If you’ve ever found yourself in a long-term relationship that’s warm, loving, and somehow… completely lacking in sex, this one’s for you. Because every couple hits a dry spell. It’s normal, it’s fixable, and it’s a lot less about technique than it is about psychology, stress, and the tiny resentments that pile up between laundry and Netflix.

This week, we’re breaking the taboo - with humour, honesty, and a few science-backed ways to bring intimacy (and laughter) back into the room.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• The neuroscience of desire: how stress, cortisol, and routine quietly turn the lights down.

• Why emotional resentment kills libido faster than time ever could.

• How to talk about sex without it sounding like feedback or failure.

• Why scheduling sex isn’t unsexy - it’s smart.

• The “responsive desire” myth and how to work with your body, not against it.

• Micro-flirtation: the small, daily cues that keep long-term desire alive.

• The link between curiosity, novelty, and genuine connection (hint: it’s not about lingerie).

  
  

Episode Resources & Mentions:

• Esther Perel – On erotic intelligence and the space between love and desire.

• Dr. Emily Nagoski – Come As You Are: the science of stress and responsive desire.

• John Gottman Institute – On emotional bids and the micro-moments that predict intimacy.

• Tracey Cox – Sex and relationship expert on maintaining long-term spark.

• Mating in Captivity (Esther Perel) – The book redefining eroticism in long-term love.

• Research by Rosemary Basson – Female sexual response theory (responsive vs. spontaneous desire).

  
  

Key Takeaway:

A sex drought doesn’t mean something’s broken - it means something’s calling for attention. Desire isn’t a permanent state; it’s a living thing that needs laughter, curiosity, and care to survive. Start with connection, stay playful, and, most importantly, have fun. 

Let’s Stay Connected:

Got a question, dilemma, or topic you’d love me to cover? Send it my way - I genuinely love reading them.

Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/altarandtoast

Email → [email protected]

Wedding vows & speeches → www.altarandtoast.co.uk

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/walz/ryan

New episodes every Thursday. Hit follow so you never miss a thing!

Welcome back to Spoken For . This week, we’re diving into the extended cast you inherit with your partner.

If you’ve ever left a family lunch feeling twelve years old again, argued in the car about Christmas plans, or smiled politely through “helpful” comments about your home, you’re not alone. You don’t just marry a person - you join an emotional ecosystem. This episode is about navigating it with clarity, humour, and your relationship intact.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• Why marrying a person means joining a family system (and why small moments feel strangely loaded).

• The loyalty triangle: being “caught between” partner and parents - and how to step out of referee mode.

• Enmeshment vs. belonging: recognising “too involved” without blowing up the bridge.

• Triangulation in real life (the “tell her for me” trap) and one simple line to hand the conversation back.

• Boundary turbulence: why privacy rules clash in families - and the tone + timing that actually work.

• What repair looks like after an awkward lunch (tiny phrases that prevent long resentments).

• Staying your adult self in rooms that try to shrink you (self-differentiation in practice).

• The long game: how roles shift over time - and why many in-law tensions soften as your couple identity strengthens.
  

Episode Resources & Mentions:

• Murray Bowen - Family Systems Theory 

• Terri Orbuch, PhD - Longitudinal research linking in-law conflict to marital dissatisfaction.

• Sandra Petronio, PhD - Communication Privacy Management (co-owning information and boundary turbulence).

• Harriet Lerner, PhD - Self-differentiation (staying adult in family storms).

• Lindsay Gibson, PsyD - Emotionally immature dynamics; why boundaries can feel like betrayal.

• Jefferson Fisher - “Killer calm” conflict phrasing (lower, slower, clearer beats louder).

• Esther Perel - Conflict as evidence of care; curiosity over control.

  
  

Key Takeaway:

Marriage is part romance, part emotional anthropology. The in-laws aren’t enemies - they’re field research. Learn the ecosystem, stay kind but firm, and keep your partnership the main event. Because love might be messy, but loyalty should be simple.

Let’s Stay Connected:

Got a question, dilemma or topic you’d like me to cover? Email me! I’d love to hear about it.

Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/altarandtoast

Email → [email protected]

Wedding vows & speeches → www.altarandtoast.co.uk

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/walz/ryan

New episodes every Thursday. Hit follow so you don’t miss a thing! 

Welcome back to Spoken For - the podcast about love, relationships, and the beautiful (sometimes messy) reality of long-term commitment. I’m Sydney, and tonight’s drink is a gin and tonic: crisp, bracing, and a good metaphor for this episode’s question - simple on the surface and stronger than it looks.

Inspired by a listener (“Hannah”), we’re digging into those pre-marriage conversations everyone says you must have… without turning your engagement into a board meeting. This isn’t about ticking boxes; it’s about proving you can talk about the real stuff without falling apart.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• Why “the big talks” feel awkward (and why awkward = important).

• The Gin & Tonic Principle: balancing admin with intimacy.

• The Big Four, reframed:

  • Money: not maths, meaning (security vs freedom, visibility, stories).

  • Kids: beyond yes/no to the life you’re imagining.

