In this episode, Nick speaks with Heather Elicker about the systems she has in place to control her anxiety as best she can. As a mother, a wife, a business owner, and a faith-driven person, she’s experienced life through various lenses, believing she needed to be certain ways.

About Heather Elicker

Heather is a mom of 2 teen and tween boys and has been married to her husband Bud for 14 years. She’s a dedicated member of her family business and has been an entrepreneur for nearly 6 years. She’s also very passionate about empowering women, overcoming anxiety, and serving others.

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Your Friends at “The Mindset & Self-Mastery Show”

00:00:08:08 – 00:00:32:24

Nick McGowan

Hello and welcome to The Mindset and Self-mastery Show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan. And on this show, my guests and I unpack the stories that shape us and the lives we lead on our path to self-mastery. Today on the show, we have Heather Elicker. Heather and I discuss the system she has in place to control her anxiety as best she can as a mother, a wife, a business owner, and a faith driven person.

00:00:33:05 – 00:01:00:13

Nick McGowan

She’s experienced life through various lenses, believing she needed to be certain ways. And you really listen in as we dove into what may be very close to your own story. So let’s not wait any longer. Let the games begin. Heather, thank you for joining the show. How are you doing today?

00:01:00:27 – 00:01:02:15

Heather Elicker

I’m doing good. How are you?

00:01:02:20 – 00:01:08:13

Nick McGowan

I am fantastic. I’m excited that you’re here. It’s good to see you. It’s good to chat with you. It’s been quite some time since we talked.

00:01:08:27 – 00:01:11:01

Heather Elicker

It has, I think 2019.

00:01:11:14 – 00:01:12:02

Nick McGowan

She’s in.

00:01:12:02 – 00:01:12:17

Heather Elicker

Person.

00:01:13:00 – 00:01:26:14

Nick McGowan

Yeah, well, if we step back even further before then, I think the last time I saw you guys before that was, what, 2011? 12, something like that. Wow. Been a long time. We’re getting old there, Heather. We’re not spring chickens anymore.

00:01:26:24 – 00:01:30:06

Heather Elicker

I’m definitely not. I hit the 40 mark. Oh, geez.

00:01:31:02 – 00:01:34:04

Nick McGowan

Oh, no. You don’t look 40. You’re doing well.

00:01:34:04 – 00:01:36:21

Heather Elicker

Thank you. Thank you. Well, I’ll take it.

00:01:38:03 – 00:01:45:26

Nick McGowan

I really appreciate that you’re here to give a little bit context. Heather is a cousin of mine. What do you like? A second, third, fourth cousin somewhere. Okay.

00:01:46:25 – 00:01:47:28

Heather Elicker

You’re a great grandpa.

00:01:48:09 – 00:02:14:10

Nick McGowan

Yes. Yeah. Oh, man. Too many awesome things to say about great grandpa. But Grandma is awesome. I really appreciate that we’re able to talk about stuff. I know that there have been different things that you’ve gone through over the course of time throughout life, and we’ve shared in some of those experiences because we’re family. The whole point of this podcast is to be able to unpack the stories that shape us and the lives that we lead on our path of self-mastery.

00:02:14:22 – 00:02:26:11

Nick McGowan

So I want to be able to get into some of the background of what you’ve gone through and kind of where you’re at with your business and your family, etc.. But can you start us off by telling us one thing you do for a living and maybe something that people don’t know about you?

00:02:27:11 – 00:02:58:09

Heather Elicker

Well, I do multiple things for a living, but one of my passions right now is I’m a beauty consultant with Mary Kay Cosmetics. So getting out there and meeting women, I just love being able to pour love on them and treat them to free skin care. My consultations are free and makeup and yeah, hanging out with them. One thing I would say while you know about me, but not many do, is that I used to be into rock bands from like age 19 to 25.

00:02:59:03 – 00:03:10:18

Heather Elicker

So yeah, I was the lead singer in both and I played bass in the first one, which was an all girl pop punk, which is so weird to talk about when I’m when I’m 40.

00:03:12:12 – 00:03:15:24

Nick McGowan

Well, now you have kids. You talk about with it. Be like your mom was a rock star at one point.

00:03:16:22 – 00:03:31:06

Heather Elicker

Yeah, they they don’t they think it’s super weird. My youngest thinks I don’t like he can’t handle me singing and stuff. And I’m actually a pretty good singer, so he gives me a hard time. That’s funny. Yeah.

00:03:32:05 – 00:03:35:15

Nick McGowan

So some of that musicianship kind of peeled off on the kids, too.

00:03:36:27 – 00:04:00:28

Heather Elicker

Yeah. My 13 year old and my husband’s also a musician, so I think he gets it more from him. My 13 year old, I mean, I don’t brag about my kids much, but I feel like he’s a musical prodigy. The kid picked up a guitar in the spring in the summer, maybe late fall. And yeah, played probably six weeks later at our church and sang.

00:04:00:28 – 00:04:22:14

Heather Elicker

I sang with acoustic guitar. He’s been playing flute since fourth grade and he’s in seventh grade, so he picked that up right away and was playing from his ear. He I remember driving in our van and he’s playing like Mona in the backseat. And I’m like, When did you learn that? He’s like, Oh, I just I just played it like, You’re insane.

00:04:22:14 – 00:04:27:24

Heather Elicker

So I really hope he sticks with that because he could really, really go far and make a difference.

00:04:28:25 – 00:04:34:07

Nick McGowan

However, being younger and running into some of those kids and being like, What? How do you know this? And now you have one of those kids.

00:04:34:29 – 00:04:49:21

Heather Elicker

Yeah, I know. I mean, I taught myself how to play bass, but it wasn’t anything like technical. I, I couldn’t. I could read music. I knew where that was on the bass, and that was about it. And I knew how to keep rhythm a little bit.

00:04:50:18 – 00:04:51:21

Nick McGowan

You kind of need that bass.

00:04:52:02 – 00:05:09:11

Heather Elicker

Yeah. But, yeah, my husband can listen to a song multiple times, but Isaac will hear a song and like, 2 seconds later, be able to play it back for you. So I think that comes from my dad, too. My dad plays from sound like just listening and something. I play the piano.

00:05:10:08 – 00:05:34:18

Nick McGowan

That might run through our family a bit. Now I know that we’re second cousins, so our immediate families are different. You’re a lamb. I’m a McGowan. That’s a big difference right there. Yeah, but there are certain people that are in our family that are entrepreneurial and people that are musicians or at least creatives of some sort. It’s funny, there are certain people that don’t think that they’re really creative, but they’re super creative in their business.

00:05:34:29 – 00:05:42:18

Nick McGowan

I know you’d worked for your dad for a long time, and he’s one of those guys that I don’t think he’s a musician, but that man is hyper creative and how he builds things.

00:05:43:06 – 00:06:08:12

Heather Elicker

He plays piano and he’s like, Before? Awesome. Yeah, he’s an entrepreneur as well. He actually bought his business from his boss when he was 20 years old. Yeah, just like turned 20 had to be because I was born in August and he was so funny for a dollar. So the man’s blast. But then he’s grown that business for 40 years and has worked.

