Adam and Leonie are back with another Dear ENM DNM, and this one is a big one.

A listener wrote in. They're a queer guy dating two people, one of whom is immunocompromised. There's a long standing agreement about testing and barriers, and then along comes a new partner who says their GP reckons they don't need to test that often, and that our listener is just being overly anxious. Suddenly it isn't about sexual health anymore. It's about trust, autonomy, control, and whether your needs are allowed to be needs.

We get into risk profiles and why nobody's is wrong, the difference between a boundary and a rule, why "your fear is illogical" is a rubbish thing to say to someone, GPs who don't understand non-monogamy, and the thing hinges forget most: that they are also a person in the polycule with wants of their own.

There's also a work health and safety risk matrix, an extended metaphor about onion intolerance, another one about swimming pools, and a truly unreasonable number of times Leonie says the word tits. We wander. That's the show.

Got something to add, or a situation of your own you'd like us to take on? Email us at [email protected].

Loved the episode? Want to help keep The ENM DNM alive, growing and making gorgeous chaos?

Support the podcast here

Your support helps us make the podcast and helps fund free and subsidised therapy for people who may not otherwise access it.

Come say hi: socials

Want to book a counselling session with Adam? Halaxy

We’re also keen to hear from collaborators, sponsors, guests and partners. [email protected]

Please note: this podcast is for conversation and reflection, not therapy, medical advice or crisis support.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.