This may sound odd, but for a moment think about your personal relationships like a car. You depend on your car though you generally don’t think much about it. When you get in it you are ready to go, and if it doesn’t start or it breaks down, it creates issues. A lack of attention and maintenance will inevitably bring trouble. Proper maintenance is key to keep it running smoothly and to keeping you happy. Well, our personal relationships are immeasurably more important than our car, so we need to keep them in good working order as well. Because there are so many kinds of personal relationships, let’s start by looking at marriage. What are some basic principles to keep our Christian marriage going and growing?

When we think about what a healthy marriage looks like, most of us think about being happy. We think about quality time, doing things for one another, encouraging each other, giving to each other and intimacy. Images of things like walking together along a deserted beach or being surprised with a gift or gesture, or going on an adventure or a having quiet dinner for two give us a sense of a powerful marriage connection. All of these things are awesome, and we’d all love to be there! But how do we do it? How do we build our marriages up to this kind of sharing and security?

Even thinking about all of these sharing experiences can be stressful – nevermind actually doing them. The unfortunate equation many of us find even our Christian marriage trapped by looks something like this: Work stress plus responsibility, multiplied by financial challenges, plus social media, multiplied by digital entertainment equals no time and little desire left to intentionally strengthen our marriages! What we would love to have is seemingly inaccessible as we face the tangle and drain of simply living everyday life.

The starting point to untangle the confusing mess of life’s expectations begins with doing one thing and understanding two principles. The one thing is to self-assess. Decide that the responsibility for making your marriage better lands squarely on your shoulders. Now, you might respond that marriage is by definition give and take, contributions from both sides! You could not be more correct! However, the process of positive change always begins with taking personal responsibility to take the first small steps, regardless of what anybody else does. Simple…but not easy.

Check out our February 13, 2023 podcast, “How Strong Are My Relationships? (Part I) for more. We expand on this self-assessing process by homing in on what to focus on, which brings us to our two principles: LOVE and RESPECT. The key here is understanding that the kind of love we are talking about is the kind Jesus showed us. It is a love that graciously, selflessly gives. And respect, well, that’s much bigger than we might think as well. These are just our starting points. Join us for the rest of the story!

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When it comes to understanding your marriage relationship, there may not be a more revealing question to ask than, “What do I say when I talk to my spouse?” We make a life-altering decision to marry, and the passion behind it is clear and solid. We see it as a “forever” passion. Time passes and this passionate decision can become a commonplace part of life, one we don’t give much thought to. Then kind of like putting on your most comfortable pair of shoes or sitting in your favorite chair, your marriage becomes just another element of life you absentmindedly rely on to provide you comfort. As you talk to your spouse, your words perhaps subtly at first begin to reflect reaffirming your own comfort instead of being interested in their experience. So sad and too often, so true!

We communicate with our spouses through our words, actions, innuendo – and what we choose to focus on as important. These communications reveal the condition of OUR OWN HEARTS. Just by looking at these simple things, how would we say we’re doing with our spousal dialogue? Consider that somewhere around half of all marriages end in divorce and countless others are unhappy.

With all of this in mind, it is evident that strong and healthy spousal communication is the exception and not the rule.

Why is this the case? Living in the age of technology, the short (and I might add depressing) answer is this. There is too much else that we allow to demand our attention. We are so busy with working, challenges, social media, kids, friends, personal interests, politics, causes and distractions that we lose sight of our spouse. Because there is so much to see, hear and respond to we spend far less time, energy and emotional investment on the most important person in our lives. Why? Because they are an assumed part of our life that can easily be handled on autopilot. When we do finally try and communicate, it is often done to express dissatisfaction or anger. Now that is a lose-lose approach!

Check out our February 14, 2022 podcast, “What Do I Say When I Talk to My Spouse?” for more. We look at several scriptural principles and examples to give us a solid foundation from which to communicate. Two kinds of love can drive healthy relationships, so we talk about how to keep them in focus. We delve into the “why” and “how” of our conversations and where they so easily get sidetracked. We examine the most important thing that needs to be conveyed to our spouse. Here’s a hint:  It is NOT telling them how we feel or why we might be mad. THE most important thing has little to do with us at all. A happy relationship is fundamentally dependent on strong communication. Join us and gather some of the tools necessary to build that foundation!

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Ancient biblical history paints a very specific picture of the world regarding morals and ethics. In the days of the Jewish Law, there were unmistakable lines that anyone of Jewish descent knew they simply should not cross. Just as lying, stealing and murder were lines not to cross, committing adultery was one as well. Fast forward to our world today, and what do we see? Adultery not only sounds old-fashioned, it is common and even sometimes encouraged. There are websites that exist for the purpose of making it easy to find someone to have an affair with! As Christians, how should we look at all of this? Should we determine that the Law is outdated and adjust to modern-day thinking? Should we focus on the Law and what Jesus taught and condemn everyone else? Is there a middle ground?