  • Careers: ambition, relocations, whose job moves the map.

  • Family: inherited scripts, traditions to keep/burn, boundaries.

• The Forgotten Five: sex & desire, how you fight, chores & mental load, health & ageing, freedom inside “us.”

• How to have hard talks without killing the vibe (scatter them, use humour, go curious not conclusive).

• Why avoidance - not disagreement - is the real risk.

  
  

Real Talk Moments:

• “Money love languages”: pension statement vs champagne on a Tuesday.

• Scheduling intimacy (unsexy on paper, effective in life).

• The fight rules that stop a row turning into a cliff-edge.

  
  

Episode Resources & Mentions:

• The Gottman Institute - conflict, contempt, and why avoidance corrodes.

• Esther Perel - intimacy, desire needing distance, “into-me-see.”

  
  

Key Takeaway:
You don’t need perfect alignment before you marry. You need proof you can have awkward, value-level conversations - about money, sex, kids, careers, family, health, chores, freedom - and come out more aligned, not more defensive.

Let’s Stay Connected:

Email → [email protected]
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/altarandtoast

Wedding vows & speeches → ⁠www.altarandtoast.co.uk⁠

Brides/Grooms-to-be: quote “Spoken For Pod” for 25% off vows & speeches at Altar & Toast.

New episodes every Thursday. Hit follow so you don’t miss a thing!

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):
https://uppbeat.io/t/walz/ryan

Welcome back to Spoken For. This week, we’re breaking down what actually makes a date night work. Not “same restaurant, same small talk, same house red” - but a recipe you can repeat without boredom, design within your budget, and actually look forward to.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• The Host & Guest system for planning (one curates, one enjoys).

• How money, time, and energy constraints make nights better, not worse.

• Why clothes, scent, and sound matter more than you think.

• Micro-rituals (like a doorway reset or one small surprise) that elevate the night.

• The two-act structure (Do → Debrief) that makes dates memorable.

• How to build at-home versions that still feel special.

• Conversation sparks that keep admin off the table.

• Why the “peak” and the ending matter most for memory.

• How to leave breadcrumbs - small echoes that keep desire alive after the night.

  
  

Real Talk Moments:

• Michelin-style plating at a budget buffet.

• The cocktail-bar playing card I’ve kept for eight years.

• Why M&Ms in a crystal bowl beat a £90 dinner.

  
  

Episode Resources & Mentions:

• Let’s Get Closer conversation cards (Intelligent Change).

• The Peak–End Rule (how we actually remember nights).

• Enclothed cognition (the psychology of outfits and mood).

  
  

Key Takeaway:

Great date nights aren’t about spending big. They’re about attention, structure, and a few small details that turn “just another evening” into a story worth telling again.

Let’s Stay Connected:

Got a relationship dilemma or a question you’d love me to cover in a future episode? Send me an email at [email protected]. I’d love to hear from you (all questions kept anonymous).

Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/altarandtoast

Email → [email protected]

Wedding vows & speeches → www.altarandtoast.co.uk

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):

https://uppbeat.io/t/walz/ryan

New episodes every Thursday. Hit follow so you don’t miss a thing!

Welcome back to Spoken For, the podcast about love, relationships, and the beautiful (sometimes messy) reality of long-term commitment. I’m your host, Sydney, champagne in hand for a lighter, sparkling episode inspired by a listener dilemma: “We love each other, but on date nights… we run out of things to say.” If that’s you - good news. Silence isn’t failure; it’s a routine problem with playful solutions.

If you’ve ever booked a babysitter, sat across a candlelit table, and then felt the panic of small talk drying up, this one’s for you. We’re swapping “How was your day?” for curiosity, silliness, and conversations that actually spark.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• Why fun and laughter are the cornerstone of intimacy (not optional extras).

• Better questions than “How was your day?” to unlock stories and joy.

• “What if” games that turn silence into play (and plant real-life ideas).

• Silliness as a love language - and why awkwardness is the doorway.

• The “What I love about us” conversation that keeps gratitude alive.

• How words keep desire alive (flirty prompts you can use tonight).

• Why activity > dinner for date nights - and how novelty fuels conversation.

  
  

Episode Resources & Mentions:

• The Gottman Institute (on laughter, bids for connection, and why play matters).

• Conversation starters & decks. My favourites are the Get Closer: Couples Edition cards by Intelligent Change. Available here: https://www.intelligentchange.com/

  
  

Key Takeaway:

Great conversation isn’t about being profound on demand; it’s about building a playful, curious life together so there’s always something to talk about. Awkward is the doorway. Walk through it, and you’ll find laughter, intimacy - and the spark you thought you’d lost.

Let’s Stay Connected:

Got a relationship dilemma or a question you’d love me to cover in a future episode? Send me an email at [email protected]. I’d love to hear from you (all questions kept anonymous).

Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/altarandtoast

Email → [email protected]

Wedding vows & speeches → www.altarandtoast.co.uk

New episodes every Thursday. Hit follow so you don’t miss a thing!

