Watford head to Bristol City after a Stoke performance where the hospitality was excellent, the company delightful and unfortunately somebody eventually produced a football. We revisit Amin Nabizada’s latest ridiculous finish, a midfield currently available in travel size only, and the continuing debate over what constitutes criticism, analysis or simply shouting at a screen while repeatedly asking why nobody has tracked the runner.

This Podcast has been created and uploaded by Do Not Scratch Your Eyes.

Huge thanks to all our Patreons:

Chris Giannone, RichWFC2, Steve Holliman, Paul Fiander Turner, Sean Gourley, Lee Anselmo, John Parslow, Mark von Herkomer, Neil Silverstein, Steve Brown, Dave Lavender, Kasey Brown, Nipper Harrison, Boyd Mayover, Colin Payne, Paul Riley, Gary Wood, Karl Campion, Kevin Cremen, The Big Le – Bofski, Greg Theaker, Malcolm Williams, Peter Ryan, John Thekanady - Ambassador of Dubai!! Jack Foster, Jason Rose, Michael Abrahams, Ian Bacon, Ken Green, Nick Nieuwland, Colin Smith Ant!!!!! Westlie Wheeler, Stephen Atkinson, John Myers, Ryan D! Dave Mullins, James McNamara, Jim Cuthbert, Peter Birch, John Myers, Richard Pyne, Vydra Deeney!!! &PDF!!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Watford lose 2–1 at home to Stoke in a game where the scoreline does the performance considerably more favours than Watford managed to do themselves. We discuss being comprehensively outplayed in midfield, a side already looking worryingly leggy, players being asked to play through problems, and a substitutes’ bench featuring two goalkeepers, two right-backs and precious little ability to change what was happening in front of us. Stoke, meanwhile, rather inconveniently demonstrated what midfield depth, movement and Championship know-how actually look like.

There is, however, one glorious little shard of sunshine poking through an otherwise fairly industrial-sized cloud: Amin Nabizada. The academy youngster comes off the bench and belts in a fabulous consolation goal — his third of the season — providing approximately 97% of the afternoon’s available joy. We ask whether he should now be starting, where the other youngsters have disappeared to, and whether Alessio Dionisi can reasonably be expected to keep squeezing performances from a squad currently held together with cotton wool and crossed fingers.

Callers range from despondent to extremely despondent as attention inevitably turns towards the ownership, recruitment and the increasingly mythical prospect of everyone becoming fit after the international break. There’s praise for Dionisi, admiration for Stoke, some free-agent shopping, an unexpectedly detailed discussion about the relative size of Watford players’ heads, and the discovery that losing 2–1 can apparently constitute a flattering scoreline. Other than that, Mrs Lincoln, how was the play?

COYH!!

This Podcast has been created and uploaded by Do Not Scratch Your Eyes.

Huge thanks to all our Patreons:

Chris Giannone, RichWFC2, Steve Holliman, Paul Fiander Turner, Sean Gourley, Lee Anselmo, John Parslow, Mark von Herkomer, Neil Silverstein, Steve Brown, Dave Lavender, Kasey Brown, Nipper Harrison, Boyd Mayover, Colin Payne, Paul Riley, Gary Wood, Karl Campion, Kevin Cremen, The Big Le – Bofski, Greg Theaker, Malcolm Williams, Peter Ryan, John Thekanady - Ambassador of Dubai!! Jack Foster, Jason Rose, Michael Abrahams, Ian Bacon, Ken Green, Nick Nieuwland, Colin Smith Ant!!!!! Westlie Wheeler, Stephen Atkinson, John Myers, Ryan D! Dave Mullins, James McNamara, Jim Cuthbert, Peter Birch, John Myers, Richard Pyne, Vydra Deeney!!! &PDF!!!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Watford somehow turn a first half described variously as “dog shit”, “abject” and “turgid” into a 2–1 win over Preston. We discuss a victory apparently retrieved from several feet inside the jaws of defeat, an enormous intervention from Federico Ravaglia and whether Alessio Dionisi’s greatest achievement was changing the game — or simply surviving the opening 45 minutes without setting fire to his tactics board.

Then the cavalry arrive. Mamadou Doumbia finally gets his reward, Mavadidi and Maammaa add some much-needed attacking intent, and Iker Bravo produces the sort of performance that causes perfectly rational football supporters to become extremely irrational indeed - bordering on weepy. We ask whether we spend too much time worrying about the starting XI rather than the finishing XI, while continuing the slightly inconvenient debate about squad depth, injuries and having two goalkeepers on an eight-man bench.

