Decorative Vegetable

You heard it here first, English is dead.

Turns out Kiyan’s entire field of study is dead except for him. You might wonder if you’re stuck inside a strange YA novel, since that seems exactly the kind of thing that would be written into one of those plots. But let me assure you, this is a Shakespeare play, and it’s a tragedy. It’s To The Last Man, written by Helen Raynor and aired on January 30, 2008.

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Lots of titles in The Prisoner seem to refer to death…

You ever heard that song about how God is a girl? Well maybe this is kind of like that, and The Prisoner is saying that Death is actually a girl too. I’m not sure about the veracity of that statement, of course, so when I’m dying I’ll report back with my findings about who or what even the grim reaper is. I’ll be sure to send them your best regards too. It’s The Girl Who Was Death, written by Terence Feely and aired on January 18, 1968.

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It’s like five round rapid without the rapid.

I never did like rapids. People go on and on about how cute they are with their long ears and fluffy tails, but really they’re just rodents, right? Or maybe that was “rabbits.” Eh. Speaking of rodents, guess who “rode int”o town this week. It was the sleepers, their orders to take over finally having kicked in. It’s Sleeper, written by James Moran and aired on January 23, 2008.

Show-notes:

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I prefer living in disharmony.

The old west is actually a pretty weird place to live if you think about it. Moreso than a lot of times in human history, you could just die at any time. Slice your face shaving? Sepsis. Get shot in the foot? Bleed out. Look at the guy in the saloon the wrong way? Death. Go to the brothel? STD. And your reward for putting up with all of this? Do you get to live in a nice hotel resort? No. You get a whole ton of dirt. Dirt and dust. It’s Living in Harmony, written by David Tomblin and aired on December 29, 1967.

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I’ll be over here committing tax fraud during the purge, don’t mind me.

Once upon a time I wanted to be a secret agent. But then I realized they probably wouldn’t like some sort of weird RSA expat who lives in the US. They might not trust that I’d be working in the best interest of the agency I work for. Interesting to ponder. It’s Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang, written by Chris Chibnall and aired on January 16, 2008.

Show-notes:

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I wonder what this song this episode is named after really sounds like.

Today in long as heck names that are a little bit meaningless: a name we didn’t actually come up with. I mean, let’s be fair we’ve definitely come up with some long and inconsequential or confusing names. But for once in our lifetimes, the long and useless name was not invented by Decorative Vegetable, it was invented by McGoohan McGoohan. It’s Do Not Forsake Me Oh My Darling, written by Vincent Tillsley and aired on December 22, 1967.

Show-notes:

4:31: If you want to listen to us do what we do here but with shows like Doctor Who and Torchwood, check out Trust Your Doctor: A Doctor Who Podcast, our Doctor Who podcast.

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The Prisoner © ATV

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Tune in soon as Kiyan gets yeeted into an active volcano live.

Volcanoes. They’re hard to nail down. On the one hand, they can wreak destruction on an unimaginably immense scale. On the other hand, they’re sources of life. On the other other hand (the Tenth Doctor’s hand obviously), they have nothing to do with this episode of Torchwood, so who cares? It’s End of Days, written by Chris Chibnall and aired on December 31, 2006.

Show-notes:

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As the title says, this week we have a Change of Mind in how good The Prisoner is.

I kind of wish we gave titles to these episodes because this one would have definitely been “Misogynist Moment of the Week.” Everyone talks about separating the art from the artist but what do you do when the art IS the artist? What do you do when the misogyny of Patrick McGoohan is also the misogyny of #6? This seems like a philosophical question of the kind of complexity that exceeds the purview of this podcast. It’s A Change of Mind, written by Roger Parkes and aired on December 15, 1967.

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A whole new level of useless!

I’d like to be a captain. I think it’d be pretty cool to be Captain Dylan or Captain Kiyan. Imagine if we were both captains, and then it would be Captain Dylan and Captain Kiyan discuss Torchwood. Now wouldn’t that be absolutely wild? And then someone could steal our name and… It’s Captain Jack Harkness, written by Catherine Tregenna and aired on December 31, 2006.

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It’s like that movie I never watched, Death at a Funeral.

I was reading the last sentence of this description and I’m pretty sure my brain shorted out. Mainly because it features the same word twice in a row. Can you guess what word it’s going to be before you get there? Will your brain even process it as two different words or do you think you’ll just see it as a single word, realize you didn’t catch the double word,a nd go back to reread it. I guess you’ll find out shortly. It’s It’s Your Funeral, written by Michael Cramoy and aired on December 8, 1967.

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