Divine Designed Life Podcast

Unlock your world with the power of YES: Embracing boundaries to overcome shame and live fully! Boundaries can actually open your world.

The Power of Yes in Boundaries

Walk and talk with John Enslow

Boundaries actually open your world. They don’t have to close your world off, they can open your world up.

Hey, so in working with shame, I’m discovering something, that boundaries and shame are directly linked. And how I’m seeing that is that, when we don’t have established boundaries our shame can be compounded. And some of our shame might be the shame that someone else placed upon us through acts or deeds or whatever and we weren’t able to say “NO!” We were young, we were children, we were whatever and we weren’t able to say “NO!” and establish that boundary and we feel like our boundaries, our limits, our world is not a safe place and this created even more shame. And so what I’m seeing is that in working with shame you also have to work with boundaries. And establishing those boundaries… it’s beautiful because all of a sudden, now you can possibly say NO where you have never been able to say NO. And you don’t have to do it in a violent way, you can do it in an honoring way, a respectful way, you can do it in a way that promotes your own health, your own safety.

Because the purpose of boundaries is not to shut us off, it’s to open us up. Boundaries create the safety to be open and receptive to our self to others and our world. But the power of boundaries is the power of our “YES!” It’s more about saying what we want, what we need rather than having to be a policeman saying no no no no no no no. Standing in those negatives on a regular basis and just literally policing your boundaries, it’s exhausting and it’s not life-giving and it’s not a way of experiencing and expressing life. It confines you, it walls you in, it makes you isolated and that’s just not how you come out of shame.

We come out of shame, as I’ve stated before, through community. And that’s why coaching is so amazing, because you step into your processes and you step into your world and you’re able to gain clarity. You lay it out and you’re able to gain clarity and direction but you’re inviting someone in to help you through and to walk out of your shame and away from your shame.  But it’s not done by micromanaging everything around you and in your world so that you remain safe. It’s opening yourself up. It’s giving your YES. It’s giving your consent. It’s negotiating boundaries.  Boundaries are huge! Boundaries are beautiful and I am so excited about the work of boundaries and what boundaries actually can afford you. They open your world. They don’t close your world, they open your world. I’m not telling people, “Don’t touch this realm!” “Don’t go here!” “Don’t do this!” I go into my world and I’m open. I’m open and I’m receptive and I’m receiving and I embrace all these areas and that’s beautiful.

And it isn’t like I’m not gonna state my NO. That’s gonna be the inevitable part of establishing boundaries, is stating your NO. What you don’t want, what you’re not allowing, but the force and the power behind boundaries is your YES rather than your NO. Your primary force, your primary focus is your yes. That is opening you up to your world. That is opening you up to community, that is opening you up to living life.

When you have everything blocked out with just list and a litany of NO’s, that’s when you are confining yourself and I don’t feel like that’s how Christ called us to be. He’s called us to be open. He’s called us to love and he’s called us to receive. And that’s the position where shame starts diminishing and going away.

So as your establishing boundaries you’re not walling yourself in, you’re not walling yourself up, you’re not further isolating yourself, you’re just establishing the realms of a hat is allowed in your life? What is your boundaries and your borders and your safety.

So I’m continuing to deal with this and I’m continuing to look at this and I’m really excited about what boundaries mean to those dealing with shame and overcoming shame. You have to establish boundaries. You have to establish your safety, but it’s not a list of policing laws and legalism. It’s walking in your world with a YES! to God, to yourself, and to others. And where you want those yeses to be…it’s your choice. It’s your life and you’re able to do it.

So I hope you continue to follow me as I explore this whole area of boundaries related to shame and how we live our life and how we express our life and how we experience our life. So thank you for listening. I am so excited about this book about Overcoming Shame. It is being edited and being set up to be released and so thank you for your patience, and I look forward to releasing this and bringing you more in the days in the weeks to come.

Discover the transformative power of yes in boundaries to overcome shame and live a more open, fulfilling life. Establishing healthy limits isn’t about isolation but about creating safety and freedom for yourself, your relationships, and your world.

The post The Power of Yes in Boundaries – Episode #875 first appeared on Divine Designed Life Podcast.

The post The Power of Yes in Boundaries – Episode #875 appeared first on Divine Designed Life Podcast.

Enter the powerful exploration of healing and breaking free from the weight and heavy burdens of toxic shame.

The Weight of a Shame Identity

Walk and talk with John Enslow

Well, hey there, so I want to give you some good news today! So I have finished the book with one caveat. I finished the book on overcoming shame with one caveat. The caveat is that I have another section that has to be written. When I was going through it, I realized that I needed to write about the shame when someone places their shame upon us. So someone’s shameful act and their shame is put on us, and then we carry that shame as our own until we deal with it. And so as I was looking at that I was saying OK in abuse, in abusive situations… as a child or whatever, we can…. Someone can act shamefully on us, upon us, towards us, and then we take that shame on, and we take it on ourselves and then we carry that shame. And there’s really nowhere to deal with it because it is not ours. It was something that was put on us. And though we were involved in it, though we were made culpable because of it, ultimately those shames aren’t ours, but we carry it as if it is. And we have self contempt and self hatred, and we have self bitterness about it. This is toxic shame. This is awful toxic shame!

So as I was dealing with this, I thought about it and I said OK I need to get testimonies about this. So I’ve gotten three guys that have written testimonies and I’m working those testimonies. I’m writing this section and then I’m gonna be done. I’m gonna be sending it to the editor, real soon and looking forward to getting that work done. Then I’ll get it up on the… through the formatting I’ll get it up on Kindle and print on demand with Amazon. I can’t wait. I really, really, really am so looking forward to this. The writing trip was a complete success. I was blown away by the fact that I was able to get there, I was able to get it all done   So I celebrate. This is a celebration time. This is really, really fun.

