How do you deal with "busy"?

Just having kids raises your level of "busy".  But you probably have more control over your "busy" than you may think!  

Two things. . .we do "waste" time, but even without "wasted" time, as humans, we almost always try to fit more "busy" into a day than is possible.

For example, our family has created some rules around our schedule.  

1. We only do one appointment a day (unless having more will limit long range trips). 
2. We need 1-2 "off" days a week.

Brittany looks at the day in three chunks. . .

1. Morning-they are the most productive and energetic.  This is when appointments happen.
2. The afternoon-the house gets quiet, naps happen.  (Generally Brittany doesn't schedule anything during this time).
3. The afternoon/evening-a VERY busy time of dinner prep and bedtime routines, nothing is planned outside the house.  (This is another time when Brittany doesn't schedule anything). 

Depending on which season you are in, you may need to say "no" to good things!  

If you are slowly turning from "mom" to "drill sergeant" it may be an indication that you are scheduling too much.  

There are busier seasons when you can't take things off your plate-it is in these times where you can focus on being kind to tomorrow's you (as Jon Acuff says). 

In Brittany's family, down days are necessary!  Rest isn't earned!  Build in rest times for every day, and build in rest day(s) every week.

Even on a day dedicated to errands, plan ahead for meals and snacks, and build in some play time!  Brittany even suggests that even 30 minutes of hard play at a park can change a busy day for the better!

Do your children participate in extracurriculars?

Brittany's family doesn't do organized sports.  Years ago, they made a decision that the schedule of sports was more frustrating and stressful than it was worth.  However, as a homeschool family, they do sewing classes, cooking classes, theater classes, and outings during the morning!  They visit the skate park, throw baseballs, bike, kick soccer balls, just not on an official "team".  

It's really important to know who you are and what you enjoy!  You can say "no" to sports!  There are beautiful benefits that come along with sports, but these lessons can be learned outside sports as well!

Our family does participate in organized sports, in a very chill way.  I love watching my kids on the field, regardless of their ability.  

Do you allow your kids to participate in more than one sport or extracurricular activity each season?

For my family, no.  One activity times 5 kids is enough.

Brittany's family does one thing at a time, and one class per day.  It's good to know what season you're in!  

For example, our kids wanted to play basketball this winter and I knew we had a big surgery for my husband coming up.  I had to say "no" this time around.  

Mommas-it's ok to say "no" to sports!  

How do you handle multiple kids on multiple teams?

I had a friend who told me that the best way to handle this is to get to know the coach and the other parents on the team.  Get phone numbers, social media accounts, and learn to communicate with others.  You may need to learn to get creative and make friends quickly.  Begin with the coach-as they generally have a background check.  

If you get in a real pickle and you absolutely can't get kids where they need to be, here's how I determine who goes to what. . .

1. Games trump practices.
2. Older kids have less time left to play, and trump younger kids. 

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How do you deal with highly sensitive kids?

We talk about three types of highly sensitive kiddos. . .

1. Kids that are overly emotional.

2. The melt down kid.

3. The kiddo who just shuts down.

There are a few different ways to handle these kids, but we ALWAYS begin with respect.  

Then, first, we remove ourself from the situation (especially if a kiddo is acting out when we are out and about).  As parents, it's our job to help our little ones deal with these emotions and communicate their needs in a better way.  

We've all left stores with screaming children, we've all cried in our cars in parking lots, but these are all good battles we are fighting.  

Highly sensitive kids seem to push boundaries, and it's our job to set boundaries and stand firm on them.  We all want kids who are kind, sensitive, loving adults who bring good to the world.  

So, remove kiddos from the situation, acknowledge their feelings (as much without judgement as possible-because they are trying to communicate), then seek to hone the behavior (without breaking the child) and stick with your boundary.

At home, starting from a young age, we don't do screaming or all-out laying on the floor fit throwing.  Brittany acknowledges the kiddo, offers them the option to go and calm down, feel ALL the things, and come back when they are a bit more calm (little kids, big kids, etc.).  

In our house, we have had some kiddos who can't settle themselves once they get going.  In that case I have held hands, looked in eyes, given hugs, even bear hugs.  It ALL depends on the kid.

