Divorce, Healthy!

Divorce, Healthy! was started to help people find a way to get through divorce in non-destructive ways. Ashley-Nicole Russell’s passion has inspired her personal mission statement: to change how divorce is handled in America.

Ashley-Nicole launched the Divorce, Healthy! podcast with a monologue. In today’s episode, she shares a new reflection of her journey thus far in achieving her goals and changing divorce culture.

 “That statement grew over time. It started with my mission to change divorce in my small town, to my state, to my entire country. And I really want to make sure that I save families from the destructive effects of what happens during divorce,” Ashley-Nicole says.

On this episode of Divorce, Healthy! Ashley-Nicole shares her personal experience as an adult child of divorce and as a divorcee, why she wrote her book “The Cure for Divorce Culture,” and how she’s a living example of what she writes.

“As we say in the south, the proof is in the pudding, right? … In the book, you get a big view of what happened [in my divorce]. There are some things that are a bit unsaid. And then, of course, there's the finished product of me actually moving on, having my own family, and curing [divorce] in the ways that I can for the next generation,” Ashley-Nicole says.

Ashley-Nicole reflects on child custody, support, the duty of HR and Alternative Dispute Resolution in divorce. Additionally, she touches on parental alienation, father’s rights, mother's rights and self-awareness.

Through her own personal journey, Ashley-Nicole has learned how to heal past traumas and find her own way to a happy and healthy life.

Tune in to this episode of Divorce, Healthy! with Ashley-Nicole Russell, Collaborative Attorney serving Beaufort, Raleigh, and Greenville, NC.

Name: Ashley-Nicole Russell

What she does: Ashley-Nicole Russell, Esq. is an award-winning family law attorney, author, speaker, and host of the podcast Divorce, Healthy!. She has created a new area of practice for family law in North Carolina and wrote the book, “The Cure for Divorce Culture,” which is helping to change the way couples divorce in the U.S. Her mission is to change how divorce is handled in this country over the next four years.

Words of wisdom: “I have a beautiful passion that's fueling me. And that's to fix divorce in America.”

Connect: Website | LinkedIn | Instagram

Top takeaways from this Divorce, Healthy! episode

★    Stigmas attached to divorce hurt children. Divorce as it has traditionally been viewed can have long-lasting negative effects on children that last into adulthood. This is why Ashley-Nicole knows it’s so important to change the culture of divorce.

★    Eliminate the battleground with divorce. Moving away from a litigation focus with divorce has opened up opportunities for parents to pursue shared parenting and allows families to come together and do what’s best for their children.

★    Model the behavior you want to see in your children. As a new parent herself, Ashley-Nicole has seen how important it is to model the behavior you want to see in your children.

[01:14] The monologue, part two: Ashley-Nicole reflects on the start of the Divorce, Healthy! Podcast. In this episode, she shares a follow-up monologue about her goal to cure divorce culture in America.

[03:17] A personal passion: Ashley-Nicole opens up and shares her personal experiences as a divorcee and an adult child of divorce.

[09:35] Divorce is evolving: Divorce is no longer a one-sided litigation-focused event. There are now many different options including mandatory mediation.

[14:33] Combat issues in your life with love: This doesn’t mean you can’t get divorced, but it means that if you do, you need to maintain respect for the other person and think of what is best for everyone involved.

[17:56] Change divorce: With our lived experiences and the wealth of resources available today, it is our responsibility to do better and change how divorce is handled and viewed in this country.

[21:25] Collaborative divorce is the way to go: You don’t need to do things the way they have always been done. If you’re going through a divorce you should make informed decisions to settle outside of court.

[23:49] Let’s fix divorce in America: With all the resources, tools, and people who want to help, there has never been a better time to re-write what it means to get divorced and the process that gets you there.

⭐ To inquire about speaking engagements, purchase your copy of Ashley-Nicole’s book “The Cure for Divorce Culture,” or to schedule your private orientation meeting, head to www.anrlaw.com.

⭐ You can also find us on social media @ANRLaw.

⭐ Divorce Lawyer Ashley-Nicole Russell has law offices serving clients in Greenville, Raleigh, and Beaufort, North Carolina.

⭐ Find a better way forward, right here, on Divorce, Healthy! Subscribe in your preferred podcast app.

Casey Sowers followed 14 years of military service with a long career as a project manager in the private sector. During this time, he found himself fighting for equal shared custody of one of his daughters.

Prior to this, it had never occurred to Casey to look into the custody industry, or to consider the custody rights of divorced fathers. But after the stress of his own custody battle seriously affected his mental health and job performance, he started to get more involved. Now, Casey is Executive Director of The Fathers’ Rights Movement, a nonprofit made up of parents who advocate for 50/50 shared custody.

At first, Casey thought the impact of his own custody battle was all psychological. However, when he stopped to think about how many times he’d had to take a call from a lawyer, or find evidence related to his case during work hours, he began to wonder whether custody battles are costing corporate America significant amounts of revenue.

This motivated him to launch a pilot study to test this theory. So far, it includes 4,300 people.

The groundbreaking study is being released to addresses the impact that inequality in the United States Family Court System has on corporations. This is the most comprehensive research project of its kind that observes the effects that shared parenting and the court system has on not only families, but also corporations and communities.

