Yes, messrs Velvet, Blackout and Bognops break out the garlic and make sure the pooper-scoopers are within arm's reach, as Flash Gordon, The Phantom and a host of King Features chums (as well as a minibus full of their kids) find themselves knee-deep in Transylvanian doings when the Defenders Of The Earth (defenders...) wonder what exactly has gone into Dracula's Potion.

How many biological-photocopying superpowers does Dracula have that that even Bram Stoker didn't know about? How does the Grade-2-listed status of a 900yr old Eastern European castle affect a local authority application for an on-site massage parlour with neon-pink accent lighting? And how do the Defenders Of The Earth (defenders...) think that turning up unannounced in a remote woodland village dressed like the Aerobics-Wing of the Gladiators isn't going to lead to a little bit of adverse comment at the very least?

Nip round to Phaze for a quick change of clothes, press Play and find out...

The Peggy Mount Calamity Hour is a free podcast from iPorle Media, which holds production copyright. Opinions and recollections expressed are not to be taken as fact. The title and credit music is by Doctor Velvet, with additional accompaniments from Ozzy Bognops. Audio segments from television programmes are presented for review and informational purposes only under fair use, and no ownership of these is claimed or implied by this show. Email enquiries to [email protected]