Diary of Doom

Ah, the 90s. A time when heavy metal was trying to figure out just what the hell it was actually doing. As nu-metal became the reigning champ of the time, a holdover from the 80s went in another direction. Twisted Sister's own Dee Snider wrote and starred in a horror movie entitled Strangeland. It is arguably the first flick to boast a largely nu-metal soundtrack which also features the likes of Megadeth, Pantera, and Nashville Pussy somehow. Directed by a fella named Pieplower, it follows the capers of one sadistic dude named Captain Howdy (yep, that's Dee Snider) as he bounces around the early days of the internet to torture his victims in manners inspired by the modern primitive movement. We just think Dee Snider was watching a lot of Ripley's Believe It or Not. Joining Dylan for this barrel of laughs is Shayne Mathis as they bear witness to Bile not performing while performing, dead wife puppets, bedpans full of piss, and Dee Snider's big rubber chest.

Ever wonder how Danzig perceives the world? If you watch Verotika, as we did, you might find out. Happy Halloween and up yours, Glenn.

Hoo boy, where do we even start with this one? In 2017, Ash Avildsen, the head of Sumerian Records and son of the guy who directed Rocky, conjured into this world American Satan against all of our wishes. Chronicling the rise of badly named fake band The Relentless, it is posited as a retelling of Faust. It's more or less a teenage male's fantasy of being a rockstar, and a surprisingly low-quality one at that, in as much as it looks like shit. This flick's morals are dubious at best and it boasts some absolutely bonkers covers, in addition to a full roster of Sumerian Records bands and Larry King in his final screened appearance. You'll learn how to fail upward with the Devil and you get Bill Goldberg as a tour manager. All the while excusing and encouraging straight-up misogyny and pushing the ew factor out the wazoo. Did we mention mega creep Drake Bell is in this too? In order to see how this stacks up against actual life on the road as a touring band, Dylan brought on Connor Appleton from Come Mierda to suffer Sumerian-style through the trials and tribulations of The Relentless. 

Track featured is "Warzone" by Come Mierda off their demo. Check em out here!

Diary of Doom rises from its October grave to pilfer weed resin from an uncleaned bong and to talk about this year's edition of DesertFest 2023. August West, Vater Boris, and Vater's one and only Boo are along for the ride as Dylan recaps his weekend between Saint Vitus Bar and the Knockdown Center. Along the way, they discuss if there are any Melvins fans in Hawaii, Colour Haze eating hearts, how to get so drunk you forget who Black Sabbath is, strapless amps, and various tales of Dave Wyndorf.

Thanks again to the DesertFest crew for having me out to photograph this year's festival!

Irene the Black Metal Pastry Chef is back to chaperone Dylan through the bluest movie of all time and the inspiration for countless internet fiction, Underworld. Directed by Len Wiseman, who stole Kate Beckinsale from Michael Sheen, it's a tale of romance and violence, goth cryptid violence that is as vampires battle w̶e̶r̶e̶w̶o̶l̶v̶e̶s̶ lycans while destinies unfold and all manner of complicated love plays out. To complement the drama, it boasts a moody soundtrack courtesy of Danny Lohner featuring Page Hamilton of Helmet, David Bowie, Skinny Puppy, and A Perfect Circle. Even better, the flick's got UV bullets, early 00s vampire fashion, silver goo bullets, shooting out floors to get downstairs, wrist blades, and lycans that learn the hard way why you shouldn't rub-climb on walls. Dylan and Irene also discuss when it is appropriate to cover Nine Inch Nails and when it is not and how Krallice opened for Krallice.

Check out and support Irene's bands: Heretic Bodyhammer ("Severing the Godhead" featured in the closing) and High Cost

Note: At 01:58:08, no idea fuckin' clue what that noise is. Possibly aliens warping into our dimension. 

Kit from I Hope You Suffer is back and this time, they watched a real movie! This month's film is 2015's The Devil's Candy, the motion picture meeting point of art, heavy metal, and Satan. It cannot be stressed how intrinsic heavy metal is to this movie's existence. Sunn O))) is literally part of this film, not to mention the soundtrack features Metallica, Queens of the Stone Age, Goya, Pantera, and Slayer. Ethan Embry stars as an extremely greasy and extremely cringy artist who moves his metalhead family into a cursed house so naturally, he crafts a really fucked up painting and runs afoul of a nasty fellow with a penchant for playing a Flying V and killing people with a big rock. Dylan also pitches Danzig to be the next celebrity featured in Dead by Daylight.

Dylan welcomes Andy Davis of the band EAT to tackle (with extreme frustration) the 2005 grimfest that is Alone in the Dark. Directed by notorious internet celebrity turned restauranteur and boxer, Uwe Boll, this cinematic equivalent of a conspiracy theory somehow boasts an immense roster of metal bands for its soundtrack and manages to completely squander it. Despite featuring such talent as Mastodon, Meshuggah, and The Dillinger Escape Plan, it goes 57 minutes before any metal shows up. Instead, we are subjected to Christian Slater's amazingly billowy trench coast, Dr. Tara Reid, Ph. D, Stephen Dorff's hair, monsters named after eating, and one of the most baffling and ineptly edited gunfights ever. This movie's poster also looks a lot like Goatse.

Track featured is "The Actress" by EAT off their album Songs of Thanks. Check out their Bandcamp here.

Note: There was some new recording equipment being used and wasn't fully fine-tuned. Apologies for the background noise int his one, hoping to have it resolved for the next one!

Green movie for the green podcast. This month, Dylan is talking about one of the best fake band movies, Green Room, with returning guest Jeremy Hunt of Qoheleth. Released in 2015 not far ahead of when the pitiful, bigoted underbelly of the country would start forcing its way into the spotlight, the movie follows touring punk rock band The Ain't Rights (perhaps the only band that has never had an Instagram account) as they find themselves embroiled in a tense standoff with an absolutely terrifying Patrick Stewart, turning in an about-face role as the leader of a skinhead group. In addition to the great cast, the film boasts an incredible soundtrack that is actually used in the movie, captures the spirit of being in a touring band, shows off some genuinely grisly gore and carnage, and acts as a good reminder that nazis suck and that's why they're the villains.

Dylan welcomes Chris and Jon from the Cinema Duel podcast to talk about how horror and metal went hand-in-hand for them in their youths, much like a certain Terry Chandler in today's movie, The Gate. Tibor Takacs' 1987 jaunt helps keep things very Canadian in this episode (the Great White North is a haven for metal and horror) as they discuss a metal movie that ostensibly features very little actual heavy metal music, trading that in for Stephen Dorff before he became a blood tornado in Blade, a good use of geodes, and some incredible special effects that include demonic mole people, serpentine monstrosities, melting dads, melting phones, wall zombies, hand eyeballs, and a waltz with a dead pooch. 

Dylan and Nathan continue on with their quest to put Charles Band in The Hague by closing the book on the Evil Bong franchise with Evil Bong 777 and Evil Bong 888. These "movies" find the FMCU troupe jumping from Las Vegas to a thrilling finale in... a restaurant. A green screen restaurant at that. Would you believe there's even more doll sex? These weed movies have forgotten they're about weed and replaced it with an Elvis puppet that truly fucks along with a dude from Tiger King, Karens, rednecks, a chef named Sal Monilla, and hot dog bean soup. Our brains were melted, so we decided to talk about Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 for a bit at the end as a cleanse.