Doing Life Different with Lesa Koski

Divorcing, Where has the Money Gone?


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Today I am joined by forensic accountant, Tracy Coenen. She provides some great information for anyone who wants to get a better handle with their finances and then discusses tips for those going through divorce. Tracy provides a list of red flags to look out for and tells the most common places your spouse may hide money. Then she talks about creating a spending plan and how to take control of your finances so that you can feel empowered. You’ll also hear definitions about financial infidelity and financial abuse and how to handle either of those situations. Tune in to this episode so you can feel confident about your finances! 

In this episode:

[1:47] What is a forensic accountant? [3:28] How can people use Tracy’s Divorce Money Guide? [4:11] What are the financial red flags that people should keep an eye out for? [5:33] If someone is just starting the divorce process, where should they start? [7:38] How to make a spending plan less stressful. [8:31] What is financial infidelity? [10:04] How do you find something that is hidden such as a savings or checking account? [13:12] What is considered financial abuse? [14:30] Who needs a forensic accountant?  [16:30] How to become hands on with finances as you are going through divorce. [18:44] What do you do if statements don’t come through or you don’t have access to something such as a 401K?

Key Takeaways: 

At the beginning of the divorce process (or even more), take a look at your bank statements and get an understanding of how you’ve been spending. Having this information will allow you to dig in and see if there are any odd bank transfers, create a spending plan, and determine what spending needs to continue vs. what luxuries you may need to give up temporarily. Watch for red flags during your relationship. Some red flags are: Being secretive about money

  • Behavior Change - Secretive about where they are at, hiding their phone, etc.

  • Documents disappearing from the house

  • Forged signatures on documents

  • Having you sign documents while insisting you don’t need to read them

  • Stop relying on your spouse to know all the information about finances. Have monthly meetings where you go over all the finance details - bank balance, spending, 401k accounts, etc. This puts you both on the same page for information and allows you to be knowledgeable about what is going on. 


  • Quotes: 

    “How empowering it is to know that you have just gotten in your hot little hands the financial data that can help you figure out all sorts of things. You might never use those documents for whatever reason, you might not end up looking at them, but having them is really empowering.” - Tracy Coenen

    “When I think about financial abuse, I think of someone using money to control you, to control your activities. So maybe they're restricting what you can spend, maybe they're taking a microscope to what you're spending every dime of it. Maybe they are not even allowing you to have any money to spend. Or they are recklessly spending, endangering your family, they are hiding money from you, there are all sorts of things that can fall under that umbrella.” - Tracy Coenen

    Guest Bio: 

    Resources: 

    Fraud Coach Website

    Fraud Coach Website - Doing Divorce Different Resources

    Book: Find Me The Money: Take Control, Uncover the Truth, and Win the Money You Deserve In Your Divorce

    Book: Lifestyle Analysis in Divorce Cases: Investigating Spending and Finding Hidden Income and Assets

    Lesa Koski Website

    Lesa’s Online Courses

    Doing Divorce Different Soberlink

    To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different  

    The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

    Mentioned in this episode:

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    Doing Life Different with Lesa KoskiBy Lesa Koski

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