It is a simple, straightforward statement that leaves no ambiguity. According to the Old Testament Jewish Law, committing adultery was punishable by death. This may seem harsh to us here in the 21st century. There are several things we overlook when we quickly judge ancient laws and practices, especially those of biblical origin. First, life back then was much more basic and survival was tenuous. You became an adult and had a family. You dedicated yourself to your role in providing for that family because life and death risks surrounded you. Things like adultery were an affront to the basic survival of your family and community and were simply not tolerated. There was too much at stake!

Even though we focus on the severe destruction physical adultery brings, there is another kind of adultery mentioned in the Bible – spiritual adultery. In the Old Testament, it had to do with Israel’s infidelity toward God. God spoke through the prophets about the betrayal Israel engaged in by “playing the harlot.” They worshipped and followed pagan gods while pretending to honor Him. How was this adultery? It was all about violating a sacred commitment, just like the act of physical adultery blatantly violates the sacred covenant of marriage. In both cases, there is a physical walking away from the one to whom you are bound and attaching yourself to another.

Check out our March 15, 2021 podcast, “Is Adultery Really That Wrong?” for so much more. We delve into God’s amazing justice and mercy in dealing with adulterous Israel. We open up Jesus’ words on this Commandment and find that he challenges us much more deeply than the Old Testament Commandment. Jesus speaks to the very heart of what causes adultery and raises the bar for every Christian to live up to.  His words are both inspiring and daunting! We also uncover what spiritual adultery looks like in the New Testament – and it isn’t pretty.  It is disturbing that the symptoms of such infidelity to God are very much present in our modern-day Christianity. Join us as we learn some of the most important faithfulness lessons of our time! Study the rest of the Commandments with us to see how they are still valid for Christians today.

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…And they lived happily ever after! This is such a promising and bliss-filled ending that is sought after and hoped for by so many. Who wouldn’t want the prospect of happiness and contentment as a recipe for their married life in all their coming days? The truth of the matter is that at the rate present-day society is going, this dream – even for a Christian marriage – is a mere fantasy for most married couples. I know this sounds harsh, but the reality is, there are two things about marriage that most of us do not understand. First and foremost, it is not a love-driven relationship, but a commitment-driven relationship that is fed by love. Secondly, it is a lot of work. Though it sounds hard, even daunting, it is profoundly worth the effort! So, how hard should we be willing to keep this commitment? How unbreakable and important are the “’til death do us part” vows we took?

Some are between God and humanity, or between God and individuals. Others are between nations, and others are between families or individuals.  These promises can vary in sacredness according to how the parties make them. Rest assured, whenever God makes a promise, it is more solemn than anything we can imagine. So, what about the promises we make to one another?

The word comes from an ancient ritual having to do with walking between the two halves of a slaughtered animal to seal the agreement.  Afterwards, the animal was eaten in a feast symbolizing the unity of the agreement. Marriage is not only called a covenant in Scripture, it is called a “covenant of God.” This means that God was invited to witness the making of the agreement. It is written in Genesis regarding the union of Adam and Eve that the man and woman became one flesh. Jesus later adds that what God has joined together, let no man separate.

These details make it clear that the Bible defines marriage as the highest and most sacred promise two human beings can make.  Sound a bit scary? It should! What are we supposed to do now that we know this? If we are struggling with marriage, what does God expect? What if we have done sinful things to dismantle our marriage, is there a specific path we should take? What do we do if we have lost our spouse? How do we handle the sacredness of what we had?

Check out our February 15, 2021 podcast, “How Vital Are My Vows of Marriage?” for more on Christian marriage. We address all these questions with scriptural principles. We also review the sacredness of several of God’s own promises to model the kind of focus we should have with our covenants. Finally, we look into the depths of what we can do to keep any marriage strong and growing.  Marriage is no small task. It challenges you, presses you and changes you. It also can bless you in ways you never thought possible. Find out how!

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‘Til death do us part! Not all that long ago those words (which were in some way included in every marriage ceremony) really meant something. They symbolized the depth of a promise made between a man and a woman to stand beside one another through any and all circumstances. This phrase might not be in today’s typical marriage ceremony , but we know more than half of all marriages fail. Why? What are the missing, overlooked or unknown ingredients that make a strong marriage? What should we be saying, doing or thinking to continually build a relationship that will last and even grow in meaningful ways over a lifetime?

Aside from being the refrain from a classic Beatles song, “All you need is love” is the answer that seems to get the most traction when asked about making marriage last.  While this “love” answer tends to lean too much on warm and fuzzy feelings, it also far too general.  Talk about “love” in a marriage and you usually end up talking about “being in love.”  This in turn often brings us to an emotionally-satisfying vision of star-crossed lovers gazing into one another’s eyes.  Don’t get me wrong.  Romantic love is a deeply powerful part of the relationship. But it is NOT a true foundation for a lifelong “happily ever after.”

