Dare to Begin with Leslie Begin

We have talked about how your thoughts create your feelings, how to find your word on the feeling wheel, and how to name what you actually need. Today we go back to the thoughts, because the last question in the needs episode was “What do I need to think to feel what I want to feel?” This episode gives you a tool for exactly that.

Dr. Daniel Amen, a psychiatrist and neuroscientist, coined a term for the thoughts that sneak into your head and ruin your day. He calls them ANTs, Automatic Negative Thoughts. Just like ants can infest a kitchen, negative thoughts can infest your mind. Every thought you have releases a chemical in your brain, and distorted, negative thoughts leave you feeling anxious, sad, angry, or out of control.

The good news is you do not have to believe every thought that crawls through your head. In this episode I walk you through the questions Dr. Amen teaches (built on earlier work by Byron Katie) to challenge an automatic negative thought before you accept it as fact. And I share my simplified version: Is this true? Is this really true? Is this really, really true? Most ANTs cannot survive being questioned three times in a row.

I also show you how this connects the whole week together, from the feeling to the need to the thought sitting behind it. You get to hunt these thoughts down instead of letting them run your emotional life.

What we cover:

• Dr. Daniel Amen’s ANTs and why every thought releases a chemical in your brain
• How feelings, needs, and thoughts connect from the last three episodes
• The four questions for challenging a negative thought: Is it true? Can I absolutely know it is true? How do I feel when I believe this thought? Who would I be without this thought?
• Leslie’s simplified version: Is this true? Is this really true? Is this really, really true?
• How to turn a thought around and ask if the opposite might be closer to the truth
• Why questioning your thoughts is different from forcing positivity

Your tiny step from this episode:
The next time you notice a strong negative feeling, find the thought sitting right behind it. Ask it three questions. Is this true? Is this really true? Is this really, really true? Then notice how much power that thought loses.

Missed the first ones in this series? Listen to “What Are You REALLY Feeling?” and “What Do You NEED?” and grab your free feeling wheel and needs list: https://lesliebegin.myflodesk.com/feelingwheel

Also listen: “You Choose How You Feel” for more on taking every thought captive.

Next up: The Body Keeps the Score, and how unprocessed feelings and unmet needs can show up in your physical health.

Grab your free Everyday Comeback Guide + join the newsletter: lesliebegin.myflodesk.com/comeback

Connect with Leslie:
📱 Instagram: @lesliebegin
📧 Email: [email protected]
🎙️ Subscribe to Dare to Begin wherever you listen to podcasts

Keywords: Dr. Daniel Amen ANTs, automatic negative thoughts, how to stop negative thoughts, challenging negative thinking, Is this really true, thoughts and feelings, Byron Katie questions, women’s wellness podcast, health coach, everyday comeback, Leslie Begin, dare to begin, comeback mindset, healthy mindset for women, anxiety and thoughts, taking thoughts captive, renewing your mind

My friend Julie is a mental health care provider in a school. She is wise, and she was so much fun to coach because she may have taught me more than I ever taught her during our seven to ten minute weekly accountability calls.

She taught me about a comfort menu. Julie helps kids create menus of comforting activities they can choose from when they are stressed, sad, or mad, and she created one for herself to use instead of food. When she told me, I said one of my favorite coaching phrases: “Tell me more.”

In this episode I walk you through how to build your own menu, set up like a restaurant menu. Appetizers take a few minutes, like a walk to the mailbox and back or ten deep breaths. Entrees take longer, like a cup of hot tea enjoyed mindfully or a long, leisurely walk with a friend. Desserts are more decadent, like a massage, a pedicure, or a long, warm bubble bath. You decide what goes on your list.

I also share my own version. When I get worked up by stress or an emotional storm, I often do not stop to think about what I actually need. I just reach for my normal coping mechanism, which is food, and not the healthy kind. So I wrote a tiny menu on a notecard and hung it in my pantry. Now when I walk in looking for stress relief, I am greeted by a card that says “Stressed?” and a list of things to do instead.