When kids DO settle down, Brittany suggests listening first-and then trying to help kids navigate those feelings with respect.  Respect is BIG for Brittany-modeling respect (speaking respectfully to her kids and expecting her kids to speak respectfully to her).  Next, Brittany uses the "good questions" to get her kids involved in handling the situation.  

In summary. . .Firm boundaries, consistency, ask good questions, give them time and space to calm down, then address the issue and draw your hard line at disrespect-and do so without guilt. 

Something to keep in mind (with highly sensitive kids) is the times when they are more likely to break down.  Some kids don't do well with change or transitions.  If you have a kiddo like this, make sure to talk them through the day-and give your expectations.  

Finally, kids are always growing and changing!  Maybe this is not the "Library" or the "Grocery Store" with kids season (I stayed out of the library for like 10 years), but just keep doing your best and trying over and over again!  

Maybe not at first, but children respond to boundaries really well (when we are consistent).  

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Do you bed-share?

Bed-sharing can include, but is not limited to infants, nursing toddlers, and older kids.  Our answers are yes!  For both of us, it has made nursing babies much easier!  

For both Brittany and I, the key was keeping diapers, wipes, and a garbage close so babies could be changed and fed right in bed.  This led to me keeping a larger bed in our babies' rooms so I could continue my version of bed-sharing even when my husband was home.  Brittany did the same thing-in her bed!  

What are some things you have done throughout the years for bedtime routines?

Infants: Brittany picked the last feeding for the evening (either 6:30 or 8:30), change and nurse them and put them in their own bed.  Then at the first wake-up, she would change and feed them and keep them in bed with her.  My own kids chose 6:00pm as the "screaming hour" and our last feeding would be about 9:30 (when I would feed, change, and put the babies in bed).  At about 11:30 my babies would come into my bed.

Toddlers: Consistency is key.  Try a few different things, and when you find something that works, stick with it.  Eat dinner, clean everyone up and get toddlers ready to be IN bed by 7.  In Brittany's house, they would do "loves" and go to bed.  In our house, bedtime really began with dinner at 5:00pm.  After dinner, we would turn on classical lullaby music and dim the lights, then baths, and reading before bed (until either the kids or I fell asleep).  These kiddos go to bed about 7:00pm.

Side note: Brittany's version of "loves" is getting the kids ALL riled up-and then reciting the MOST beautiful poem.  Also, bed times are determined by age AND maturity level in Brittany's house, and are staggered.  

Pre-Schoolers & Kindergardeners: These kiddos are similar to toddlers.

School-Agers: Kids who are six and above do chores after dinner and have a little free time after the smaller kids go to bed.  

Middle-Schoolers: These guys get to play games and watch movies after the littles go to bed.  If they get chores done by chore-check, they have more free time in the evenings (if chores aren't done, they need to go to bed).  They DO get to read in bed (as long as chores are done).  Privileges come along with responsibility and good decisions.  In our home-we start wrapping things up at 7pm (final snack, brushing teeth, etc.), then I let the professionals at Audible do night-time reading for me. 

High-Schoolers: My high schoolers begin making their way towards bed at 9:00pm (the actual falling asleep varies, but we aim for 10:00pm).  

What are the best ways to divide up children's rooms as your family grows?

“Love grows best in little houses, with fewer walls to separate. Where you eat and sleep so close together, you can’t help but communicate. If we had more room between us, think of all we’d miss. Love grows best in houses just like this.” – Doug Stone from the song Little Houses

From "You Belong Here" by MH Clark

Kids CAN share rooms!  Brittany has 7 children in a home with 3 bedrooms!  When you live in a smaller space, you LEARN to exist with other humans and there ARE beautiful benefits!

Currently, they have the 5 girls sharing a room and the 2 boys are together.  Kids DO get woken up, but they are also becoming hardier sleepers.  

If you are transitioning give it three days!  You will BOTH be different people by day 4!  Just do it!  Also-stay consistent!  

Know your season.  Take your kids' ages into account, as well as the needs of your family.  Be open to what you need, what your kids need, and your resources.

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I'm tired of family who belittles and berates me for my choices, do you have any suggestions?

First, let's get on the same page. . .

Even the worst moms we know are most likely doing THEIR best.  

You may feel like you are doing an AMAZING job, and your kids may not receive it that way.

You may also feel like you are doing an AWFUL job of momming, and down the road you may find that your kids didn't see it the same way.