Companies are growing increasingly concerned about the negative effects of divorce litigation on their employees and families, including emotional hardship and mental health issues that lead to decreased productivity and time away from work. Additionally, subpoenas are causing taxing issues for companies to produce massive amounts of documents and testimony under these duress cases.

Casey hopes to prove that poor mental health — such as the kind he suffered during his custody battle — affects job performance. And since job performance is tied to corporate revenue loss, it’s in corporate America’s interest to advocate for a system in which fathers have a fair chance at gaining equal custody of their children.

Tune in to this episode of Divorce, Healthy! with Ashley-Nicole Russell, Collaborative Attorney serving Beaufort, Raleigh, and Greenville, NC.

Name: Casey Sowers

What he does: Casey directs The Fathers’ Rights Movement, a group of fathers and mothers who advocate for divorced parents to receive equal custody of their children. 

Words of wisdom: “My duty as a father is to do whatever I need to in the best interest of my child. It's about being patient, not being reactive, and staying mentally healthy. Even if you're not able to see your child, you need to be complete and whole as a person.” 

Connect: LinkedIn | Instagram

Top takeaways from this Divorce, Healthy! episode 

★   Consider collaboration instead. In North Carolina — which the National Parenting Organization awarded a D- in its 2019 Shared Parenting Report Card — it’s not unheard of to pay $150,000 for child custody litigation, depending on which county you live in. Casey spent $140,000 over the course of two years for his litigation in Florida. Settling through a collaborative legal approach is far less expensive.

★   Understand what you’re signing up for. If you choose to litigate instead of collaborate, keep your expectations realistic. It’s a long, arduous, costly process. If you take that as a given, it will be easier to manage your emotions and be there for your child.

★   Put your child’s well-being first. Don’t fall into the trap of making yourself the victim during your custody battle. Prioritize your child’s well-being.

[03:33] The Fathers’ Rights Movement works for parents of all genders: The name comes from the proportion of men to women who are affected in these kinds of custody cases: 65% are men, but the organization also advocates for the 35% of women who are fighting for equal shared parenting.

[07:15] Child custody battles are big business: This is a $55 billion dollar industry — and attorneys get the lion’s share. 

[12:37] All states are not created equal when it comes to custody decisions: The National Parenting Organization grades states based on how well their legislatures promote shared parenting best practices. New York, for example, received an F.

[17:15] Custody disputes have a negative impact on parents’ mental health and their job performance: A pilot study by The Fathers’ Rights Movement found a correlation between employees going through custody battles, and loss of revenue for their companies.

[26:56] If you’re getting divorced and have a child, know that you’re in for the long haul: If you choose litigation as opposed to mediation, expect a lengthy, arduous, expensive process. If you take this as a given, you’re less likely to react negatively to the stress involved.

[30:31]  Resist the temptation to see yourself as a victim: Focus on your child’s welfare and be patient, instead of making it all about you. This will benefit your mental health and help you respond calmly during proceedings.

⭐ To inquire about speaking engagements, purchase your copy of Ashley-Nicole’s book “The Cure for Divorce Culture,” or to schedule your private orientation meeting, head to www.anrlaw.com.

⭐ You can also find us on social media @ANRLaw.

⭐ Divorce Lawyer Ashley-Nicole Russell has law offices serving clients in Greenville, Raleigh, and Beaufort, North Carolina.

⭐ Find a better way forward, right here, on Divorce, Healthy! Subscribe in your preferred podcast app.

Dating can be daunting. Some people go for the same type of partners time and again, ignoring red flags and gravitating toward drama. It doesn’t have to be that way. In fact, it shouldn’t be that way. 

On this episode of Divorce, Healthy!, dating coach Bela Gandhi discusses her successful career in matchmaking. Although it started as somewhat of a party trick, Bela’s ability to successfully match those around her eventually led to her passion. In 2009, she started the Smart Dating Academy, a coaching and consulting company that teaches people how to find the happiest and best loves of their lives. 

“[We] help people stop doing the same thing over and over again, which is picking partners that aren't good for them, and instead, start picking partners that are going to make them happy, and be a real partner in their life and make life easy and fun,” Bela says. 

Bela also discusses the current marriage rate in the U.S., which is the lowest level on record. She attributes this record low rate to people waiting longer to get married. 

“I think now, with women being in school in record numbers, even outpacing men in schools and in the professional world, we're more equivalent in so many ways. So people want to put that education to good use, climb that ladder a bit, and marriage is something that people are choosing to do later,” she explains. 

Despite the low marriage rate, people are still choosing to “partner up.” After 12 years of business, Bela has not had a single divorce among her clients. Looking at childhood environments and individual desire, Bela has discovered a successful algorithm for matching people.

Tune in to this episode of Divorce! Healthy with Ashley-Nicole Russell, Collaborative Attorney serving Beaufort, Raleigh, and Greenville, NC. 

Name: Bela Gandhi

What she does: Bela Gandhi is the founder of Smart Dating Academy, a coaching and consulting company that teaches people how to find the happiest and best loves of their lives.

Words of wisdom: “My mission is to put more love into this world.”