00:06:09:09 – 00:06:20:13

Heather Elicker

Yeah. For government funded contracts and yeah. Has a good, good business. So crazy. Yeah. I never put those two together before in music and business.

00:06:20:18 – 00:06:34:19

Nick McGowan

Well, it’s a creative thing. I think that people that are creative or the creative type like I always thought of myself as one of those art kids. When I was in high school, I remember being like, Hey, I don’t want to be in this class. And they’re like, You’re not going to do anything anyway. Go down to the art room.

00:06:34:19 – 00:06:47:03

Nick McGowan

And I would just live there and do my thing. There’s so many people that are creatives that just don’t understand that that oozes into other things you do. Do you find that as well within your business that your creativity kind of oozes into what you do?

00:06:47:24 – 00:07:11:17

Heather Elicker

Definitely. I am I don’t know what you would say. I never got a full time job in it, but I went to college for it. I don’t know what that term is, but for graphic design and like websites and stuff and I, I kind of have pulled that into that with designing like invites and different stuff online, like for social media.

00:07:12:10 – 00:07:23:05

Heather Elicker

But yeah, definitely been a part of what I do. And of course makeup is just an extension of art. So yeah.

00:07:23:05 – 00:07:26:28

Nick McGowan

So how did you get into makeup? What led you to doing what you’re doing now?

00:07:27:28 – 00:08:02:17

Heather Elicker

So I’ve always liked makeup, but mostly it’s been the skincare. I’ve always been a fan of taking care of your skin. My cousin did Mary Kay and I loved the products, so I was always a fan of skin care. And most recently, within the past like five, six years, definitely makeup has become more of a passion. But I’ve always been confident in knowing that I’m taking care of my skin and that people, anyone can get to loving their skin if they take care of it, if that makes sense.

00:08:03:19 – 00:08:12:01

Heather Elicker

So yeah, it definitely makeup just comes as like a byproduct of that, like having a little fun, being a little artistic.

00:08:12:04 – 00:08:27:00

Nick McGowan

I find it interesting that we end up doing things that we didn’t think we would be doing years before that. Like in high school, if I would have asked you, Hey, do you think you’re going to be into makeup and skincare? Probably would be like, No, dude, I’m going to play this bass. Like, you want to grab the.

00:08:27:04 – 00:08:28:02

Nick McGowan

It’s hard for me.

00:08:28:04 – 00:08:32:10

Heather Elicker

I do. Definitely thought I’d be. Rocks are still way different.

00:08:33:01 – 00:08:51:14

Nick McGowan

So I find it interesting how people end up in situations like this because I think there are things that happen to us that make us start to head down that path. Like you may listen to the first episode of this podcast where our our guest, his grandfather, almost died in front of him. And that actually led him into medical device sales.

00:08:51:25 – 00:09:02:22

Nick McGowan

He didn’t put everything together and go, you know what? Pop up almost died too. Now I’m going to do this thing. But it ended up that route. Was there something that happened when you were younger, skin wise or skin cancer wise or something?

00:09:03:00 – 00:09:26:19

Heather Elicker

No, I just it was something I’ve always loved. I think it went back to makeup. And then when I discovered that products can really take care of your skin, like that became more the focus. But yeah, I’ve always loved and it wasn’t makeup in a girly way because, I mean, you’ve known me for so many years. I wasn’t an girly girl.

00:09:26:20 – 00:09:31:06

Heather Elicker

I mean, I was in an all girl punk band, but we didn’t. We weren’t very.

00:09:31:06 – 00:09:35:07

Nick McGowan

Girly. They’re all dudes in a good way.

00:09:35:21 – 00:09:58:03

Heather Elicker

We used to joke that we were 12 year old boys, and now that I have all these 13, now I’m like, Oh, my gosh. But anyway, yeah, like, I don’t know, it was just the, the confidence I would feel when I would do my makeup and not doing. I mean, not doing anything crazy. I wasn’t that I wanted to hide myself.

00:09:58:03 – 00:10:01:16

Heather Elicker

It wasn’t that I wanted to. It was just more of an expression, I guess.

00:10:02:23 – 00:10:26:08

Nick McGowan

I think confidence is a big thing. When you walk into any sort of situation, you need to be confident. Again, this podcast is about the gray matter and the gray area between things, what happened and where you’re at now. So if you think of when you set yourself up there, certain people I’m assuming here women, men, whatever that wear makeup, that feel like they have to put on that face and they have to put on this makeup because they feel bad about themselves.

00:10:26:18 – 00:10:34:20

Nick McGowan

What you’re saying is more of a confidence boost. That’s not really a mask per se. But how do you have conversation with your clients or prospects about that?

00:10:35:22 – 00:10:58:22

Heather Elicker

I mean, I just want them to feel confident and who they are. If they don’t want to wear makeup, I’m not going to force them to wear makeup. I’m going to recommend that they take care of their skin so they feel that confidence. But yeah, also just building those relationships with them in general, it’s more it’s not because I’m selling makeup, it’s not because I want them to buy something.

00:10:59:00 – 00:11:28:24

Heather Elicker

It’s because I want them to feel good about themselves. I want to build a relationship with them and be able to walk beside them in life. Like, I don’t know, it’s more than just makeup. And a lot of people don’t understand that, especially since we’re an MLM, quote unquote. A lot of people get the wrong impression that beauty consultants are there for the money and it’s just not the case.

00:11:30:00 – 00:11:48:02

Nick McGowan

I’m glad you bring up that. It’s an MLM. I was going to bring it up a little bit. I started out in an MLM when I was 18. That was kind of the beginning of my personal growth journey, and I understand that there are different people that are in those. It’s interesting now how social media is out there.

00:11:48:09 – 00:12:12:05

Nick McGowan

I didn’t have social media when I was in an MLM. I had like literally Cold Call People or your great great Aunt Hazel who was 93. And I’m like, Hey, can I, can I switch over your electric bills? A whole different story. But how do you manage the stigma around the MLM and still holding your confidence and not letting people kind of push you around because of their bullshit thoughts that they have about it.

00:12:13:06 – 00:12:48:12

Heather Elicker

Right? Like, wow, that’s like a heavy topic because it’s so true. It’s so relevant. It’s definitely here we are mindset like you can’t let other people depict like choices. You are going to make their opinion about you doesn’t matter as long as you like. I’m all about being integrity, all about being honest. As long as you are with a business that you feel represent your your, your aligned with you.

00:12:48:24 – 00:13:13:17

Heather Elicker

If that’s what what I think I’m looking for, as long as they align with your values, that’s what I’m looking for. As long as they align with your values, you can’t go wrong. And what other people say they don’t, they’re not in your shoes. They’re not paying your bills. My mentor likes to say, like, if they’re not paying your bills or giving you diamonds, it’s none of their business.

00:13:13:18 – 00:13:16:09

Nick McGowan

Yeah. Haters don’t pay your bills.