What this shame is like is you’re taking someone else’s shameful act and then you turn that shame that you have and you turn that shame back upon yourself. You impale yourself.  You impale your heart, you impale your person with contempt. Self-contempt is so horrible. That’s when it becomes so toxic, because those barbs of self-contempt, self-hatred… “Why didn’t I say no? Why didn’t I do something about it? Why was I so stupid to go there? Why didn’t….” All these things. And you turn on yourself and then you just tear your soul, and that is tragic. That is devastating to our personhood, and then the residual shame is a weight that we have to carry. We have to literally… it is exhausting! If you have lived with shame all your life, one of the key things is exhaustion. You’re exhausted to carry shame. It is a heavyweight, but it feels just like YOU, because you’ve taken it on, because you’ve absorbed it, embraced it as a truth, as a reality, as a belief system. It becomes this weight, this heavy burden weight that you cannot get free from and you cannot deal with.

It just would feel like a backpack but it’s not like a backpack because it’s not just hanging on you, it feels like you. It makes it impossible to deal with. It makes it where you say how in the world do I deal with this? How do I face this? How do I process this? And again, as I’ve said, it’s not something you can do alone. If you could’ve done it alone you would’ve done it alone but it’s not something you can do. Someone needs to come alongside of you with the Spirit of God and help you unburden yourself from that, process that, deal with that.

I was being coached the other day and it was amazing to me because I was seeing the steps of what coaching through shame would look like.

• Opening the dialogue, this is huge. Inviting someone into witness.

• Untangling yourself from the burden, and the lie. Detaching from all that chaos, all that confusion, all that self-hatred.

• Embracing your true self, finding out who your true self is apart from shame. And then once you have embrace this new self, this shame free self.

• Once you embrace that then there’s the process of having to recalibrate everything. You’re recalibrating how do you live life. 

It’s almost like you have to go through physical therapy to relearn how to walk, how to talk, how to deal with life because your life has been so stymied, so tragically crippled with this and you think it’s you and it’s not you and so all sudden now you’re here and you’re having to deal with it. You have to relearn how to live, how to think, how to process life and set goals for yourself.

How do I live now that I don’t have shame? How do I live free of this weight of shame? Do you know how huge it is? You have to relearn, recalibrate how to even position yourself in life. That’s exciting and that’s part of the coaching. It’s OK where do I go from here now that I’ve unburdened myself from this shame, how do I walk out life? How do I live in the wonder of life? It changes the entire perspective, so that now you can go forward and you can celebrate life, you can enjoy life, you can live life that you were intended to. You can live your authentic self, your true self, apart from this shame cloak, this toxic shame presence in your life.

So I’m excited! I’m excited about where this is all going. I’m excited about what it’s gonna offer and what is gonna bring. So I’m inviting you into the dialogue. Let’s experience true life, true identity, true shame-free living where we can excel and exceed all our expectations of living and come into a new place of wholeness and healing and stretch those muscles that have atrophy because of shame. So I love you, thank you and let’s get this journey going!

How can I handle the shame of abuse? A guide through the path of shedding the weight of shame and stepping into a life of authenticity.

The post The Weight of a Shame Identity – Episode #874 first appeared on Divine Designed Life Podcast.

The post The Weight of a Shame Identity – Episode #874 appeared first on Divine Designed Life Podcast.

Uncover the truth that living without shame is not only possible but essential for a fulfilling life.

Overcoming Shame: You Can’t Do It Alone

Walk and talk with John Enslow

Well hey there, so the other day I was trading coaching with another coach. As they were coaching me over the book Overcoming Shame, I was amazed at the questions that they were poising, and what came out. One of the things that came out was that this process is not a process that you can do alone. You know I’ve looked at shame and I’ve looked at people’s shame and how it’s controlled them and how it’s racked their lives with destruction. Shame is something… if we could’ve dealt with it, we would’ve dealt with it.

I know people that have carried shame for 50 years and if they could’ve dealt with it, they would’ve dealt with it. We wanna deal with our shame. We want to put an end into it. We want to overcome shame. We want to get rid of that shame, but one of the things that’s kind of key is, we’re not gonna do it alone. Number one we’re not gonna do it without a spiritual life, without God‘s presence, and without God‘s help. It’s just not gonna happen. I know that people wanna overcome shame on their own, be strong. One of the shame this weakness, and if you’re in shame about your weakness, you certainly don’t wanna lean on anyone else because you wanna look strong.

But shame is handled really in community. I know that we were wounded and we were shamed in relationships, and even if it’s bad relationships, and at the same time we heal in relationships. So we need help to carry shame and to deal with shame. It’s something that has to be unpacked with someone else, with others in community, in support. And that’s a beautiful thing because that connected presence of someone that cares, that wants to help you through your shame, that wants to help you to process your shame. It helps to take that heavy burden off of us.

I know another thing with shame is, the energy that it takes for us to carry it, is huge! Carrying shame is like carrying a boulder on your back and you walk through life with this heaviness on your shoulders, on your life. I’m amazed that we can even do it. But we function. We are adaptable and we adapt to the shame but we don’t have to do that.  We can live without shame. It is possible to live without shame, it is possible to overcome shame, but it is something that we have to do with others.

