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On today’s regular version of the show …
How do you make sense of desire differences for sex when both spouses are higher desires?
A follow-up to our episode #394 regarding a husband asking for pictures of his wife to use for masturbating when she’s unavailable. 
On the Xtended version …
A communication trend we attempt to explain that seems to cause all kinds of issues in relationships. 

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Desire Differences and Communication #398

Straight-forward, honest conversations and actions to create a life and marriage fully alive!

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In this conversation, Emily Nagoski joins me as we discuss the creation of her new book on long-term relationships and lasting connections.

We explore the concept of normal sex and the importance of pleasure, authenticity, connection, and vulnerability in maintaining a strong sexual connection. We also dive into the impact of societal myths and expectations on sexual relationships and the need for open and honest communication about desires and boundaries.

In our conversation, we discuss the importance of emotional connection and collaboration in a marriage. Emily shares her personal experiences and how she learned to rely on her partner for support. She also explains the concept of the emotional floor plan and how different emotional states can affect sexual intimacy.

The conversation highlights the need for intentional effort and communication in building a strong sexual connection.

Learn more about Dr Emily here - https://www.emilynagoski.com/

Takeaways

Long-term sexual connections are built on pleasure, authenticity, connection, and vulnerability.
Normal sex is defined as an experience where everyone involved is glad to be there, free to leave with no unwanted consequences, and turns towards what's happening with kindness, compassion, and curiosity.
Societal myths and expectations about sex can create pressure and feelings of inadequacy in relationships.
Open and honest communication about desires and boundaries is crucial for maintaining a strong sexual connection.
Sexual experiences can vary greatly among individuals and change over time, and that is normal. Building a strong sexual connection requires emotional connection and collaboration in a marriage.
Learning to rely on your partner for support is transformative and allows for a deeper level of intimacy.
Understanding the emotional floor plan can help navigate different emotional states and their impact on sexual intimacy.
Accepting help and support from your partner is challenging but necessary for a healthy relationship.
Adventurous sex is not just about trying new things, but also about open communication and expressing your needs and desires.

Enjoy the show!

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Come Together | Dr Emily Nagoski #675

In this episode we discuss common mistakes that married couples make when it comes to initiating sex. 

There are dynamics of higher desire and lower desire and patterns that make these mistakes so easy to make.

We cover six common mistakes: getting annoyed at being the one who initiates, using covert or roundabout methods of initiation, joking or crude initiations, feeling the need to be as turned on as your partner, using the same initiation method every time, and talking yourself out of initiating. 

Takeaways

Recognize the dynamics of higher desire and lower desire in your relationship
Update your map of each other as you grow and change
Avoid common mistakes in initiation, such as getting annoyed or using covert methods
Focus on connection rather than just sexual fulfillment
Communicate with your spouse about your initiation patterns and desires
Take action to improve your initiation patterns and foster a deeper connection

On the Xtended Version ...

What make authenticity and vulnerability in marriage so difficult?


Is it the motivations behind the vulnerability? The reactions to vulnerable moments? Both?

Let's explore more.

Enjoy the show!

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Initiation Mistakes Married People Make #674

On the Regular Version ...

In this conversation, and old blogging friend, Joshua Becker, joins me to discuss the journey and benefits of minimalism.

We talk about his personal experience with minimalism and how it has positively impacted his life, relationships, and finances. We also explore strategies for dealing with a spouse's resistance to minimalism and the importance of the master bedroom as a sanctuary.

Joshua also emphasizes the need for love, patience, and humility when approaching minimalism as a couple. 

Learn more about Joshua here https://www.becomingminimalist.com/

Takeaways

Minimalism can positively impact various aspects of life, including relationships, finances, and overall well-being.
Approaching minimalism with love, patience, and humility is essential when dealing with a spouse's resistance.
The master bedroom can serve as a sanctuary for rest and intimacy, and decluttering this space can enhance its purpose.
Protecting the master bedroom from tension and negative conversations can contribute to a more peaceful and meaningful environment.
Minimalism involves harnessing what matters most and removing distractions to focus on one's values and priorities.

On the Xtended Version ...

In the XTD content, Pam and I talk about our journey with the minimalist mindset and how it has played out in our life and marriage.

Enjoy the show!

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Minimalism and Marriage | Joshua Becker #673

In this episode, we discuss the importance of date nights in marriage and offer a unique tip to make them more enjoyable.

It's the idea of having sex before going out on a date to possibly relieve the pressure and create a deeper connection. We provide practical ideas for incorporating this tip into date nights, such as getting ready together, having sex in the morning, or asking the babysitter to take the kids out for a while.

It is also important to expand and challenge the script of traditional date nights.

Takeaways

Date nights are important for maintaining a strong marriage.
Having sex before a date night can relieve pressure and create a deeper connection.
Practical ideas for incorporating sex into date nights include getting ready together, having sex in the morning, or asking the babysitter to take the kids out.
Expanding and challenging the script of traditional date nights can make them more enjoyable and fulfilling.

On the Xtended Version ...

The world of self-help and self-improvement at times only works on one aspect of the equation. 

There is also self-healing that is just as important. The areas where you work on your shadow self.

We explore both today. 

Enjoy the show!

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Have Sex First on Date Night #672

In this conversation, Dr. Marty Klein joins me and discusses the importance of reframing the conversation around sex and challenging our ideas about sexuality.

We emphasize that sex is not just a behavior, but an idea, and that our ideas about sex shape our experiences. He highlights the need for individuals to have a sense of agency and the ability to shape their own sexual experiences.

We also address common conceptions people have about sex, such as the belief that it should be a continuous, seamless connection, and the exceptionalism around sexuality. He encourages a more realistic and accepting view of sexuality, where not every sexual encounter needs to be transcendent or perfect.

We also talk about how foreplay is about getting mentally and emotionally tuned into the sexual experience. It's important to leave behind the cares of the day and focus on the connection with your partner.

Plus, as we age, our bodies change, and it's important to adapt and explore new ways of pleasure. 

Learn more about Dr Klein here - https://www.martyklein.com/

Takeaways

Sex is not just a behavior, but an idea that shapes our experiences.
It is important to challenge and examine our ideas about sexuality.
Having a sense of agency and the ability to shape our own sexual experiences is crucial.
Not every sexual encounter needs to be perfect or transcendent; a more realistic and accepting view of sexuality is needed. Foreplay is about mentally and emotionally preparing for sex.
Planning and scheduling sex can be beneficial for busy adults.
As we age, our bodies change, and it's important to adapt and explore new ways of pleasure.
Knowing what you want in sex is just as important as knowing what you don't want.
Sexuality is a local experience, not an express one.
Communication, experimentation, and understanding your own desires are key in a satisfying sexual experience.


Enjoy the show!

Sponsors ...

One Skin: Get 15% off OneSkin with our code SMR at https://oneskin.co 
#oneskinpod

Desire Differences and Communication #398

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