INTRO

The empty nest is a hallmark feature of your middle-later years. It can be tough for many. You might ask, “Where did they go?” In this episode, we look at how to come to terms with this, and your perceived parenting mistakes. We also explore the question, “Where did I go?!”

WHAT WE TALK ABOUT

• The natural tendency to ask yourself what you were like as a parent
• Your children turning out differently from how you planned
• We have less control than we think
• We do have influence, but there are many others as well
• Three children, three very different people
• Each person processes differently
• Wrapping your identity up in your children
• Too much identity - but whose?
• Being marooned by yourself
• Having family ideals that are unrealistic
• Saying: “There is no should, there is only is.”
• You can easily come across as projecting onto your children.
• Asking ‘What do I do wrong?
• Accepting the sadness and grief that comes from your kids ignoring your advice
• Psychological research suggests that DNA has the upper hand
• Google search: Nurture vs Nature recent findings
• Book: Blueprint by Robert Plomin (How DNA makes us who we are)
• Fostering your selfhood in your middle years
• You are fully absolved right now!
• Accept the past
• Live in the now
• Free yourself and your children to be as they are.

HOW TO WORK THIS INTO YOUR LIFE

• Get and read Robert Plomin’s book (although it can be quite scientific  at times)
• Think about what you perceive as parenting mistakes you’ve made
• Write them down and then look at that list
• Accept that it’s in the past and you did the best you could at that time
• You’re different now
• What would your adult children want from you these days?
• Resolve to give them that in your best way possible
• Rest of the time? Create the life you want from now on.
• What does that look like?