00:13:16:09 – 00:13:45:13

Heather Elicker

Right? Like, and I know that the company I do beauty consulting for Mary Kay they’re they’re about women. They’re for women. They’re made by a woman. Mary Kay was a real person like and they’re all about enriching women’s lives. Like that’s one of their trademarks. So I don’t, I definitely struggle like, don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely like a struggle.

00:13:45:13 – 00:14:06:22

Heather Elicker

It was definitely a struggle in the beginning to not take what people do or say or the no’s personally. But you just got to know who you are, know what you’re doing and what your why is and focus on that because. Yeah. Are there some I don’t know who says it, but other people’s opinions is none of your business.

00:14:07:17 – 00:14:22:21

Nick McGowan

Sure. Yeah. I think it’s important to understand that no matter what business you’re in, no matter what you’re doing, like you said, you need to know what your values are. You need to know what aligns with you. I think a lot of the stigma around the MLM is that people are like, I don’t know what to do with life.

00:14:22:24 – 00:14:39:09

Nick McGowan

Oh, you say I can wrap some shit around my body? Yeah, and I can sell it. I’m in. Let’s do it. Like, okay. Those people at that point are looking for a way to make money because they’re looking for a way to better their lives. Typically, they’re not in the best state of mind to be able to go through that.

00:14:39:09 – 00:15:02:24

Nick McGowan

Now, obviously, you have people that are like, this is the path that I need to get on, the timing in life and all of that. But that’s a small percentage of people. So of course you need to go through that. But talk to the people that are listening to this podcast that are going through that right now. What sort of advice would you give them that are just starting off either in their own business or an MLM and have to fight through those notes?

00:15:02:24 – 00:15:32:12

Heather Elicker

So if you’re not asking, you’re not getting it. But also if it’s something you really have, someone has cast that vision for you or you have cast that vision for you and it’s something you believe in. Go for it. There’s nothing holding you back but yourself, everyone else’s opinions and just yeah, you don’t know. You don’t you can’t read.

00:15:32:12 – 00:15:55:06

Heather Elicker

Just like they don’t know your life you don’t know their life. You’re offering a service, whether it’s your own business or MLM, you’re offering a service. And so there’s many people out there that may want to take your service. So you can’t you can’t just think nobody wants to talk to me. Nobody. I mean, I could tell you all the things that I want and it doesn’t serve you.

00:15:55:06 – 00:16:07:00

Heather Elicker

It doesn’t help. It doesn’t help you move forward in your business. It doesn’t help you. I heard you talk about your ag meter.

00:16:07:21 – 00:16:11:19

Nick McGowan

Right? The ag level. Yeah. Said I do need to trademark.

00:16:11:19 – 00:16:35:26

Heather Elicker

That like you because it’s so true. Like you got to get to a point where you’re like, okay, if I’m so aggravated that I’m getting noes, why am I doing this? And then if you go back, back to your why, that should motivate you to move forward and move past the noes. If you don’t have a why, I would start there.

00:16:35:26 – 00:17:00:17

Nick McGowan

Yeah, I’m thinking about that person that’s sitting here listening to the podcast or walking or doing whatever they’re doing and they’re like, Yeah, I hear you, I get it. I’m kind of in it now. And it’s the the daily stuff that they need to work on. That’s what they really need to work on. It’s the disciplines and the habits and being able to get in the habit of, Alright, well I need to talk to one or two people today and being able to do something, but it’s also accountability.

00:17:00:29 – 00:17:14:02

Nick McGowan

So talk to us about how you actually set yourself up with that because you got through it, you weren’t always the most outgoing person. I couldn’t throw you in front of a room of 500 people when you were 20 years old. You would have lost it on me.

00:17:14:25 – 00:17:16:08

Heather Elicker

Unless I had a base. Then I be.

00:17:16:08 – 00:17:19:25

Nick McGowan

Good. Different story. Yeah, but if I was like, here, get up here and talk a little.

00:17:19:25 – 00:17:20:20

Heather Elicker

Bit to the right.

00:17:20:24 – 00:17:32:22

Nick McGowan

Way different. But here you are now. So you’ve gotten to that point where you can do that. So what about that person that’s sitting there going through it? What sort of action steps would you give them that helped you?

00:17:32:22 – 00:18:08:12

Heather Elicker

Definitely practice. Ask friends if you can practice. Like if it’s a presentation that you have to do or a quote unquote sales pitch, I don’t know. That’s what I can relate to is practicing in front of someone. But going back to what you said about like daily habits like before I well, I did Mary Kay before kind of I didn’t have the mentorship that I do now and I was definitely in a different place in my life.

00:18:08:12 – 00:18:33:24

Heather Elicker

I was pregnant. I had one kid. Now, fast forward, it was probably ten, nine, eight, eight or ten years later. I’m like in it with my kids. So actually it was less than that. But now I have a mentor and she would always be like, You need to do a morning routine, you need to do all this stuff.

00:18:33:24 – 00:19:02:20

Heather Elicker

And I’m like, That’s wonderful. What’s I have to do with selling makeup and skin skincare? Like, what is the point? I’m a believer. I believe in Jesus and I’ve always known that I should be in the Word. I should be praying, but working on my mind like not. Does it say that in the Bible? Quite. And then as I learn, yeah, I’m going to correct myself.

00:19:02:24 – 00:19:39:12

Heather Elicker

Don’t worry. As I went through the past, it’ll be six years in April that I’ve been doing Mary Kay and having my own business as I went through that, it just the connections of taking every thought captive. I started 75 hard. I don’t know if you’ve heard of that. It is an exercise. It’s actually I’m I’m not mentally tough like let’s be honest I may not have quit.

00:19:39:12 – 00:20:05:07

Heather Elicker

Mary Kay, but I put myself in how I work, my work ethic, or I’ve let things get to me. So I’m like, I’m going to do this mentally toughness challenge. But that does open up my mind to like how it’s connected. Like, I need to figure out my schedule to know when I have to drink my gallon of water, when I have to work my first workout, because one of them has to be outside.

00:20:05:07 – 00:20:08:03

Heather Elicker

So I’m in Pennsylvania, I’m not in Florida.

00:20:08:15 – 00:20:17:14

Nick McGowan

It’s 46 here in Florida right now. I know it’s like four or maybe six in P.A. 18. Oh.

00:20:17:24 – 00:20:46:16

Heather Elicker

What my computers rose. But and I hate I hate the cold. I hate snow. I’ve had to walk in freezing temperature for a very long time. So just just those kinds of disciplines. Like, I’m like, wow, this is really all connected going back to the no’s, like being disciplined, even ask even if you’ve gotten ten no’s in a row, being disciplined, even if you’ve gotten 30 rose no’s in a row.

00:20:46:16 – 00:21:04:12

Heather Elicker

So yeah, it’s definitely all connected. I personally am working on the 75 hard now and my next goal is to create a morning routine. I’ve created a bad habit of sleeping in and that’s the next thing to go.

00:21:05:05 – 00:21:19:29

Nick McGowan

That’s interesting, because when you when you sleep in and then you feel such a way about that, it can set you off down a wrong path. Because when you wake up and you’re like, Oh, man, I got to do these things, and you go, Oh, crap, I should have slept this long and you’re already beating the hell out of yourself.

