Discomfortable

I’m currently in rural Oaxaca, Mexico where I just finished a week of volunteering with All Hands and Hearts to rebuild an elementary school after a magnitude 8.2 earthquake destabilized the area in 2017. 

There’s nothing like some hard manual labour to signal the definitive end of the holidays, and it got me thinking about the role holiday traditions like Christmas play in my life. So in this episode, I recount the stories of some of my favourite traditions, most of which actually began within my lifetime either by accident or conscious creation. It has become clear to me that traditions can be a powerful tool for connection, community, and comfort, as well as something to look forward to to break up the monotony of “normal” life.

Some traditions, however, have lost their meanings altogether and may even trap us in outdated customs and ways of thinking. The classic musical Fiddler on the Roof comes to mind as an example of the way tradition can stifle younger generations and create unnecessary rifts between old and young. My view is that the real meaning of tradition is to create connection and community, so if an old tradition is tearing people apart then it is no longer serving its most useful function. These outdated or “dead” traditions need to either be retired or changed to revitalize them and recreate a tangible sense of purpose and importance for the people involved in them. 

Christmas comes to mind as a perfect example of a tradition that in many ways has gone off the rails. We think we have to do Christmas in a certain pre-prescribed way, on a certain day, as if there were something inherently sacred about it. But it seems most of the traditions associated with Christmas have already been co-opted by corporations anyway, so why can’t we all change Christmas to make it more meaningful to ourselves, our families, our friends, and our communities? We can!

Traditions were created by people no smarter than you, and so you have the power to change them, ignore them, or even create our own. This could mean inventing a whole new tradition completely using your imagination, or by taking inspiration from other cultures, or by turning a one-time, spontaneous communal experience into a kind of ritual and celebration that you repeat every year. 

If you have your own unique or favourite traditions I’d love to hear about (and possibly steal) them! 

The short film that I mention during the story of the birth of our Krampus tradition is called Hirsute, and you can watch it here: 

Hirsute from A.J. Bond on Vimeo.

While I was in Bali in December, a friend recommended I try something called Ecstatic Dance in Ubud. Given that I’ve been wanting to take more dance classes after the fun of secretly dancing with closeted guys in Serbia, this seemed like a perfect opportunity. Ecstatic Dance, it turns out, is not a dance class per se. It’s not about learning how to do a specific dance, it’s about learning how to dance however the fuck you want, basically. 

Once I found a class I could actually get to, I immediately recruited my up-for-anything sober friend Katie from episode 30, who also loves dancing and trying new things. We hopped on our scooters and rode for an hour from Canggu to Ubud (which was an adventure in and of itself), and arrived at a community movie theatre populated by hippies and vegan desserts. As we walked into the auditorium, people were already writhing around in strange ways and I was immediately nervous and apprehensive. Ecstatic Dance traditionally takes place in the day time, with all the lights on, and no drugs or alcohol — none of the defense mechanisms we use to make dance less awkward. Talking is also not permitted. This video does a good job of showing what it’s like:

As the class started, however, I found that it was surprisingly easy for me to “dance like no one was watching” in front of a group of open-minded strangers, in fact, I was almost disappointed by how not uncomfortable I was.

But then, the teacher insisted we actually try dancing with other people, and I discovered how truly uncomfortable Ecstatic Dance can really be! What followed was an hour of self-consciousness, an inability to connect, and a whole lot of self-doubt. It was a perfect microcosm for the difficulties and insecurities of trying to connect with strangers in general, a subject that is close to my heart as I venture off on a year of traveling alone.

The class made me wonder if the discomfort of dancing with strangers (or anyone really) is connected to my assumption that dancing is always related to sex. Part of me wants to challenge that belief so I can relax and just dance, but I recently did an informal Instagram poll about it and 63% of the respondents agreed that dancing is inherently associated with sex…

Additonal music: ONE MINUTEN 6 by Gabriel Pereira Spurr