Able to Care

De-escalate Stress & Build Trust with One Simple Phrase


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Have you ever felt truly seen? That moment when someone acknowledges your emotions without judgment? That’s the power of verbal attending – a simple yet transformative communication tool that can help us connect, de-escalate tense situations, and build trust.

In this episode, Andy dives deep into I notice statements and how they can turn conflict into understanding, frustration into calm, and disengagement into connection. Whether you're a caregiver, teacher, parent, or leader, this skill can help you support others while creating a more positive and open dialogue.

🎯 What You’ll Learn:~
βœ… What verbal attending is and why it’s so effective
βœ… How neutral observations help de-escalate difficult situations
βœ… The importance of curiosity over judgment in communication
βœ… Real-life examples of I notice statements in action
βœ… How this tool benefits individuals with trauma, neurodiversity, dementia, and emotional regulation difficulties

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Key Messages from This Episode:

1️⃣ Connection Starts with Observation – Simply noticing someone’s behaviour and acknowledging it in a neutral way can help them feel seen, valued, and understood.

2️⃣ Curiosity Over Assumption – Instead of labelling emotions or jumping to conclusions, using I notice statements allows for open, non-judgmental communication.
3️⃣ Small Gestures, Big Impact – Whether in caregiving, teaching, or leadership, verbal attending can de-escalate tense moments, build trust, and improve relationships.

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⏳ Key Timestamps (Chapters):

⏰ 00:00 – Introduction: The Power of Feeling Seen πŸ‘€

⏰ 02:30 – How I Notice Statements Build Connection πŸ«±πŸ½β€πŸ«²πŸΌ
⏰ 06:15 – Using Verbal Attending to De-escalate Conflict πŸ”₯βž‘οΈπŸ•ŠοΈ
⏰ 10:45 – The Link Between Thoughts, Feelings & Behaviour πŸ”„
⏰ 15:20 – How Neutral Observations Reduce Emotional Tension 🎭
⏰ 19:55 – Why Curiosity is More Powerful than Assumption πŸ€”πŸ’‘
⏰ 24:30 – Practical Ways to Apply Verbal Attending in Daily Life 🏑🏒
⏰ 29:10 – How Teachers & Caregivers Can Use This Skill in Action πŸŽ’πŸ’–
⏰ 33:45 – Helping Children & Adults Recognise Their Own Emotions 🧠❀️
⏰ 38:20 – The Impact of Verbal Attending on Neurodiverse Individuals πŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆπŸ§©
⏰ 42:50 – Avoiding Judgments & Unhelpful Assumptions πŸš«βš–οΈ
⏰ 47:15 – Building Trust & Connection Through Observation πŸ—οΈπŸ€
⏰ 51:50 – Recap: Key Takeaways for Using Verbal Attending 🎯
⏰ 59:45 – Closing Thoughts & Where to Learn More πŸ“š

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