00:21:20:15 – 00:21:22:04

Nick McGowan

Is that what you’re going through now? Is that you’re doing?

00:21:22:12 – 00:21:51:17

Heather Elicker

Definitely is what I’ve done. I’m working towards being like, all right, there’s always tomorrow. How can I? Mary Kay is actually taught me how to put systems in place like I don’t know what people do who don’t have mentorship or systems or anything like that because I was just winging life. I mean, I’m pretty much a winger anyway, but I was literally I don’t know how I survived before learning all this stuff.

00:21:51:26 – 00:22:10:24

Nick McGowan

That’s a huge thing. A lot of people don’t get that. They don’t understand it. They think they just have to do it all by themselves and they just have to do everything on their own because other people don’t get it. You’re not special. We’re all of the same. ALL Yeah. So that, that’s something you have to take that step on.

00:22:10:24 – 00:22:24:21

Nick McGowan

So your step to get back into. Mary Kay that helped you get the mentorship and where you’re at now. What happened? Share with us that because that person sitting on couches wondering, how do I get back into it?

00:22:24:21 – 00:22:58:10

Heather Elicker

I think just seeing what other people are doing was the biggest draw. Like she was driving a streetcar, I saw Mary Kay in a totally different light. The mentorship, the the fine, the not old lady makeup and skincare. She’s my age, so she has kids. Her husband was going through a horrible health scare slash time. He just they just found out he was having had epilepsy in a heart condition.

00:22:58:24 – 00:23:22:17

Heather Elicker

Her daughter, like she was she was having a lot thrown at her. I’m her daughter was just diagnosed with Crohn’s. So it was like a lot and I’m just watching her and I’m like, if she can do this, I miss I mean, it wasn’t if she can do this, I can because I wasn’t there mentally, mentally. I was just trying to survive for being honest.

00:23:23:01 – 00:23:57:18

Heather Elicker

I had two kids. Yeah, I had two kids, seven and four at the time. So I was not in good with I have an anxiety I have generalized anxiety disorder. So I was I was struggling with panic attacks multiple times a week for no reason. Yeah, it was just a a brain chemical imbalance. I’ve gone through therapy with it and but so my medication wasn’t right.

00:23:57:18 – 00:24:22:12

Heather Elicker

It was just a bad time. And, and I was like, I need some fun in my life and I want to get my Mary Kay out a discount. So that was what made me do the jump. But as I as I continued, I noticed that this this lady has everything thrown at her and she’s still succeeding. Like, what am I doing sleeping in?

00:24:23:01 – 00:24:53:22

Heather Elicker

And I’m still trying to be that. But am I doing just sitting on the couch feeling bad for myself? Like I could actually, like, do something with this? So I, I think if it is in my own situation, find people that that are succeeding. If, if the program like Mary Kay is built to offer mentorship, if it doesn’t offer mentorship, ask, I mean, the worse you get is a no.

00:24:54:01 – 00:24:56:19

Heather Elicker

And then you keep going. Don’t stop.

00:24:57:25 – 00:25:27:00

Nick McGowan

You started to touch on some of the anxiety. So with the anxiety, just throughout the course of life, let’s let’s think about this. You are a mom, a wife, business owner and other things, you know, volunteer work and all that other stuff. So how do you manage your mindset throughout the day? By having all that stuff just coming and going, knowing that you also have to balance with your anxiety.

00:25:27:00 – 00:25:50:23

Heather Elicker

My anxiety is pretty much in check now. Back then I didn’t manage. My medications have been leveled or correct for probably since 2017. So I feel like I’m more aware of the things the systems I need to have in place, not like anxiety doesn’t control my life like it did well. It was more panic attacks controlled my life.

00:25:52:21 – 00:26:21:13

Heather Elicker

Yeah. Like I was listening to your podcast and he was talking about how he was able to connect the dots with his panic attack the first episode. And for me it wasn’t that way. I’d watch something on TV and have a panic attack. Like it wasn’t reality. So it was, it was, it was definitely most chemical imbalance in my brain that yeah, created more bad mindset.

00:26:22:08 – 00:26:54:29

Heather Elicker

But knowing that I got my medication right and had that mentorship and realizing throughout the past six years that I, I systems aren’t bad. I mean, I was a punk rock star, so, you know, a little rebellious. I do what I want. Yeah, I do what I want. You don’t know me I like but as I think turning 40 help to like all right you’re an adult now but now.

00:26:54:29 – 00:26:55:15

Nick McGowan

Now.

00:26:58:06 – 00:27:10:13

Heather Elicker

But now like systems have really helped my not necessarily my 80 or not. Yeah, I do have A.D.D. it’s undiagnosed, but it’s definitely there.

00:27:10:22 – 00:27:13:14

Nick McGowan

I think all creatives have A.D.D. of some sort, and.

00:27:13:14 – 00:27:19:03

Heather Elicker

I’m a product of the eighties, so like, that wasn’t a thing in school. They didn’t ask you for that?

00:27:19:20 – 00:27:28:07

Nick McGowan

I was. Oh, not at all. I’ve actually thanked my mom for dropping the ball on that. I’m like, I probably have ADHD and a bunch of other things, but you never took me, so we don’t know.

00:27:28:07 – 00:27:50:16

Heather Elicker

Yeah, you look a squirrel. All right, so. So creating systems, like having a notebook of what I need to be focusing on for the day, stuff like that. And in turn, that helps my anxiety because I’m not like, Oh, crap, I forgot to do this. Or That was actually one of my my 75 hard anxieties. I’m like, What if I forget to do something and I fail it?

00:27:52:06 – 00:27:53:06

Heather Elicker

But that hasn’t happened yet.

00:27:54:28 – 00:28:13:16

Nick McGowan

That’s that’s a big question. Ask yourself, you know, you joke about it and you laugh about it. But I know underneath that, like, those are serious questions because yeah, what if that happens? What if you don’t do this thing right? Your anxiety once that your anxiety is like, yeah, don’t do it because I’m going to fuck your day up, right?

00:28:13:18 – 00:28:33:16

Nick McGowan

Like, we’re coming in for you, we’re going to hurt you, and it’s just waiting to do that. So you’re not the only one that goes through that stuff. You experience it the way that you experience it. Don’t other people experience the way they experience it? You talked about medication, but also systems. So what systems are you using that are helping?

00:28:34:03 – 00:29:03:12

Heather Elicker

Definitely. I have a notebook of what things I would like to achieve for the day. And that’s also my my tracking. I track stuff for my business. So that’s all in that notebook as well. Like who I need to contact, how many people I’ve seen that month. I do a new notebook each month I know to when to limit things like caffeine or what I’m putting into my mind.

00:29:03:27 – 00:29:37:05

Heather Elicker

I’m being aware of that because that can add to anxiety for some reason I, I don’t know why, but movies and TV are a trigger. So funny, but it’s so I have to watch. I could read about something, but it’s it’s watching it and that something in my brain just does not like. I think because I am so imaginative and so creative that I imagine I’m there and it’s happening and I’m not prepared for that, especially like war movies and stuff like that.