Sarah Mackenzie often said, "It's not all up to us, we have to be faithful and we have to allow God to work."  You have to show up the best you can, and you have to allow God to work.

Beginning with people who belittle and berate you for your choices. . .

Unless someone is directly caring for your children, their opinion doesn't matter.  

Children are here to humble us!  

Ending with family. . .dig into WHO is doing the belittling.  Is it coming from a place of love?  If not, if it's true berating and belittling, it doesn't deserve space on your bookshelf.  

Sometimes, when family sees you doing things differently, they may see it as a direct affront to their choices.  We need to remember that it's ok for us to make different decisions for our family.  What you discern together with your husband is the MOST important (more important than what your extended family thinks).  

Practice self awareness.  ARE you making good choices?  If yes, great!  If no, try to do much better!  

You will come across toxic people, and a lot of people can be well intentioned but poorly executed, and then there are people who are purely toxic.  

Brittany doesn't generally engage with people who are challenging her decisions.  She will listen, but will set firm boundaries.  She and her husband prayerfully and thoughtfully discuss their choices and they take responsibility for them.

As parents, we make millions of choices.  All we can do is the best we can do, learn from what happens, and then pivot if necessary.  

Did you ever feel like just being a mom is not enough in this society, like you always have to have your hand in something else other than raising the most important people in your life in order to be on the same level as everyone else?

I (Tiffany) say yes!  I never planned on having children, and if I did, I figured I would be a working mom.  I DID work up until kid #3, and then a series of events led to me staying home.  

Brittany came from a long line of women who were stay-at-home moms.  She grew up thinking that she would be a stay-at-home mom.  This is a long game, and a marathon-not a sprint.  Brittany has picked up odd jobs over the years and enjoyed the external validation.  Children have a great way of helping you die to self.  

Being a mother is incredible, powerful, and beautiful.  

Everything that we do and learn as moms has actually trained us to be great humans, and eventually employees (or business owners) if that is your goal!  You should be able to put "mother" on a resume and it should hold REAL weight.  

Being a mother will make you into a better person, being married can do the same, AND just striving to be a better human will as well.  

We all have the opportunity to live the life we've been given to the best of our ability-including MOMS!  If you are feeling pressure to do more or be more, pray about what God's calling you to-and go live that out.  

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While new episodes will not be published, we hope you can enjoy any of our 200+ past episodes!

If you feel like you've lost your fun side, how do you recover it?

When you're in the survival zone, it can be easy to forget who you are.  Your wants and needs tend to align directly with what you kids want and need. . .it can be easy for moms to lose that fun side while they are so busy keeping little people alive.  

Sacrificing for your children can be a very noble thing, but it isn't noble to sacrifice EVERYTHING.  It is important to find "fun" for yourself in different ways!  When you're a mom, you are automatically giving out large chinks of your day-so beginning in the morning and making "fun" a priority is important.  There are pockets of time where you can fit fun in-you just have to find them.  

Maybe traveling is your thing, find ways to bring your kids into that fun.  Find ways to have fun WITH your kids!  

With older kids, how do you have fun?  Brittany suggested video games, bringing them into your hobbies, working with them to build skills (that can also be fun)!  

You are worth it!  

How do you invest in yourself?  

Your most important student in your homeschool is you!  (Or, the most important learner in the family is the parent!). Everyone benefits from a mom who is dedicated to learning and growing!  

This is the Age of Enlightenment!  Everything you need to grow and invest in yourself is available, and lots of it for free!  

Let your kids see a mom who is a lifelong learner!  It's always ok to get better!  You can google and learn just about anything you want to know for free!

This podcast is an example of investing in yourselves so you can pass that knowledge along to others.  

How do you invest in yourself?  Anything!  Start with your interests!  If you are a homeschooler, use your schooling as an opportunity to learn WITH your kids!  Listen to podcasts, books, read books, check out your library!  You are only limited by your creativity!  

When you invest in YOU, you are also investing in your family.  

We have a challenge for you, invest in yourself this week!  Pick something (start with 5 minutes a day) and just do it!

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While new episodes will not be published, we hope you can enjoy any of our 200+ past episodes!

How can you get your kids to not talk SO loud all day?

Kids naturally are just loud-especially at different intervals during the day.  