What we cover:

• Julie’s comfort menu and how she uses it with kids and with herself
• How to structure your menu with appetizers, entrees, and desserts
• Why we reach for food before we stop to ask what we actually need
• The notecard in Leslie’s pantry and what is written on it
• How this tool builds on the feeling wheel and the human needs list

What is on Leslie’s pantry notecard:

• Drink a bottle of water
• Walk to the stop sign and back
• Text my coach with my decision
• Take ten deep breaths
• Ask myself what I REALLY need

Your tiny step from this episode:
Make your own comfort menu. Write one appetizer, one entree, and one dessert on a notecard. Hang it where you will see it in a hard moment, like your pantry, your fridge, or your nightstand.

Missed the first two in this series? Listen to “What Are You REALLY Feeling?” and “What Do You NEED?” and grab your free feeling wheel and needs list: https://lesliebegin.myflodesk.com/feelingwheel

Next up: Kill the ANTs, a tool from Dr. Daniel Amen for questioning the thoughts behind your feelings.

Grab your free Everyday Comeback Guide + join the newsletter: lesliebegin.myflodesk.com/comeback

Connect with Leslie:
📱 Instagram: @lesliebegin
📧 Email: [email protected]
🎙️ Subscribe to Dare to Begin wherever you listen to podcasts

Keywords: comfort menu, emotional eating, how to stop stress eating, coping with stress without food, self care for moms, women’s wellness podcast, health coach, everyday comeback, Leslie Begin, dare to begin, comeback mindset, healthy coping mechanisms, stress relief ideas, emotional regulation, notecard in the pantry

Free Feeling Wheel & Human Needs List: https://lesliebegin.myflodesk.com/feelingwheel

There is one question that people who feel like powerless victims, heroes, or bad guys really do not like to answer. What do you NEED?

I had to learn to ask it in my codependency recovery journey, and I had to ask myself first before I could ask anyone else. I was not good at knowing what I needed when I needed it, and it led me to burnout two separate times.

In this episode I tell you about my very first Codependents Anonymous meeting, where a woman shared that she knew she was relapsing when she used dry shampoo instead of showering three days in a row. I remember thinking that sounded completely normal. It was not. Showering is a basic human need, and I was too busy meeting needs nobody had even expressed out loud. I share the story of the day I cooked my family’s dinner at a struggling friend’s house, cleaned her home, folded her laundry, and came home to a wrecked house, no dinner, and a heart full of resentment because nobody asked what I needed.

Then we get practical. Once you know what you are feeling, the next step is naming what YOU need. Not what you need someone else to do, because you cannot control another person. When the answer to “what do I need” lives outside of you, it leads to more painful thoughts and feelings. When the need is a basic human need, you can find ways to meet it yourself.

What we cover:

• Why “what do you need?” is such a hard question for so many women
• Leslie’s first Codependents Anonymous meeting and the dry shampoo story
• The difference between the needs people express and the needs we assume they have
• The day Leslie gave away everything she had and came home with nothing left
• Why “I need my husband to stop drinking” is not a need you can act on
• How to use a list of basic human needs
• Two follow up questions: What do I need to think to feel what I want to feel? What do I need to do?

Your tiny step from this episode:
The next time you notice a hard feeling, ask yourself what you need. Skip what you want someone else to do and look at what is actually yours to meet today.

Free human needs list: https://lesliebegin.myflodesk.com/feelingwheel

Missed the first one? Listen to “What Are You REALLY Feeling?” and grab your free feeling wheel.

Next up: the Comfort Menu, a simple tool for giving yourself real options for meeting your needs.

Grab your free Everyday Comeback Guide + join the newsletter: lesliebegin.myflodesk.com/comeback

Connect with Leslie:
📱 Instagram: @lesliebegin
📧 Email: [email protected]
🎙️ Subscribe to Dare to Begin wherever you listen to podcasts

Keywords: what do I need, human needs list, codependency recovery, Codependents Anonymous, self care for moms, burnout recovery, people pleasing, women’s wellness podcast, health coach, everyday comeback, Leslie Begin, dare to begin, comeback mindset, healthy boundaries, emotional needs, basic human needs, mom burnout

When you are worked up, anxious, or standing in the pantry about to eat that second handful of chocolate chips, what are you actually feeling?