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):

https://uppbeat.io/t/walz/ryan

Money is the silent third partner in every relationship. In this episode, we pour a hazelnut-oat cappuccino and have the conversation most couples avoid - how money shapes identity, safety, attraction, and the daily logistics of living together.

If you’ve ever side-eyed a £200 trainer purchase, hidden an Amazon parcel, or argued over “yours vs ours,” you’re not alone. The vows say “for richer, for poorer,” but most of us live in the messy middle: bills, budgets, debts, holidays, childcare, and all the everything-in-between.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why money talks feel harder than sex talks

• First-date bills and the silent expectations they create.

• Money personalities and how to balance them.

• Three frameworks couples use: all-in-one, split-and-share, fully separate.

• Why visibility is intimacy and how secrecy corrodes trust.

• Money, power & desire: navigating income gaps without killing attraction.

• The “running away fund”: independence vs secrecy.

• Ground rules for money talks

  
  

Real Talk Moments:

• “We’ll send nudes before we’ll show them our bank account.”

• How we run split-and-share without feeling like housemates.

• Language swaps that turn blame into teamwork 

Episode Resources & Mentions:

• The Gottman Institute - research on why couples find money harder to discuss than sex.

• Matthew Hussey - first-date dynamics and who pays.

Key Takeaway:

Money isn’t just what you spend - it’s what you say about values, fears, and the future you’re building together. Healthy couples can talk about money without humiliation, argue without secrecy, and dream without shame.

Let’s Stay Connected:

Got a relationship dilemma or a question you’d love me to cover in a future episode? Send me an email at [email protected]. I’d love to hear from you (all questions kept anonymous).

Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/altarandtoast

Email → [email protected]

Wedding vows & speeches → www.altarandtoast.co.uk

New episodes every Thursday. Hit follow so you don’t miss a thing!

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):

https://uppbeat.io/t/walz/ryan

Welcome to the very first episode of Spoken For, a podcast about love, relationships, and the beautiful (sometimes messy) reality of long-term commitment. I’m your host, Sydney, and I’m so glad you’re here.

If you’ve ever found yourself in the middle of a kitchen spat about the dishwasher, glaring across the sofa at your partner, or arguing over holiday plans, you’re not alone. Every couple fights. The real question isn’t whether you fight, but how.

In this debut episode, we’re unpacking The Art of Fighting Fair - why conflict doesn’t have to corrode your love, and how, done right, it can actually bring you closer.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• ​Why every couple fights (and why that’s actually a good thing).
• ​The difference between corrosive conflict and constructive conflict.
• ​How to spot the real issues beneath surface arguments (spoiler: it’s usually about respect, care, or control).
• ​Practical ground rules to keep your fights safe and fair.
• ​How to prevent pointless arguments before they start.
• ​Simple repair strategies that strengthen intimacy after conflict.

Real Talk Moments:

• ​The recurring “landmines” that show up in long-term relationships, including my own. 
• ​Why bickering is like mold - and how to stop it before it spreads.
• ​The fight over cushions at 11:30pm that taught me everything about arguing with love.

Episode Resources & Mentions:

• ​Esther Perel - relationship therapist and writer on intimacy and conflict.
• ​The Gottman Institute - research-backed insights on marriage and communication.
• ​Jefferson Fisher - lawyer turned communication coach with practical advice for tough conversations.

Key Takeaway:

Fighting does not mean your relationship is broken. What matters is how you fight. When you argue with respect, protect your partner’s dignity, and prioritize repair, conflict can become a doorway to deeper connection.

Let’s Stay Connected:

Got a relationship dilemma or a question you’d love me to cover in a future episode? Send me an email at [email protected]. I’d love to hear from you (all questions kept anonymous).

Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/altarandtoast

Email → [email protected]

Wedding vows & speeches → www.altarandtoast.co.uk

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):

https://uppbeat.io/t/walz/ryan

New episodes every Thursday. Hit follow so you don’t miss a thing!

Spoken For is a podcast about the beautiful, maddening mess that is long-term love. Hosted by Sydney Shannahan - writer, wife, and founder of Altar & Toast - this show is about what it really means to be (and stay) in love.

From explosive arguments to the slow work of becoming a team; from mismatched sex drives to money worries; from navigating grief to deciding whether to propose, move countries, or raise kids together - relationships can be hard to navigate. No one gives you a manual, but with a bit of humour, a lot of honesty, and the right words, maybe we can figure it out together.

This isn’t about wedding planning or perfect Instagram moments. It’s about what comes after the aisle:

• When the honeymoon period fades and real life sets in

• The arguments, compromises, and hard conversations no one warned you about

• The joy (and the heartbreak) of building a life with someone over the long haul

  
  

💌 If you’ve got a relationship dilemma you’d like me to unpack, email me: [email protected]

🎙 New episodes drop every Thursday, starting 4th September 2025.

Let’s connect:

Instagram → ⁠https://www.instagram.com/altarandtoast⁠

Email → [email protected]

For wedding vows, speeches, love letters and readings → altarandtoast.co.uk

Music from #Uppbeat: https://uppbeat.io/t/walz/ryan