Connect: Website | LinkedIn | Instagram 

Top takeaways from this Divorce, Healthy! episode

★    Smart Dating Academy helps people find love and avoid making the same mistakes again. Dating can be difficult and isolating. Bela’s company helps determine clients’ true wants and needs, helping them avoid red flags and find lifelong partners. 

★    Set yourself up for success. Seeking help from the Smart Dating Academy can prevent divorce later on, as it pairs people based on their upbringings and deepest needs among other points of interest.

★    Social expectations of marriage have changed but the desire for love remains. Now, more than ever, people are prioritizing themselves and putting marriage on the back burner. This has led to record low marriage rates but has not slowed down people’s desire to partner up and find love.

[02:19] Fix your picker: The tagline for Bela Gandhi’s Smart Dating Academy sums up the company’s mission, which helps people find the right kind of love for them.

[03:45] Pandemic partnering: During the pandemic, Bela saw more people forming deep connections via video calls. Without the “lure of premature physicality,” she observes that new couples had more honest conversations.

[05:16] Record-low marriage rates: The U.S. is seeing a record low in marriage rates, which Bela attributes to more equality between women and men.

[11:02] A means of preventing divorce: Bela sees her work as preventing the end of marriages by helping people truly find their perfect match.

[19:40] Marriage map process: Bela explains her consulting company’s marriage map process, which helps determine the client’s ideal match by taking into consideration the type of relationship their parents had.

[23:12] High success rate: The Smart Dating Academy’s success rate speaks for itself. This October will be the company’s 12-year anniversary, and it’s never had a divorce among its clients.

[27:53] You may just need some guardrails: “Love is out there for you. … You may just need some guardrails,” Bela insists. She believes there’s a lid to every pot and that she can help each person find it by protecting them from the dings and bumps along the way.

⭐ To inquire about speaking engagements, purchase your copy of Ashley-Nicole’s book “The Cure for Divorce Culture,” or to schedule your private orientation meeting, head to www.anrlaw.com.

⭐ You can also find us on social media @ANRLaw.

⭐ See Ashley-Nicole's website and book for more marriage rate information.

⭐ Divorce Lawyer Ashley-Nicole Russell has law offices serving clients in Greenville, Raleigh, and Beaufort, North Carolina.

⭐ Find a better way forward, right here, on Divorce, Healthy! Subscribe in your preferred podcast app.

Divorce lawyers traditionally advised their clients to fight for sole custody of children, especially when their client was the mother. It’s time to put that tradition behind us.

On this episode of Divorce, Healthy!, National Parents Organization (NPO) board members Matt Hale and Don Hubin, as well as family lawyer and children’s book author Kelly Chang Rickert, talk about the benefits of shared parenting.

The NPO is responsible for issuing a state-by-state report card for the nation’s first comprehensive review of child custody statutes as they relate to shared parenting. When Matt Hale began the Kentucky chapter, the state had a low rating for child custody laws.

But in 2017, Kentucky passed House Bill 492, the Equal Parenting Presumption During Temporary Orders. The next year, in 2018, it passed the Equal Parenting Presumption for Final Orders, which mandates that shared parenting is the gold standard for a child's best interest. Thanks to these efforts, the state now recognizes and celebrates Shared Parenting Day each year.

It was NPO President Don Hubin who advised Matt on his dealings with the Kentucky legislature.

“NPO is child-focused and research-based. We're trying to improve the system. We're trying to reduce the contentiousness of divorce,” Don says. In fact, the organization has more than 40 years of research to support their argument for shared parenting.

Kelly Chang Rickert also has years of research and experience in her wheelhouse as a family law expert. Her passion even inspired her to write a children’s book, “Two Adventures with Mom and Dad,” which encourages shared parenting.

Tune in to this episode of Divorce! Healthy with Ashley-Nicole Russell, Collaborative Attorney serving Beaufort, Raleigh, and Greenville, NC, to hear about the importance of shared parenting.

Name: Matt Hale

What he does: Matt is the founder of the Kentucky chapter of National Parents Organization (NPO). He spearheaded the state’s legislative rulings calling for shared parenting as the new gold standard. 

Words of wisdom: “I just want to help other families get shared parenting because it's good for parents, it's good for kids, and it's good for society.”

Name: Don Hubin

What he does: Don is the President of the National Parents Organization (NPO), which strives to protect every child’s right to the love and care of both parents after separation or divorce.

Words of wisdom: “Competent, loving parents should not have to go through a court battle to continue to be fully involved in their children's lives.”

Connect: LinkedIn

Name: Kelly Chang Rickert 

What she does: Kelly has been practicing law for over 20 years and is the founder of the Law and Mediation Offices of Kelly Chang, APLC, a law firm dedicated to family law. She also wrote the children’s book, “Two Adventures with Mom and Dad,” to help explain divorce and shared parenting to kids.  

Words of wisdom: “If both parents are wanting custody, we should work out a parenting plan.” 

Connect: Website | LinkedIn

Top takeaways from this Divorce, Healthy! episode

★    Legislation must change. The NPO is striving to change legislation in all 50 states to equalize parental rights and guarantee that every child has the right to love and care from both parents.

★    Shared parenting benefits everyone. Research has proven time and again that children do much better and are significantly happier when their parents are equally involved. Shared parenting also allows both parents to pursue their own careers and endeavors when they know they have the help and support of their child’s other parent.