I have done a lot of therapy in my life, and the first thing our marriage coaches ever asked me was “What are you feeling?” I did not have feeling words in my vocabulary. They had me point to an emoji. Years later, my eighty year old therapist told me to buy a feeling wheel off Amazon, and it changed everything.

In this episode I walk you through how your thoughts create your feelings, how your feelings drive your actions, and why the thoughts that follow the first one are the ones that build a nest in your head and decide how you feel. If I cannot name what I am feeling, I cannot find the thought behind it. I cannot capture the lie and replace it with truth, and I cannot take every thought captive and make it obedient to Jesus.

I also show you exactly how to use a feeling wheel, starting in the center, moving outward, or starting wherever you can when the center word is hard to find. Then I give you three questions to ask once you know your word.

This journey takes grace if you have used food, alcohol, or anything else to numb, avoid, or meet your needs for a long time. Practice the tools slowly and keep moving forward.

What we cover:

• How thoughts create feelings, feelings create actions, and actions create results
• Why the thoughts that follow the first thought are the ones that matter
• Leslie’s story of pointing at emojis in her first marriage coaching session
• How to use a feeling wheel to find your word
• Three questions to ask once you know what you are feeling
• A preview of the next episode on human needs

Your three questions after you find your word:

1. What thoughts have I been thinking that led me to feel this way?
2. What would I rather feel instead? (Use the wheel again to find that word.)
3. What do I need right now?

Your tiny step from this episode:
Print a feeling wheel and keep it somewhere close. The next time you feel worked up, pause before you reach for the food and find your word on the wheel first.

Free feeling wheel: https://lesliebegin.myflodesk.com/feelingwheel

Next up: the human needs list, and what to do once you know what you need.

Grab your free Everyday Comeback Guide + join the newsletter: lesliebegin.myflodesk.com/comeback

Connect with Leslie:
📱 Instagram: @lesliebegin
📧 Email: [email protected]
🎙️ Subscribe to Dare to Begin wherever you listen to podcasts

Keywords: feeling wheel, how to identify your emotions, emotional eating, thoughts feelings actions, women’s wellness podcast, health coach, everyday comeback, healthy mindset for women, Leslie Begin, dare to begin, comeback mindset, naming your emotions, emotional awareness, taking thoughts captive, coping with stress without food

We talked about comparing yourself to other people last time. Today I want to give you another way to think about the same phrase. You vs. you.

The past can educate you. The future can inspire and compel you. But you are only actually in this game today. The decisions you make today are what lead you to that future version of yourself, and those same decisions are informed by the former version of you.

There is real research behind this. Psychologist Hal Hershfield has spent years studying something called future self-continuity — the extent to which you feel genuinely connected to your future self, like she is actually you and not a distant stranger. His research found that people who feel a strong sense of connection to their future self make better long-term decisions, report better health outcomes, and are less likely to choose a small immediate reward over a bigger future one. The more real your future self feels, the better your choices become today.

In this episode I walk through how to let your future self compel you forward and let your former self coach you from behind, all while remembering you only get to actually play the game today.

What we cover:

• Hal Hershfield's research on future self-continuity and why it predicts better health outcomes
• Why your future self is not a fantasy but a real compelling force in your decisions today
• Why your former self is a coach, not a source of shame
• The one question to ask before every decision that honors both versions of you
  

Your tiny step from this episode:
Ask yourself this question before your next decision. What would future me thank me for right now? And what has former me already learned that applies to this exact moment?

Grab your free Everyday Comeback Guide + join the newsletter: lesliebegin.myflodesk.com/comeback

Connect with Leslie:
📱 Instagram: @lesliebegin
📧 Email: [email protected]
🎙️ Subscribe to Dare to Begin wherever you listen to podcasts

Keywords: future self continuity, Hal Hershfield research, long term decision making, women's wellness podcast, health coach, everyday comeback, healthy mindset for women, Leslie Begin, dare to begin, comeback mindset, delayed gratification, self improvement psychology, future self visualization

If you compare your journey to someone else's, it will always, ALWAYS get you off track. In one direction or the other.

