Date Better

In keeping with my theme of getting back to basics, this week I want to talk about dating and how to date better. Because, how you feel about, define, and go about dating has a huge impact on how much you enjoy single life and how well you thrive as a single person.

You Should Date

First off, if you have read this blog for any amount of time, you know I believe that if you are single you should probably date. You also know that when I say date I mean spending quality, non-romantic time on purpose with individuals of the opposite sex. And, you know I do not mean getting into some long drawn out, marriage lite dating relationship.

But, you should date. If you ever want to get married you should go out enough to feel confident around people of the opposite sex, to not feel desperate to have the affections of any certain person, and to determine what you really want in a spouse.

If you have no desire to get married, I still think it is healthy to hang out with people of the opposite sex from time to time. It is beneficial for the same reasons that it is healthy to have friends of different ethnicities and from different cultures. Interacting with people with different life experiences and points of view than your own helps to expand your thinking and prevents your worldview from becoming too narrow and insular.

What Is a Date?

I covered this more in-depth in my post Dating vs Dating. When I say you should date, I simply mean you should spend quality, fun, non-romantic time with people of the opposite sex in a context where you can get to know each other better.

In other words, if you ask a specific person to meet you at a specific place and time for the purpose of enjoying each other’s company and getting to know each other, to me, it is a date. For best results, do this often with a wide variety of people.

What’s the Point?

Here is where most people get it wrong. The point of a date is not to “win” the affections of someone. The point is not to see how romantic you can be and how far you can get. Going on a date is not about gratifying your physical urges for sex or affection.

The kind of dating I am writing about is to have a little fun, enjoy each other’s company, learn about yourself and them, and if you are seeking to get married, see if there is any mutual interest.

Who Should I Date?

Who you should date depends on what you value. See my post about making a list. Know what values and character traits you value in a person. Know what passions and beliefs are important to you. Yes, there should be some physical attraction. But, keep that in its proper context. Place the most value on what is the most important.

Give some thought to these statements and come up with five to ten things.

For your must-have list:

* I could never marry someone who isn’t… (respectful, kind, a good cook, …)

* I could never marry someone who doesn’t …  (attend church regularly, watch football, dress well, …)

For you deal breakers list:

* I could never marry someone who … (smokes, uses foul language, hates cats, gets angry easily, …)

Get past the shallow things and find around ten things for each list that really matter in life in and marriage. I know we are talking about just a date, not marriage, but think similar criteria should apply.

What Do We Do?

I suggest you spend a little time pre-dating, getting to know a little about the person through interacting with them in a casual or group settings first. That way you can get a feel for if you have any common interests. If there are certain things you both enjoy,