★    Be careful who you hire. Divorce lawyers are not meant to destroy your spouse. Make sure you hire someone for the right reasons, so that you remain in control of all big decisions. 

[03:07] Toxic fallout: Matt explains how shared parenting avoids toxic fallout, which is the phenomenon that occurs when a couple’s contentious divorce affects businesses and other people in their community. Shared parenting offers the best potential outcomes for all parties involved.

[03:34] Slow and steady: Changing legislation is an uphill battle. Matt delineates how he led the battle for Kentucky’s shared parenting and permanent orders by starting with temporary orders.

[07:11] Helping others: Don discusses his personal experience in divorce court and how the system’s status quo threatens families.

[10:47] Proof is in the pudding: Don explains how NPO has more than 40 years of social science research that proves children do best when both parents are actively and equally involved in their lives.

[12:08] Unifying issue: The legislative switch to shared parenting has enormous support among Americans, cutting across most demographic divides, including age, ethnicity, race, income, educational level, political affiliation, and gender.

[17:46] State report cards: The NPO is responsible for issuing a state-by-state report card for the nation’s first comprehensive review of child custody statutes as they relate to shared parenting.

[25:24] Seeking allies: Don explains NPO’s successful partnership with Arkansas’ Advocates for Parental Equality, a state-specific group of parents who support shared parenting and equal parental rights.

[31:50] Misconceptions of divorce: Family lawyer Kelly discusses the common misconception that when people go through a divorce, they should fight for custody of their children.

[38:53] Hire the right lawyer: Kelly discusses the importance of choosing the right divorce lawyer for you and your own wants and needs.

[42:48] Children’s resources: Understanding the difficulty of explaining divorce to kids, Kelly shares about her children’s book “Two Adventures with Mom and Dad” as a great place to start.

❖   Arkansas Equal Parenting Law (spearheaded by Arkansas Advocates for Parental Equality)

❖   NPO Shared Parenting Polling

❖   NPO-Sponsored Shared Parenting Conference Videos

❖   NPO Featured Articles on Share Parenting

❖   Shared Parenting Day Celebration

⭐ To inquire about speaking engagements, purchase your copy of Ashley-Nicole’s book “The Cure for Divorce Culture,” or to schedule your private orientation meeting, head to www.anrlaw.com.

⭐ You can also find us on social media @ANRLaw.

⭐ Divorce Lawyer Ashley-Nicole Russell has law offices serving clients in Greenville, Raleigh, and Beaufort, North Carolina.

⭐ Find a better way forward, right here, on Divorce, Healthy! Subscribe in your preferred podcast app.

Society tells women that motherhood should be their primary source of fulfillment. This same pressure, however, is not put on men. Society pressures moms to live out this kid-focused lifestyle, deeming them lousy or lazy if they do not. Meanwhile, dads are simply let off the hook.

In the same vein, women are advised to fight for full legal custody in divorce court, abiding by society’s expectations of what they should do. Emma Johnson, the blogger behind Wealthy Single Mommy, is here to fight that stigma and advocate for shared parenting.

On this episode of Divorce, Healthy!, Emma discusses her research about how time-sharing between separated parents impacts single mothers’ income.

“Moms with 50/50 schedules are 300 times more likely to earn $100,000 a year — 300 times more likely to earn six figures than moms with 100% time with their kids,” Emma says.

The results of her research upend previous notions of feminism, debunking the idea that moms having sole, full legal custody of children is the best outcome. Not only is it beneficial for women to have 50/50 custody, it is also in the best interests of children, making them feel more at ease, loved, and less anxious.

As Emma says, “It signals to them that: my parents are equal, they both are equally committed, they equally love me, and they’re here.”

Tune in to this episode of Divorce! Healthy with Ashley-Nicole Russell, Collaborative Divorce Attorney serving Beaufort, Raleigh, and Greenville, NC.

Name: Emma Johnson

What she does: Emma is the blogger behind Wealthy Single Mommy, a site dedicated to helping millions of women build full, successful lives as single moms. As a best-selling author, journalist, and expert on single-parent topics, Emma has created an online community for single moms across the globe.

Noteworthy: In February, Emma launched a White Paper based on the findings of the Single Mom Income and Time-Sharing Survey, which polled 2,270 single mothers about their employment, income, time-sharing, and related feelings.

Connect: About | LinkedIn | Instagram | Twitter

Top takeaways from this Divorce, Healthy! episode 

★    Don’t be afraid of 50/50 custody. Women are oftentimes pressured to fight for full legal custody of their children when filing for divorce. However, split custody agreements can lead to more favorable outcomes by giving women more time to devote to their careers, relationships, and own happiness.

★    There’s a real need for systemic cultural changes. Society tells women that motherhood is their ultimate source of fulfillment. This needs to change, and it can begin with women putting themselves first and not feeling guilty about shared legal custody.

★    Sharing legal custody benefits your kids’ mental health. It’s not only about improving single moms’ lifestyles — 50/50 custody agreements also benefit children. For a kid, seeing both parents equally committed to them establishes a sense of reassurance and reduces anxiety.

