“By envisioning who I want to be on my deathbed, I invited life in.”

Loss and grief have a magical and peculiar way of propelling our personal and spiritual journeys in directions that in many times result in us showing up for ourselves and in the world in ways that differ from the visions of ourselves that we had sketched in our minds. For many, spirituality becomes less about subscribing to what some consider to be outdated traditions and more about seeking answers and guidance from divine sources both seen and unseen. When embarking upon transformative spiritual journeys many seek guidance from those gifted in communicating with the “other side”. One such person is Shawna Temple.

The universe has a very strange way of connecting us all in ways that at times seem divinely orchestrated and at others feel completely chaotic and random. Regardless of how it chooses to connect it; the universe, aka Spirit is intentional, timely and unfathomably precise and accurate in its execution.

​“To have and to hold”, these words are commonly thought of as being part of wedding or commitment vows but for me these words resonate across the board in all things especially finance. When we think about it, we are constantly in the process of working towards accumulating something. Possessions, money, a partner, a home, vehicle, health, relationships, achieving our personal goals, etc. During this accumulation of gathering to “have”; how many of us stop and think the cost of “holding” onto what we have accumulated. Especially when thinking about our personal finances and legacies.

In today’s episode of The Grief and Death Talk Podcast I have the honor of speaking with a credible source of financial information Mr. Ricardo Thomas. Ricardo Thomas is a graduate of Loyola University where he earned a Bachelor of Business Administration degree in Finance. He is a Registered Financial Consultant and Chartered Federal Employee Benefits Consultant. He also became a fully licensed investment broker at the age of nineteen. He is a practicing financial consultant and is the president of THOMAS-WADDELL & Associates, Inc., a financial consulting & asset management firm with clients across the country. He has also, worked as a Divorce Financial Analyst, served as an expert witness, and consulted on divorce cases where expert opinions were needed on divorce settlements. He is also a former contributing financial writer for both Perspectives Magazine and Women of Excellence Magazine.

In addition, he is a former adjunct instructor at Delgado Community College and taught financial-related classes as a part of the University of New Orleans’ Project Pass program. His work in personal finance has been featured in the Times-Picayune, N.O. City Business, New Orleans Tribune, Barnes & Nobles Bookstore, as well as other publications around the country. Mr. Thomas is a member of the International Association of Registered Financial Consultants. He is also involved in the community by serving as a board member for the past 19 years for Goodwill Industries of Southeastern Louisiana where he is currently vice chairman of the board. He is also a board member of the Urban League of Louisiana and is the current president of the Urban League Guild.

He is also a former president of the Urban League of Greater New Orleans Young Professionals. Additionally, he is the immediate past chair of the Executive Council for WWNO FM radio, the local NPR affiliate and lastly, as a member of the African American leadership council for Compassion and Choices, a national non-profit focused on end-of-life planning. Over the years he has made numerous presentations on radio, television, and newspaper pertaining to a variety of financial topics. He is also the recipient of many awards including “Who’s Who among U.S. Executives”, “Who’s Who in Finance and Industry”, the & New Orleans; City Business Power Generation Award and was named a recipient of the 5-star Wealth manager award for financial planning and was featured in New Orleans magazine.

Connect with Ricardo Online

Website http://www.thomaswaddell.net/

LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/ricardo-twaconnect/

Twitter https://twitter.com/twaconnect

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/thomaswaddellassociates/

I was first introduced to Caitlin Doughty through the Ask a Mortician YouTube channel in 2012. Caitlin Doughty is a mortician, advocate, and bête noire of the traditional funeral industry. In 2011 she founded the funeral reform collective The Order of the Good Death, which has spawned the death positive movement. Her educational web series "Ask a Mortician" has been viewed almost 200 million times and all three of her books Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, From Here to Eternity, and Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs? were New York Times bestsellers.   

\Caitlin was the first funeral director (and might I add first female funeral director) that I ever saw articulacy, honestly and publicly discuss the good, bad, and ugly about the death care industry while challenging the way we “do death” in this country. She was also the first person to encourage me to expand my blogspot.com blog into a YouTube page. Over the years I have watched not only her YouTube channel, but she and her career blossom. The thing that I respect most about Caitlin is that though she has amassed countless supporters through her books, social media, public speaking and non-profit, she seems to remain grounded while balancing the role of the observer and advocate.

