Today's show is called, "Dad's gotta poop." It could also be called, for parents of younger kids, "Daddy's gotta doody."

In fact, rather than write a whole recap of what Scott and Dan discuss, here is an AMAZING list of actual quotes from this episode that all could have been the title.

• She’s kicking your ass out.
• I’ll sneeze my ass off so I don’t have to sit here alone.
• You don’t have a home to come back to.
• You can live with me, your dad is awful.
• Then I make out with homeless women, or some such.
• Single for the first time in 20 years and terrified.
• Dad’s gotta poop. 
• Or for younger kids, daddy’s gotta doody.
• 40 percent of all swipe rights are done on a toilet. 
• Every important decision in my life happens on the toilet.
• You can’t swipe and wipe with the same hand. THAT is life advice.
• I’m not doing this to sow my oats. My oats have been sown. I don’t have any oats left. 
• Not just on dates, but being present is life is paramount. It’s critical. 
• If you got rid of me you’d have nothing. 
• Well, to be real, everybody loves blanket forts.
• Our new best writer is a 10 year old.
• Why is everything I say a competition with you? 
• God, you’re a Psycho. 
• You are literally like a 10 year old.
• Guess what…simple sucks.
• Enjoy your sits on the toilet, buddy.
• I might actually go head first into the toilet.

AND HERE ARE A FEW LONGER QUOTES.

• It’s so great to involve you kids in things that you care about, especially when they are better than you at all of those things. 

• I’m trying to stay focused. It’s not so easy, even when you’re trying to stay present and focused. Whether its’ with your kid, or your kid brother, it’s not always easy to stay focused. 

• I feel like I might have been born in the wrong decade. 

• I don’t think that’s surprising that anyone would listen to us and realize that you’re disagreeing, and disagreeing so emphatically, with a thought that I would have with regards to where I’ve been.  

• It was just a simpler way. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong. I’m not arguing with you. I’m just saying it was a simpler way that we had seven channels and not 1700 channels and 10 streaming services and the internet and social and everything. it’s very hard to be present.  

• You’re “Simpler Times”ing our audience. You are now saying, “oh, it was a simpler time.” Guess what…simple sucks. There’s nothing good about being simple. 

• This show went 15 minutes long because you just simpler time’d us. 

Dude, that was like three minutes and it only went longer because you freak out about the wrong things. 

Before this episode started was a simpler time. 

• Enjoy your sits on the toilet, buddy.

I might. I might actually go head first into the toilet.