Wonder what your kids are experiencing during the divorce process? What if you could ask adult children of divorce for advice?

Grace Casper became a child of divorce at the age of eight. By age 10, she had written the first draft of her book,  Dear Parents: Notes from a Child of Divorce by Grace Casper.

Today, Grace runs Divorce Tips from Kids, a platform dedicated to helping families navigate divorce, and hosts Divorce: What I Wish My Parents Knew, a podcast about divorce from the kids’ perspective.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Grace joins Katherine to describe the pressure she felt to be the source of her parents’ happiness after their divorce.

Grace explains what inspired her to write about her parent’s divorce and how we can apply Grace’s story in Dear Parents to our own individual circumstances.

Listen in for insight on the commoditization of kids in divorce negotiations and learn how Grace’s resources can help you improve your children’s divorce experience.

Topics Covered

Connect with Grace Casper

Divorce Tips from Kids

Divorce Tips on Instagram

Divorce Tips on Facebook

Divorce: What I Wish My Parents Knew Podcast

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding in Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email [email protected]

Call (914) 862-7487

Resources

Dear Parents: Notes from a Child of Divorce by Grace Casper

Worried thoughts about the future generate anxiety. And divorce begets an uncertain future.

So, it’s no surprise that anxiety is such a common emotion in divorce

But how do you navigate that anxiety without getting overwhelmed in the process?

Bernadette Purcell is Founder of Shore Behavioral Health, a practice that helps patients with anxiety disorders enjoy more fulfilling lives and supports individuals and couples through all phases of divorce. A licensed clinical social worker in private practice since 2008, Bernadette is also the author of Divorced as F* in Seven Spiritual Steps.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Bernadette joins Katherine to discuss how worry impacts the divorce process and what to do about it. Bernadette explains how to prevent worry from turning into anxiety, challenging you to surrender to the fact that divorce is happening and leverage acceptance to take the next right step for you.

Listen in for insight on getting comfortable with uncertainty and learn Bernadette’s top stress management interventions for managing the anxiety of divorce.

Topics Covered

Connect with Bernadette Purcell

Shore Behavioral Health

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding in Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email [email protected] 

Call (914) 862-7487

Divorce makes us feel vulnerable. And many of us lawyer up and come out swinging to protect ourselves.

But what if there’s a more effective way to reach an agreement with your ex? What if a little self-reflection early on can help you improve the process of working with a divorce professional?

Jacinta Gallant is a respected lawyer, mediator and educator recognized internationally for her innovative approach to conflict resolution training. Jacinta’s Our Family in Two Homes resources for divorce professionals help their clients prepare for effective dispute resolution. 

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Jacinta joins Katherine to share her journey from cutthroat divorce litigator to effective mediator, describing how she leverages curiosity to understand clients on a deeper level and deliver what they need.

Jacinta walks us through the reflection questions she encourages people to ask themselves before they meet with a divorce lawyer and explains how divorce attorneys serve clients better when they don’t pretend to have all the answers.

Listen in to understand why people who take the ‘high road’ get better deals than those who come out swinging and get Jacinta’s advice on using divorce as an opportunity for self-discovery and catalyst for a better life!

Topics Covered 

Connect with Jacinta Gallant

Jacinta’s Website

The Authentic Professional Podcast

Our Family in Two Homes

Connect with Katherine Miller 

The Center for Understanding in Conflict 

Miller Law Group 

Katherine on LinkedIn 

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller 

Email [email protected] 

Call (914) 685-9805

Resources

Dr. Cheryl Picard’s Insight Approach to Conflict Resolution

Going Steady: A Toolkit for Building Our Future Together by Jacinta Gallant

If your marriage is ending, you may be convinced that things will never be good again.

But what if I told you there is a way to stay positive, even during a divorce? To feel less vulnerable in stressful situations? And change the dynamic of conversations with your ex?

Bill Carmody serves as Chief Coaching Officer for Positive Intelligence, where he oversees the application of mental fitness for thousands of coaches worldwide.

Bill is also the author of the bestselling book The 3 Rules of Marriage, and he is dedicated to being an inspirational leader who creates breakthroughs for himself and solves problems for others.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Bill joins Katherine to explain how Positive Intelligence strategies can help you be less reactive in stressful situations and stay positive regardless of your circumstances.