I recently interviewed Caitlin for the Death and Grief Talk Podcast and consider this episode to be Milestone for The Grave Woman because Caitlin is truly someone in this industry that not only look up to but respect. During our time together I connect with Caitlin heart to heart as she shares how she maintains the balance of her online success and real-life experience, practices self-care, avoids appropriating those that invite her into their sacred space of loss, grief, and celebration and much more.   The greatest take away from our interview is that though speaking truth to power, advocacy, educating and speaking up for others can be exhausting, BUT the work that so many of us are doing in death care to create a more equitable, option focused and leveled environment for consumers and death care professionals alike is necessary and not without the reward of positive progressive change.

Connect with Caitlin Online

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thegooddeath/ and  https://www.instagram.com/ordergooddeath/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/OrderoftheGoodDeath

Website www.orderofthegooddeath.com

“If someone can't respect another person's gender identity, pronouns, or other aspect of their identity or sexuality, a safe, healthy environment where consent can be comfortably given is not possible. Respecting someone's gender identity, whatever it may be, is key to a healthy relationship.” – www.speakaboutit.com

I love having conversations that challenge my perspective, open my mind all the while educating and stretching the boundaries of my understanding, compassion, and empathy. One such conversation topic is that of identity. According to my latest Google search, identity is defined as the unique set of characteristics that can be used to identify a person as themself and no one else. The word identity can be used in different ways in different contexts. On a personal level, identity often refers to a person's sense of self, meaning how they view themself as compared to other people.

In this episode of The Death & Grief Talk Podcast, I participate in a beautiful exchange with my death care colleague Alexandra Joabout the nuances of identity while exploring the manners in which we can respect autonomy, properly use gender affirming language, and how remaining curious impacts the way we honor one another’s identity and humanity not only in life but also in death.

Alexandra (they/them) is the Director of Outreach and Education at Parting Stone and is a Certified Celebrant through InSight Institute. They are a first-generation deathcare professional who is passionately death-curious with over three years of experience researching and creating forward-thinking content for the funeral profession. They produce and host the Deathcare Decoded podcast and write regularly for Connecting Directors and other industry publications. Alexandra also gives continuing education lectures on innovation in the funeral profession at death care conferences around the country.

One of the biggest takeaways from my conversation with Alexandra and lessons that I have learned over the past few years through serving as a vessel for conversations about race and death is that it is okay to make mistakes when operating with the intention of learning and growing. It creates safety and allows for exchange free of judgement, criticism and most importantly fosters our instinctual need and desire for curiosity.

Connect with Alexandra Jo Online

Listen to the Death Care Decoded / Death Curious Podcast https://open.spotify.com/show/5EZljk9bSoPDfjhIbS2kU4?mc_cid=c422c02322&mc_eid=697d0c0a3e

Connect on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deathcurious/?hl=en

Follow on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@deathcurious?lang=en

Visit the Website https://partingstone.com/

According to Wikipedia, Hoodoo is a set of spiritual practices, traditions, and beliefs created and concealed from slaveholders by enslaved Africans in North America. Hoodoo evolved from various traditional African religions, practices, and in the American South incorporated with various elements. In this installment of The Death and Grief Talk Podcast Mrs. Lisa Jones, hoodoo practitioner and owner of Memphis Conjure defines her sacred practice passed down through maternal generations for over 100 years as simply “a pathway to peace” that has been demonized and misunderstood by white observers and lazy tongues.  

I was introduced to Mrs. Jones through her TikTok videos in which she uses discusses spiritual works, healing and ritual practice to promote and educate about her practice and spiritual products and services. I felt an instant attraction to and connection with Mrs. Jones. She reminded me of my Mama Julie, aunts, grandmothers and other women in my life who knowingly or unknowingly have practiced within our Gullah/ Geechee culture and community to navigate the spiritual journey of life, death and grief while supporting and sustaining our black and indigenous community.