00:29:38:14 – 00:29:41:13

Heather Elicker

I’m also an empath, so that probably has something to do with it.

00:29:41:22 – 00:29:42:25

Nick McGowan

You just soak it all in.

00:29:42:25 – 00:30:27:15

Heather Elicker

I just. Yeah, yeah. And then then it’s like, how do you deal with that stigma? I don’t have anything real to have a panic attack over this. You know, that’s been fine, but that’s been helpful with therapy and stuff and, and it’s kind of like things around me can push me over, but if I watch what I’m putting into my mind and consuming even caffeine and not enough water, vitamins, not taking my medication, like there’s a lot that I try to track and take care of myself.

00:30:28:06 – 00:30:49:12

Heather Elicker

I mean, just simple as doing my vitamins and my medication like I do that I put it out every week in case. But there’s times where I’ll just be like, Oh, I’m going to wait to take that until I eat something. And some I usually don’t eat breakfast and then my days it’s dinner time. So centering myself and being like, Are you taking care of yourself?

00:30:51:00 – 00:31:12:10

Heather Elicker

No, I’m not. I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off. So addressing, not stopping so you can go forward. Yeah. When things seem to go be going off the rails or a little crazy, I need to stop. What do I need to do to reel it back in? Do I need to do a dump list?

00:31:12:10 – 00:31:35:12

Heather Elicker

A dump list has been super helpful with even I’ll even sometimes schedule tours or things I need to do, like phone calls into my planner. I do have a planner as well. After I do a dump list because it’s just going on all in there. And that can just add to the anxiety as well.

00:31:36:28 – 00:31:44:07

Nick McGowan

Big time. Those mind dump lists can be huge because not as much of a list that you have to get stuff done with it. Just getting stuff out of your head.

00:31:44:07 – 00:31:44:18

Heather Elicker

Right?

00:31:44:23 – 00:32:01:13

Nick McGowan

I enjoyed doing the mind dump list where I can rattle off 1520, 30 different things and next thing you know, you notice patterns of things that are in there of, Oh, these are chunks of things that I need to do for my business, the things that I need to do for my house or things that I need to do for whatever.

00:32:01:24 – 00:32:09:07

Nick McGowan

And you can start to see some of those chunks. Are you familiar with the system? I’m not getting things done. System.

00:32:09:15 – 00:32:09:25

Heather Elicker

Okay.

00:32:11:01 – 00:32:27:14

Nick McGowan

Look it up, GTD. I’ve been using kind of a variation of that for years and years where you basically look at things in a sense of, is this a project or is this something I can knock out in 2 minutes? Because if you can knock it out in 2 minutes, then do not put it off. Just do the damn thing.

00:32:27:14 – 00:32:31:11

Nick McGowan

Yeah, if it’s like I need to put this thing in the laundry basket, right? Get up.

00:32:31:11 – 00:32:37:10

Heather Elicker

Do it in your head so easily and be like, that’s going to take like an hour. I don’t have time for that. I’m going to sit on the couch.

00:32:37:10 – 00:32:53:12

Nick McGowan

Yeah. And I. Yeah, exactly. I think that’s where our intuition kick in, you know, where we say if the intuition kicks in at that point and tells us it’s a minute, 2 minutes, and then your ego kicks in and goes, Oh, but you need this and you need to do that. What about this thing? What about that thing?

00:32:53:16 – 00:33:10:01

Nick McGowan

If that thing was really 2 minutes, just do the damn thing. Anything outside of that set it up as a project because then you can actually sit down and work through that project. So you’ve got your systems in your notebooks and all of that. Do you also find yourself journaling to help with that, or is that where the mind dump comes in?

00:33:10:06 – 00:33:37:14

Heather Elicker

I am not partial to journaling. I don’t know why. It’s definitely something that I heard you talk about on a previous podcast is definitely something that I would like to create a habit with. I just had past experiences where it was like during my high anxiety time and it wasn’t something I wanted to reflect back on. That’s right.

00:33:38:19 – 00:34:04:07

Heather Elicker

Yeah. So and that’s the same thing with exercise. Like during my high, my panic attack phase or season exercising, I had a panic attack while exercising. I’m like, can do that again. And that’s that’s where you have to come in and be like, okay, is this really something you don’t like or can’t do? Or is this something that I just need to work through that’s powerful?

00:34:04:17 – 00:34:18:18

Nick McGowan

No. If you tie any negative experience to anything you do, then that negative experience is what’s going to take over, said the people. Before you walk through a door and every time you walk through that door you get punched in the mouth. How many more times you going to walk through that door?

00:34:18:18 – 00:34:18:27

Heather Elicker

Right.

00:34:19:24 – 00:34:41:03

Nick McGowan

And some people are like maybe one, one, two more times. Some other people are like, I’m never going anywhere near that door again. If you think about having your gym and going, Wow, I need to go work out. But I had a panic attack there and instantly tie negativity to it. Then that’s going to mess with your psyche, your physical, all of it, yeah.

00:34:41:11 – 00:34:45:21

Nick McGowan

So how did you get through that and how did you come out of it?

00:34:45:21 – 00:35:17:10

Heather Elicker

Medication outcome was I’m on an antidepressant. I don’t take like the quick fix stuff. So balancing out my brain chemistry and being able to rationalize things that is is a real thing or not. I mean, a lot of my panic attacks, I don’t know the medical term. I told you my trigger, but a lot of them would happen because of that, because I thought I had a similar feeling before having a panic attack.

00:35:17:10 – 00:35:46:08

Heather Elicker

And so I would have that feeling again and have that panic attack. And so it was an awful cycle and just being able to get that medication in me, but also retraining my brain. So when I it was like I could feel my my thoughts going down a certain trained way or even my feelings. I don’t know, the brain is so wild and I would be able to be like, okay, you don’t want to go that direction because that’s what you used to do.

00:35:46:24 – 00:36:24:00

Heather Elicker

So let’s just think about something happy. And I sounds so simple and so trivial, but it’s so true. Like the brain is so powerful. Anything you think I believe, I mean, within reality, you can achieve and you do learning. Learning that from my mentor. You do have power over your brain. You don’t have to be stuck with reliving panic attacks and not being able to live your life like go see a doctor.

00:36:24:00 – 00:36:54:00

Heather Elicker

If that’s the case and you can retrain your brain. I just needed a little bit of medication to help me come back to zero and be all over the place and think yeah so is helped a lot. The medication and it was I did I’ve done therapy on and off you think like because of insurance you know that messes everything up.

00:36:54:09 – 00:37:24:00

Heather Elicker

You change insurance and then you can’t see your therapist again, you know? So it’s not something I’ve done consistently, but I’ve had seasons of where I went like weekly and then back down to monthly. But again, having a mentor or even a a spiritual leader to talk to is a big help. And opening up and being like, Look, I know I’m not crazy, but something’s not right.

00:37:25:13 – 00:37:34:26

Heather Elicker

Like in my brain, something isn’t so not being afraid to do to open up and be honest about how you’re feeling or what you’re thinking.

