This is the fourth episode in the series How to Communicate Like a Pro in Your Marriage.

Is your relationship filled with shallow conversations? What's for dinner? Did you take the dog out? How’s your day? What color should we paint the house? Have you heard from the kids? 

It's not uncommon for couples to get in a rut in conversation, and today I want to give you an exercise to do that will get you started in deepening your conversations with your husband.

Do you remember when you were dating your husband? It's my guess your conversations were exciting and fun. I know mine were.

In the beginning, we are genuinely curious about each other. We want to know each other on a deeper level. It's exciting to be so engrossed in another human being that you want to know everything thing about them.  

So how do we get to such perfunctory conversations after years of marriage? It's not because we stopped caring, but because life happens, and it is so full of busyness that the conversations we use to have are overshadowed with the details of living.

Before long, we can forget why we ever got together in the first place. It's no wonder couples feel a disconnect. 

Surface communication patterns are indicative of a surface relationship. 

So many couples find themselves alone again having nothing of value to talk about anymore. 

Can you relate?

Now, I'm not saying conversations about work, tasks, or your family aren't important topics, but there has to be more to increase our intimacy in the midlife marriage. 

So, how do you do this?

1.     Become curious about your spouse again. You may think you know everything about your spouse, but you both have changed throughout the years. Are you the same person you were when you were dating? I know I'm not. And neither is my husband. Life experiences change us. We grow, we shift our views, and we know ourselves better. 

 2.     Begin to ask meaningful questions based on this curiosity and listen carefully without expectations for the responses. If you ask questions that are selfishly motivated to get certain answers, you won't give your spouse the space to be genuinely authentic. 

 3.     Be open, respectful, and non-judgmental.

 4.     Allow the questions to move the conversation forward by responding to your spouse organically.

 5.     Be willing to be vulnerable. Meaningful conversations require vulnerability for both of you because it goes deeper. 

 If you are feeling like you have no idea why you and your husband are together anymore, this exercise can be a first step in deepening your conversations and intimacy, but I want you to use the skills I mentioned.

The complete show notes to this episode can be found at Reviveyourmidlifemarriage.com/7