We recommend setting some boundaries.  Establish the "inside" and "outside" voice levels in your home (this may be different for every family).

Also, work on a little "sound consideration."  The amount of noise generated by ALL the humans in a home (even if it is happy sound) doing ALL the things can be overstimulating.  Closing doors, setting down the toilet seat, even moving dishes can be done a bit quieter.  If this is your "thing" as a mom, try a bit of calming music (earbuds anyone?).

Expect to repeat yourself ALL the time.  

Something that WILL drive the noise level up is a TV or music that is loud.  Try turning it down or off to help keep the volume level low.  

When kids come to you very loud and excited, it's ok to call attention to the volume and work on quieter voices.  Consistency and training are key here-as with everything.  

Top tips: Make eye contact, create a hand-motion reminder, set boundaries, train a ton, and be consistent.

How do you keep your kids entertained when you are nursing a newborn without just giving them screen time?

We don't entertain. . .we contain.  

Make sure children are safe and contained-where they have less ability to harm other children and property.  

The thing about entertaining kids is that nothing lasts. . .unless of course you have one of those "unicorn" children who will play and entertain themselves for hours.  (Brittany got one, I had none.)

Try staying in the same small area, or heading outside with your kids (the back yard, the front yard, or even the park-unless you have a child who is a flight risk).  

Boredom is ok-in fact-it can be GOOD for kids!  

Older kids can read, the family can listen to audible books, or moms can even read aloud while nursing!  

Finally, Brittany also had a rule that kiddos needed to wait to make requests until nursing was complete.

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While new episodes will not be published, we hope you can enjoy any of our 200+ past episodes!

How do you feed your family without spending ALL day cooking?

It's true, cooking 3 meals a day and 7 days a week can be overwhelming!  In order to make more time, some families create a static meal plan where they eat the same meals each week.  Brittany heard this idea, and while it sounded like it would greatly simplify life, it didn't fit her family's values.  

So, she came up with a hybrid plan that allows for kids to make their own simple breakfasts (waffles, eggs, pop tarts, etc.), simple lunches (leftovers or simply prepped meals), and more elaborate dinners.  

Brittany suggested making a bit extra at dinner, so lunch the next day is also taken care of.  

The important thing is that you consider what season you are in, what you value as a family, and make a plan that works for you.  

Maybe you have a husband or teenagers who have different hours and dinner together isn't possible, consider having breakfast or lunch together.  Be willing to try different things in different seasons.  

Shift work, school work, and sports can make flexibility SO important!  

Try a theme week. . .my favorite cookbook is the Trejo's Tacos cookbook.  I will make meals that all compliment one another in the same week (I start with ALL the salsas, and add in different protein and carb choices all week).  

Brittany suggested making a big roast at the beginning of the week and doing potatoes & veggies for night one, barbecue sauce and buns on night two, toss the roast with garlic and oil for night three, and night four could be a stir-fry!

As always, be kind to yourself!  Try cooking all your proteins early in the week and using them as the days go on.  

What or how do you choose what you are going to keep up with and what you will let go of?

Experience!  Also, be a student of your children.  It is easy to want to die on every hill-but unsustainable.  As we grow and learn as parents, we begin to recognize which battles are the most important.

For Brittany's family, respect is the most important because it is an integral part of love.  Respect for others and ourselves is BIG.  Food is another thing that is very important in the Brittany house (which really goes back to respect).  

For me, listening the first time is VERY important.  It is a safety issue-when kids are little AND when they get older.  

What are some things you did with one or two kids that you have let go of now?

For me, it was Christmas cards (this was the first time in 10 years I was able to send them out)!

For Brittany, birthday parties are no longer a priority.  

Also, Brittany has let go of not ever taking time for her.  She no longer does ALL the things, and has allowed her kids and husband to help her-regardless of if it's right or not.

I have let go of my ideas of the mom I wanted to be (the ideal Pinterest & room mom).  I realized very quickly after my husband was injured that I had to focus on taking care of the people in my home.  

It is important to know that you can always re-evaluate and change your mind!  

My family has given up sleep-overs.  Brittany's family has given up gum, slime, balloons, and markers.  

Know what you can handle.  Much of our trouble as moms comes from trying to do more than we can handle.  Are there extra things you are trying to do right now that are making life more difficult for you, and in turn the rest of your family?  Let it go.

