Dear Doula

The lights go out after another busy day of parenting but for many, the dread of bedtime with a toddler begins…

Whilst battling with any of these sleep problems can feel extremely isolating, I can tell you after working with infant and toddler sleep for 20 years, most of the issues parents experience are incredibly similar.

Toddler sleep challenges often come in the form of struggling to go down at night, waking during the night and wanting to come into your room, or waking at an ungodly hour in the morning. You may even have a combination of these if you're really lucky.

If you're facing any of these issues, you're certainly in good company, but that does not mean it has to become your new normal. In this episode, I'm breaking down the root causes of some of the most common toddler sleep problems and giving you the strategies you need to resolve them.

Resources:

A lot of the concepts I talked about in my recent episode 'Establishing Good sleep Habits: Newborn to 3 Months' are essentially the foundations for building toddler sleep.

See my recent episode on gentle parenting: Raising Intrinsically Motivated Children with Megan Cordaro

Discover more about nasal hygiene in babies and young children

You can follow Brandi and her work @deardouapodcast on IG, @brandi_jordan_official IG, and send questions, comments and platitudes to [email protected]. Have a question on sleep you want Brandi to answer? Shoot her an email or a DM and she might include it on her next podcast episode!

If you are looking for support with your own child's sleep, you can reach out to us at The Cradle Company for more information on hiring a pediatric sleep consultant.

If you appreciate Dear Doula, please take a minute to subscribe, rate and review!

Time Stamps

01:34 - We find out the 3 main issues Brandi has noticed in her 20 years of working with infant and toddler sleep.

02:31 - We learn the role of limit setting when it comes to toddler sleep.

03:37 - Brandi discusses strategies to help your toddler go down more easily at night.

08:18 - We hear Brandi's recommendations for optimal times to put toddlers to bed.

11:20 - We learn when the ideal times are for toddler nap transitions.

14:17 - Brandi talks about overcoming the issue of night wakings and coming into your room.

18:13 - We find out what to do if early rising is an issue with your toddler.

Trans people's lives are an almost constant part of our media narrative, yet the decontextualization of trans issues can often distort our view of the trans experience. While we're seeing an increasing desire for people to be inclusive, not enough action is being taken to support marginalized families.

I invited Nat Vikitsreth, a trans rights activist and founder of Come back to Care, a company which helps parents to incorporate social justice in their daily parenting, while reparenting their inner child. Nat gives us a saddening insight into the erasure that trans families feel when trans-affirming care is lacking. In a society which consistently feels the need to put people in boxes, we are creating anxieties for trans people around being misgendered or questioned about the validity of their humanity.

It is only through normalizing conversations around gender spectrum that we will enable our children to feel secure in living out who they want to be. In this episode, we explore how we can begin to incorporate social justice into our parenting, so that our children know that the full expression of who they are is available to them and is supported.

Connect with Nat:

Visit her website: comebacktocare.com

Check out The Come Back to Care Podcast

You can follow Brandi and her work @deardouapodcast on IG, @brandi_jordan_official IG, and send questions, comments and platitudes to [email protected]. Have a question you want Brandi to answer? Shoot her an email or a DM and she might include it on her next podcast episode!

If you are looking for support with your children, you can reach out to us at The Cradle Company for more information on hiring a parenting or baby specialist.

If you appreciate Dear Doula, please take a minute to subscribe, rate and review!

Time Stamps

01:13 - Brandi introduces her special guest Nat Vikitsreth, who tells us more about the work she does and her company Come Back to Care

04:22 - We hear Nat's opinion on people who believe trans-inclusive language is "erasing women".

05:57 - Brandi gives an analogy to help us understand why some people struggle to properly address their usage of pronouns.

07:14 - We find out what trans families are experiencing when they receive services from people who aren't being culturally sensitive or doing the work to understand how to support their clients.

09:00 - Brandi and Nat discuss the tendency for people to center their own comfort ahead of the dignity and humanity of the person in front of you.

11:10 - Nat tells us how she talks to her clients about having the conversation around gender with children.

12:53 - Nat talks about how accepted the trans community is in Thai culture.

