about being very active in the Church during med school and residency in Chicago and in the first few years in his pediatric practice in Utah, but eventually deciding (about 2 years ago) to no longer be active. He was open and transparent with his Bishop who reacted positively and has a very good relationship and ongoing communication with Dan. Dan talks about supporting his wife and kids in being active in the Church, and he also accepted a calling as a ward choir pianist.

If you are feelings shame about your sexual orientation or gender identity, please listen to Dan’s story. It will help you. And if you are looking to better support queer Latter-day Saints, Dan’s story will open your heart to how we can do better. No one should feel shame for who they are. We need to learn to proactively say kind things about queer Latter-day Saints.

You are a good man Dan. Respect for concurrently navigating your sexual orientation, getting through medical school/becoming a pediatrician, and starting a family. You are one of my new heroes. Thanks for all you do to make this world a better place.

Links:

Dan’s e-mail: [email protected]

Ministering to LGBTQ Latter-day Saints Facebook Group:

facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143

Richard Ostler Book: Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints:

Deseret Book: deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints?variant_id=189035-paperback

Amazon: amazon.com/dp/1462135773

Index of Podcasts: listenlearnandlove.org/podcasts