Brittany's family has decided that they don't make plans that day-at least 24-hours notice is required (this is a THING in my house as well, because: teenagers).  

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While new episodes will not be published, we hope you can enjoy any of our 200+ past episodes!

Homeschooling looks different for all of us.

It can be so easy to get caught up in the evidence of homeschool on social media, but keep in mind that you don't always see what happens before the videos.

What is your homeschool schedule?

Every day is different!  At Brittany's house, it goes something like this:
Ideally, Britt wakes up before her kids for a cup of something hot, prayer, and to start breakfast.
She uses the natural rhythm of her kids in her schooling (she works with early risers as they wake up). 
She combines science, history, and reading--but adapts it to their skill level (littles play, middles read passages, and older read pages).
Reading is usually done at the kitchen table. . .Brittany uses the opportunity of full mouths to read-aloud.  
Older kids use Teaching Textbooks (which is very independent). 
Littles do Language Arts, Math, and some reading.
Older kids do Language Arts after Math, and really have a lot of control over their own schedules.  
After lunch, older kids tie up any loose ends, Brittany works, and the littles take naps.  

At my house:
I do my work early in the mornings (between 4 & 6).
I get my High Schoolers off to school shortly after 6.  
I begin math with my early risers, and continue after they wake up.
Then we do read-alouds. . .usually the Bible, A Saint Story, A Folk Tale, and a book.
Next up, we do History, Language Arts, Civics, and Science (although right now we are between science units).  
A great thing is when kids get old enough to realize that if they get all their work done, they are free to do as they please.  
I look for moments to work with individual children.
Every day is different--our family has 2-4 medical appointments each week--which I usually try to schedule in the afternoons, but if that can't happen, we bring school on the road.

Both of our families school formally from breakfast to lunch. . .that seems to be the sweet spot for learning productivity.

Do you require your children to sit in a seat at the table all day long?  Or for school?
Brittany does not. . .she wants to create an environment that encourages a love of learning more than anything.  Trying to recreate school at home was a challenge for everyone.  Littles school all over the main part of the house.  Older kids use their rooms for the quiet. 

When kids get "behind" (we're not sure "behind" is as big of a "thing" as we sometimes make it).

Are there creative ways you address tough subjects and frustration in learning?

When kids are getting frustrated and everything is escalating, Brittany takes a break and comes back later.  A "cookie break" can change the mood in the most wonderful way.  Teaching kids to regulate their own mood (by talking through it and regulating our own emotions) is a great skill!  When everyone regroups, it is good to come back with a different attitude and behavior (for both teacher and child).  

Working with other humans can quickly turn into a pressure cooker type situation.  Pause-breaks are important.  Learn how to "reset."

Sometimes, it can be beneficial to change the scenery.  For example, why does math have to be done at the table?  Try a whiteboard, or the driveway, change the location!  This can work for every subject.  Learn what can reset you, and what can reset your kids!  Be a student of your kids.

On a suggestion from Brittany's educator Aunt, Brittany incorporates physical movement (like jumping on a couch).  Also consider cutting a lesson in half, or only completing problems until mastery is achieved!  Write on sidewalks, windows (with window markers), or white boards!

There are not two identical homeschools-but that is the beautiful thing!  

While new episodes will not be published, we hope you can enjoy any of our 200+ past episodes!

What do you do when kids forget things and don't show responsibility?

Kids are GOING to forget things and be irresponsible!  Because they are kids!  The key is to figure out if it is purposeful, or just a personality trait, and be prepared to lovingly repeat yourself.  (Have you ever forgotten anything?  I know I have!)

Be a student of your kids, and use that knowledge to work with individual kids and personalities as you work with them to grow responsibility.  As they get older, teach your kids to work with their own personalities (for example, if they are very forgetful, teach them to do things as they come up so they DON'T get forgotten).  

After a certain point, as long as it's safe, consider allowing natural consequences to occur.  This way you can let go of micromanagement and the stress that comes with having to follow behind many littles checking up on them constantly.  

With your kids, are you more reliant on natural consequences or do you use other kinds of consequences more often?  

Y'all, we are trying to raise adults and teach lessons that will grow kind, respectful, and caring humans.  