14:15 - Brandi asks about the concern that parents have about somehow influencing the child's choice by having the conversation about gender at such a young age.

16:47 - Nat shares why you need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable in having this conversation.

21:44 - Brandi and Nat discuss the importance of community in doing the work around gender.

26:48 - We learn how to respond if we feel like we don't have the answers.

As parents, we are called to value the challenging moments just as much as we value the inspiring moments. Both are extraordinary opportunities for growth. How you parent today has an incredible long-term impact on the teenagers and adults you create for the future.

Whilst we tend to be intentional about many aspects of our life like what we eat, where we live, and where we work, we're not always as intentional with one of the most important roles we will ever have: parenting.

I am delighted to be joined by parenting coach Megan Cordaro, who explains why moving away from reward charts and more towards unconditional parenting, allowed her relationship with her 5 children to blossom. She also shares 3 important tips for what you can do with your children now that will help them grow into intrinsically motivated teenagers and adults.

Connect with Megan Cordaro:

Follow her on Instagram: @meganbcordaro

Go to her website: https://www.megancordaro.com/

You can follow Brandi and her work @deardouapodcast on IG, @brandi_jordan_official IG, and send questions, comments and platitudes to [email protected]. Have a question you want Brandi to answer? Shoot her an email or a DM and she might include it on her next podcast episode!

If you are looking for support with your children, you can reach out to us at The Cradle Company for more information on hiring a parenting or baby specialist.

If you appreciate Dear Doula, please take a minute to subscribe, rate, and review!

Time Stamps

01:27 - Megan tells us about her background and her approach to parenting

04:52 - Brandi asks Megan what the issues are with positive reinforcement

06:47 - Megan explains why it's not too late if you have already been using positive reinforcement methods with your children

09:21 - Brandi asks how to deal with a lack of support or pushback about your parenting style

11:23 - Megan gives us the 3 essentials that should be happening with children under 5 to help them grow into an intrinsically motivated teenager

17:04 - Megan tells us what she loves about her relationship with her teenagers

19:05 - Brandi and Megan discuss how teenagers can maintain independence whilst having limits in place

25:02 - Megan shares what you can expect from her 1-1 coaching and her parenting circles around intentional parenting

Podcast Description

So much of what we believe to be true about how we parent our children is skewed by Western, dominant culture. A perfect example of this is potty training, where we're told the day a child turns two years old is when you throw the diapers out. I even did this with my own son! But is this really developmentally appropriate for all children?

After working with families for the past 20 years, I strongly believe most of us are better served when we incorporate some of the rituals and traditions that our ancestors and our families of origin carried out. So much has been forgotten or even demonized as something we shouldn't be doing anymore.

In this episode, I want to talk about the intersection of culture and parenting and how in many ways, we're making life harder for ourselves by not latching onto our cultural traditions. I want to remind you how reconnecting with family rituals can actually be extremely healthy for you as parents and for your child's development.

You can follow Brandi and her work @deardouapodcast on IG, @brandi_jordan_official IG, and send questions, comments and platitudes to [email protected]. Have a question you want Brandi to answer? Shoot her an email or a DM and she might include it on her next podcast episode!

If you are looking for support with your children, you can reach out to us at The Cradle Company for more information on hiring a parenting or baby specialist.

If you appreciate Dear Doula, please take a minute to subscribe, rate and review!

Time Stamps:

01:11 - We hear how a recent post about potty training inspired Brandi's reflection on how culture influences our parenting choices.

03:53 - Brandi explains what the pandemic showed us about the intersection with culture and parenting.

06:23 - Brandi explores how dominant culture decides what's demonized and what's in fashion through the example of baby wearing.

08:01 - We learn about Brandi's experience of parenting views in Black American culture versus what dominant culture tells us.

09:53 - We find out how reconnecting with cultural traditions teaches us about creating new ages of developmental appropriateness, rather than assuming what dominant culture says is right.

13:30 - Brandi tells us how cultural rituals can give you comfort when you're exhausted from trying to follow constant rules about how to parent.

14:47 - Brandi questions how many of the responsibilities we have are taken on because we think we should be doing it.

17:02 - Brandi encourages us to think back to the family rituals from our childhood that we could incorporate into our own families.

