Destination Marriage

Today we replay the first in a number of popular episodes.  We believe it's still a very relevant topic!!!

In today’s episode, we use a question posed to us by one of our listeners to have a discussion around what to do when your spouse seemingly pulls the old switch-a-roo and wants to make a major life change, despite previously agreeing with each other.

“Hi Destination Marriage!  My husband and I are curious to hear your thoughts regarding the situation that has us currently at an impass.  After 5 years of marriage my husband is adamant about having kids even though we both agreed prior to getting married that kids would not be part of our future.  I was very open and honest with my husband that my desire was to be a career woman and I never felt the need to have children.  He is constantly bringing up the topic and it’s causing us to argue.  I feel misled because he knew my stance on the topic and agreed prior to committing to marriage.  Where do we go from here now that we are both on completely different planets when it comes to having children?”

• We first discuss some general thoughts around these scenarios

• Importance of pre-marital counseling

Questions to ask???

• Is this simply a result of the husband changing over the last five years or did he deliberately mislead his wife in hopes that she would have a change of heart ?

Other similar scenarios:

• Husband and wife both work and contribute to the household income. Wife then decides she no longer wants to work after having their first child so she can be a stay at home mom. The option of the mom remaining home to focus on caring for their child was never discussed because both husband and wife agreed the wife would remain working in order to continue having two incomes.  Now what?

• Join us as Tommy and I break down the latest 90 day fiancé arrest, our thoughts on the Tinder Swindler documentary and our personal experience with vitamin infusions.

• 90 Day fiancee arrest: In the latest 90 day fiancee news, Geoffrey Pashcel from season 4 of 90 day fiancee before the 90 days has been sentenced to 18 years in prison for domestic abuse and aggravated kidnapping. Now we both were wondering how they were able to sentence him to 18 years but apparently, Geoffrey had priors under his belt.  Two federal drug charges for drug trafficking and possession with intent to sell a controlled substance were already on his wrap sheet when he was chosen to be on the show.

• Geoffrey portrayed himself as an outdoorsy single dad, fitness buff, entrepreneur, actor who is looking for love when he came on the show. His 90 day love interest, Varya, has made the move from Russia to the US and is still supporting him.  The abuse charges against him were from his previous fiancee from before his 90 day fiancee days, Kristen Wilson.

• This man has to be the biggest narcissist to even apply to be on a tv show. Also, does anyone at TCL conduct a background check on these characters?  I need to know!!!  As much as I like to watch the drama unfold on this show, I would prefer they not employ abusers or kidnappers. 

• TinderSwindler

• If you think that was alarming…just wait till you watch the TinderSwindler!!!! This new documentary walks us through a disturbing, alarming web of a story of a con man who used tinder to find his victims.  …if you weren’t already uneasy about online dating, this may be the story that ends your desire to swipe right. 

• First off, the story is told very well. They did a great job narrating, sharing detailed information from voicemail messages, texts and videos. 

• Questions:

• How did he even start such a scam?

• We’re trying new things in 2022!! We went to a wellness center to get vitamin infusions last week to help us get that boost of energy and replenish our bodies after being under the weather in December. The vitamin cocktail we chose was the Meyers cocktail – describe what this one is for and what’s included. 

• IV – Drip – Myers Cocktail

• What does the data say?

• Science Based Medicine A closer look at vitamin injections. Scott Gavura on May 24, 2013

• “But despite all the hype and all the endorsements, there is no credible evidence to suggest that routine vitamin infusions are necessary or offer any meaningful health benefit. Vitamin infusions are a marketing creation, giving the illusion you’re doing something for your health, but lacking any demonstrable efficacy. What’s more concerning, providers of vitamin therapies target their marketing at those fighting life-threatening illnesses like cancer, selling unproven treatments in the absence of good scientific evidence that they are beneficial. The intravenous vitamin industry is a sideshow to science-based health care. Yes, there is an established medical role for injectable vitamins, though it’s no energy-boosting cure-all – they’re used to replace what we should obtain in our diet.”

• Did it work?

• Topic: Episode #55 - Jackie's Adele experience, celeb breakups & annual planning for 2022

• Talk about past trip

• Jackie to read their full statement (other page)

• Dive into where we went this year and why.

• Ways we have changed that aren’t positive? – Dreaming big vs reality?

• Heavy focus on a positive, forward looking vision for 2022. After the chaos of 2020 and 2021, we only looked to the future instead of dissecting the past year.