00:37:35:13 – 00:37:54:12

Nick McGowan

That’s tough for a lot of people to get to. The image, in my mind is a bridge. Somebody gets to that bridge and goes, okay, I know I can physically walk over this bridge. I don’t know how long it is. So I fear how long it’s going to take me to get over it. But they’ll just stop and sit there or they’ll just become a troll and live under the damn bridge.

00:37:55:00 – 00:38:04:21

Nick McGowan

Instead of asking somebody, Can you help me get across it? So how did you get to that point where you were like, I’m standing at this bridge and I need help to cross it?

00:38:05:13 – 00:38:31:05

Heather Elicker

I knew my mom dealt with it. Panic attacks and anxiety. I didn’t want to be like my mom, so that held me back. Of course, the stigma of medication held me back. But just coming to the point where I’m like, I can’t. This isn’t like my husband was noticing that I was a completely different person than when we were dating.

00:38:31:05 – 00:38:51:09

Heather Elicker

I ended up having a miscarriage into 1011 and that like threw me off. And that was when I was like, Okay, I think this has something to do with why I’m a wreck emotionally. So something. Something needs to change. I don’t have to like this isn’t living. This isn’t life.

00:38:53:22 – 00:39:11:17

Nick McGowan

Stuff. When we get to that spot, when you feel like you just don’t want it anymore, yeah, that’s sometimes what it takes for people to get to and I really wish for the people that listen to this podcast and they can hear our words and our stories and go, Okay, I don’t have to go down that path. I can learn that.

00:39:11:21 – 00:39:28:11

Nick McGowan

However, you’re probably still going to fuck up and you’re probably still going to have to learn it on your own. But take our wisdom and the thoughts that we have. I think certain things that we’ve learned over the course of time is because of time. You and I could not have had this conversation in our early twenties because we didn’t know any of this stuff yet.

00:39:28:15 – 00:39:44:24

Nick McGowan

We had no idea what was going on. But being able to share in the experiences and the wisdom, a lot of people I’m sure we can get into just, you know, I had a rough time and then I came out of it and here we are and great and everything’s happy. Let’s be able to talk about the tough shit.

00:39:44:24 – 00:39:46:06

Nick McGowan

That’s what this is about. Yeah.

00:39:46:13 – 00:40:16:12

Heather Elicker

And I don’t know. I don’t know if I’d still be married if I didn’t get help. I don’t know what my kids would be like. Especially I don’t I can say that for joining Mary Kay with what I’ve learned in personal growth is that with that business, I know for a fact I don’t know my kids like they can be tough sometimes to parent and just be around.

00:40:16:12 – 00:40:35:13

Heather Elicker

But I know I would without Mary Kay, I wouldn’t have been able to pass on what I’m learning to them. And that is like a huge deal being a parent. And I mean, let’s be real. None of us know what we’re doing when we’re a parent.

00:40:35:13 – 00:40:37:17

Nick McGowan

None of us know what we’re doing. Parents are not.

00:40:37:27 – 00:41:08:02

Heather Elicker

Yeah, yeah. But when, when you when there’s two other souls involved, it’s quite the responsibility. And I’m just super thankful that I have my mentor Danielle and, and other girls around me that have either gone to had or taught me how to, how to create a better mindset so I can pass that on to my kids because my youngest is more like me and like, super, I’m working on it.

00:41:08:02 – 00:41:30:17

Heather Elicker

I’m better, but super negative, super down on himself. And so if I didn’t have the mindset training or the the systems I have, I wouldn’t I wouldn’t be able to help him through that and help him learn things. One of one of my favorite things to say to him is if you say you can’t, you’re right. And he’s said it back to me before.

00:41:30:17 – 00:41:49:10

Heather Elicker

So having that, the kids will give you accountability for sure, but just being able to teach him the things that I’ve struggled with. He’ll be ten in February. So at ten years old, I mean, man, if we knew the stuff we know now at ten years old.

00:41:50:13 – 00:41:52:09

Nick McGowan

Oh, I’d still fuck up terribly.

00:41:52:09 – 00:42:03:15

Heather Elicker

Yeah, but I mean, like, I probably wouldn’t be as anxious. I probably wouldn’t have big hands. I don’t know. I would definitely been more confident for sure.

00:42:03:15 – 00:42:19:02

Nick McGowan

I think we can easily look back and go, Oh man, if only I knew this stuff when I was little. Or if I know if I knew the things that I know now in high school would be completely different and maybe. But that’s not real and we can’t really get there. But what we can get to is how we’ve been shaped by those things now.

00:42:19:15 – 00:42:27:07

Nick McGowan

So how do you feel that those overall situations, the anxiety, the miscarriage, all of that stuff, how do you feel that’s actually shaped you and your life right now?

00:42:28:15 – 00:43:01:06

Heather Elicker

Wow, it’s definitely grown like going back to the miscarriage. I’ve grown spiritually because of that. Because, I mean, who wouldn’t ask God? Why? Who wouldn’t? Because you get excited to have this life. I believe God is like the Creator and creates life. So why would you take that away from me? So that’s definitely been I mean, that was so long.

00:43:01:06 – 00:43:30:12

Heather Elicker

That was 11 ago, actually, 11 years ago on Monday. So just going through that, I grew up a peak pastor’s kid and you kind of you have your belief, but I don’t know. I feel like I was so I don’t know if it’s a blessing now that I’m 40. Looking back, I was blessed to have a soft life.

00:43:30:12 – 00:43:56:15

Heather Elicker

So now I’m like, now I’m really dealing with stuff and like dealing with stuff as an adult when you’ve had an easy life, can like really like transform the way you look at things and, and question things. But I’m definitely thankful. Like, I don’t regret that I had a cushy life, but it’s definitely been a learning experience because of that, which is why I’m doing mental toughness.

00:43:59:22 – 00:44:26:29

Nick McGowan

Is there’s a lot of people that have a hard time with getting past that, you know, people that grew up with a silver spoon in their mouth basically, and just expecting things to be like that for the rest of their lives. I mean, even if we go back to the Buddha story, how he grew up and then ultimately going, well, I don’t want this at all and go in complete opposite route, you know, then there are people that live terrible, terrible childhoods and they grow up to do incredible things.

00:44:27:00 – 00:44:49:24

Nick McGowan

But they’re also the people that live terrible childhoods and they grow up to be mass murderers, or they were rich kids and they grow up to be mass murderers. It’s all on how we actually take that stuff and the perspective that we have. Now that you have kids that are kind of challenging you and that you’re seeing certain challenges from yourself within those kids, do you feel more of a responsible for yourself, for them?

00:44:50:09 – 00:45:28:13

Heather Elicker

Oh, yeah, definitely. Like personal growth and making sure I’m doing my best and and not leaving any on touched issues, I guess you would say I’m not leaving any of that behind and digging into that and learning to be my best. I mean, personal growth and Christianity can have such a are a love hate relationship like a lot of Christians may look at personal growth as selfish or as something that isn’t relatable to the Christian faith.