[04:31] Equitable time-sharing benefits single moms’ income: According to Emma’s research, moms with 50/50 custody schedules are 300X more likely to earn a salary of $100,000 than moms with full legal custody of their kids.

[10:49] Society reinforces a double standard: Our culture shames women who do not spend a certain amount of time with their kids. They’re deemed lousy moms and lousy people — but these same pressures aren’t placed on men.

[13:45] Custody split = empowerment for men: Splitting custody equally helps dads to maintain stronger, healthier relationships with their children. They rise to the occasion and take more active parenting roles.  

[13:59] Give kids more security: Sharing custody equally also provides children with a greater sense of security. They see their parents as two equals who love them — equal responsibility holders, equal decision-makers, and equal participants in their life.

[19:36] Look at the long game: Women who fight for sole or primary legal custody lose money-making opportunities and tend to become reliant on child support or alimony bills. Good attorneys will encourage their clients to look at the big picture. That is, look beyond that limited, monthly payout to realize shared custody agreements will open more doors for earning income.

[27:51] A mainstream feminist issue: The more equality women have in terms of child custody, the more time they have to invest in their careers.

⭐ To inquire about speaking engagements, purchase your copy of Ashley-Nicole’s book “The Cure for Divorce Culture,” or to schedule your private orientation meeting, head to www.anrlaw.com.

⭐ You can also find us on social media @ANRLaw.

⭐ Read the Forbes article featuring Ashley-Nicole

⭐ Find a better way forward, right here, on Divorce, Healthy! Subscribe in your preferred podcast app.

⭐ Divorce Lawyer Ashley-Nicole Russell has law offices serving clients in Greenville, Raleigh, and Beaufort, North Carolina.

Divorce can feel like an isolating and lonely experience. Few people who go through it realize that it doesn’t have to be that way and that it can be an empowering process and a way to start a new more intentional life.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Elizabeth Cohen and Attorney Susan Guthrie join the podcast to discuss the upcoming Doing Divorce Differently Summit, a virtual event to help people dealing with divorce view the experience as an opportunity. Like any traumatic experience, the right guidance and healing tools can help you make it possible — even probable — that you can come out the other side a better, stronger, and happier person.

The event will provide attendees with life-changing advice and support for whether they are just starting their divorce journey or have already completed it.

On this episode of Divorce, Healthy!, Dr. Cohen and Susan talk about how they help couples divorcing and how they aspire to end stigmas around divorce.

Having endured the darkness of her own divorce, Dr. Cohen’s upcoming book, “Light on the Other Side of Divorce,” is a healing program for those considering divorce, going through divorce, or even those who are on the other side of divorce legal proceedings.

Susan was also inspired to enter into this line of work after navigating her own divorce experience. With more than 30 years of professional experience and national recognition for her legal and mediation expertise, Susan discusses restructuring the approach to court, as well as the benefits of online mediation (she’s been doing it virtually since before the pandemic).

Tune in to this episode of Divorce! Healthy with Ashley-Nicole Russell, Collaborative Attorney serving Beaufort, Raleigh, and Greenville, NC to hear about the amazing work these women are doing to reshape the process and perception around divorce. 

Register for the Doing Divorce Differently Seminar.                    

Name: Dr. Elizabeth Cohen 

What she does: Dr. Cohen is a clinical psychologist and author of “Light on the Other Side of Divorce,” whose personal journey through divorce inspired her to refocus her practice and skills to guide others through the life-altering experience of divorce. 

Words of wisdom: “We [must] bust the myth that divorce has to be a failure, or that divorce has to be painful and heartbreaking. It's actually an opportunity and a choice.”   

Connect: Website | LinkedIn

Name: Susan Guthrie 

What she does: Susan is nationally recognized as one of the top family law and mediation attorneys and has been helping people navigate divorce for more than 30 years. Susan also hosts an inspiring podcast, The Divorce and Beyond Podcast with Susan Guthrie, Esq. 

Words of wisdom: “Empowerment starts with you. Understand there's nothing different about your divorce, just as you've made other choices in your life, you have every right to make your decisions and choices in your divorce.” 

Connect: Website | LinkedIn

Top takeaways from this Divorce, Healthy! episode 

★    We’re the only people we can control. Rather than thinking about divorce as a blame-game, or as a problem, refocus on what you want for yourself and out of this divorce process to truly empower yourself.

★    It is possible to do divorce differently. Divorce doesn’t have to be the end of your life and it doesn’t have to be a high-conflict situation. The Doing Divorce Differently Summit (April 21, 2021) will lay out different options for the divorce process — from the legal proceedings to how to cope with divorce after the fact. Register HERE.

★    Treat divorce like other life decisions. Just as you've made other choices in your life, do not abdicate all the big decisions in your divorce to lawyers or anyone else. Make your own choices, including how you choose to move through the legal process of divorce.

[03:47] Empower yourself: When going through a divorce, turn the focus back on. You are the only person you can control and remembering that can empower you, says Dr. Cohen. “Even though we try so desperately to change other people, we really can't change anyone else.”

[4:25] Not the end of your life: Ashley-Nicole explains how the divorce process offers an opportunity for you to build a thoughtful, new foundation for the rest of your life.

[8:43] Doing divorce differently: Dr. Cohen shares a vision for what doing divorce differently can mean. “We can show up fully as ourselves,” she says.

