I’m calling it. I’m officially on a Not Being Great About Things break.

Here’s the illustration of where I’m at, headwise, at work right now:

I forgot I’m on vacation next week. Like, somebody tried to book a meeting with me, and couldn’t, and asked “what gives?”. I looked at my calendar and, oh snap, I’m on vacation next week.

I forgot. About a week of vacation.

So for the rest of this week — today and tomorrow, really — I’m backing off the diligence a bit. I’m co-running this conference, keeping on top of a few major projects, putting out fires.

So I’m not going to go ape, but I am going to be a little less self-critical for the next two days. Dial back the “everything must improve” jazz and get through the next 72 hours without going crazy.

Is this optimal behaviour? Nope. Will I feel bad about it next week? Maybe. But I’m rescheduling a chunk of my vacation because I have commitments that I can’t possibly get done by Friday, and I’m on high alert for the conference. So I’m treating myself to a few days of being lax.

And I know I need to reach a state where I don’t think of indulgence as my ‘default’ state. But I’m not there yet, and saying ‘suck it’ to Better Me is a small gesture of empowerment that I could really use right now.

I recognize that this is a 360-degree pivot from yesterday, when I was “arrgh! I’m slipping! Need to get back on it!” That’s what you get with this project. I am a land of contrasts. And this contrast needs to just take it easy where it can for now.