I love building AI tools. But I'm worried we're forgetting how to connect on a human level.

This episode is about presence, encounter, and why most leaders never practice the skill that matters most.

THE 20:20:20 RULE (from Jacob Barnes / Simple Revolution):

First 20 steps: How you enter the room. Bernhard practices his keynote entrances—wooden floor? Squeaky? How does it sound? Enter with full presence.

First 20 seconds: NOT about talking. Taking in the room. Creating the bond. Finding 3-5 people to "play the room."

First 20 words: Know them by memory. "If I wake you at 3am and say 'start your keynote,' you need to be able to say them." Everything else flows from there.

YALOM'S WISDOM:

Irvin Yalom (existential therapist, fiction writer—"When Nietzsche Wept," "The Schopenhauer Cure"):

"The act of revealing oneself fully to another and still being accepted may be the major vehicle of therapeutic help."

Not fixing. Not solving. Just creating space where someone can reveal themselves. And that takes practice.

THE POWER OF SILENCE:

Bernhard shares a coaching breakthrough: The client couldn't make business decisions. Brilliant at pros/cons lists. Would create 4th and 5th options rather than deciding.

The silence revealed: Fear. Fear of not being accepted. Fear of not being enough.

"Suddenly, the silence brought us to the core."

JAPANESE WISDOM FOR COUPLES:

When in disagreement, sit for 3 minutes and look each other in the eye, then start discussing.

"Like eternity. Really difficult. But fantastic."

THE VIKTOR NOVÁK SCENARIO:

Imagine giving feedback to Viktor—52, Czech, 9 years at an NGO. Blocking grant applications. Missing deadlines. Paralyzed by fear.

What you don't know: Wife chronically ill for 3 years. Daughter in university. Supporting an aging mother. Can't afford to lose this job.

When he asks, anxious, "Am I in trouble?"—can you hold that moment? Can you stay present when he's terrified?

Most leaders can't. Because they've never practiced.

WHAT PRESENCE LOOKS LIKE:

1. Specific evidence, not judgment: "3 applications pending 4 months" NOT "You're risk-averse"
2. Impact without blame: "When applications stall, partners lose trust," NOT "You're hurting the mission."
3. Create space: "What's been happening for you?" Actually listen.
4. Hold the discomfort: Stay present when they're afraid.

THE PRACTICE GAP:

Musicians practice before stage. Olympic athletes train before competition. Pilots simulate emergencies.

Leaders? We wing the difficult conversations.

WHY ROLEPLAYS.AI:

Practice Viktor's anxiety. His defensive excuses. The moment you have to balance safety and accountability.

Not because the AI conversation is the destination. But because when you're with the REAL Viktor, you're ready to be present.

THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE:

One conversation. Practice presence.

• 20:20:20 before you enter
• Hold silence when they're uncomfortable
• Don't rush to fix. Just be there.

Try the Viktor scenario FREE at www.roleplays.ai

Remember: The practice prepares you. The real conversation is still yours.

ALSO MENTIONED:

• Bernhard's "Private University" was built on Claude (AI)
• EU requirement: AI training for all employees who use AI
• Lou Salomé (Freud's muse, Rodin's muse—"probably inspired Freud for psychotherapy")
• Graz keynote: 2 minutes of silent eye contact = "most uncomfortable situation ever"

#Presence #Leadership #Coaching #DifficultConversations #Yalom #Practice