[09:28] Therapeutic approaches: The healing process can be aided through therapeutic, research-based techniques and strategies.

[10:02] Purposeful next steps: Ashley-Nicole reflects on her own divorce journey.

[12:13] Enlightened divorce: Ashley-Nicole brings in Susan Guthrie to discuss what people can expect from the Doing Divorce Differently Summit.

[14:52] The pros of online mediation: Susan discusses why she started doing online mediation before the pandemic hit and how it can help the divorce process.

[18:00] Nothing is preordained: How you go about your divorce, how you treat your partner, how you make decisions, it is entirely up to you, Susan explains. Nothing is decided for you.

[22:07] When children are involved: Susan talks about how children change the dynamic in a divorce and why it’s best to stay out of court (and avoid ongoing arguing).

[27:09] Learn from others: You can always learn from other people’s mistakes. The experts hosting the Divorce Differently Summit have all been through this personally and professionally.

⭐ To inquire about speaking engagements, purchase your copy of Ashley-Nicole’s book “The Cure for Divorce Culture,” or to schedule your private orientation meeting, head to www.anrlaw.com.

⭐ You can also find us on social media @ANRLaw.

⭐ Divorce Lawyer Ashley-Nicole Russell has law offices serving clients in Greenville, Raleigh, and Beaufort, North Carolina.

⭐ Find a better way forward, right here, on Divorce, Healthy! Subscribe in your preferred podcast app.

When Wendy Sterling’s 16-year marriage was coming to an end, she struggled to wrap her mind around it. She had lost herself in her marriage. She had lost her voice, her independence, and her identity. Not only was the life she had planned falling apart, but so was the image of herself that she had carefully created.

Yet in spite of her heartbreak and turmoil, Wendy realized her divorce was a chance at a fresh start.

“My divorce enabled me to finally see that it was time for me to start taking charge of my own life, to start finding myself again. And it was an opportunity for me to really start over,” Wendy says.

On this episode of Divorce, Healthy!, Wendy discusses her own healing process and The Divorce Rehab™ program, which offers clients both one-on-one coaching and group programs.

“Like many others, I was the first of all of my friends [to get divorced]. I didn't have any support at the time. And so one of the big things that was a priority for me was really getting a community together of like-minded women who can rely on one another,” Wendy says.

Though no one intends for it to happen, divorce is a reality. Wendy sees to it that healing is possible in spite of it all.

Tune in to this episode of Divorce! Healthy with Ashley-Nicole Russell, Collaborative Attorney serving Beaufort, Raleigh, and Greenville, NC.

Name: Wendy Sterling 

What she does: Wendy is divorce coach, author, speaker, and host of The Divorced Woman's Guide podcast. She is also the mother of two boys and has firsthand experience about the nonlinear post-divorce healing process. 

Words of wisdom: “My mission is really to change the conversation of divorce — to change the stigma to be one of power, instead of one of shame.” 

Connect: Website | LinkedIn | Instagram

Top takeaways from this Divorce, Healthy! episode 

★    Rethink divorce as a new beginning. Divorce is often stigmatized as a purely negative thing — and a sign of failure. Rethinking it and what it means to have a fresh start can help the healing process.

★    Rediscover yourself after divorce. Divorce presents an opportunity to invest in your personal identity. Oftentimes, people get lost in their marriages, dependent on the other person. Divorce can reposition you to find yourself anew.

★    Find your community. According to Wendy, having a strong sense of community, with people who understand you and advocate for you, is crucial to the healing process.

[02:21] Divorce is a fresh start: Divorce can grant people an opportunity to start over and rediscover themselves.

[03:52] How The Divorce Rehab™ program helps: This five-step proprietary program invites divorcees to see their divorce as an empowering experience to find their identity and create a new life from a confident place.

[05:12] The conversation around divorce needs to be destigmatized: Society shames divorcees as failures, when really, they should be applauded for their courage to pursue a better life.

[09:13] Healing is a collaborative process: It’s important to surround yourself with a strong community of people who understand and support you. This applies to not only the physical environment, but one’s emotional and mental environments as well.

[13:40] Keeping things bottled up only holds you back: When you don’t seek help or community, you’re putting your mental and physical health at risk as well as your job and income — all of the things that need you to be operating at your best.

[19:10] Retrain your mind: Divorce necessitates retraining your brain. You have to realize everything you had dreamt of or planned is going to look different now.  

⭐ To inquire about speaking engagements, purchase your copy of Ashley-Nicole’s book “The Cure for Divorce Culture,” or to schedule your private orientation meeting, head to www.anrlaw.com.

⭐ You can also find us on social media @ANRLaw.

⭐ Find a better way forward, right here, on Divorce, Healthy! Subscribe in your preferred podcast app.

⭐ Divorce Lawyer Ashley-Nicole Russell has law offices serving clients in Greenville, Raleigh, and Beaufort, North Carolina.

Many people believe divorce will inevitably be messy and hostile before even starting the process. However, that doesn’t have to be the case.

According to Carl Roberts — the Founder and CEO of SplitSmart, a website that helps couples organize finances for divorce — transparency and organization are essential for preventing an emotionally distraught and lengthy divorce process.