We lost a whole month of our lives.

Happy New Year! Destination Marriage is back and ready for 2022 after an unplanned hiatus.  Join us as we discuss how we recently lost an entire month of our lives.  While everyone was knee deep in sugar cookies and gingerbread house making, we were knee deep in crackers and ginger ale.  We’re sharing it all from body aches to the impact it had on us both as a married couple. 

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!!!

• We recently watched the documentary called LulaRich which is a popular and well known MLM on comfortable clothing or magical like leggings that fit every and all shape.  Yes,  who doesn’t like a piece of clothing that fits all…right?!! And better yet..this was a product that if you “put your whole heart and soul into it” would determine the success of your business and your financial freedom.  And mind you this MLM was targeting women who were typically stay at home moms that were daily struggling with their financial choices in order to make ends meet. 

Today we have a Dear Destination Marriage sent by a listener who is currently experiencing a power struggle. 

"Dear Destination Marriage,

My husband and I have been married for six years but we’re experiencing a shift in our relationship that is stripping us of the happiness we once had and is causing a lot of arguments in our home.  My husband and I both started out building our careers at the same time and came into the marriage with close to a 50/50 equal financial contribution.  Within the last six months my husband has made leaps and bounds with his company and is making great money.  While the increase in our financial pool is wonderful, his control over our finances and disregard for my thoughts on how money should be distributed is creating a great divide.  I feel as though I have no voice and at this point every conversation ends up becoming an argument.  Do you have any thoughts where we go from here?"

Questions:

1. What is the root of this type of behavior?

1. Big head

1. Can financial power struggles be a sign of other underlying issues?

Suggestions:

1. Don’t stop talking to one another - Silence can be dangerous.

More extreme suggestions if things don’t get resolved:

1. Marriage counseling

It’s National Mental Health month so what better time to address the upcoming holiday season.  The holidays can be a wholesome time of building memories, indulging in your favorite foods and feeling the love of your family and friends but it can also be a tumultuous time for those who don’t have family nearby, have experienced a recent loss, are in the midst of a financial struggle.  The reality is that the holidays can bring on a level of stress that may make us all in need of a mental health check but let’s discuss some thoughts on how to keep it as stress free and fulfilling as possible.

• Who wins when you blend family traditions in a new marriage?

• Family personalities influencing decisions – guilt, anger, stubbornness, passive aggressive comments from family

• Our traditions and what we have blended and why

• What has been successful

• We benefit from having in-laws and extended families that enjoy being with each other.

• Examples

• Christmas Eve

Tips for a win/win experience in blending traditions and culture

• Discuss +/- of each and determine what is important to honor each side of family and balance that against your own nuclear family

Importance of Creating Your Own traditions - From the site artofmanliness.com

• Provide Source of Identity

• Today’s episode is title - The apology you never knew you needed.

• Tommy’s reaction 

• The impact of the apology

• How that effects your marriage before and after the apology

• Moments you remember that make you grow together and further deepen intimacy.

• We are very excited about today’s episode, part 2 of our 20 year anniversary episodes. Before we went on our anniversary trip to Jamaica, we did a look back at what the past 20 years of marriage means to us and also a sexpectations episode on what we have learned and what we tell!  It was a lot of fun so if you haven’t listened yet, please download episode 47.

• We’re back from our anniversary trip to Jamaica and it was honestly one of the most needed vacations we’ve ever had.  First let me just say everyone is traveling this summer and booking a flight that didn’t cost an arm and a leg was almost impossible.  We looked at Aruba, Turks, St. John, St. Lucia…We even checked out Mexico but the seaweed situation is apparently out of control lining the beach with the smell of rotten eggs so we passed.  We knew we didn’t want to lift a finger on this trip so we landed on Sandals.  A few friends of ours had been and raved about it so we thought let’s give it a try. 

• Our trip was a great time to reconnect with each other and do some dreaming about what the next 20 years looks like in our lives as well as our plan for the next few months of episodes of Destination Marriage. We are so excited about our upcoming topics and we will offer a sneak peak at the end of today’s episode.

• For today, we thought it would be interesting to do a little back and forth on what our vision for the next 20 years looks like. The caveat is neither of us have seen what the other is going to say.  So, you will get to hear us learn and debate what our next 20 years looks like in real time.  Maybe some fireworks!!!