00:45:28:13 – 00:46:01:13

Heather Elicker

But I think I mean, the Bible is chock full of I mean, talking about beating your body to submit to what you want it to do and doing things that you don’t want to do, but you do it anyway. I think in the Bible, I think Christianity and personal growth are completely compatible. I think that if God calls us to be holy and that I was really not coming on here to talk about my religion, I just want to make facts right.

00:46:01:13 – 00:46:03:24

Nick McGowan

I mean, we were both both. CHRISTIE Yeah.

00:46:03:25 – 00:46:40:26

Heather Elicker

It just it just came out. So I just want to make that clear. But it’s part of my story, like, because I was the mind that I had was I’m a Christian, I’m good. Like, what else is there to do? And it’s not it’s not is it’s true in the mind like the tiny, tiniest of technicality. But it’s not true because God calls us to be better and to be holy and to, yeah, be more like him.

00:46:41:11 – 00:47:11:28

Heather Elicker

And I definitely he’s definitely led me to these opportunities to build mindset and to have a mentor. I definitely couldn’t have done it without him. But like also, I don’t know if I want to bring this up, but my grandfather was not a nice man and he claimed to be a Christian and he was trained as a pastor, like with Bible School.

00:47:11:28 – 00:47:52:15

Heather Elicker

So just having that example or lack of an example, I don’t want to be like I don’t want to be stuck in my ways and miserable and making everyone else miserable because I’m miserable and I’m not happy unless you are. But that that is definitely shaped like I just think looking back over my married life and seeing how I could tend to be way and that was his choice to be that way.

00:47:52:15 – 00:48:12:24

Heather Elicker

He was never always he wasn’t always that way. But he got mad at God. He got mad at his life and just stayed there for decades and decades. So I do not want to pass any of that on to my children at all. Let’s bring it full circle.

00:48:14:12 – 00:48:38:00

Nick McGowan

It’s a lot with with your grandfather because he’s the brother of my grandfather and they are wildly different people. And I’ve thought about this often. So I’m glad that you brought this up where I couldn’t imagine having your grandfather as mine being me as a kid because I would have told that guy several ways to fuck off and, you know, whatever.

00:48:38:00 – 00:49:06:26

Nick McGowan

And I would have never been allowed in the Green House. And I absolutely loved the greenhouse. They had where my grandfather was wildly different, softer, caring, all of that. But his kids have led different lives, just like your grandfather’s kids have led different lives. So it’s all how we take those things and what we do with it. I think sometimes you have to have that shit happens somewhere for you to have some sort of perspective.

00:49:07:07 – 00:49:23:18

Nick McGowan

Like, I grew up in a crazy childhood situation. That’s it. I’m going to leave it like that. You didn’t so black and white, you know, we’re just going to leave it black and white sort of way. But you had that grandfather that had that thing for you to learn, for you then to turn and go, I don’t want my kids to experience this.

00:49:23:23 – 00:49:35:09

Nick McGowan

I know I have tendencies to do this, so now I need to fix that. And that’s a big thing for you to get to. How do you how do you forgive your grandfather?

00:49:36:05 – 00:50:16:23

Heather Elicker

I think all people have any tendency to be as the, quote unquote, evil person, the addict, the just what society thinks as completely wrong. So I definitely like how I said I have a tendency to be a little bitter. That is just knowing that he’s no different than me. He just made different choices than me. And like his funeral was last year over COVID and it was so strange.

00:50:16:23 – 00:50:52:05

Heather Elicker

Like, how do you celebrate someone who didn’t show to show love or celebration? So just being able to respect the fact that he did instill discipline in his children and they all have grown up and succeeded in life despite him. Because, yeah, it’s a god thing because no normal human would be able to forgive someone that flat out tells your father he’s a failure or just.

00:50:52:24 – 00:51:17:27

Heather Elicker

And it wasn’t like, yeah, he was. Oh, he was just nasty. I mean, that’s the only way I can explain to him. He was bitter at God and how his life turned out. And he didn’t think that he had control over anything as far as like what job he got or the thoughts he had. And so and I mean, you only have the tools that you in your tool belt that you can work with.

00:51:18:11 – 00:51:40:06

Heather Elicker

So he didn’t have. And I think that’s kind of why I’m like, I mean, I definitely in my adult life distance myself from him because you don’t want that negativity in your life and you don’t want your kids around it. So just being able to separate myself from that and just be like, That’s all a man is. Like, That’s all he allowed himself to know.

00:51:40:22 – 00:51:41:29

Heather Elicker

And it’s a shame.

00:51:42:09 – 00:52:01:19

Nick McGowan

That’s all he allowed himself to know. Yeah, because he made that decision and he said, you know, I’m going to step back to when you said the people that are most like the people that are like, you know, well, Jesus will take care of it, right? Sure. Yeah, I get that. Jesus wants you to take care of it like you need to do your part of this.

00:52:01:27 – 00:52:15:17

Nick McGowan

It’s almost like those people that are like, well, you know, he’ll take care of all the things. I’m just going to continue to sit here. It’s like, Well, that doesn’t make any sense. It’s like that old story of the guy standing on top of the house with the house being flooded.

00:52:15:18 – 00:52:15:27

Heather Elicker

Yeah.

00:52:16:10 – 00:52:32:16

Nick McGowan

And a helicopter. A plane and a boat and all that coming along. Then we get to. To Heaven. God is like, I sent you all these different vehicles to get you off the damn house, and you’re still here? Yeah. I wonder if at the end of the story actually goes, well, you’re out, you’re headed down, you got to go somewhere else.

00:52:33:08 – 00:52:56:12

Nick McGowan

We’re not going to get into that. But those choices that people just succumb to and go, you know, Jesus will take care of this for me or my spouse will take care of this for me, or somebody else will take care of this for me. It’s not taking care of that themselves. That’s a big thing for you to step up and go, Look, I need to take some sort of action, so I’m proud of you for taking that action.

00:52:56:18 – 00:53:17:02

Nick McGowan

And I can imagine it be pretty difficult to celebrate a man who didn’t celebrate and who was pretty nasty. But the fact that you stepped up for your kids and your family, that you have is huge. And I’m glad that you don’t lean on the Christianity saying and just say like, oh, well, this is just a crutch and God’s going to take care of everything.

00:53:17:02 – 00:53:20:24

Nick McGowan

I don’t do a damn thing at all. Yeah, you got to sit on the couch. That doesn’t make any sense.

00:53:21:03 – 00:53:27:28

Heather Elicker

No, it’s not life. But people do it. Yeah, it’s not literary.

00:53:27:28 – 00:53:36:24

Nick McGowan

So speaking of living, are there any major situations that have happened in life that you can look back to and go, you know that right there that changed me.

00:53:37:18 – 00:53:54:28

Heather Elicker

I think the situation I’m living in right now. So about sorry, babe, I didn’t think I was going to talk about this, but here we go. I’m an open book, so he should know that by now it’ll be 15 years in October.

00:53:55:02 – 00:53:58:21

Nick McGowan

So proceed with your book.