Finally, callers make their way home through an increasingly detailed tour of Britain’s motorway networkv& Football Manager produces Watford’s first major trophy before inevitably sacking the bloke who won it. Three points, a manager prepared to roll the dice and, for once, Watford beating the team everyone expected them to help back into form. What is this, some kind of sorcery?

COYH!!

This Podcast has been created and uploaded by Do Not Scratch Your Eyes.

Huge thanks to all our Patreons:

Chris Giannone, RichWFC2, Steve Holliman, Paul Fiander Turner, Sean Gourley, Lee Anselmo, John Parslow, Mark von Herkomer, Neil Silverstein, Steve Brown, Dave Lavender, Kasey Brown, Nipper Harrison, Boyd Mayover, Colin Payne, Paul Riley, Gary Wood, Karl Campion, Kevin Cremen, The Big Le – Bofski, Greg Theaker, Malcolm Williams, Peter Ryan, John Thekanady - Ambassador of Dubai!! Jack Foster, Jason Rose, Michael Abrahams, Ian Bacon, Ken Green, Nick Nieuwland, Colin Smith Ant!!!!! Westlie Wheeler, Stephen Atkinson, John Myers, Ryan D! Dave Mullins, James McNamara, Jim Cuthbert, Peter Birch, John Myers, Richard Pyne, Vydra Deeney!!! &PDF!!!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Watford welcome Stoke with the season already threatening to turn from a run into a trend and a trend into a crisis — which at Watford traditionally takes about half an hour. We look back at the late-window recruitment, an injury list doing its best impression of a subscription service, and a manager apparently squeezing rather more from the squad than the squad-building process deserves.Then it’s over to old friend Tunnie from Every Step Along The Way, with Stoke having started badly before discovering the novel concept of winning football matches. We discuss their midfield overhaul, George Hurst, Ethan Galbraith, the wonderfully named Luca Bombino, Nathan Jones being Nathan Jones, and an away kit inspired by the Spitfire which may either celebrate local heritage or simply render half the Stoke team invisible.Finally, the Completely Rubbish Prediction League descends into open civil war. Dice Dons have emerged as the Phoenix club, the Gods of Backgammon are furious, dice are suddenly being eschewed in favour of gardening gloves, mushrooms and agricultural equipment, and accusations begin flying before anybody has actually achieved anything. AFC Wimbledon versus MK Dons had nothing on this!

COYH!!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Preston at home, so we’re joined once again by Ollie from the Butter Pie Podcast, who arrives “living the dream” while Preston sit pointless at the bottom of the Championship before Saturday win over Blackburn. We discuss former Hornet Caleb Wiley providing one small glimmer of hope, the loss of Ben Whiteman and Milutin Osmajić, and a rebuilt strike force currently boasting the reassuring total of one Championship goal between them.

There are promising noises about Léo Leroy and Preston’s right-hand side, considerably fewer about Dilano Burgzorg — currently described as “more like Zoidberg from Futurama” — while Ollie admits they’ve been “absolutely honking.” Remarkably, two sets of supporters then bond over questionable recruitment, injured signings and the exciting possibility that neither club entirely knows what it has assembled.

COYH!!

This Podcast has been created and uploaded by Do Not Scratch Your Eyes.

Huge thanks to all our Patreons:

Chris Giannone, RichWFC2, Steve Holliman, Paul Fiander Turner, Sean Gourley, Lee Anselmo, John Parslow, Mark von Herkomer, Neil Silverstein, Steve Brown, Dave Lavender, Kasey Brown, Nipper Harrison, Boyd Mayover, Colin Payne, Paul Riley, Gary Wood, Karl Campion, Kevin Cremen, The Big Le – Bofski, Greg Theaker, Malcolm Williams, Peter Ryan, John Thekanady - Ambassador of Dubai!! Jack Foster, Jason Rose, Michael Abrahams, Ian Bacon, Ken Green, Nick Nieuwland, Colin Smith Ant!!!!! Westlie Wheeler, Stephen Atkinson, John Myers, Ryan D! Dave Mullins, James McNamara, Jim Cuthbert, Peter Birch, John Myers, Richard Pyne, Vydra Deeney!!! &PDF!!!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Part Two begins with Groundhog Day looming and the discovery that Dionisi may be approaching the Rob Edwards Barometer considerably earlier than anybody wanted. Tuesday therefore becomes Huge Day, before being upgraded to Super Huge Day, while the proposed tactical solution to Watford’s goalscoring problem is eventually refined to Mattie Pollock at the back and nine forwards. Guardiola presumably taking notes.

We also receive possible divine intervention: John has a priest friend coming over from America who supported Watford through the Graham Taylor years and may therefore possess exactly the Championship experience the recruitment department forgot to buy. Elsewhere, injured dogs are identified as potential free-agent full-backs, Rocco Vata is considered at wing-back and Myron Boadu is asked to concentrate very specifically on thinking inside the box.

