July 29, 2022

Deep Dive into Attachment Theory with Braxton Dudley

1 hour 40 minutes

Julian and Braxton discuss Attachment Theory, what it is, some of the history and research behind it and how to work with and heal different attachment styles.

About Braxton:

Braxton Dudley, MA offers both counseling and contemplative coaching in Boulder Colorado. That focuses on somatic parts work, relationship and spiritual issues.

Learn more at:

https://www.spaciousheartcounseling.com/

Topics (in chronological order)

Introduction, mindfulness, the primacy of consciousness

Attachment theory: how we show up in relationships as well as our pursuit of life

We are most likely to have the same attachment styles as our care givers

How the dismissive attachment style shuts down their own relational needs

How our early childhood relationships with our primary caregivers impacts our relationships today

Defining "Attachment Style"

Studies show 75% chance that one will die with the same attachment style they developed by age 2

4 Attachment Styles: Secure, Avoidant, Anxious and Disorganized

Primary caregivers only have to show up in an attuned way 30% of the time is enough to develop secure attachment

Explaining the Anxious Attachment Styles, which is called Preoccupied in adults

Anxious Style tends to be more insecure in their exploration

Discussing the Dismissive(also called Avoidant) attachment style

How Disorganized attachment styles tends to develop in response to neglectful or abusive care givers

Different attachment styles can show up in different contexts

Trans-generational trauma

How healing Attachment involves implicit memory, not just from cognitive understanding

The Strange experiments and the work of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth

How Anxious attachment style in the child comes about in part from a lack of reliability in care givers.

How all the different attachment styles are evolutionarily intelligent adaptation strategies that are actually the best response to particular dysfunctional environments.

How the attachment styles one develops from 0-2 years old often becomes the same attachment style one has in the context of intimate relationship as an adult.

How our largely unconscious internal working models

How the development of meta cognition can lead to healing our attachment patterns.

That many with dismissive attachment styles get into meditation and intense spiritual pursuits

Just because someone is a Spiritual Teacher does not mean they have healthy relationships

And how that often comes from a lack of awareness or respect of the relational needs of others

The Qualities of Secure Attachment

Strategies for healing insecure attachment styles

The role of self regulation for helping Pre-Occupied

The importance of the Dismissive attachment styles to work on receiving and letting in intimacy and love

Terminology:

Secure (both child and adult)

Anxious-ambivalent (for children) is called Preoccupied (adult)

Avoidant (child) is called Dismissive (for adults)

Disorganized in both child and adult (sometimes referred to as fearful-avoidant or fearful-preoccupied)

Resources:

https://a.co/d/6kVVwPb

https://insig.ht/aLmAh4HKIrb

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By Julian Royce