Bill shares his approach to making progress in high-conflict conversations, challenging us to develop mental fitness and stop the cycle of judgement when we feel criticized by our ex.

Listen in for Bill’s PQ Reps exercise for dropping into your fully present self and learn how to leverage Positive Intelligence to focus on the outcomes you want during a divorce.

What happens when we let our emotions run us in the process of divorce

Using Positive Intelligence to feel less vulnerable and be less reactive in stressful situations

How to adjust your autonomic nervous system to cultivate a sense of calm

Bill’s PQ Reps exercise for dropping into your body and being fully present in the moment

Bill’s strategies for changing the dynamic of conversations in high-conflict circumstances

How mental fitness allows you to focus on the outcome you want in divorce

Bill’s 3 rules of marriage (don’t keep score, show appreciation & don’t go to bed angry)

Why we tend to judge others when we feel criticized and how to stop that cycle

How PQ Reps can help people who are contemplating or navigating divorce

Why Bill recommends coaching to help you focus on what’s important in divorce

Positive Intelligence

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email: [email protected] 

Call (914) 685-9805

The 3 Rules of Marriage by Bill and Elena Carmody

The Saboteur Assessment

According to the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, divorce is the second most stressful life event after the death of a spouse.

And that stress has an impact on our food choices and overall health.

So, how might we leverage integrative nutrition to make positive, lasting lifestyle changes while we’re coping with divorce?

Suzy Wood is the Integrative Nutrition Health Coach behind True Wellness Within, a platform that helps people make healthy food and lifestyle choices and rebuild their lives after the stress of divorce.

Suzy’s divorce was a calling card to reinvent herself, inspiring her to leave a career in high tech marketing to start her own business and live her best life.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Suzy joins Katherine to discuss the 12 lifestyle factors that must be in balance for you to live a healthy life.

Suzy shares tips for finding an avenue for self-care to help you detox during or after divorce and discusses the importance of discerning what divorce advice works for you—and what doesn’t.

Listen in for Suzy’s techniques to navigate the stressful moments of a divorce negotiation and learn how to leverage divorce as an opportunity to transform your life!

How divorce gave Suzy the opportunity to transform her outlook on life

How integrative nutrition looks at both lifestyle factors and the foods you eat

The 12 lifestyle factors that must be in balance for you to live a healthy life

How the stress of divorce impacts our food choices and overall health

Suzy’s tips for finding an avenue for self-care to detox during/after divorce

Why Suzy suggests having an outlet to discuss divorce beyond friends and family

How to discern what divorce advice works for you and what doesn’t

What Suzy says to people who are afraid of divorce and don’t know what to do

How Suzy’s coaching program helps people make lasting lifestyle changes

Stress-reduction techniques to use during triggering events in divorce

True Wellness Within

True Wellness on Instagram

Suzy on LinkedIn

Email [email protected]

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email: [email protected] 

Call (914) 685-9805

Divorce Detox Facebook Group

Traditional coparenting arrangements put the focus on the divorcing couple. They establish new, separate households, and the kids go back and forth.

But what happens if you shift your focus and build a coparenting plan around the children?

When Bill DeSalvo’s ex-wife introduced him to the idea of nesting, he had misgivings. But he was open to the alternative because of its benefits for his kids.

On the last episode of Divorce Dialogues, Bill’s ex-wife, Beth Behrendt, walked us through the fundamentals of nesting, a coparenting strategy in which the children stay in the family home and the parents move in and out.

Today, Bill joins Katherine to discuss the experience of nesting from his perspective, sharing the logistical questions he had around how it would work and how their arrangement has evolved over time.

Bill explains what he learned about himself through nesting and describes the mutual respect he and Beth established by putting rules in place early on.

Listen in for Bill’s advice on building structure into a nesting arrangement without ‘scoreboarding’ and find out if you have what it takes to make nesting work for your family.