As I am walking with guys that are overcoming shame, that are dealing with shame, the guys that have shared testimonies to me with shame, I am amazed at the process, and just the unfolding of life and what it looks like when we can really truly unburdened ourselves from those heavy weights of shame that have just crushed us all our life.

If you’re experiencing shame and you’re struggling with shame, and you’d like to have someone to walk it out with, talk it out with, reach out to me. I would love to talk to you. I would love to just discuss what a possible coaching through shame, through your shame would look like for you and in your life. It’s all about you, and it’s all for you, and it’s all to maximize your life and your potential. I love that there’s a possibility to get rid of shame, to unburden ourselves from shame, to release ourselves from shame, and to live as an overcoming one, as an overcomer in Christ and away from shame. Don’t battles shame alone, it’s not something that you have to do, and you can’t overcome it without help.  So I love you and I’ll talk to you soon.

Overcoming shame is not a journey alone—it requires connection, support, and a desire to face the vulnerabilities that shame often conceals.

The post Overcoming Shame: You Can’t Do It Alone – Episode #873 first appeared on Divine Designed Life Podcast.

The post Overcoming Shame: You Can’t Do It Alone – Episode #873 appeared first on Divine Designed Life Podcast.

Rise above shame, discover your essentials, and unlock the power to annihilate toxic shame in your life.

Don’t Be Ashamed of Shame

Walk and talk with John Enslow

Well hey there, so I want to say, “Don’t be ashamed of your shame!” I know that that’s easier said than done. But shame is trapping and shame is force to hold us in, hold us under and keep us trapped. The enemy uses our shame so so well to disable us, to nullify our life, to prevent us from living as we were created. And when we get into toxic shame, we boil down to self-contempt and self-hatred. But what if our shame is literally there to be a tap on the shoulder and say,”Hey, there’s something wrong here, we need course correction. That is amazing because then we can use our shame as a motivation, and as a force of good to say, “What’s going on here?” rather than saying, “Why am I in shame?” say, “What is the purpose of this shame, what is shame telling me and how can I look at this in a different way?”

It’s amazing to me how when we get out of our shame focus and we focus on the essentials, how our paradigm shifts and can change. We can get above the shame and get a light on the subject matter so we can have a different perspective on it and it won’t be as tragic and annihilating to our soul and our life.

Looking into my essentials, which is my relationship with Christ, going back and seeing my design rather than living by default. Living by default is what happens when we are in shame. We literally go on autopilot and we literally allow Shame to drive the bus and take us where it wants us to go and it’s never a good place. For me personally, when I’m in shame, I enter into a frozen state. It’s like I’m in a block of ice. Some people flee, some people fight, some people faun… I freeze. I literally am unable to do anything. I feel frozen and trapped and I am not able to even think clearly.

So that’s why refocusing my vision and my view, and looking for my essentials: who I was created to be in Christ. It’s huge who I am in Christ, who Christ is in my life. It’s living by design rather than default, and I go into that in my book His Will Alone. I love living by my essentials and to live your essentials in a nonessential world, where things take us away. To focus and to gain that perspective, to rise above the shame so that you can see where you’re at and what the shame is huge. It’s very, very huge regardless if my shame is personal shame that I’ve developed inside or shame that’s been put on me, all these shames can be notified by gaining a proper perspective and by focusing on what really matters.

I don’t know about you but every time I’m in shame, I literally am scrambling, in my frozen state, to make due.  And what I find is, I grab hold of and I do distracting work to keep me out of the shame, but it doesn’t work. Shame has set me into a perspective and a paradigm that I lose true perspective on who I am. I lose the shine on my life, and I tail spin down into literally nonessentials where I am literally just doing what I can do. It’s maybe nonsensical, it may be distracting, it may be thumbing through thousands of reels. That could be how I would cope with my shame. Does that help me? Does that pull me out of the shame? No, because I’m not focused on the essentials, I’m focused on the distraction. I’m focused on anything that can alleviate that pain of shame so that I don’t feel trapped anymore. I’m at least moving forward. I’m at least moving and doing something even if it is an essential. But the fact is, that’s never really going to truly resolve the shame, it’s just going to delay dealing with the shame.

When I go back down to essentials, when I go back down to what matters most, at that point, I can gain the light I need to see. It just lifts me above so that I can see. There’s so many things that can, even good things, that can distract and keep us outside of the realm of dealing with shame and healing from our shame. I know people that are workaholics. I know that people that are sex addicts. I know people that are food junkies, people that… I mean there are so many things that I can use to try to extinguish the fire, the burning fire of shame. But if I can use that shame and I can use that trap as a motivation and build a fire of motivating me to my essentials.  That’s the fire in need, that’s the fire I want, that’s the fire that brings life.

There is so many keys in shame that I’m discovering and that I’m finding and then I’m witnessing and others and I’m loving this whole process. I’ll be writing again coming up in a week and a half and I really I want to finish this very soon and get this to you. I am blown away by the testimonies that I received. I am loving where the book is going and I’m really excited about it. So the Overcoming Shame book. it’s still in the works and I’m believing that there’s things that are coming in my life that are showing me deeper the message of shame, and how to survive shame, how to recover from shame. And I’ve shames coming into my life that literally are giving me signs and directions clues so that I’ll deal with it and so that I will face it and focus on it.

