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Do You Even Know Who You're Marrying?
Welcome back to Spoken For - the podcast about love, relationships, and the beautiful (sometimes messy) reality of long-term commitment. I’m Sydney, and tonight’s drink is a gin and tonic: crisp, bracing, and a good metaphor for this episode’s question - simple on the surface and stronger than it looks.
Inspired by a listener (“Hannah”), we’re digging into those pre-marriage conversations everyone says you must have… without turning your engagement into a board meeting. This isn’t about ticking boxes; it’s about proving you can talk about the real stuff without falling apart.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
Why “the big talks” feel awkward (and why awkward = important).
The Gin & Tonic Principle: balancing admin with intimacy.
The Big Four, reframed:
Money: not maths, meaning (security vs freedom, visibility, stories).
Kids: beyond yes/no to the life you’re imagining.
Careers: ambition, relocations, whose job moves the map.
Family: inherited scripts, traditions to keep/burn, boundaries.
The Forgotten Five: sex & desire, how you fight, chores & mental load, health & ageing, freedom inside “us.”
How to have hard talks without killing the vibe (scatter them, use humour, go curious not conclusive).
Why avoidance - not disagreement - is the real risk.
Real Talk Moments:
“Money love languages”: pension statement vs champagne on a Tuesday.
Scheduling intimacy (unsexy on paper, effective in life).
The fight rules that stop a row turning into a cliff-edge.
Episode Resources & Mentions:
The Gottman Institute - conflict, contempt, and why avoidance corrodes.
Esther Perel - intimacy, desire needing distance, “into-me-see.”
Key Takeaway:
You don’t need perfect alignment before you marry. You need proof you can have awkward, value-level conversations - about money, sex, kids, careers, family, health, chores, freedom - and come out more aligned, not more defensive.
Let’s Stay Connected:
Email → [email protected]
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/altarandtoast
Wedding vows & speeches → www.altarandtoast.co.uk
Brides/Grooms-to-be: quote “Spoken For Pod” for 25% off vows & speeches at Altar & Toast.
New episodes every Thursday. Hit follow so you don’t miss a thing!
Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):
https://uppbeat.io/t/walz/ryan
View all episodes
By Sydney ShannahanWelcome back to Spoken For - the podcast about love, relationships, and the beautiful (sometimes messy) reality of long-term commitment. I’m Sydney, and tonight’s drink is a gin and tonic: crisp, bracing, and a good metaphor for this episode’s question - simple on the surface and stronger than it looks.
Inspired by a listener (“Hannah”), we’re digging into those pre-marriage conversations everyone says you must have… without turning your engagement into a board meeting. This isn’t about ticking boxes; it’s about proving you can talk about the real stuff without falling apart.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
Why “the big talks” feel awkward (and why awkward = important).
The Gin & Tonic Principle: balancing admin with intimacy.
The Big Four, reframed:
Money: not maths, meaning (security vs freedom, visibility, stories).
Kids: beyond yes/no to the life you’re imagining.
Careers: ambition, relocations, whose job moves the map.
Family: inherited scripts, traditions to keep/burn, boundaries.
The Forgotten Five: sex & desire, how you fight, chores & mental load, health & ageing, freedom inside “us.”
How to have hard talks without killing the vibe (scatter them, use humour, go curious not conclusive).
Why avoidance - not disagreement - is the real risk.
Real Talk Moments:
“Money love languages”: pension statement vs champagne on a Tuesday.
Scheduling intimacy (unsexy on paper, effective in life).
The fight rules that stop a row turning into a cliff-edge.
Episode Resources & Mentions:
The Gottman Institute - conflict, contempt, and why avoidance corrodes.
Esther Perel - intimacy, desire needing distance, “into-me-see.”
Key Takeaway:
You don’t need perfect alignment before you marry. You need proof you can have awkward, value-level conversations - about money, sex, kids, careers, family, health, chores, freedom - and come out more aligned, not more defensive.
Let’s Stay Connected:
Email → [email protected]
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/altarandtoast
Wedding vows & speeches → www.altarandtoast.co.uk
Brides/Grooms-to-be: quote “Spoken For Pod” for 25% off vows & speeches at Altar & Toast.
New episodes every Thursday. Hit follow so you don’t miss a thing!
Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):
https://uppbeat.io/t/walz/ryan