In this episode I break down the real psychology behind comparison. Leon Festinger's Social Comparison Theory from 1954 shows we evaluate our own worth by comparing ourselves upward, to people doing better, or downward, to people doing worse. And research specifically on weight loss found that women with a stronger tendency toward upward comparison actually had LESS successful outcomes overall.

I walk through both directions of comparison and why each one sabotages you differently. Comparing up can spiral into a "whatever, I'll just eat the cookies" mentality when you're in a stuck mindset.

Comparing down gives you permission to stay stagnant because at least you're doing better than someone else. Either direction pulls your eyes off your own lane and onto someone else's journey entirely.

What we cover:

• Leon Festinger's Social Comparison Theory and what it reveals about self worth
• The research connecting upward comparison to less successful weight loss outcomes
• Why comparing up can either inspire you or completely derail you depending on your mindset
• Why comparing down feels like relief but actually keeps you stuck
• How to keep your eyes on your own lane and your own progress

Your tiny step from this episode:
The next time you catch yourself comparing up or comparing down, say this out loud. This is me versus me. And bring your eyes back to your own lane.

Grab your free Everyday Comeback Guide + join the newsletter: lesliebegin.myflodesk.com/comeback

Connect with Leslie:
📱 Instagram: @lesliebegin
📧 Email: [email protected]
🎙️ Subscribe to Dare to Begin wherever you listen to podcasts

Keywords: social comparison theory, comparing yourself to others, women's wellness podcast, health coach, everyday comeback, upward and downward comparison, healthy mindset for women, Leslie Begin, dare to begin, comeback mindset, weight loss motivation, Leon Festinger research, comparison and self esteem

Hear me out today, mama. Criticizing your body hurts you. But it also hurts your daughter. Curse your body, and she will look for flaws in her own.

In this episode I share the story of a client whose parents were morbidly obese, and how her fear of becoming like them pushed her to the opposite extreme — overexercising, overthinking every health decision, and sacrificing friendships in the process. And I talk about the equally real danger on the other side — the mom who is constantly critical of her body out loud, in front of her kids, without realizing her daughter is absorbing every word as her own future inner voice.

The daughter who hears her mom criticize her own body will do as you do, not as you say. Your outer voice becomes her inner voice. So this episode is a call to a both and. You have a responsibility to learn to love your body WHILE also being willing to work on learning and growing healthier.

What we cover:

• Why a mom's self talk about her own body becomes her daughter's internal script
• Two different extremes that can result from a mom's unresolved body image
• Why loving your body and working to improve your health are not opposites
• A pointer back to Leslie's gratitude episode as a practical starting place

Your tiny step from this episode:
The next time you catch a critical thought about your body forming, especially out loud, in front of your kids, pause. Choose a different sentence. She is always listening, even when you think she isn't.

Grab your free Everyday Comeback Guide + join the newsletter: lesliebegin.myflodesk.com/comeback

Connect with Leslie:
📱 Instagram: @lesliebegin
📧 Email: [email protected]
🎙️ Subscribe to Dare to Begin wherever you listen to podcasts

Keywords: body image and daughters, self talk and motherhood, women's wellness podcast, health coach, everyday comeback, breaking generational body shame, healthy mindset for women, Leslie Begin, dare to begin, comeback mindset, modeling self love, raising confident daughters

You are more powerful than you realize. If you can talk yourself into eating something off your plan, compromising on your goals... you can talk yourself out of it too. You are just that powerful.

That expert negotiator in your head is so good at making the case for "just this once." It's a special occasion. You've had a hard day. You'll get back on track tomorrow. In this episode I show you that the exact same negotiating skill can work in the other direction — if you just give it the chance.

I walk through a real weekend scenario — a plan packed with healthy, protein-forward snacks, and the rationalization that creeps in and talks you right past it. And I show you how pausing for even thirty seconds lets that same brilliant brain argue FOR your goals instead of against them.

What we cover:

• Why the same mental skill that talks you into a compromise can talk you out of one
• A real weekend scenario of rationalization in action
• How to pause and let your inner negotiator argue the opposite case
• Why this is a skill you already have — you just need to aim it differently
  

Your tiny step from this episode:
The next time you feel yourself being talked into something off your plan, pause and ask your inner negotiator to argue the opposite case. Let it talk you back into your goals.