On this episode of Divorce, Healthy!, Carl talks about his web tool and how it has helped couples approach divorce in a more healthy and transparent way.

The tool helps couples to DIY their financial decisions through easy-to-use online documentation before involving mediators or attorneys. This can help each party see the big picture and realize that they probably agree on more than they think.

“What I found was that the key to having a healthy, low-cost divorce is organization — on the money side or on the kid side,” Carl says, having gone through a difficult divorce himself. “It’s all about organization. Once you get organized, then you can build a plan, and you can be more informed with your decisions. You gotta do it one way or another — whether or not you do it for yourself or you pay a lawyer, you gotta do it.”

Name: Carl Roberts

What he does: Carl is the founder and CEO of SplitSmart, a website that helps couples manage the financial and emotional aspects of divorce.

Words of wisdom: “Transparency is key to building trust in the [divorce] process. And trust is critical to being able to reach a healthy, amicable resolution.”

Connect: LinkedIn | Blog

Top takeaways from this Divorce, Healthy! episode

★    Organization is the key. Whether it’s for the kids or the financial decisions, being organized helps you move through the divorce process with a clear head and better decision-making.  

★    DIY your divorce. One of the first things that might come to mind when considering divorce is the exorbitant cost of the process. Taking care of the initial financial organization by yourself is one way to cut costs before involving the lawyers.  

★    Transparency separates data from emotion. Getting all financial details down on paper creates transparency, which helps prevent emotional fallout in the long run.

★    Think of life after divorce in positive terms. Don’t think of separation as a process with only negative outcomes. Instead consider the possibility that life after divorce may improve — this mindset will help you make it happen. 

[07:34] Save on stress: SplitSmart allows you to organize your incomes, assets and liabilities by uploading documents to electronic folders to share with your ex-partner.

[08:14] Advance prep: Preparing the marital worksheet ahead of time helps you organize assets and liabilities by line item so that you can more efficiently and transparently negotiate.

[09:08] Transparency leads to trust: The divorce process carries the weight of emotions and stress, but when the process is made transparent, it can help build trust between the parties involved.

[09:39] Seek advice when necessary: Although a tool like SplitSmart can help, it’s important to remember that you can and should ask for guidance and support when you don’t understand something.

[12:33] Let the professionals deal with the big stuff: A DIY divorce approach doesn’t have to deal with the big stuff like retirement funds and cars.

[15:05] Give yourself peace of mind: Transparent organization will foster a better state of mind, especially at the beginning of the divorce process. Getting through the divorce process successfully requires being informed and understanding that you and your ex-partner probably agree on more than you think.

⭐ To inquire about speaking engagements, purchase your copy of Ashley-Nicole’s book “The Cure for Divorce Culture,” or to schedule your private orientation meeting, head to www.anrlaw.com.

⭐ You can also find us on social media @ANRLaw.

⭐ Find a better way forward, right here, on Divorce, Healthy! Subscribe in your preferred podcast app.

People are shocked when they find out Karen Millon still regularly spends time with her ex-husband — even with her new husband. It just doesn’t quite fit the usual expectations of divorce, as we so often imagine animosity between former partners.

Somehow, Karen managed to come out the other side with a healthy outlook on divorce and a good relationship with her ex. She even wrote a book about it, titled “My Amazing Divorce.”

On this episode of Divorce, Healthy!, host Ashley-Nicole Russell talks to Karen about how she made it happen. According to Karen, she made sure to give not only herself but her partner and especially her kids time to process the change and reach a level of acceptance.

What largely made this possible was not putting her needs first. Instead, Karen sought out therapy and resources to emotionally handle everything, and ensured her kids got what they needed from both mom and dad.

Karen also adds, “What I think made it healthy was a focus on healing and honoring the grieving process.”

This concept of healing is extremely important to Karen. In fact, it’s the main focus of her podcast, Healin, which aims to help inspire others start their own healing journey.

“Being aware of your emotions and your triggers and having someone to cry with, you take a load off your kids because they're not your therapists, they're not your friends,” says Karen. “You have to build safety and security with them.”

Name: Karen Millon 

What she does: Karen is a businesswoman, the author of “My Amazing Divorce” and host of the podcast, Healin, which provides resources for people seeking healing and wellness inspiration.

Words of wisdom: “When you understand that you are a soul living a human experience, whether you're Christian or Buddhist or Hindu, and that you didn't come to this world to fight and argue and be bitter but to deal with what life brings you with grace, I think that helped.”

Connect: Website | Instagram

Top takeaways from this Divorce, Healthy! episode

★    Focus on healing. Honoring the grieving process was a big part of what made her divorce healthy, says Karen. This means giving yourself, your ex and your children the time necessary to be sad and work through negative emotions to reach acceptance.

★    You don’t have to rely on your divorce lawyer. Your divorce lawyer will have your best interests in mind and no one else’s, but that’s not necessarily good for processing the situation. It could even lead to animosity and difficult situations for your ex-partner and children.

★    Move away from anger. One turning point for Karen in processing her divorce, and something she advises, is to get out of the anger stage of grieving. She says that deciding not to fight anymore — adopting a mindset of “radical acceptance” — can help you reclaim your power.

