Dealing with criticism

How do you deal with criticism when the world is watching?

In this episode

Imagine sitting in a beautiful theater, dressed up, surrounded by colleagues and peers. A moment you had been looking forward to. 

And then, in front of everyone, someone whose opinion matters is asked what they think of you. 

Their answer: I don't really see it. 

That moment opens a conversation about one of the most universal human experiences. Being evaluated. Being found wanting. And what we do with that. 

What you will hear:

• Why criticism is everywhere in soccer and unavoidable in life. It comes from coaches, teammates, analysts, fans, the media, and social media. The question is never how to avoid it. It is always how to relate to it.
• The difference between outer criticism and inner criticism. The outer critic informs the inner critic. And the inner critic is the one that does the most damage.
• The Jungian inner critic as a figure. In depth psychology, the psyche is not one voice but many. There is a figure in all of us that criticizes, evaluates, and finds us wanting. It has a particular style, a particular rhythm, a particular set of complaints. When we learn to recognize it as a figure rather than as the truth, something shifts.
• How to work with the inner critic in three steps. Visualize it. Give it a shape and an image. Write down what it says. Notice the patterns. Then learn, slowly, not to engage with it on its own terms. Arguing with the inner critic is always a losing battle. The shift is from proving the critic wrong to moving into a different conversation entirely.
• The origin of the word criticism. From the Greek word meaning to discern. Good criticism is not an attack. It is information. The capacity to receive it without being destroyed by it, and to sift what is true from what is not, is one of the most important skills a person can develop.
• Ronaldo and the criticism he cannot escape. When criticism is about something unworkable like age, it cannot be used for growth. The more useful question is always: what can I actually do with this?
• Cultural differences in giving and receiving criticism. The Dutch are notoriously direct. Other cultures wrap feedback carefully. Neither approach is wrong. But knowing which culture you are operating in changes everything about how criticism lands.
• How self-belief changes your relationship with criticism. When you have a strong inner authority, criticism becomes information rather than identity. When you depend heavily on external approval, every piece of criticism feels like an attack on who you are.
• Gratitude as a foundation. Building a stronger inner foundation through practices like gratitude makes the psyche less permeable to criticism that does not serve you. You become better able to discern what to take in and what to let go.

One story that stays:

A few days after the documentary premiere, a teammate came to the player in the locker room and simply acknowledged what had happened. That small act of witnessing broke the isolation. It brought the player back into the team. It reminded him that what had happened was real, that he was not alone in it, and that he still belonged.

Sometimes the most powerful response to criticism is not the right answer. It is the right witness.

Practical takeaways:

• Ask first: is this person informed? You do not have to take criticism from someone who does not understand the game you are playing.
• Separate the information from the identity. A criticism of what you did is not a verdict on who you are.
• Get to know your inner critic as a figure. Give it a name. Draw it if you can. Hear what it says without becoming it.
• Notice how long it takes you to recover from criticism. Recovery time is a measure of growth. As it shortens, something is changing.
• Build your inner authority before the criticism arrives. Know what you care about, what you value, and why you are doing what you are doing. That foundation is what makes criticism workable rather than crushing.

The question we leave you with:

Think of a piece of criticism you received that stayed with you. What did the outer critic actually say, and what did your inner critic make of it?

Share your answer with us at [email protected]. We read every one.

About the hosts

John O'Brien is a former World Cup soccer player and sports psychologist who combines performance tools with sand, symbols, and imagination to help athletes and others perform and understand themselves more deeply.  johnobriensportpsych.com

Machiel Klerk is a psychotherapist, founder of Jung Platform, and lifelong lover of the game. machielklerk.com 

Akke-Jeanne Klerk is a personal development coach, Jungian psychology teacher, and co-founder of Jung Platform. akkejeanneklerk.com 

The Golden Ball -  where depth psychology and the beautiful game help you play the game of life better.