This week we're talking about what I probably get asked about the most in the doula world: sleep.

But what I think about newborn sleep might be quite surprising to you…

There's this long standing myth that you have to accept the cards you've been dealt and just go along with however your newborn sleeps. You're told not to worry about it and to embrace it as your time to bond. But should we really be resigning ourselves to 'it is what it is'?

This episode is by no means encouraging you to sleep train newborns. In fact, my goal is for you to never have to sleep train your baby! That's why I'm giving you the tools to lay a fantastic foundation for sleep, right from the beginning.

Find out more about paced bottle feeding here

You can follow Brandi and her work @deardouapodcast on IG, @brandi_jordan_official IG, and send questions, comments and platitudes to [email protected]. Have a question you want Brandi to answer? Shoot her an email or a DM and she might include it on her next podcast episode!

If you are looking for support with your children, you can reach out to us at The Cradle Company for more information on hiring a parenting or baby specialist.

If you appreciate Dear Doula, please take a minute to subscribe, rate and review!

Time Stamps

01:13 - We hear about some of the common myths around newborn sleep

01:45 - Brandi shares how long it took for her own kids to sleep well and the benefits of having a healthy sleep foundation

03:37 - Brandi gives us the reality of a newborn feeding schedule

04:33 - We learn the importance of paced bottle feeding

05:19 - Brandi explains the significance of understanding what a good feeding looks like in order to improve sleep

09:58 - We find out about the "drowsy but awake" method and how to implement it

11:28 - We discover the benefits of dream feeding your baby

16:45 - Brandi explains the significance of practicing "le pause"

Having been a doula for over 20 years now, I've seen the impact of the 'mommy wars' worsen significantly. How you deliver your baby, how you feed them, how they sleep…mom-shaming is everywhere. While social media has many positives, it hasn't always helped people share their values in a supportive way.

This made me think about how our children are being affected by this too. Our kids are exposed to endless outside influences that will shape their opinions if you don't have a parenting manifesto of values to support them.

In this episode, I want us to think about creating another paradigm where we're teaching our children that they have the right to stand up for what they believe in, but not at the expense of someone else.

Listen now to discover how you can raise an upstander and not a bystander.

Time Stamps:

01:23 - We hear about Brandi's professional background in Doula training

02:00 - Brandi discusses the positive and negative impact of social media for parenting

03:57 - Brandi reflects on what we teach our children about how they support other people.

04:50 - We find out what Brandi has learned from the behavior of seemingly "well-meaning" people in her parenting FB groups

6:09 - Brandi talks about the effect of outside influences on her kids

7:14 - We learn how the George Floyd incident spurred her on to write a curriculum on raising anti-racist children

09:45 - We find out why being loving is not enough

11:12 - We learn some practical ways to raise upstanders and not bystanders

14:28 - Brandi sets us a challenge to try with our own kids

You can follow Brandi and her work @deardouapodcast on IG, @brandi_jordan_official IG, and send questions, comments and platitudes to [email protected]. Have a question you want Brandi to answer? Shoot her an email or a DM and she might include it on her next podcast episode!

If you are looking for support with your children, you can reach out to us at The Cradle Company for more information on hiring a parenting or baby specialist.

If you appreciate Dear Doula, please take a minute to subscribe, rate and review!

For the first time Brandi shares the Dear Doula podcast with her husband Michael Chapuis. On this heartwarming episode Michael and Brandi share the secret to staying connected during the thick of young parenting and Michael shares his perspective on why everyone should stop saying marriage is "hard". Get some practical tips for staying connected, centered, and how to create better lines of communication to foster a healthy and strong relationship between parents. You don't want to miss this episode (Brandi also shares how they met, and Michael shares what connected him to her from day one!)

Michael Chapuis is a writer and relationship coach. He is from the provence area of France and is committed to growth, relationships, and helping people create thoughts and habits that bring them both joy and peace. While you can find Michael on Instagram, he's pretty old school and you will most likely reach him on Facebook or sending a good old fashioned email to [email protected]

You can follow Brandi and her work @deardoulapodcast on IG, @brandi_jordan_official IG, and send questions, comments and platitudes to [email protected]. Have a question you want Brandi to answer? Shoot her an email or a DM and she might include it on her next podcast episode!

If you are looking for support with your children, you can reach out to us at The Cradle Company for more information on hiring a parenting or baby specialist.

If you appreciate Dear Doula please take a minute to rate and review! If you have questions for Brandi feel free to shoot an email to [email protected].

Produced by Dear Media

In this lighthearted episode Brandi shares some of her favorite products and gifts such as lotions and potions, fancy pajamas, hidden treasures for the art lovers in your lives, and so much more. If you want to have fun going down a pinterest rabbit hole inside Brandi's brain with luxe products, don't miss this outfit. Better yet make sure you send it to all the gift givers in your life.

As promised here are the products that were mentioned during this episode. If you want access to the full 2022 Luxe Gift Guide by Brandi Jordan here! Here are the items mentioned on this episode in no particular order:

Streicher Beauty Box

Flamingo Estates

Customized Stained Glass Art Piece

Meural Digital Art Canvas

Crown and Paw Renaissance Inspired Pet Art

Maya Brenner Iniital Necklace

FEED bags

The Higher Dose Infrared Sauna Blanket

Freestanding Outdoor Copper Bathtub

Sheltered Weighted Blanket

Throw Blanket

Mutha

Le Labo Candle- Verveine

Sunday Riley Good Genes

Highway Robery

Sergio Hudson

Karen Mabon Silk pajamas

Doen Pajamas

Beatrice Valenzuela Sandals

Happy Shopping Parents!

You can follow Brandi and her work @deardoulapodcast on IG, @brandi_jordan_official IG, and send questions, comments and platitudes to [email protected]. Have a question you want Brandi to answer? Shoot her an email or a DM and she might include it on her next podcast episode!

If you are looking for support with your children, you can reach out to us at The Cradle Company for more information on hiring a parenting or baby specialist.

If you appreciate Dear Doula please take a minute to rate and review! If you have questions for Brandi feel free to shoot an email to [email protected].

Produced by Dear Media

Kathleen Healy is a Health Coach Specializing in family nutriton. Brandi and Kathlen discuss tips to help making healthier choices for the family easier. Kathleen also shares her go-to health recipes and tips for busy moms. Kathleen also shares how we manage body positivity and making feel good decisions for your body that make you feel good from the inside out.

You can follow Brandi and her work @deardoulapodcast on IG, @brandi_jordan_official IG, and send questions, comments and platitudes to [email protected]. Have a question you want Brandi to answer? Shoot her an email or a DM and she might include it on her next podcast episode!

Kathleen Healy lives in New York and is a full time PE teacher, but also a health and wellness coach. She has 1 and 4 year old boys. After her surprise breech baby and an emergency C section, Kathlle was able to have an unmedicated VBAC (vaginal birth after cesearen) with her second child. Nutrition, mindset and movement made all the difference!

After struggling to feel comfortable in her own skin and wanting to lose unwanted weight for years, she finally decided to do something about it. What started as a quest to conquer her own health issues turned into a holistic approach that has supported women to step into who they really are and confidently show up in their lives like never before."

You can connect with Kathleen here:

• www.kathleenhealyhhc.com
• https://www.instagram.com/kathleenhealyhhc/
• https://www.facebook.com/kathleenhealyHHC
• https://www.kathleenhealyhhc.com/opt-in-be8c7604-1174-4c67-8efa-c0f84f4d2791

If you are looking for support with your children, you can reach out to us at The Cradle Company for more information on hiring a parenting or baby specialist.

If you appreciate Dear Doula please take a minute to rate and review! If you have questions for Brandi feel free to shoot an email to [email protected].

Produced by Dear Media

Brandi sits with guest Jordan Younger, host of the hit podcast and blog The Balanced Blonde, to talk spirituality and parenthood. After dealing with a health crisis, Jordan was able to go back to basics and practice radical self-care that led to healing her condition and being able to start a family. If you are looking for more ways to add calm and purpose to your parenting journey don't miss this heartwarming episode of woo, empathy, and compassion for the journey that we are all on as parents.

Produced by Dear Media