So I love you guys. I’m very, very grateful for your following me in this journey. This has been a very difficult subject matter. To believe God is sovereign is one thing, to believe that my life is Christ life and it’s not I but Christ and for His life to be my life is my hope of glory, that’s wonderful. And to Overcome Anxiety… great! And how to live and know the will of God, that’s perfect. But there’s something about this subject, about shame. I think it’s a lifetime of dealing with shame correctly and incorrectly. I have struggled with shame, and I have overcome shame, and I have found more shame. So the process of dealing with shame has been super difficult, but it’s very, very, very enlightening. I have loved finding out about shame and about my shame and about the shame of others. I really, really want this book to carry a weight and a power to annihilate the shame and give people direction in their shame, because when we’re in shame, we’re literally pointless and directionless. We are literally consumed by shame. But when we focus on our essentials, when we can go into our essentials, we can change that perspective and rise above the shame to deal with the shame and put it to rest.

Toxic shame annihilates our life, annihilates our creativity, annihilates our joy, but there is a solution and there is a way out of it. So that’s what I’m looking to achieve and this is what I’m looking to face and focus on in this book. So I love you, I appreciate you and I will be talking to you again real soon.

Rising above shame is a journey worth taking! Join me on a path to refocus on essentials and unlock the power to annihilate toxic shame.

The post Don’t Be Ashamed of Shame – Episode #872 first appeared on Divine Designed Life Podcast.

The post Don’t Be Ashamed of Shame – Episode #872 appeared first on Divine Designed Life Podcast.

Staying true to one’s identity amidst the holiday triggers is difficult. In this podcast, we’re learning to resist the toxic allure and emerge from the season with a renewed commitment to the beautifully true self.

Shadows of Shame During the Holiday Season

Walk and talk with John Enslow

Hey there, so we’re coming into Christmas time, Christmas is next week and we have gone through the holiday season of Thanksgiving. I know that that can be a real triggering time for us. That different times with family can just drum up a lot of shame from childhood, past wounds and I just wanted to quickly come in and talk about that.

One of the key things about shame is that shame can prevent us from living our authentic self. And when that shame becomes our identity…. Woof… Then it becomes toxic and becomes deadly. In my upcoming book on overcoming shame, I wanna primarily deal with the toxic shame that is associated with it becoming our identity and that it binds us.  And when we take on that identity to deal with toxic shame, when we leave our authentic self, and enter into toxic shame, one of the key things that happens is we develop and we form a false self. And that formation… is soul murder. That formation literally kills ourselves. So we lose our authentic nature. We lose our self. And we grab hold of and we develop a false identity.

When we have this toxic shame, it’s a healthy signal that we need help because shame reveals to us our core dependency need of God. So I’m looking at all this and I’m pondering all this and I’m I’m thinking shame is something that can be positive. Shame can separate us from our animalistic nature, from our hedonistic self, that just says do as thou wilt. That’s a healthy form of shame that’s when shame has a benefit to me, when it’s saying, listen these actions, these things that you’re doing are counter to who you are, who you were created to be in Christ. And that’s a positive thing. So there is a positive nature shame.  Shame can stand as a sentinel to say, don’t go here. Don’t go there. This is destructive to your life and it says I’m unable to do this on my own. I have to have Jesus. I have to have His life and I can’t do this without Him.

These are all positive things. These are all shames that you can get that touches and nudges to let me know that there’s a higher purpose, there’s a higher calling, for me to live in and to live under. But when that shame when that touch becomes toxic, when I take on shame as a nature, as a toxic shame nature and I lose my authentic self, and I become a false self to compensate for my shame. That’s when it becomes, deadly and destructive and murderous to my soul. I literally take it on, and I see myself as something beyond who I was created to be. And here’s another thing that happens. When I’m in shame, when I’m in deep shame, I can also use shameful things to compensate. So I can act shamefully to try to prevent shame from crushing my heart and my soul. That’s just destructive, that’s shame on top of shame on top of shame, and that Dagwood sandwich so to speak is just so utterly destructive to my heart to my life into my person. And then I am in a quagmire. I am caught in toxic shame, and I cannot get out of that toxic shame, it becomes something that prevents me from experiencing joy in life and my authentic self, my true self, my God created self, and I enter into a world of sin and destruction.

So I just want to let you know that as we enter into these holidays, and we face things that could trigger us to shame I just wanna stand for the true self, the true created self the beautiful created self that God is made for us and has created us to be. Just remain true yourself. Just remain true to your heart, just remain true to your identity, and don’t allow shame to take you under and leave you flailing in a toxic soup of false identity. So I’ll talk to you soon after the holidays. I look forward to what the new year has to offer.

Explore the most triggering time of the year and the shame of the holiday season. It can either serve as a guiding light or become a toxic force that threatens our very essence.

The post Shadows of Shame During the Holiday Season – Episode #871 first appeared on Divine Designed Life Podcast.

The post Shadows of Shame During the Holiday Season – Episode #871 appeared first on Divine Designed Life Podcast.

Explore the journey through the Thanksgiving paradox, where the very situations triggering shame are unveiled as opportunities for profound transformation.

Thanksgiving Triggers to Gratitude’s Triumph

Walk and talk with John Enslow

Well hey there, yesterday I was thinking about the book on Overcoming Shame, and I was thinking about elements of shame, and I was thinking about Thanksgiving and shame. I know that the holidays can be really… as I’ve heard it said, the most triggering time of the year. And I found that to be the case. I have connected with a number of guys and ladies and they all are really triggered by the holidays. You would think that this time of gratitude and thanks and gifts and family would be something that would be really beautiful and wonderful, and it can be. But for some, it is something that is triggering and soul-sucking and painful.