Through her business Memphis Conjure Mrs. Jones sells Delta Style Hoodoo Products made by hand. She also creates and distributes ritually charged oils, powders & all things hoodoo including but not limited to mojo/nation sacks & bags, oils, powders, honey jars that are properly prepared to offer remedies for various conditions and enhance spiritual practice. Her practice and products are crafted according to a hoodoo tradition & style, taught to her by her grandmom & mom. Her family has practiced conjure/spiritual work & root work for over 108 years. Her great-grandmom, grandmother and mother were root workers and her grandmother worked on Beale Street during the 40's as a root worker & spiritual advisor.

According to her website “Hoodoo in all its variants is predominately considered a southern phenomenon. Many regions in the south can attribute conjure and rootwork to elders and ancestors who were exposed to the craft. Many were slaves who brought many traditions from the continent of Africa and other regions, or possibly native Americans who were adept at planting and seasonal anomalies. Many consider the craft evil or spooky and may not quite understand the correlations between survival and coping with the trauma of enslavement. Many books introduce the curious to the mystery of hoodoo and other crafts. We suggest reading these books with an open mind and seek to understand the “Why’s of Hoodoo” before the “How’s of Hoodoo".  It is a practice forged of necessity and trauma and the legacy of our African American ancestors.  We are forever agonized at what they suffered and seek to move forward in honor of all the lives before us & those who managed to persevere".    

Connect with Memphis Conjure online: 

Website www.memphisconjure.com 

Email [email protected] 

TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@memphisconjure/video/7185711551523966251

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/p/CJfdw25nRcA/

“What you want in a mentor is someone who truly cares for you and who will look after your interests and not just their own. When you do come across the right person to mentor you, start by showing them that the time they spend with you is worthwhile.” – Vivek Wadhwa

It is impossible to overstate the importance of having professional black mentors in the end of life and death care industry. Individuals who selflessly give of themselves, teach, encourage, uplift, and provide opportunity without being competitive all the while allowing apprentices, students, and professionals to stand on their shoulders and to build careers while passing the baton forward.  Historically those who’ve held positions of power and influence have been white male gatekeepers. For young black professionals like myself and those that are constantly emerging, seeking help, guidance, direction, and support from these gatekeepers has been intimidating, disappointing and unfruitful. Luckily this changing.

In 2019, I was blessed to meet my mentor Mrs. Anita Grant. Anita Pollard Grant, RN, MS, BSN, AAS, MLD-C is the Founder and CEO of GranEnterprise LLC, the parent copy of the NBE Review Coach.  Anita graduated cum laude from the Medical University of South Carolina in 1994 with a Bachelor of Science degree. As an undergraduate, she was a member of Sigma Theta Tau Honor Society for Nursing. After graduation, Anita became a licensed Registered Nurse and a Commissioned Officer in the United States Navy Nurse Corps.  During those active-duty years, she gained hands-on experience in Same Day Surgical Care and Behavioral Health Nursing and in supervising staff, facilitating interdisciplinary communication and coordinating patient care.  Years later, Anita transitioned to the United States Public Health Service Commissioned Corps where she served as a Nurse Manager as well as a National Healthcare Recruiter with the Department of Justice/Federal Bureau of Prisons, a Nurse Consultant/Surveyor with the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services, and a Senior Program Manager for the National Institute of Corrections. In May 2021, Anita retired as an O6/Captain from the USPHS after almost thirty (30) years of honorable service.

Anita has been an answer to my prayers since the first time we met. Over the years she has poured into me in ways that would take too long to share in this 500-word blog. I recently had the pleasure of interviewing Anita for The Death and Grief Talk Podcast. Though she and I have worked extensively together over the past 3 years developing course, trainings and much more and surprisingly, after all this time and sharing I had no idea what bought her to the death care industry.

During our time together, Anita and discuss the foundation of her career in the armed services, her transition into funeral services and her passion for combing her unique life experience, academic and professional skills to help students nationwide achieve licensure in both funeral directing and embalming. Anita also shared what legacy she hopes to leave behind.

Connect with Anita Online

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/NBESuccess/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/nbereviewcoach/?hl=en

Website www.nbereviewcoach.com