Grab your free Everyday Comeback Guide + join the newsletter: lesliebegin.myflodesk.com/comeback

Connect with Leslie:
📱 Instagram: @lesliebegin
📧 Email: [email protected]
🎙️ Subscribe to Dare to Begin wherever you listen to podcasts

Keywords: rationalizing bad food choices, mindset for weight loss, women's wellness podcast, health coach, everyday comeback, self talk and willpower, healthy mindset for women, Leslie Begin, dare to begin, comeback mindset, weekend sabotage, negotiating with yourself, staying on track at parties

I cannot coach what I cannot see. Often when I am coaching someone and they are not getting results, I have to make the invisible visible. And one of the best ways to do that is by asking one simple question. Pretend you are a high performance coach looking at your own life. What would you say?

Because here is the truth. I am not in your real life. I don't see the moments you are standing in the pantry when you should be out for a walk. I don't know the nights you are lying in bed scrolling when you should be asleep. I don't know the times you should be connecting in community and instead you are isolating.

But you know. You know the nooks and crannies of your life, the stressors, what you are REALLY eating during the day, which scroll holes you disappear into, and exactly what you choose to avoid.

In this episode I walk you through the exercise I use with clients to make their own blind spots visible — and why you are the only one who can actually coach yourself through what you already know.

What we cover:

• Why Leslie says "I cannot coach what I cannot see"
• The exercise of imagining yourself as your own high performance coach
• Why you already have all the information you need to answer this
• What to ask yourself to stop and what to ask yourself to start
• Why you are the hero of your own story, and a coach is just the guide

Your tiny step from this episode:
Sit down for five minutes. Write down what you would tell yourself to stop doing, and what you would tell yourself to start doing. Then go do it.

Grab your free Everyday Comeback Guide + join the newsletter: lesliebegin.myflodesk.com/comeback

Connect with Leslie:
📱 Instagram: @lesliebegin
📧 Email: [email protected]
🎙️ Subscribe to Dare to Begin wherever you listen to podcasts

Keywords: self coaching exercise, blind spots in health journey, women's wellness podcast, health coach, everyday comeback, healthy mindset for women, Leslie Begin, dare to begin, comeback mindset, accountability tools, coaching yourself, honest self reflection

I was interviewing a high performance coach. And as the interview went on, he started asking me questions, and I was giving him all the right answers. I knew what to do. I knew exactly how to get to the goals I had set. I was exhausted with the lack of progress, but I was feeling pretty confident. Like... I've got this. I probably don't even need the coach.

Then he asked me about Brendon Burchard's framework on the three kinds of lives people live — caged, comfortable, and charged. And he asked me which one I was living in. I realized, in a lot of areas of my life, I felt caged. Trapped by expectations. Tethered to where I was. Imprisoned by fear even though I knew exactly what to do to get free.

There was a pause. And he said something I have never forgotten. "Common knowledge is not always common practice. That is why you need a coach." I paused. And then I purchased the full program.

In this episode I unpack what that line taught me about the gap between knowing and doing — and why that gap is exactly where a coach lives.

What we cover:

• The interview that revealed Leslie was living caged in several areas of her life
• The line that made her realize knowledge alone was not enough
• The real difference between knowledge and practice
• Why coaches exist to close the gap between what you know and what you actually do
• How to get out of your own head and move knowledge into action
  

Your tiny step from this episode:
Ask yourself honestly — am I caged, comfortable, or charged right now? And if you already know exactly what to do but you are not doing it... that is your sign you might need more than knowledge. You might need a coach.

Grab your free Everyday Comeback Guide + join the newsletter: lesliebegin.myflodesk.com/comeback

Connect with Leslie:
📱 Instagram: @lesliebegin
📧 Email: [email protected]
🎙️ Subscribe to Dare to Begin wherever you listen to podcasts

Keywords: why you need a coach, knowledge vs action, Brendon Burchard caged comfortable charged, women's wellness podcast, health coach, everyday comeback, healthy mindset for women, Leslie Begin, dare to begin, comeback mindset, accountability coaching, closing the knowledge gap