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[14:47] Make your divorce kid-friendly: As a child of divorce, Karen says she could empathize with her kids while getting divorced from their dad. As a result, she tried to make the process as much about them as possible and knew that despite the separation, they would still want to see their parents together and enjoying each other’s company.

[15:18] Have a clear vision: Because going through such a big change might make some people lose sight of what matters, Karen believes it’s important to maintain a vision throughout the process.

[15:33] Seek out spiritual resources: Throughout her divorce and its accompanying therapy, Karen found books, podcasts and various resources that spoke to her and helped her see the big picture while stuck in the immediate chaos. For her, one of these resources was the book "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success” by Deepak Chopra.

[19:00] Write it down: Karen found that writing was key to her success. Whether it was journaling, making to-do lists or drafting a whole book, writing things down was essential to her healing journey and a way to manifest success and a positive outlook.

[21:17] Let go of the little things: What you haven’t been able to change in your partner in the years you’ve been together will probably not change because of you. Learn to accept this and find power in what you do have control over: yourself.

[25:56] Avoid guilt over the holidays: When the kids are spending Christmas with your ex-partner, Karen says it’s important to understand they already feel bad that they aren’t with you. There’s no need to emphasize how much you will miss them.

⭐ To inquire about speaking engagements, purchase your copy of Ashley-Nicole’s book “The Cure for Divorce Culture,” or to schedule your private orientation meeting, head to www.anrlaw.com.

⭐ You can also find us on social media @ANRLaw.

⭐ Find a better way forward, right here, on Divorce, Healthy! Subscribe in your preferred podcast app.

The holidays are upon us accompanied by all the expectations of creating picture-perfect, festive memories for you and your family. For divorced parents, however, this can be a nightmare of navigating what your kids want, what relatives want and what you want.

Forget all of that, says Dr. Elizabeth Cohen, a clinical psychologist who specializes in helping parents discover a positive approach to divorce.

“Give yourself so much grace and opportunity to learn. If this holiday season, something doesn't work, then you learn for next time what you want to do,” she says. “The holidays come every year.”

On this episode of Divorce, Healthy!, Elizabeth discusses the upcoming holiday dread for divorcees with host Ashley-Nicole Russell.

The important thing, Dr. Cohen says, is that parents focus on creating safe and connected time with their kids, no matter what that might look like. There’s no need to live up to unrealistic expectations. If you feel better about your life after divorce, you will be happier and calmer around the holidays as well, and your kids will feel happier and calmer.

“There are invisible gifts that you are giving your child by ending a relationship that's not working for you,” she says.

Name: Dr. Elizabeth Cohen

What she does: Dr. Cohen is a clinical psychologist based in New York City with a background in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and a focus on helping parents navigate divorce positively.

Words of wisdom: “I was put here on this earth to help women and men move through divorce and break the stigma of divorce as being a failure and see it as an amazing golden opportunity.”

Connect: Website | Instagram

Top takeaways from this Divorce, Healthy! episode

★    Think positive thoughts. You can shift your thinking on divorce — the way we have been trained to think about divorce doesn’t have to be the way you approach it going forward.

★    Ignore societal interpretations. The culture surrounding divorce has long portrayed it as something that inevitably makes your life worse. This is false! Divorce will likely lead to better things, including better relationships and friendships.

★    It’s about the kids. Remember it’s about your kids, not you. The number one thing you have to do is make them feel safe and connected and sometimes the way they feel safe and connected is not how you feel safe and connected.

★    The Hallmark holiday mirage. The pressure of the holidays can be particularly overwhelming for a divorced parent. It’s important to leave behind those picture-perfect expectations to relieve some pressure from you and your kids — especially this year.

[5:51] Give unto yourself what you give unto your child: As a parent, you want to empower your kids to make decisions that feel true to them. You should be doing the same for yourself.

[7:00] Collaborative law is good for you: Your nervous system will benefit from collaborative law, Dr. Cohen explains. Keeping litigation out of your divorce is key. It can be triggering and thus a burden on your mental health.

[14:01] Take the hit: At the holidays, your kids should not be carted around from house to house, party to party, pleasing everyone who wants to be with them. You might have to take a few hits from angry relatives, but your kids will feel safer and happier if the holidays don’t involve this musical chairs of get-togethers.

[16:46] Let your child choose what you do: Research shows that five minutes a day of child-directed play can be incredibly healing, says Dr. Cohen. This means letting them choose the activity. It creates a feeling of bonding and intimacy and can be a good holiday memory. Remember what your child likes and how it might differ if you have more than one.

[19:54] Preparation is key: Our nervous system doesn’t like to be caught off guard. The more you prepare, the better, and we aren’t talking about finding the perfect gift. It’s about your emotional preparation, intention and connection, helping you be fully present with your kids.

[21:10] The kids and you are all right: It’s important to let your kids know that you will be okay when they are not around at the holidays. They worry too. Share with them some of your plans so that they know you will be okay even when alone (and even when you’re not).

⭐ To inquire about speaking engagements, purchase your copy of Ashley-Nicole’s book “The Cure for Divorce Culture,” or to schedule your private orientation meeting, head to www.anrlaw.com.

⭐ You can also find us on social media @ANRLaw.

⭐ Find a better way forward, right here, on Divorce, Healthy! Subscribe in your preferred podcast app.