We really try to work with natural consequences as much as possible.  By giving kids appropriate amounts of responsibility, you may find that natural consequences will ensue.  

Family Outing Example:  Kids AND husbands can share the responsibility for preparing for family outings.  Allow your people to help!  It sets good expectations that mom isn't solely responsible for everyone's happiness when the family is out and about (this is good NOW and in the future when these little people head out into the world to be husbands and wives).

As you allow natural consequences to occur, watch how your kiddos react. . .do they feel sorry?  Do they understand the opportunity for learning and growth?  This is when it MAY be necessary to step in and lay down a boundary.  

We WANT to say yes, but it's important to take care of business first!  Resist the urge to feel mom-guilt when kids don't hold up their end of the bargain and have consequences as a result of their actions.  This is GREAT adult training.  

It is so HARD for moms when kids make poor choices, it makes us sad, BUT we have to stick to the boundaries (natural or otherwise) we set out if we want to raise good adults.

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While new episodes will not be published, we hope you can enjoy any of our 200+ past episodes!

Specifically, what chores do your children have?

For me, here's the chore breakdown. . .

17 & 16 year-olds: Garbage & Recycling (shared responsibility because they are never home).

14 year-old: All things table & surrounding area

11 year-old: Sweeping

8 year-old: Bathroom counter & mirror

In Brittany's house, they are constantly adapting and changing things up.

They start "chores" very early on.  Meaning, as soon as kiddos can pick a toy up, they can start doing little jobs.  Even an 18 month-old can learn how to pick up their toys (little-by-little).  

When assigning chores, Brittany's family always considers the youngest CAPABLE child (not necessarily the child who will do the best job).  It gives children the opportunity to rise to a challenge.  As soon as a child understands commands (and give your kids some credit-they are REALLY much smarter and more capable than we think), they can begin doing small tasks.

Be willing to work with kids. . .they are not going to do a perfect job the first eleventy-billion times, and that's OK!  It's our job to work with them!  Try not to rely on the oldest and most capable kids ALL the time.

At 2 to 3 years-old kids: grab things for you, pick up their own toys, clean up their own non-shatter glasses and plates, load their own dishes in the dishwasher, and put their own trash in the trash can.

At ages 4 to 5 years-old kids: sweep, pick up certain rooms and areas (ONE task in a certain area-be specific), take out recycling

At ages 6 to 7 years-old kids: pick up the yard, dog messes, garbage, cleaning the car (please be mindful of weather conditions and safety)

Another thing Brittany's family does with chores is the chore swap!  On the first of every month, kids receive their new responsibilities.  On the last day of every month, Brittany & her husband decide how jobs will be divided out for the next month.  They have a rough list they divide up based on responsibility, capability, and pay.  Older kids (as training for adulthood) are given the opportunity to rise to the challenge.

Chores in the Brittany House:

Oldest child (14): scouring bathrooms once a week, cleaning inside and outside of van, and all trash and recycling in the house (up to making sure they are brought to the curb)

Second Oldest (12): kitchen duty each night, ALL things laundry and laundry room

Third Oldest (11): vacuums the stairs, cleans the loft area, and cleans the girls' room with the help of the little girls 

Sidenote 1: Allow older kids to work with the younger kids-consider the "ask 3 before me" rule with chores. . .give kids the opportunity to help one another and teach one another.  

Sidenote 2: Break large tasks into smaller chunks to make it less overwhelming for kids, don't just say "clean this room."  Consider making a laminated card for each room with necessary tasks for cleaning.  

Sidenote 3: Look at your specific house, the ages and capabilities of your children when designing your chore list.

Sidenote 4: Allow older children to help littles get ready for bed.

Fourth Oldest (9): Cleans the whole downstairs, vacuums, and sets and cleans the dining room table.

Sidenote 6: Kids won't do a great job every time. . .sometimes they will kill it-other times they will slack off.  

Sidenote 7: Little kids CAN fold washcloths and dish towels!

How are you encouraging responsibility in general?  Habits?  

It isn't unreasonable to expect kids to obey, but you will need to repeat yourself more than you ever thought possible!

Remember that children have different strengths!  Become a student of your child!

Acknowledge that kids are different, but it's also ok to have resp

While new episodes will not be published, we hope you can enjoy any of our 200+ past episodes!