Andi wants to know what I know about the military prison in Schwedt. “Nothing.” And that's more than enough, I scrape together what I've heard.

No one talks about it. But everyone knows someone who knows someone who was there. And they keep quiet.

What all the rumors have in common are the reasons that landed self-confident young men in Schwedt and caused them to return to their companies intimidated or even broken.

Assault, theft, insubordination, desertion, drunkenness, or disobedience were the usual "crimes", punishable by up to two years in NVA prison.

Since 1982, commanders have been able to send unpopular recruits to Schwedt for a few months without a military court.

Those who end up there are at the mercy of the regime, which has absolute power over you:

Strict solitary confinement. Endlessly long days. Total control.

Drill until you pass out. Perverse blind obedience. Dirty work in the refinery.

Pooping on command. Not when you have to, but when they allow you to.

My problem is my innate rebelliousness, which I was recently able to exploit with impunity in a military training camp on Rügen.

There, for pacifist reasons, I refused to participate in exercises with fake weapons.

“Frech wie Oskar” (Cheeky as Oskar, local expression), I also made a bet that I would kiss the officer on duty in front of the assembled troops for his tolerance during the last roll call.

The bet earned me a whopping 50 marks and a few dozen cheering comrades who laughed themselves silly when I actually did it.

The irritated instructors were completely overwhelmed by the situation and let me get away with it.

So far, so funny. In the army, I would definitely end up in the slammer for something like that, i.e., in Schwedt.

Added to that is my fundamental tendency to disobey orders when they are politically motivated.

I've been completely clear about this for years: the West is not my enemy.

I'm also toying with the idea of refusing military service altogether, which would cost me two years.

That's why I'm here voluntarily.

And Andi has to be careful who he shows his fist to when they draft him. Assault is said to be one of the most common reasons for ending up in Schwedt.

Andi is shocked. Unfortunately, I can't think of a song by Udo that fits the situation. Instead, I start singing a canon:

“In einer kleinen Goldschmiederei(In a small goldsmith's workshop) /Da saßen wir zwei(There we sat, the two of us) /Bei Kupfer und Blei(With copper and lead) /Du sprachst kein Wort(You didn't say a word) /Kein einziges Wort(Not a single word) /Ich wusste Bescheid(I knew what was going on) /Kriminalpolizei ...(Criminal investigation department ...)”

He calms down again. The Bakelite program continues. All Quiet in the Eastern Jail.

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