The fact is, there are four different kinds of love that drive any successful marriage.  These four brands of attachment are clearly described in the Bible.  When we examine the ways they are applied in Scripture, we see a pattern emerge.  The pattern shows us a formidable marriage success formula.

The first and perhaps most foundational brand of love is “brotherly love.”  At first glance this does not seem to fit.  After all, anyone can have brotherly love in all kinds of circumstances.  Since marriage is special, it seems like it should be far beyond that.  Stop and think for a moment.  Why is it that about half of marriages fail and an even higher percentage of romantic relationships fizzle?  I would submit that one major reason for this massive level of unhappy results is that the two involved were not really friends – good friends.  The biblical word for this brotherly love  has a meaning of “fraternal affection.” This implies a deep, loyal, give and take relationship. It is a word that expresses a strongly interactive friendship and not merely an association.

Check out our February 11, 2019 podcast, “What Does a Marriage Need to Be Strong?” for the better understanding.  We lay out the importance of real friendship as a place to build (or rebuild) a marriage.  Piece by piece we add in the other types of love.  We review how the Bible defines each and explains their place in our lives.  The final result is a practical and easy-to-understand process for a stronger and more God-honoring marriage.  Who wouldn’t want that?

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“When I grow up I want to get married and be a mom or be a dad!” For many of us there are simple dreams in life that germinate in childhood. As we grow they blossom into clear and exciting expectations. This expectation of growing up and getting married is so basic and so obvious that we rarely entertain the thought of it NOT happening. What if as you grow through life and come to the time when this simple and expected event is supposed to happen…and it doesn’t? What if you spend your life being single?

There are those who say that remaining unmarried can be amazing and awesome, and that’s great. It can also be a turbulent, discouraging and derailing experience that overshadows and overwhelms adulthood. How do single Christians find their way to not only coping with this “single” challenge but living their lives with contentment, clarity and conviction?

Living a Christian life with peace and fulfillment in our current morally-corrupt world is a serious challenge. Add the dimension of being single and that challenge graduates to a critical level for most. Anywhere and everywhere you look it is ALL about relationships, all about attractiveness and all about sex. The message is abundant and clear – if you are not successfully attractive – if you are not commanding the attention necessary to fulfill your desires – then you are a failure. As a Christian single these distractions are constant, severe and even debilitating.

Prayer is often the first place we would go to combat this challenge. The problem is, what do you pray for? Do you ask God to prepare you for a solid relationship? Do you ask God to give you that longed-for spouse? These are good, morally sound and biblically based desires. Shouldn’t you expect God to fulfill them? Let’s answer this question with an example.

The Apostle Paul was an energetic and powerful leader in the early church. Though he lived his life in overdrive he also suffered from what he called a “thorn in the flesh.” What this thorn was is not relevant – the fact is he truly believed that he could serve God BETTER if he didn’t have it – so he prayed for its removal. This was a good desire and it fit within the most basic premise of Christianity…selflessness in following Jesus. God answered Paul’s prayer through Jesus and the answer was no. Why?

There are many good and acceptable opportunities and conditions that we as Christians CAN be blessed with. However, those things are not necessarily what God wants to bless us with in His personal plan for us. Just ask the Apostle Paul! Check out our March 26, 2018 podcast, “Christian and Single – What Does Life Look Like?” and walk with us as we examine the five key areas of a single’s life. Being a single Christian is not the end of the world. On the contrary it can be the beginning of a thrilling and opportunity-laden life experience. Finding the pathway to this fulfillment can be tricky but once found it will bring great peace!

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To be a Christian is perhaps the most amazing privilege in the history of mankind. After all, you are called to walk in the footsteps of the master, to sacrifice your will, your time and your energy for one short lifetime. In exchange, you will be given an eternity of godly power and wisdom and be used of God Himself to rehabilitate the world from sin and rule along with our Lord Jesus in righteousness! Such privilege certainly comes with guidelines and requirements – well, what are they? How specifically does God through Jesus guide our relationships? How important is the biblical phrase being “equally yoked” or “bound together” as it pertains to our committed relationships, especially marriage?

There are many different brands of Christianity today – some that focus primarily on the feeling of the freedom of the teachings of Jesus and the heart relationships, some that focus primarily on the literal and often harshly interpreted words of Jesus and then there are the many variations in between. What we will talk about today does not fit the extremes, but we believe it fits the intention of the heart of Jesus.

This special podcast discusses several “Be Ye Separate” lessons about choice and taking a different path in life by being focused on our primary allegiances. We talk about keeping our hearts with diligence while interacting with the world and keeping rationalizations to a minimum, especially when the heart wants what the heart wants when faced with not being equally yoked.

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