What differentiates nesting from traditional coparenting arrangements

How nesting puts the focus on the children vs. the couple getting divorced

Why Bill was receptive when his ex-wife introduced the idea of nesting

The logistical questions Bill had around how nesting would work

How Bill and his ex-wife’s nesting arrangement has evolved over time

What Bill learned about himself and how he grew as a person through nesting

Bill’s reaction to his ex-wife’s decision to write Nesting After Divorce

Bill’s insight on what it takes to make a nesting arrangement work

The rules Bill and his ex put in place early in their nesting arrangement

How to build structure into a nesting arrangement without ‘scoreboarding’

Family Nesting

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email: [email protected] 

Call (914) 685-9805

Beth Behrendt on Divorce Dialogues EP202

Nesting After Divorce: Co-Parenting in the Family Home by Beth Behrendt

Separated parents often worry about the upheaval a divorce causes in their kids’ lives, especially the stress that comes with moving back and forth between two households.

But what if you could give your children the security of staying in the family home?

Nesting allows kids to do just that. And it’s the parents who move in and out.

So, how does nesting work? Is it right for your family?

Beth Behrendt is the author of Nesting After Divorce: Co-Parenting in the Family Home. A freelance writer and single mother of three, Beth has shared her nesting experiences in several national publications, including The New York Times and Psychology Today.

She is also a regular contributor to Divorce Magazine and Laura Wasser’s It’s Over Easy. Beth built Family Nesting to offer advice to other families considering this unique approach to divorce.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Beth joins Katherine to explain why she and her ex-husband made the decision to try nesting and how the arrangement benefits their family.

Beth shares her take on nesting temporarily to make the transition to divorce easier, describing what the arrangement looks like for her family and how it’s evolved over the last nine years!

Listen in for Beth’s insight on explaining the nesting situation to a new dating partner and find out if co-parenting in the family home is right for you.

How nesting allows kids to stay in the family home after divorce

How Beth’s personal experience inspired her to write Nesting After Divorce

Why Beth and her ex-husband made the decision to try nesting

Beth’s take on nesting for a year or two to make the transition to divorce easier

How Beth, her ex and her kids benefit from the nesting arrangement

What the nesting arrangement looks like for Beth’s family (and how it evolved over the years)

How Beth and her ex worked out who was responsible for what, e.g.: shopping, laundry, etc.

Establishing rules re: introducing kids to new dating partners and allowing other adults to the nest

How to explain the nesting situation to a new dating partner

What qualities Beth’s ex has that made nesting work for them

How nesting impacted Beth’s relationship with her ex and how it evolved over time

Why nesting isn’t right for every family but can work for many

Family Nesting

Family Nesting on Facebook

Family Nesting on Twitter

Beth on Twitter

Beth on Instagram

Beth on TikTok

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email: [email protected] 

Call (914) 685-9805

Nesting After Divorce: Co-Parenting in the Family Home by Beth Behrendt

It Doesn’t Have to Be That Way by Laura A. Wasser

At the beginning of a new romance, we’re not worried about repeating the unhealthy patterns that ended our previous relationships. We tell ourselves that this one is different.

But statistics tell a different story.

The divorce rate is 41% for first marriages, 60% for second marriages and 73% the third time around.

So, what’s behind those dismal statistics? And what can we do to heal a disappointing love life?

Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist and a psychoanalyst in private practice in New York City. He also serves on the faculty of the NYU Postdoctoral Program in Psychoanalysis.

Dr. Jordan founded the Love Life Learning Center to help people strengthen their ability to form and sustain healthy relationships, and he is the author of Learn to Love: A Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Jordan joins Katherine to discuss the three features of a disappointing love life, describing how we unconsciously repeat unhealthy patterns learned in childhood.

Dr. Jordan explains how to stop the generational transmission of unhealthy learning in relationships, challenging us to set up a marriage that nurtures the love experience and grows over time.

Listen in to understand when your marriage can be saved and when it’s time to divorce—and learn the first steps to healing your disappointing love life.

The unhealthy patterns Dr. Jordan noticed in his practice that inspired Learn to Love

Dr. Jordan’s 3 features of a disappointing love life—repetition, replication and recreation

The case study of a client whose childhood experience with a violent father informed her disappointing love life

How we can’t control our experience of love but can set up a relationship that nurtures that experience

What it looks like to stop the generational transmission of unhealthy learning in love relationships

Dr. Jordan’s insight on the value in looking at divorce as a learning experience

How an awareness of your psychological love life serves as the foundation of a growing relationship

How to know whether your marriage can be saved or if it’s time for divorce

Why after divorce is a good time to ‘work on your love life’

The first steps to examining your own love life and moving it in a healthier direction

Love Life Learning Center

Love Life Learning Center on Facebook

Love Life Learning Center on Twitter

Love Life Learning Center on Instagram

Dr. Jordan on LinkedIn

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email: [email protected] 

Call (914) 685-9805

Learn to Love: A Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life by Thomas Jordan, PhD

Many people are overburdened with expenses after divorce. So, what options do you have when the cost of living on your own becomes overwhelming and you get into financial trouble?

Though it is a last resort, sometimes filing for bankruptcy is the best way to eliminate some of your debt and get back on your feet.

So, how do divorce and bankruptcy law work together? What do you need to know about declaring bankruptcy in divorce?

Dawn Kirby is the cofounder of Kirby Aisner & Curley LLP, a women-owned law firm that represents corporate and consumer debtors and creditors in bankruptcy and restructuring matters.

Dawn has more than 25 years of experience as a bankruptcy attorney, and she cofounded the pro se bankruptcy clinic at Legal Services of the Hudson Valley, which provides bankruptcy counseling to individuals who fall below the Federal poverty line.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dawn joins Katherine to explain why divorce is among the most common causes of bankruptcy and when to file for chapter 7 versus chapter 13 bankruptcy.

Dawn discusses why alimony and child support are not dischargeable in bankruptcy, sharing the case study of a client who fell behind on his domestic support obligations and used bankruptcy to get back on track.

Listen in for Dawn’s insight on when it makes sense to declare bankruptcy and learn how the process can provide relief from the financial burdens associated with divorce.

Why divorce is among the most common causes of bankruptcy

How bankruptcy can provide relief from the financial burdens associated with divorce

What differentiates chapter 7 bankruptcy from chapter 13 bankruptcy

Why alimony and child support are not dischargeable in bankruptcy

How bankruptcy law allows for a repayment plan if you fall behind on domestic support obligations

Dawn’s insight around how bankruptcy and divorce law work together

Dawn’s case study of a client who fell behind on his maintenance obligations and used bankruptcy to stop contempt proceedings and get back on track

When it makes sense for a couple to file for bankruptcy BEFORE they get divorced

How bankruptcy impacts a divorcing couple who owns property together

Kirby Aisner & Curley LLP

Connect With Katherine Miller 

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email: [email protected] 

Call (914) 685-9805

US Federal Bankruptcy Law

If you’re going through a divorce, you’ve likely fallen into what David Emerald Womeldorff calls the Dreaded Drama Triangle or DDT.

But this framework keeps you and your ex focused on your problems rather than the outcomes you want.

So, what is the antidote to the toxicity of DDT? How do you shift out of fear and reactivity into creativity and empowerment?

David is the Creator-in-Chief of The Empowerment Dynamic and Cofounder of the Bainbridge Leadership Center. He is also the bestselling author many books, including The Power of TED: The Empowerment Dynamic.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, David joins Katherine to explain the concept of the Dreaded Drama Triangle, exploring how the traditional approach to divorce perpetuates the DDT.

David describes why we fall into the roles of victim, persecutor or rescuer in divorce and challenges us to leverage The Empowerment Dynamic as an antidote to DDT.

Listen in for David’s insight on applying TED to the circumstances of divorce and learn how to disrupt the pattern of DDT with or without your ex’s cooperation!

The concept of the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) and how it works

What differentiates victimhood from victimization

How the traditional approach to divorce perpetuates the DDT

Why we fall into our roles as victim, persecutor or rescuer in divorce

How The Empowerment Dynamic (TED) serves as an antidote to the DDT

The TED roles of creator, challenger and coach

Why it’s challenging to shift our focus from problems to outcomes

David’s insight on applying TED to the circumstances of divorce

Disrupting the patten of DDT with or without your ex’s cooperation

Center for the Empowerment Dynamic

The Empowerment Dynamic on Facebook

David on LinkedIn

Topics Covered Connect With David Emerald Womeldorff 

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email: [email protected] 

Call (914) 685-9805

The Power of TED: The Empowerment Dynamic by David Emerald

The Karpman Drama Triangle

Karen Horney’s Interpersonal Theory of Adjustment

Oprah Interview with Adele