00:54:00:09 – 00:54:37:13

Heather Elicker

So he applied for a Border Patrol position back in June of 2020, and that was just an application. I’m like, All right. I mean, everyone’s on their own journey to find out what you want to do. He loves the outdoors. He has a passion for human trafficking, like stopping human trafficking and so we talked and talked and he I think he researched it for about a year.

00:54:37:13 – 00:55:04:04

Heather Elicker

So it started in 2000, that June 2019, he was just kind of researching, seeing if this is something he would like to do. And then so June 2020, he applied. And then, I mean, it’s the federal government, guys. It takes forever. He had like nine different things he had to accomplish or path before actually being hired. And then he had to go out.

00:55:04:05 – 00:55:28:14

Heather Elicker

He would have had to go to training camp in New Mexico for six months and then he would be assigned a position. So it was definitely a long process and we were like, okay, like we can do this. So he went through like three or four processes fairly quickly in the late summer, early fall, and we were like, maybe we should sell our house like can go live with my parents.

00:55:28:14 – 00:56:11:17

Heather Elicker

So if you get and get the job then we can go. Then I’ll be with my parents any way for six months and then we can go wherever you’re assigned. So December 2020, we sold our house and we actually moved into my parents basement, Labor Day weekend of 2020. And then we are still here. He found out the end of July that he he had two more things to complete, went through three polygraph tests in D.C., finally passed that, and then found out the end of July that he was found unsuitable for the position of Border Patrol.

00:56:11:17 – 00:56:50:28

Heather Elicker

So that was devastating for him. And living in your parents basement at 40 is not an exciting thing that you want to be doing with your life. So just the the whole situation has been eye opening to the mindset, like stopping like when I feel like I’m getting anxious or pissed off about it lately that I’m still stuck here in a basement, I, I’ve got to be like, how is that helping anything else that moving my life forward?

00:56:51:20 – 00:57:17:06

Heather Elicker

By mulling over being stuck. I mean, I you can you can imagine, like where I could have taken any of those thoughts. And I’m like, now this is where we’re supposed to be. We’re not going to be here forever. This is yeah, this is just a stopping moment, a tiny, minuscule moment. A year out of my entire life.

00:57:17:22 – 00:57:48:26

Heather Elicker

A little over a year. But he’s counting a year of my life that I’m going to be like, Hey, you remember that year we lived in my parents basement. So just just that has opened my mind up to a lot of. Yeah, like, you can’t just let your mind go to those dark places when life comes hard. When it becomes hard.

00:57:48:26 – 00:58:29:16

Heather Elicker

So yeah, that’s definitely led me to being more aware of what I’m putting into my mind and telling myself because I’m at I’m 40. So I’m at the point in my life where, yeah, like that’s not helpful that serving me. Why am I even thinking it? It doesn’t affect eternity. It doesn’t affect right now. What’s the point. So yeah, just taking it one day at a time and, and trying to find the joy in living in my parents basement.

00:58:29:16 – 00:58:51:24

Nick McGowan

It’s being present. You know, there are things that right off the bat come to my mind, give you your your mom and dad are wonderful. So you have incredible parents that love the hell out of you, your husband and your kids, and you guys get to spend some time with them. So the fact that your mindset is more on a positive for some people could just really be in the negative.

00:58:51:24 – 00:59:04:27

Nick McGowan

And just like I’m stuck here and all of that, right? I think it’s a black and white of which way we want to look because if you want to look shitty, then go that direction. If you want to look in a positive space and go Right, well, it is what it is now. How do I be present and how do I work with this thing?

00:59:05:01 – 00:59:10:29

Nick McGowan

What do we do from here and kind of times you hear young kids get to spend with their grandkids on the daily.

00:59:11:10 – 00:59:34:03

Heather Elicker

Right? Right. And I mean, we’re all sick of each other at this point. But if it weren’t for a different way where the Border Patrol did happen, like we’d still be here, like if he found out in August, I mean, we’d still be here till February with his training. So it’s not like yeah, it’s not like any time has been wasted.

00:59:34:03 – 00:59:56:24

Heather Elicker

And also like if he did get the job, what you said the time with the grandparents, we would have moved across the country to the border, the southern border and. Well, yeah, and that can totally be a blessing in disguise. We’ve, we’ve walked through that and talked through that together and not a place that you want to necessarily be right now.

00:59:58:04 – 01:00:14:21

Nick McGowan

Sure. And I think God will lead you to doors and lead you away from doors. It’s on us to be able to either go through them or not. Right. And sometimes it’s really on us to not push, stop pushing, like trying to fit that square peg in a round hole sort of situation. You know.

01:00:15:19 – 01:00:16:21

Heather Elicker

You got to let it up to him.

01:00:17:29 – 01:00:34:12

Nick McGowan

Yeah, yeah. And then take take the lead from there. So Heather, we’ve covered a lot of stuff. I really appreciate you being on the call and being on the show today. It’s been wonderful to have you there. Maybe one piece of advice you’d want to give to somebody out there that’s on their own path towards self-mastery.

01:00:35:08 – 01:00:54:15

Heather Elicker

I don’t give up. I mean, it’s if your your passion and your heart wants to be better, just keep keep going. Don’t give up. Find someone to help you strategize and figure out systems and yeah, find that community.

01:00:56:00 – 01:01:00:17

Nick McGowan

Well, I really appreciate being on. Where can people find you? Where can they connect with you?

01:01:00:27 – 01:01:11:05

Heather Elicker

I’m on faith Book and Instagram. Instagram I’m at Rock Out Fabulous. So you can find me there.

01:01:11:29 – 01:01:42:05

Nick McGowan

All right, cool. Thanks so much, Heather. We appreciate your time today. Another great conversation on today’s episode of The Mindset and Self-mastery show. The two words that keep swirling around my head are systems and community. But let’s set those aside for a moment. Think about what it means to manage your mindset. It’s not just about the awareness of our mindset in general.

01:01:42:05 – 01:02:10:22

Nick McGowan

It’s about what happens next. So when we manage appropriately, we begin to move forward with purpose through the systems we put in place to harness its power. So with that in mind, let’s bring back in systems community problem. Your systems and community are incredibly important. Your growth. We both know this, but now that we’re both on the same page with the step after awareness, ask yourself, are you operating based on systems and community?

01:02:10:22 – 01:02:29:15

Nick McGowan

That’s of the mindset you actually want to live or not. So what did you think of today’s episode? I’d love to hear your thoughts on the conversation today and if you enjoyed the episode, please jump over to iTunes and subscribe rate and leave a five star review that helps us and it helps other people and we really appreciate it.

01:02:30:00 – 01:02:51:20

Nick McGowan

And if you really enjoyed the show today, go ahead and share it with your friends and check out the show notes for more info, contact info for Heather and check out other episodes on the mindset and self Mastery Show E-Comm as well as our YouTube channel, The Mindset and Self-mastery Show. Thank you again, Heather, for being on, for being real, being honest with us and thanks you for joining us today.

01:02:51:28 – 01:02:57:22

Nick McGowan

To remember your mindset matters and so do you.