Finally, Adam describes the club as “circus, clowns”, Kaiden awards Watford’s transfer window a GCSE grade 3, offers to sign Dave from down the road for midfield and calls Scott Duxbury something unlikely to appear in the official club podcast. After two hours discussing a 1–0 defeat we thought might fill one, the conclusion is simple: the football’s better, the squad’s held together with Blu Tack, and somehow we still quite like the team

COYH!!

This Podcast has been created and uploaded by Do Not Scratch Your Eyes.

Huge thanks to all our Patreons:

Chris Giannone, RichWFC2, Steve Holliman, Paul Fiander Turner, Sean Gourley, Lee Anselmo, John Parslow, Mark von Herkomer, Neil Silverstein, Steve Brown, Dave Lavender, Kasey Brown, Nipper Harrison, Boyd Mayover, Colin Payne, Paul Riley, Gary Wood, Karl Campion, Kevin Cremen, The Big Le – Bofski, Greg Theaker, Malcolm Williams, Peter Ryan, John Thekanady - Ambassador of Dubai!! Jack Foster, Jason Rose, Michael Abrahams, Ian Bacon, Ken Green, Nick Nieuwland, Colin Smith Ant!!!!! Westlie Wheeler, Stephen Atkinson, John Myers, Ryan D! Dave Mullins, James McNamara, Jim Cuthbert, Peter Birch, John Myers, Richard Pyne, Vydra Deeney!!! &PDF!!!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Watford lose 1–0 at West Brom, but apparently we’re now a much more likeable team, which is fortunate because we’re becoming increasingly difficult to assemble. Four injured full-backs means Albert Eames gets introduced to Championship football at the Hawthorns, Kayembe becomes an emergency left-back and Dionisi starts eyeing the crowd to see if anybody has brought boots.

There are encouraging debuts for Koulibaly and Mavididi, concern as Bove goes down injured, and several callers conclude that Watford are actually playing quite well — apart from the increasingly inconvenient business of scoring goals. Meanwhile, Kebben’s distribution is compared to wearing Toblerones for football boots and Ron conducts part of his analysis while taking his son to a Pokémon shop.

Naturally, this develops into Manchester City’s academy system, Stoke’s ownership, financial regulation, EPPP, Scott Duxbury’s interpretation of the English language and whether Watford’s recruitment policy involves rummaging through a skip for slightly damaged footballers. Five games into the season, we’ve already reached “is Tuesday enormous?” territory. Completely normal. Nothing to see here.

COYH!!

This Podcast has been created and uploaded by Do Not Scratch Your Eyes.

Huge thanks to all our Patreons:

Chris Giannone, RichWFC2, Steve Holliman, Paul Fiander Turner, Sean Gourley, Lee Anselmo, John Parslow, Mark von Herkomer, Neil Silverstein, Steve Brown, Dave Lavender, Kasey Brown, Nipper Harrison, Boyd Mayover, Colin Payne, Paul Riley, Gary Wood, Karl Campion, Kevin Cremen, The Big Le – Bofski, Greg Theaker, Malcolm Williams, Peter Ryan, John Thekanady - Ambassador of Dubai!! Jack Foster, Jason Rose, Michael Abrahams, Ian Bacon, Ken Green, Nick Nieuwland, Colin Smith Ant!!!!! Westlie Wheeler, Stephen Atkinson, John Myers, Ryan D! Dave Mullins, James McNamara, Jim Cuthbert, Peter Birch, John Myers, Richard Pyne, Vydra Deeney!!! &PDF!!!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

PART TWO

Then the transfer window starts behaving like Supermarket Sweep for footballers. Having had approximately seven weeks to buy some centre-backs, Watford suddenly remember with minutes remaining that this might be useful. Samuela Coulibaly arrives. Stephy Mavididi arrives. Other deals apparently die in corridors. We monitor proceedings live while increasingly expecting someone to announce Lulu on a season-long loan because she once sang Boom Bang-a-Bang.

Elsewhere, Luke from Swans Cast joins while eating McDonald’s, congratulates us politely and then casually suggests our new signing may have failed a Swansea medical. Ellie advocates footballing polygamy, Noah forgets Ike Bravo exists, Myron Boadu signs during the conversation, and we accidentally invent a future feature about elderly Watford players. A perfectly normal post-match phone-in conducted during the final hour of deadline day.

COYH!!

This Podcast has been created and uploaded by Do Not Scratch Your Eyes.