So I was thinking about Thanksgiving and how does it relates to shame and there is a direct correlation with the overcoming of shame and thanks. I am my book the Sovereign Touch I talk a lot about thanks, and I talk about how thanks is really a major influence in how we overcome our resistance to God being God.  I’ve found in my own life as well in others lives that thanks gives back to God and allow God to be God, where our ingratitude really kind of separates us from God. Nothing can separate us truly from God, but in our thinking and in our experience of God, we can literally build a wall of separation with ingratitude. But where thanks, thanks really, really unifies us and brings us into the very blessing of life. We can literally be blessed by all things.

The Lord says, be thankful and everything, and the reason why is because in that He’s given ownership of all of it, and more importantly, once He owns it, once it is owned by Him, then also everything is blessing. Even our difficulties can become blessings when we enter Thanksgiving. Thanks literally is a transfer of ownership to the Lord so in everything. I can thank Him for my blessings, but thank Him in everything there was a purpose why the Lord said, in everything because “everything” requires His thanks, because He is Lord and He is working all things together for the good of those who love Him.

Another thing I found is thanks is not just a one time thing. Thanks is a lifestyle. Thanks is….to thank God for everything you literally are living out a lifestyle of thanks and gratitude. And so as I entered into the Thanksgiving season and I entered into the day of Thanksgiving. I was able to really look at that, according to the shame. And some of the guys that I’m connected with literally have today reached out to me and said they were in deep shame today. And so as I’ve worked that out and I’ve walked that out with them and I’ve talked with them I’ve seen that the reason why there was a lot of shame in this day was because of all the triggers that Thanksgiving created. It’s interesting that the very thing that would solve that shame is the very season that we were celebrating and the season that triggered it all. To me that’s fascinating.

It was like the Lord brought you into a situation to give you the opportunity to enter thanks, but also that very situation was the thing that was triggering all the shame. And when we go into family situations like this and we don’t feel like we have control, we’re not being seen, we’re not being noticed, we’re not being respected. There’s so many things that can they can trigger our shame from our childhood, from our past, from our current, from everything… and we leave the day— this day of celebration, this day of gratitude this day, that is supposed to be joy and blessing, we enter it and leave it in a remorseful and grieved and shamed position. And so I just wanna really just reflect on that.

I’m gonna bring that element into the book Overcoming Shame and I am looking forward to developing the whole thought around, thanks, gratitude and giving thanks for everything and overcoming shame. So I continue to do this. I’m gonna write some posts about this and I just hope that you will come in and enjoy and really see what the Lord is doing and the fruit of what thanks could have in your life. I know that I am thankful for you. I’m thankful for each one of you that listened and I bless you. I bless you in this holiday season, this most triggering time of the year. I pray that it’s a time of gratitude a time that you’re able to see the Lord and His many blessings in your life, and that you’re able to overcome and to receive what He’s wanting to do as He’s taking ownership of these difficult situations and turning them around into blessing. The very blessing of your life. So I love you appreciate you and I will. I’ll be back soon.

Discover how Thanksgiving and the holiday season are designed for blessings, but can paradoxically become a fertile ground for shame.

The post Thanksgiving Triggers to Gratitude’s Triumph – Episode #870 first appeared on Divine Designed Life Podcast.

The post Thanksgiving Triggers to Gratitude’s Triumph – Episode #870 appeared first on Divine Designed Life Podcast.

Breaking Chains: Unmasking the Shadows of the Shame Life and Embracing True Freedom

The Negative and Positive of the Shame Life

Walk and talk with John Enslow

Well hey there, so I’m continuing to deal with the topic of shame. I’ll probably be on this for a while because of the fact that, that is the book I’m writing and I’m really excited about it. I’m real excited about the outcome of bringing a way of overcoming shame. Shame has been such a part of my life and something that is really been very destructive in my life and I am looking to have it completely eradicated in my life as well as in the lives of those I walk with and love.

So I was thinking about shame today and I’m looking at how much shame is rooted in comparison. We basically will take on data that we are accumulating from our world. I’m not as… pretty, I’m not as thin … I’m not as big… I’m not as successful… I’m not as competent… I’m not as…… It keeps on going.  So we have this data that we’re collecting, through our observation of our world. We’re looking at our world and we’re making observations and we’re comparing ourselves to that data. The funny thing is that data may not have anything to do with the truth. That may be simply our perception and not about reality at all. But then from the data, from the data we make conclusions and we make judgments and those judgments can sink us and tank us. It’s amazing how I am not pretty as…I am not successful as…I am not liked as… I am not… it’s amazing! It’s absolutely amazing how that data can bring such a dark cloud on our soul. Where we take that data and where we don’t match the grade we don’t meet the standard of what we think is supposed to be. It’s tragic because it shut us down. It makes us feel less than and it’s not supporting us in order to get us to where we want to be. It closes us down. It closes our heart down and it makes us feel inferior, weak, less than and it’s a vicious cycle that spirals us down. We feel subpar and that’s just destructive on our lives.

So another thing I’m thinking about as a relates to shame: how much of our spiritual life is based in shame, motivated by shame? Am I again taking from the data that I have gathered…I’m not as spiritual… I don’t read the word as much… I don’t do this as much… I don’t pray… I don’t make every meeting… I don’t… How much of our spiritual life is rooted and motivated by shame? Talk about tragic, talk about destructive, talk about life-sucking. Something that is supposed to be beautiful, something that supposed to be supportive, something that supposed to be life-giving is motivated based on shame, on the shame that I’m not enough.

Our relationship with our Christianity is intended to be based on relationship with Christ, relationship with the body, and it’s based on love. Love is our motivating force. That was the intent. The motivating force is love. So how much of our spiritual life is shame-based? How much of our spiritual life is rooted in a desire to compensate for weakness and sin and generational curses? It’s tragic? It’s pathetic and it’s life-sucking and I hate it. I absolutely hate it.

It goes beyond our spiritual life. How much of our actions are shame-based to compensate for where we feel we lack, where we feel like we’re subpar. How much exactly…how much of our daily living is based in rooted in the motivation of shame to overcome and to protect us from further pain, further shame. Shame to combat shame. It’s amazing how we will use that and that’s just human. It’s really very, very human. We use shame to control ourselves. It’s a force that not only is put upon us, but sometimes we use shame in order to shield ourselves from things that might hurt us. Shield ourselves from pain and things that have been destructive in our lives. These are all just very human, very understandable, but destructive nonetheless. Things that are not needed. Things that can be overcome.

And so as I’m writing this book, overcoming shame, I’m looking to discover these areas that we are caught in, that we are trapped by, and that hold our joy and our life and our potential and our satisfaction. They hold us from, not bring us to.  And I am I’m looking to crush those areas. I’m looking to expose those areas. I’m looking to put those areas in the right light, that they’re destructive and they’re soul-sucking and life altering and we don’t need them.

So I’m writing this book and I’m exploring shame as a motivating force, and I’m exposing shame as a destructive and life zapping rather than life supporting function. I know there are positive ends of shame. We know that if people are living shamelessly, that there is a positive nature to shame, shame is a awareness of, an exposure of things in our lives that should change. Things that are not correct, things that are not right, things that don’t fall in line with God in his heart for us. And we carry that shame because it’s a red flag to say, there’s an issue here, there’s a problem here, there needs to be an adjustment. But there’s a big difference between the natural elements of shame that is a natural emotion to bring course correction and then be the motivating force behind why we are living, what we are doing and who we are. I’m looking to explore that, I’m looking to expose that, and I’m looking to crush that, so that we can live as men and women fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God with the purpose of Christ and living to our full potential.

So I continue to ask for your prayers as I dive into this topic, I ask you for the protection of my own heart, as I am exposing these things, and as I’m exploring these things, I’m experiencing shameful things. I’m experiencing heartrending shame and I’m seeing the awful power and presence of shame but I’m also seeing how to overcome it on multiple levels and I love it. I love it! It’s worth it all, but I would love your prayers for grace to go through it as I bring this out and then eventually I’m looking for it to be super impactful for those that I love, for those that I walk with, and for those I support. So I love you, I bless you, I thank you for listening. I thank you for responding. I thank you for your interest and I praise God that I’m on this path because I’m looking to issue a death blow to such tragedy of living under the thumb of shame and allowing it to define my life and my person. I never want to be the case. So God bless you, I love you, I appreciate you, and I will be back soon.

Reflecting on how the shame life infiltrates every aspect of our lives, from our appearance to our spirituality as a motivating force.

The post The Negative and Positive of the Shame Life – Episode #869 first appeared on Divine Designed Life Podcast.

The post The Negative and Positive of the Shame Life – Episode #869 appeared first on Divine Designed Life Podcast.

The heartfelt exploration of the transformative potential of empathy in overcoming shame.

The Courage and Curiosity in Shame

Walk and talk with John Enslow

Well, hey there, I am continuing to work on the book on overcoming shame and I am absolutely fascinated with the process. It is both difficult and rewarding. I am having shameful situations come at me while I’m trying to bring this out and to develop the message.  And it’s amazing how I get hit with shame right when I’m trying to bring shame forward and deal with shame.

You know there’s such a tremendous amount of courage to go into another person’s shame with curiosity and compassion. So you may say, “Well, why is it courageous?” Because for you to enter the heart so that you can have empathy for another, you have to face your own pain.  And that’s courageous! That’s tremendously courageous when you have to go in with curiosity. I believe curiosity and compassion for someone’s shame is so key because you’re not being accused, you’re not being further shamed, you’re having somebody that’s coming in empathetically and with curiosity and trying to understand, trying to have compassion for you. Trying to sit with you in your moment, trying to deal with the shame that you’re dealing with. But when you do this, you have to look down the barrel of your own pain in your life. You have to look at where life has hurt you and your life has shamed you in order to connect with someone in shame. 

Shame is a separating, isolating, dirty little secret we hold, and when we are in shame, we’re condemned. We’re self condemned, we often have self hatred and self punishment. To enter in with someone and say, “I want to see you in your shame, I want to see you out of your shame. I want to see you through your shame, I wanna see you coming out and to get that free from your shame.” It’s a huge process. But in order to do that you have to connect with your heart and in order to connect with your heart, you have to connect with your own pains of life and painful situations and shame. To deal with shame you have to look in the heart. To deal with shame… you don’t you’re just not gonna mentally throw this aside. You have to deal with the heart condition, if you deal with the emotions of it, you have to deal with the pain of it.

So when you’re helping someone in their difficult situation, to empathize you have to say, “I understand, I’ve been there. I have experience pain in this area, similar to you.” It’s a beautiful process. It’s a supportive process and it’s a connected process and it’s beautiful. It’s absolutely beautiful. When somebody can come alongside of you in your shame and say, “I resonate with this, because I’ve been there. I haven’t been in your particular situation, but I have experienced my own shame in the same area. And in order to do that you’re really having to own it, look at it, and most shame you’re want to push it aside, but you’re having to do this in order to enter into empathy. You have to enter into your shame. You have to not take on the shame any further, but you have to face it. You have to face the fact that you have been shamed in your life.

I’ve said in the book that it is the human condition, that we came out of the Garden in shame, and we have carried shame ever since. And that’s just the way it is but we don’t have to live there. We don’t we can come out of shame, we can come out of our bondage, or despair, our self condemnation, and we can live in freedom apart from shame. We can see the things that have shamed us and see them not as a condemnation and not as a death sentence, but we can look at it as a situation that happened the process that brought growth, that brought life experience, that brought ultimately the opportunity to be healed.

As I’m working with people and dealing with shames and dealing with different things that we struggle with, the things that we wrestle with and things that we feel are holding us back. I’m having to face my own and then doing this book I’m having to face my own shames.  So this is this is gonna be a wonderful process, but I would love your prayers in it because it is a lot of work, and it is not been an enjoyable process. It’s dealing with some pretty deep things.

I have shames in my life that have plagued me and that I’ve overcome and that I’m overcoming and I’m seeing further areas of shame that I didn’t even know where there. And I’m able to deal with those but in order to enter into this and look at this, I’m having to look at the subject, but I’m also having to look at my own heart, and in order to bring it out I’m having to face some pretty gruesome things. I love it and I hate it at the same time.

But I applaud anyone who is willing to be courageous and step up in empathy to stand with their brothers and sisters, in their shame, rather than sympathetic, Ooo gosh that’s so horrible for you. Oh, isn’t that that bad for you!” No, sit with them sit with them and bring the healing and bring the connection. In shame there’s isolation and it’s amazing to have the wholeness to come through when someone will sit with you in your moment. I thank you for listening and I’ll talk to you soon.

Delve into the profound journey of confronting shame with curiosity, courage, and compassion it takes to embrace empathy and connection.

The post The Courage and Curiosity in Shame – Episode #868 first appeared on Divine Designed Life Podcast.

The post The Courage and Curiosity in Shame – Episode #868 appeared first on Divine Designed Life Podcast.

Discover Your Path with Coaching: Why You Need a Thought Partner

Why You Need a Thought Partner

Walk and talk with John Enslow

Hey there, so I just wanted to come today and talk to some about coaching and about something I’m seeing about coaching. I see that people are advice-giving maniacs. We look to give advice and not only do we look to give advice, we look to get advice. If you look at Moses when he was coming down and he had just been with God and the people basically said, ”Moses, you go up, you go up and you talk to God and you just come down and you tell us, you tell us, we don’t want to seek God for ourselves!” (He scares us!) And that’s what I found with coaching. That often, we want to come and find somebody and seek a solution. We’re not looking to necessarily discover for ourselves, we’re looking for the quick fix. We’re looking for the solution. We’re looking for the 123 steps in how to get stuff.

It just takes the responsibility really off of us and it gives the responsibility to the other person. We do this with our clergy, with our pastors, with our mentors, with our priests. We come to them, and we look for the answer. We’re like, “Give us the answer, you go to God, you go get the 123 steps and then come to us and tell us and then we’ll just do it!” That removes the responsibility but also removes the relationship that we intended to have Him.

Coaching is really pretty amazing in that, it’s not that you’re going to the coach to be fixed. You’re not going to the coach to get the 123 steps. What you’re going to a coach for is to have a thought partner, where you and he or she, that you go and you have a sounding board, you have a thought partner, you have someone who you can discover with. And as you start an unburdening your heart of different situation that you’re in. That’s how it’s worked with me. I’ve gone to coaches, I’ve literally gone with things that I’ve needed direction on and I’ve started to talk it out and all of a sudden, low and behold, the Lord just put it in my heart to deal with it. What to do. Where the solution is and that is absolutely beautiful.

So as a coach, I’m not looking to fix. I’m not looking to tell, I’m not looking to teach, I’m looking to partner with someone and really discover the answers. It’s amazing that that’s the process. That that’s actually what happens in coaching. You discover your path and you discover your journey.  So why would you need a coach? Why would you need a coach to do this process? Well what I have found is that to have someone standing with you, somebody that is willing to partner with you, someone who is able to hold you accountable, someone who is able to strategically lay out  how things will go is pretty powerful, and pretty amazing.

I have had where I have had a thought partner, I’ve had that coach, and I literally lay out…this book. My new book His Will Alone, that’s exactly how I did it. I said, “I need to know A,B,C about this book,” and then I talked it out and then I discovered exactly what needed to happen. And amazingly, I had somebody to check back with, somebody who would be held accountable with, and somebody that it just worked, it work amazingly well.

So one of the things about coaching is, it staying curious. As the coach I stay curious about the path, about what’s going on, about what’s happening, about what needs to transpire. And as you discover it I am curious. I’m asking questions. Curiosity questions to help you discover, because if God gives you the path and God gives you a call, then also with that calling comes the how to do it. Yes, it’s Christ’s Life that were connecting with, absolutely, but Christ Life functions in a plan, in a path, and God lays out our plan and we have to discover that. With coaching you get that opportunity to literally really go into your situations and find the answers.

So often when you go to someone and talk with them, they’re listening to speak not listening to hear, but a coach goes and listens for the answer—with you. What I have found is giving advice often creates resistance, and not only does it create resistance. It also diminishes the one who’s seeking the advice. That is not what happens in coaching. It’s not about diminishing the coachee. It’s about discovery, it’s about empowering and that’s the difference you’re not going to go seek advice you’re going to go seek the answering. And so you’re being empowered, the focuses on you, the focuses on your path, the focus is on your life and amazingly it’s beautiful that empowering leaves you with that buzz that I’ve talked about another podcast. That buzz in your chest, that life teaming energy that comes out in coaching that you leave the coaching scenario and you say, “I have what I need to go forward and I have someone that’s holding me accountable and someone who’s with me in it.” It beautiful, it’s absolutely beautiful.

So if you have any interest in having a thought partner, having someone who literally is helping you to seek and find and discover your path.  And get through your hurdles that have prevented you from being you can be and all you are then I’m asking you just to reach out. Let’s talk about it, let’s talk about coaching and what that actually would look like in your life and how it could help you. I love you appreciate you and I’m looking forward to talking to you.

The magic of coaching lies in the empowerment it offers. You’re not handed advice; instead, you’re given the tools to uncover your own solutions.

The post Why You Need a Thought Partner – Episode #867 first appeared on Divine Designed Life Podcast.

The post Why You Need a Thought Partner – Episode #867 appeared first on Divine Designed Life Podcast.

“Discover God’s Dream for Your Life: Embrace His Will Alone!”

God’s Dream of His Will Alone

Walk and talk with John Enslow

Well, hey there, so I was coached the other day, and I was floored by a question that the coach asked me. My coach said, “What is God’s dream about your book His Will Alone?” And it really resonated with me! Oh my gosh, it just pierced me, really. It was like the Lord was saying, “What is My Will for His Will Alone?” And that is quite a statement, that is quite a question, and it was deeply empowering. Because I was having a lot of questions and pressure about how I get this message out. How do I get this message in front of people? Because I’m deeply passionate about it, and I love it. I absolutely love this message. So I look at it from God‘s perspective, it’s amazing that you would look at His Will Alone as what is His Will for this book…LOL.

So as I was thinking about it and I was meditating on it, it took a while. I literally had no idea how to respond. I had to sit there; I had to sit there and think. I had to sit there and meditate. I had to sit there and ask, “Lord Jesus, what is Your Will with His Will Alone?” And what I had to do was, I had to literally say, “What is the purpose of this book!” The purpose of the book is not to make another notch in my ring binder and say I got another book written. That’s not the purpose of this. I believe the purpose is that the Lord has a deep, longing passion for His children to enter His Will.

Number one it’s relational.  His Will is deeply, deeply passionately relational. It’s union and connection. It’s literally finding Him in the moment. It’s literally aligning your life with His heart and His Life. It’s beautiful! It’s absolutely beautiful! And so this book is not how to manual. This book is an invitation. That’s what I discovered. When this man asked this question of me and I started to seek the answer. I realize this book is an invitation and it carries with it and RSVP. It’s looking for a response to enter into His Will. And while this book is the defense of His Will Alone, it also gives such vision and such compassionate understanding of His Will and how we literally run up against with our own desires, and with our own interest and with our own vision and our own passions. And when the Will of God runs slap against those, and there may be a No, there may be a Not yet, there may be an Absolute let’s go for it now.

The amazing thing is, is that the Father has compassion for our passions and at the same time His Will Alone is the absolute perfect and it’s absolute union and it’s where we become family. Jesus said who is my mother, sister, brother, it is them to do the Will of God. The Will of God makes us family, it’s relational, it’s deeply passionate. But He’s compassionate about our hearts, and He woos us into His Will. He doesn’t smack us into His Will. He doesn’t abuse us with His Will, He doesn’t give us the, “because I told you so.” And while we may not understand always what’s going on and what the Will is and what the purpose of the Will is, we may not understand in the moment. Ultimately, His Will is invitational wooing, deeply passionate for us to enter into something that is much grander than we can even understand.

In this book, I go through such a beautiful, elegant heralding of His Will and why you would want His Will and what His Will gives you, and what His Will looks like and how we enter into His Will and how His will and our free will are connected. It just… I’m amazed at the book. I am super excited about it. It’s given me hope, it’s given me understanding, and it’s given me compassion for myself. 

As I navigate my own desires, and my own passions and my own will. As I yield it, and as I discover with curiosity His Will and His intentions. He doesn’t give us deep passions to frustrate us. He doesn’t give us deep passions to force us to have to abandon them. We just have to submit them under His Will and His Will Alone is it called, a deep call to enter into the perfection of Christ.

It discusses how we can live essentials in a nonessential world. It discusses how we can discover the Will of God when there’s confusion about it. When we have that internal struggle and resistance. How? How do we come into alignment with Him? How do we discover His true purpose? How do we come out of a nonessential world and literally going to His essentials, which becomes our essentials and our perfect best, and our deeply satisfying fulfillment.

This book is about abundance, this book is about true fruitful living. This book is about entering in to dynamic relationship with Him. Not a tyrant God whose Will is the absolute worst possible thing that could happen to us. No, this is discovering a Shepherd Who longs to bring us into safety, into peace, into health, into security, into perfection, into joy, into happiness. He want us to enter into the unified life and the fulfilled life that is only found in His Will, and His Will Alone. We can struggle, we can strain against His Will or struggle and strain to find a path or we can literally come into deep union with Him and find His Will Alone.

I hope you will read it? I hope you can enjoy it. It is available right now in Amazon.com both on Kindle as well as print on demand. It can be to your house in two days if you want to print copy or you can read it immediately on Kindle. So I hope you get it. I would love to discuss this with you. I would love to do a dialogue and discover His Will for us in our lives. So, I love you. I appreciate you and I look forward to talking to you real soon.

His Will Alone is not a mere manual but an invitation to enter into God’s Will, which is a deeply relational and passionate experience.

The post God’s Dream of His Will Alone – Episode #866 first appeared on Divine Designed Life Podcast.

The post God’s Dream of His Will Alone – Episode #866 appeared first on Divine Designed Life Podcast.