Huge thanks to all our Patreons:

Chris Giannone, RichWFC2, Steve Holliman, Paul Fiander Turner, Sean Gourley, Lee Anselmo, John Parslow, Mark von Herkomer, Neil Silverstein, Steve Brown, Dave Lavender, Kasey Brown, Nipper Harrison, Boyd Mayover, Colin Payne, Paul Riley, Gary Wood, Karl Campion, Kevin Cremen, The Big Le – Bofski, Greg Theaker, Malcolm Williams, Peter Ryan, John Thekanady - Ambassador of Dubai!! Jack Foster, Jason Rose, Michael Abrahams, Ian Bacon, Ken Green, Nick Nieuwland, Colin Smith Ant!!!!! Westlie Wheeler, Stephen Atkinson, John Myers, Ryan D! Dave Mullins, James McNamara, Jim Cuthbert, Peter Birch, John Myers, Richard Pyne, Vydra Deeney!!! &PDF!!!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

PART ONE Swansea 2, Watford 0. The better team won, which inconveniently leaves us without anyone to blame. We discuss the enormous Bove-shaped hole in midfield, Watford’s inability to match Swansea’s pace and power, and some genuinely encouraging signs. Meanwhile, Pete Ryan reports from captivity in a Swansea car park and somehow B.A. Robertson becomes part of the tactical analysis.

Then the transfer window starts behaving like Supermarket Sweep for footballers. Having had approximately seven weeks to buy some centre-backs, Watford suddenly remember with minutes remaining that this might be useful. Samaila Coulibaly arrives. Stephy Mavididi arrives. Other deals apparently die in corridors. We monitor proceedings live while increasingly expecting someone to announce Lulu on a season-long loan because she once sang Boom Bang-a-Bang.

COYH!!

This Podcast has been created and uploaded by Do Not Scratch Your Eyes.

Huge thanks to all our Patreons:

Chris Giannone, RichWFC2, Steve Holliman, Paul Fiander Turner, Sean Gourley, Lee Anselmo, John Parslow, Mark von Herkomer, Neil Silverstein, Steve Brown, Dave Lavender, Kasey Brown, Nipper Harrison, Boyd Mayover, Colin Payne, Paul Riley, Gary Wood, Karl Campion, Kevin Cremen, The Big Le – Bofski, Greg Theaker, Malcolm Williams, Peter Ryan, John Thekanady - Ambassador of Dubai!! Jack Foster, Jason Rose, Michael Abrahams, Ian Bacon, Ken Green, Nick Nieuwland, Colin Smith Ant!!!!! Westlie Wheeler, Stephen Atkinson, John Myers, Ryan D! Dave Mullins, James McNamara, Jim Cuthbert, Peter Birch, John Myers, Richard Pyne, Vydra Deeney!!! &PDF!!!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

West Brom away, so we welcome back Kev — a man dragged into the DNSYE universe years ago when another guest failed to turn up and an innocent phone call suddenly required him to predict Leeds v Watford. He inexplicably continues answering our calls. We discuss James Morrison, renewed Baggies optimism and the revolutionary concept of signing players from Britain.

West Brom have refreshed their squad and, more importantly, assembled an outstanding collection of names, with Jimmy-Jay Morgan already making a compelling bid for DNSYE’s Silliest Named Signing award. We discuss the new-look Baggies, Black Country rivalries and eventually wander into whether modern football is slowly replacing its traditional crowd with a rather better-behaved audience. It gets sweary.

Finally, the Completely Rubbish Prediction League returns as Kev confidently backs West Brom, Justin wins a coin toss yet somehow still avoids making a decision, and Backgammon FC is officially renamed The Gods of Backgammon after Brett abandons dice for double basses, three-pin plugs and random strangers. Football analysis this is not. Consumer advice remains equally unlikely.

COYH!!

This Podcast has been created and uploaded by Do Not Scratch Your Eyes.

Huge thanks to all our Patreons:

Chris Giannone, RichWFC2, Steve Holliman, Paul Fiander Turner, Sean Gourley, Lee Anselmo, John Parslow, Mark von Herkomer, Neil Silverstein, Steve Brown, Dave Lavender, Kasey Brown, Nipper Harrison, Boyd Mayover, Colin Payne, Paul Riley, Gary Wood, Karl Campion, Kevin Cremen, The Big Le – Bofski, Greg Theaker, Malcolm Williams, Peter Ryan, John Thekanady - Ambassador of Dubai!! Jack Foster, Jason Rose, Michael Abrahams, Ian Bacon, Ken Green, Nick Nieuwland, Colin Smith Ant!!!!! Westlie Wheeler, Stephen Atkinson, John Myers, Ryan D! Dave Mullins, James McNamara, Jim Cuthbert, Peter Birch, John Myers, Richard Pyne, Vydra Deeney!!! &PDF!!!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices