Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief with Charisma Freeman

Caregivers tend to get caught up in caring for others and forget about self-care. Caregivers of those with very high acuity will end up passing away before the person they are caring for approximately 70% of the time due to lack of self-care. Who will take care of you and your loved one if you get run down and sick? Selfcare is the answer.

About the guest:

Founder of Charisma's Caregiver Coaching LLC, aka Charisma's Care, 15+ years of medical experience as a Registered Nurse and Adult Geriatric Nurse Practitioner, Disability Advocate, Special Needs Mom, Educator, Medical Curriculum Developer, Certified Life & Wellness Coach Featured on 11Alive News, GMA, FOCUS, etc

I am an Adult Geriatric Nurse Practitioner & Registered Nurse, as well as a Holistic Health and Wellness Coach. I specialize in disability and elder care in my medical practice. I am a proud mother of two beautiful children who I’ve raised myself since divorcing shortly after my son with special needs was born. During the time, I fought the medical system tooth and nail to uncover my son’s true medical diagnosis, while pursuing my Masters Degree in Nursing. As I write this, my daughter is preparing for college to study Forensic Science and my son is thriving everyday despite his rare genetic disorder, KIF1A. I’ve also cared for my elderly grandmother for years until her passing 5 years ago. For fun I am first and foremost a Band Mom for my daughter, I fell in love with hiking during Covid-19, and I love to travel the globe. You can learn more about our family travels as a special needs mom in My Journal/ Blog. I talk about how you too can travel the world with disabilities.

I share this information because I know what it is like to feel alone, confused, and overwhelmed. To be at your wits end and not know if you will make it another day caring for your loved one. I’ve pulled myself from the bottom back to the top creating my “New Normal” and work everyday with clients just like you to do the same. We are the forgotten generation and it’s unfair. I am working to change this one client at a time.

 I SEE YOU!

 YOU ARE IMPORTANT!

YOU ARE APPRECIATED!

Over 15 years of Medical Experience

• Nurse Practitioner and Registered Nurse
• Certified Life & Wellness Coach
• Special Needs Parent Mentor
• Proud Special Needs Mom
• Disability Advocate

www.charismascare.com

www.ageucational.com

Full Transcript Below

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (00:00):

On hello and welcome to another episode of educational. This is Roy I'm Terry. So we are a podcast that we are going to Chronicle our journey. Of course, we, we both have aging parents and, uh, unfortunately Terry has lost her dad. He, uh, to Alzheimer's a few years ago. So she's been through that struggle and journey. And then, um, you know, from time to time, we are going to bring professionals on. And, uh, we're very fortunate enough today that, uh, charisma Freeman has joined us. She is the founder of charisma care coaching and, uh, charisma care. And she has 15 years of medical experience as a registered nurse, an adult geriatric nurse practitioner, disability advocate, special needs, mom, educator, medical curriculum, developer, certified life and wellness coach. And she's been featured on, uh, 11 alive news and good morning America and focus. So charisma, thanks for taking time out of your day to be with us.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (01:09):

Thank you for having me. Yeah, we are excited to talk to, you know, we have, um, we've just launched that we have a, at one episode that is out, but you know, we're excited to bring this message. We know that a lot of people, a lot of families struggle as a loved one's age. And then of course there's some of us that are, are aging as well. So we want to try to see what we can do for ourself as as much, but you know, that the caregiver is in a very unique position because typically if I'm not mistaken, it's usually the daughter-in-law that gets to carry the heavy load of caregiving for everybody. And then, uh, so not only does it make it hard on them, but a lot of times they have to leave employment. The caregiver does, they have to leave employment. So there's a financial burden, but then also with our truly, um, uh, truly the sickest individuals that we care for. Uh, I think the numbers are staggering that 70 to 80% of caregivers will actually pass before the person that they're caring for. So it's just a, it's a tough spot to be in. And so we're fortunate enough to talk to you and, uh, got a lot of great experience to kind of, uh, you know, give us some tips to help us through this journey.

Terry - AGEUcational (02:30):

Yeah. Can you tell us, go ahead.

Charisma - Charismas Care (02:36):

It is, uh, it is unfortunate that a lot of us caregivers do end up parents and before our loved ones, the ones that were taken care of,

Terry - AGEUcational (02:45):

It's just so important for, I mean, all around just for you to take care of yourself, but especially if you're a caregiver, I mean, that's the best way that you can give care is to take care of yourself. So you have some great tools to do that. Can you, um, can you talk about, um, what led you to, uh, to come out with charisma care and, um, you know, your personal journey, and I know it's a lot, but your personal journey, as well as your professional journey and how you kind of merged them together to do this.

Charisma - Charismas Care (03:23):

Yeah, of course. So, uh, I began my life as a caregiver, I would say pretty young, probably as a child, my grandmother, like a lot of our parents and grandparents had arthritis in her knees and, you know, I would sit with her and I would be sent to go get the witch Hazel out the out the cabinet that was before I think that was before even I see how it, I think they just had the blue rub at that point. So I wouldn't be sick to go get the wind. So, and, you know, I would rub it on her knee and I would tell her, you know, grandma, when I grow up, I'm going to take care of you. I'm going to be a nurse or I'm going to be a doctor. And, you know, a lot of times, a lot of us say those things when we're younger, but I actually did that. I did just that, um, you know, right after high school, I went straight into college into nursing school. Um, and over the years when I initially went in, I thought I was going to be a nurse midwife and deliver babies until my first experience delivering babies, that would do it. Yeah. It was not as glorious as I thought it would be. And, um, you know, over the years I gravitated towards actually hospice and I worked in the hospice syndrome industry and

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (04:44):

Yeah, I got, uh, I got to hand it to you there. That is, I don't know a lot about it. I do know enough to know that that is an emotional, uh, it's just an emotional stress of, uh, of a job because I know we, we get attached to the people that we care for. And in hospice, unfortunately, you know, they are typically at the end of their life. And so they're not with us that long.

Terry - AGEUcational (05:09):

No,

Charisma - Charismas Care (05:10):

I tell people, hospice as a nurse is more of a spiritual journey. You're not just treating the physical, you're treat in the spiritual part of a person you're treating their physical, you're treating their mental and emotional, but more than anything else, you're treating your family,

Terry - AGEUcational (05:28):

Right? Yes. That's a bigger part.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (05:32):

Yeah. I guess that providing that comfort to the family is definitely a big part of that job. I never really thought about that. Yeah.

Terry - AGEUcational (05:40):

Oh gosh. Yeah. My grandfather was in a, he ended up going to, um, a hospice care facility and Oh my gosh, they were amazing. They were just amazing there. They had it, you know, we were all falling apart at different times and they had it together and they just led us through the steps, you know, and it had to have been hard for them.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (06:08):

Yeah. And the other thing I know about hospice is that, um, you know, we typically tend to fight that off because you know, the stigma attached around it is that the end is near if you're going on hospice. So, uh, but I think that it could provide a lot of comfort to the families, but also, you know, ease the suffering of the patients themselves to, you know, as soon as your doctor recommends it is to just embrace it and, uh, try to get, you know, try to get into it if you can.

Charisma - Charismas Care (06:43):

Yeah. What I actually found, I worked in all different divisions of hospice. I was then hospice nurse for many, many years. I worked as an admission nurse. I've worked in the hospital for it. And what I've found is that really we don't refer our patients, people to hospice soon enough, what we do is we wait to the very end when the person is in agony, the pain can no longer be controlled. You know, they're extremely agitated, especially our dementia patients. By that time, they're just extremely agitated. It's so hard to get a handle on it instead of referring them a little bit earlier, because hospice is typically safe, they say six months or less, but sometimes we have patients that's on hospice for a year or so. Um, but if we can get them on there earlier and we can start managing those symptoms because it's more about symptom management. So if we can start managing those symptoms before mom loses 20 pounds, if we can get her when she lost those first 10 pounds or, you know, when her appetite is starting to decrease, you know, those things make a big difference. You, you treat the person, you're not treating the diagnosis in hospice. And that's what is so different from our typical medical profession. Yeah.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (08:03):

And, and, you know, talking about that, getting in and, and treating their symptoms. We can, if I'm not mistaken, we can actually give a little bit more quality time for family members with their loved ones. Then like you said, maybe that they're suffering and they keep fighting against whatever, you know, whatever the struggle is. And, um, it can be, it can, that in itself can take a huge toll, not only on the patient, but on the family.

Charisma - Charismas Care (08:33):

Yeah. It's definitely quality of life versus quantity of life. And actually what studies have found is that patients on hospice care actually live longer than patients that are not on hospice care because they are receiving that regular care. I tell people, first of all, you already paid for the hospice service right through when you get it through Medicare, you already pay for it regardless of if you knew it or not. Right. So you pay for the nurse, the CNA, the social worker, the chaplain, the ability to do respite care, um, continuous care, you've, you've paid for it. So why not take advantage of all of these services that are available to you at the end of life? Because we all know that if it's nothing else that's promised that is the end of life.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (09:19):

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And there's a lot of, uh, you know, what I guess is called durable, durable medical equipment that can come along with hospice to make life easier. Well, I know like, um, um, you know, hospital beds and just other equipment that you can take advantage of to help make it easier on everybody as well.

Charisma - Charismas Care (09:39):

Yep. The over bed table, the, um, the high commode for other patient, um, we do specialty mattresses. If their wounds are bad enough, uh, you know, wheelchairs, all of those different things that you're searching for, it's all covered under that one house has benefit. Yep.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (09:59):

So the other thing that was interesting I thought is that, you know, you provide coaching to caregivers and I mean, this could be at any point in time, but you know, probably even just the sooner that people can get to you the better off they will be. You know, if they're starting to have to provide more and more care to, uh, family members, because there's, it's so involved. And there's so many things that we don't think about, but, um, you know, like check and mail trip and fall hazards and just, uh, again, we'll get back to the self care of the caregiver themselves is that sometimes they need the respite care and get somebody in to help them, even if it's just for a few days or a few hours.

Charisma - Charismas Care (10:45):

Yeah. And what I found over the course of my career, once I got into geriatrics and I just really loved it, but what I found is that a lot of time the caregivers, they weren't taking care of themselves at all. You know, they weren't making their doctor's appointments. They weren't managing their blood pressure. They weren't taking medications for anxiety and their anxiety was going through a roof. I would see them, I do a lot of in home visits, even now I visit my patients in the home. And most of the time the caregivers say, when was the last time you ate? Oh, I don't know. Maybe I had a Snickers bar. We think, you know, what was the last time he had a fruit or vegetable when, you know, do you stop to go to the bathroom? When was the last time you had a moment for yourself to just, just walk outside and breathe and they don't think about that.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (11:37):

Yep. Well, and I think the message, and, you know, Terry alluded to this earlier is what w what you have to realize as a caregiver, as you want to be there to provide care for your loved one. We know that, but you have to think about the, the, um, it's, it's a marathon, not a sprint. And so you have to think about if I may be here in the short run, but if I don't take care of myself, I'm not going to be here in the long run. And then who is going to take care of my loved one.

Charisma - Charismas Care (12:07):

Right. Right. And that's definitely a question I ask people, if you were to fall ill and ended up in the hospital tomorrow, what would happen to mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, grandpa, yeah. What would happen to them? Where would they go? Because we don't consider that. And we don't take the time to take care of ourselves and especially the natural caregivers. And you're normally the only person providing that care.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (12:37):

Yeah. And if you happen to be a mom or a grandmother, um, then now you have passed the caregiving torch to your children, and now they're not only caring for you, but they're caring for the, the loved one that you were caring for too. So we've just doubled down on, on that,

Charisma - Charismas Care (12:53):

Right? Yep. The sandwich generation. Yeah,

Terry - AGEUcational (12:57):

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. And I'm S I mean, I know I'm guilty of it. I can recognize I sit back and recognize it. Now it speaking with you, especially that how important it is, you know, to take care of myself so I can make sure. And my mom's 80 S 86, 87, 86. And, um, she was in the hospital over in the, in the fall for, she was in ICU for a week and then in the hospital for a week, and then physical therapy and occupational therapy, all that stuff, you know, we were just going, we were just going, and, and we actually kind of had a plan. She's just ha she's healthy. So this was just something that came up where she ended up getting sepsis and all of that, but we just kept going and going and going. And I, fortunately my sister's close by, so she was able to help. But, um, you know, it's easy to say, but it's so much harder to do

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (14:00):

Well because people like, you know, like Terry, she would go over to her, mom's in the evening and stay all evening, stay up overnight and then come home and try to have a normal life during the day. And, you know, after, after a few days it was just not much more. And so, you know, one thing that we could talk about think here's a good transition is planning. Uh, we never want to talk about somebody getting ill. And, uh, but I think what I have found in my experiences because of lack of planning, there's a crisis happens. And then everybody is in panic mode trying to solve it. Instead of, you know, there are things that we can talk about pre crisis that will help in, uh, you know, I'll, I'll let you be the expert here and talk about that. But, you know, I think it goes from not only, uh, providers that we use, w who's what kind of medication are you on? Because the, not that they went to the emergency room, you know, Terry, uh, had a whole bag full of medicine setting in the emergency room, trying to cat catalog all the different prescriptions. And so she, you know, to me, those are things that we could do. Pre-crisis also, uh, she's fortunate enough. She has two sisters that they get along well, and we're able to coordinate the care, but there can be dialogue about, well, if something happens, who's going to do what and how do we work this out?

Charisma - Charismas Care (15:30):

Yeah, definitely. So one of the things that I offer on my website, um, charisma is care.com is I offer a free packet of information. Um, I call it your care coach guide, a caregiver's guide. And what that does is it documents all of those things you just mentioned until it documents. Who's the first and second emergency contact. Um, the medications that your loved one is on dosages, all of those things diagnosis. I have a list of the most common, like 50 diagnosis. Um, so it's checked box and some, you know, fill in the blank. I also, um, add on there. Uh, do you have a living well who, your power of attorney, uh, any specialists that you see, all of those things, you know, you can either save it on your phone or you can download it and have a paper form of it. And that way you have it with you.

Charisma - Charismas Care (16:29):

And when I work with clients, what I do is I basically fall under Maslow's hierarchy of needs. So basically Maslow's hierarchy says we have to take care of the basics, food, shelter, and water, until we can take care of the basics. I can't tell you the let's go do yoga 30 minutes a day, three times a week, because you're looking at me like I'm a crazy lady. So make sure you're eating, you're sleeping and mom and dad are taken care of. Right? So if you have, that's what makes me different than your average coach is that I like to kind of focus on the medical portion of it first to make sure they're comfortable answer any questions you have about that. Tell you how you can have that dialogue with your physician, or, you know, how you create your team, all of those different things. And then once we can figure all of that out then from there, we can start to build up and focus more in on you as the caregiver. Yeah.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (17:29):

You bring up a good point about the powers of attorneys. Not necessarily will because that'll be after the fact, but the power of attorney, living wills and directives and all that, uh, somebody needs to know where those are, because I know a lot of people that take the time to have all of that, and then a catastrophe happens and then nobody can find them. Or we, you know, if they even know they exist, they don't know where they are. So again, good to, you know, let somebody know where it's at, but I, you know, I don't even know. Maybe there's a good spot to write down for somebody, you know, that you can, uh, it will trigger somebody, but definitely need to know where to go

Terry - AGEUcational (18:14):

Updated information as well. Nope,

Charisma - Charismas Care (18:17):

Exactly know where they are. Make sure it's been updated not 20 years ago, make sure it's been updated and have that conversation. A lot of people don't want to have that conversation, but you know, I worked in the ICU and it was always so difficult when we had the family. There's five different siblings. Only one of them actually took care of mom. Nobody actually knew what mom wanted, but the one sibling and all the other ones were against her. If it's written down, then we simply look, pick up the paper and say, well, mom said she doesn't want to be on life support. Right.

Terry - AGEUcational (18:53):

Well, the finding of the family dynamics really, Oh my gosh, they, they really come into play when you're talking about the parents, because everybody thinks each child thinks they know what that parent wants, you know?

Charisma - Charismas Care (19:07):

Exactly. Exactly. And that happens a lot. Yeah.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (19:12):

Yeah. That was a, I relate the story all the time, but I was a, uh, volunteer long-term care ombudsman in the state of Texas for awhile. And so when I first started that, I thought we were there to protect residents from the big, bad communities and corporate providers. But what I quickly found out was we were there to protect them from their relatives and other family members. And they were the most destructive that, you know, people don't realize it, but you know, we have to put restraining orders on family members because we had a, a lady that would aspirate anytime that she had solid food. And so there was one sister that she would come over and take her out to the all you could eat buffet. And then she'd be sick for three days because she was, you know, coughing and choking up everything. Anyway, that's kind of graphic. I know. But the pro the thing is, is it gets back to if mom or dad, or if we, as individuals write down and document what we want, then there's no question. And we don't have to try to determine who is the, who's the best mind reader in the family that really knows what mom and dad wants.

Charisma - Charismas Care (20:23):

Yeah. And that goes for spouses as well, because the other caregiver that we find that, uh, is forgotten is part of the spouses. There are a lot of spousal caregivers out there too. Um, and they need to have that same conversation. Both of them should have, should do the, I, I tell people, Oh, you're going to celebrate, go out to dinner, take this power of attorney and go and do that while you're waiting on your mail to come to the table on Valentine's day together, make it a special occasion, and then we're done with it. Yeah.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (20:58):

Yep. That's good. One other thing I wrote down while we, while y'all were talking earlier is a polypharmacy. I know that can be a huge, um, have a huge impact for older adults because they have different doctors. And, you know, unfortunately, sometimes they may seek out a doctor that tells them what they want to hear. So they may have gone to four or five people, but anyway, do you see that that is a big problem because I, my, my, my impression is that when you get a, um, prescription, you know, the pharmacist should be looking at all that. But what I found is that they don't always pick it up. So do you see that as a big problem? Or do you run into that a lot?

Charisma - Charismas Care (21:44):

Yes. Especially with my elderly population. Polypharmacy is a very big problem. So on the, um, packet that I told you about, I do have them list of medications, but I also have a list of herbal supplements because you will be amazed how many herbal supplements people are on. And that is part of our poly-pharmacy because those herbal supplements also interact with those medications. I also have them list their specialist, um, because of course in a perfect world, all the practitioners, all the doctors, all the specialists are talking, but they're really not in our world. And they're really not talking to use of the, you know, the, my chart in the medical documentation has helped, and it helps with pharmacists to see it, but you're still on so many medications, you know, um, one person is giving you Metformin for diabetes, and then the other person is finding that your kidneys are failing.

Charisma - Charismas Care (22:36):

So they're taking you off the Metformin and putting you on something else, but your doctor didn't know that. So now your diabetes is out of control because they need to put you on something else. So it's really a matter of gathering everything. So that's why you really need to one only use one pharmacy, please, if you use one pharmacy, you are more likely not to have the issues with your medications interacting because that pharmacist will know what's going on and say either write down all of those medications and herbal supplements and the, um, essential oils, because that has come into play now, too. Wow. So write all that down or Brown bag it, like we say, put it all in a Brown bag, bring it to your doctor and sit it on the table so they can just write them all out. Yeah,

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (23:24):

Yeah, yeah. And you might, if you don't mind, I just jumped into that without explaining what polypharmacy is. Would you mind just a simple explanation for the audience there?

Charisma - Charismas Care (23:35):

Basically, probably pharmacy is when you have more than three or four medications. So when you start to have different ones, they all have different interactions. So we need to sure that they're not causing different effects and different reactions in the body. And I mentioned Metformin because that's a big one.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (23:54):

Yeah, exactly. Okay. Um, so what are some other tips that, um, what are some other things that you can think about that, uh, we need to be sure and remind caregivers that they need to take into consideration.

Charisma - Charismas Care (24:11):

So when you're going to the doctor, make sure you have your list of questions. I put a actually put a little spot on there to write down those questions before, because when I worked in the clinic, I literally had five or 10 minutes to see you. That's why clinic life wasn't for me. But my ma goes in there for the first 15 minutes. She gets your information from you. By the time I get in there, I'm literally just there for what you said, you came forward, right. If you're lucky, I can focus on three things, but most of the time I can only focus on one or two. So if you have questions, I really need you to know them and just fire them off. Right. So write down, you know, those questions ahead of time and make sure you ask the person so that you're not like, Oh man, once you walk out, Oh, I forgot to ask her about this. Or mom fail. And you know, this happened, or man, I forgot, you know, we, we needed an order for that. X-ray yeah. So just make sure you write those down ahead of time.

Terry - AGEUcational (25:14):

Yeah, I do that. I mean, I, I I've just now started writing out questions because I'm so overwhelmed in all aspects of my life that I just, when I go to the doctor, it's like, Hey, I get there. And he tells me, you know, he tells me what's going on. And then I leave and I'm like, wait a minute. What about that? And that, and that.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (25:35):

Yeah. And the other thing is

Charisma - Charismas Care (25:37):

That you let them know about new things.

Terry - AGEUcational (25:39):

About what,

Charisma - Charismas Care (25:42):

About anything new, if there's been a fall, uh, injury, uh, I encounter patients all the time. When I come see them in the home, they're like, Oh yeah. I'm like, where's that bruise from? Oh, mom fell and hit her knee. And she couldn't walk for a couple of days. I said, well, did you let your doctor know? Well know when when's the last time you saw your doctor yesterday?

Terry - AGEUcational (26:04):

Yes. We had to go through mom's apartment and, and take it when she did physical therapy and occupational therapy, they would come in and we took, she had all these throw rugs. I hate it. I hate a throw rug. We had to take them all up. She's we hid them,

Charisma - Charismas Care (26:27):

Please take away the rugs,

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (26:30):

You know? And th that the fall in itself may not be bad, but I think a lot of times we don't realize the implications because, you know, one thing I'll say is, um, a lot of times people don't want to go where they can get a little more assistance because they think that they want to retain their independence. But when you fall, you break a hip and you don't recover. Now you've totally lost any and all independence. And then unfortunately, sometimes that can be the trigger for pneumonia. And then things just go downhill from there.

Charisma - Charismas Care (27:06):

Yeah. It's, it's been very often where I will have a patient as fall and, and then that will be their downward spiral and it definitely happens.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (27:17):

Yeah, it is. It's so important to, uh, you know, get out in front of that for sure. Uh, the other thing, I think that it's good to realize that you really have a right to ask questions. So if somebody is putting you off or not answering them fully, and I realize that, you know, doctors are, are crushed for time because they have a lot of appointments and they're moving through, but at the very least they should try to answer your questions or you, um, sometimes you can email the office and get answers, but don't ever don't ever hesitate or feel like that you cannot ask questions.

Charisma - Charismas Care (27:56):

Yeah. Yeah. And I tell patients, if you feel like you have a doctor and it's that person, you all just don't get along, or they're just not the person for, you know, that it's okay to look at, look for other doctors, there's a multitude of doctors out there. Your insurance covers 99.9% of them. Even if you've been with this doctor for 15 years, sometimes it may be necessary to see another doctor. And in that same token, it's okay to get a second opinion. Sometimes we welcome a second opinion, you know, because you may need that, that second opinion may say your loved one's life. That's right. So, um, definitely make sure you do that.

Terry - AGEUcational (28:41):

Yeah, my mom, uh, I keep going back to my mom. Well, that's my, that's my reference. Um, about five years ago, maybe, um, she was diagnosed. She had a fall and was in the hospital and one of the doctors there diagnosed her with, um, Parkinson's disease because she had some little tremors. So for about six months, she was on some medication. I can't remember what it was called, but whatever it is for, for Parkinson's and they gave her symptoms. I mean, the side effects of the medication gave her more symptoms of Parkinson's. We went to like three or four doctors and found one. He, he was like, he said, okay, just stare straight ahead. I'm going behind you. And he kind of pulled her shoulders a little bit and he's like, you do not have Parkinson's and I'm going to show you why. I mean, weaned her off of it. Nothing, you know, she has a little bit of shake, but not, not anything like it, it was just really frustrating after the fact, but so thankful that somebody found it.

Charisma - Charismas Care (29:53):

Right, right. Yeah. I can imagine it.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (29:57):

Yeah, no, we've grown up respecting the medical profession and doctors, but not, yeah. Not questioning and our being, uh, you know, being timid to ask a question or, you know, make them think we are questioning them. So it's good. And, uh, I think that Don, uh, most, uh, I don't want to say, I don't know how to say it, but most good doctors will welcome that second opinion, or they will understand why you feel like you need more information. They will not make you feel bad. So, you know, don't, don't hesitate to do that for sure.

Charisma - Charismas Care (30:32):

Yeah. Yep. Um, it's definitely necessary. And like I said, most doctors, if they're a good doctor, they don't mind you getting that second opinion. Not at all. Right.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (30:44):

All right. Well, we appreciate you taking time out of your day. The other thing I was going to mention is, um, you do offer an essential skills training course. So, uh, number one, I'll let you in a minute, you can tell us where we can go find that, but I think, uh, you know, people need to reach out and get some information from you. And then there's also this training course. That would be good. Uh, before we get to all that, I was going to ask you, what is a tool or a, uh, a habit or ritual. What's something that you do in your everyday life that, uh, just, it adds value

Terry - AGEUcational (31:22):

For you?

Charisma - Charismas Care (31:24):

Well, for me, I am a caregiver as well. My son has special needs. So in addition to managing my business and I still see patients and managing him and my daughter, I am a big fan of my, uh, Google calendar. If I did not, if I did not have my Google calendar on the phone, I don't know what I would do. You know? Um, I send, whenever we have something going on and someone has to be invited, I put their name into the Google calendar for my daughter. If we have a doctor's appointment, I put her email in and she knows she has an appointment. Things are color coded on there, you know, for my daughter's one color for my, for doctor's appointments, those are always in red. So I know that those are the doctors, or if they're little things, they're in a different color. So I made sure, and everybody knows if you're not in my calendar, you're not getting done. My daughter will put things in my calendar to make sure that it's done.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (32:28):

Yeah. And that's important. And the good thing about the Google calendar as it goes across all your devices where it, you know, it's not just one thing that's on your phone, but it'll go across your devices. And you said, you can share where, uh, other trusted people can put stuff on and put appointments on there as well. Trusted. I want to emphasize that

Terry - AGEUcational (32:50):

The kids might want to put pizza in there every once in a while. Right,

Charisma - Charismas Care (32:54):

Right, right. But I mean, you, one thing that I found with the Google calendar, if you loop use it long time, sometimes I can look, if I'm at an appointment, I can look back and they'll say, well, when was that surgery? And I can look back two years ago. Cause I'm like, I think it's around April. I can slide back two years ago in April and say, Oh, it was April 15th.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (33:15):

Oh, wow. Okay. All right. Well, thanks for that. So if you don't mind, tell us number one, who is your client, what you can do for them. And then of course, how they can reach out and get a hold of you. But also you may want to talk a little bit, um, about this, the essential, uh, skills training course that you've got.

Charisma - Charismas Care (33:36):

So the essential skills training course it's for the family caregiver. And what it does is, is a prerecorded course where I go through about 10 modules and we discuss things like feeding. We discuss transfers, bathing. Um, we discussed medication management and the reason why I created it, someone actually asked me for it because they were going through caregivers, especially during COVID and whenever they would hire a caregiver, the expectation would be that the caregiver was already trained, but rarely are the caregivers that we're hiring already trained. Whether we hire them directly, or we hired them from a company, we find that they come in here and they don't know what what to do. Right. So I created the trainings for that caregiver. Or if your family member's going to respite, or you're bringing in a family member, that's not typically here, they can take that training. It has questions at the end. If you want them to, you know, do the questions and they can take this training, it goes through all of these different modules. And then at that point, the only thing you really have to update them on are things that are very specific to your loved one. So you're not repeating the same thing over and over and over. And you know, that everybody knows all of the same information. So that's why I created that.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (34:58):

Yeah, no, that's a good point because everybody's a little different anyway, but it's good to just go through the specifics of your loved one and make sure, because a lot of people tell you that they cared or have cared for other people and may not be, may not be totally truthful, or it may have been somebody that had a little different diagnosis that needed different types of care. So now that's a good point to,

Terry - AGEUcational (35:24):

Instead of, instead of just assuming that they have, because they have the caregiver names, that's what they're applying for, whatever that they know what they're doing, they have to know. Well, you can't that you got to make

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (35:38):

Sure.

Charisma - Charismas Care (35:40):

Yup. And the CNS are the same because they may have worked with one client that didn't need any help with transfers or didn't have any feeding issues or any tube feedings or anything of that nature. So this just makes levels the playing field and make sure everyone's on the same page. And now, as far as who my client is my client, our caregivers. So I found that the caregivers they're, you know, they're not sleeping, they're not eating, they're not taking care of themselves. And I see that time and time again. And then they end up ill. They end up stressed out. They end up on all of these medications to help them manage this anxiety, stress, depression, you know, help up and nobody's leaving them. Nobody saying, okay, if we manage this part of your life, then that in turn will help you manage that stress and anxiety and you know, all these things and that caregiver breakdown that you sweep under the rug, because nobody really looks at us caregivers.

Charisma - Charismas Care (36:39):

So that's why I created the culture program. So I offer a coaching program. Um, my first call is always free. So we sit down and I do it via zoom or phone. And just depends on what your comfort level. We sit down, we talk about what's going on and where you are in your journey. And we can do coaching or some people who just do a call every so often where they just want to go over medicate medications, medical, jargon, just get an understanding of what's going on in their loved one's life. So I offer a little bit of both, um, in addition to the courses and probably some group trainings in the future, because I've been asked a lot about doing some group trainings as well, but I just want people to, um, have some help because like I said, I was, I'm a care caregiver. I care for my grandmother. And so she actually passed away. She passed away in hospice as well, or I care for her for you. Thank you. I care for her for years as well. And I mean, I always juggled so much and there was really no one caring for me.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (37:44):

Right, right. Yeah. And I think the other component that's impressive about yourself is that, you know, you do have the nursing, the nurse practitioner experience to go along with that caregiving experience. So that's a, you're walking the walk, not just talking. Yeah. Yeah. That's a great background. So how can people, uh, and we will put this in the show notes, but how can people reach out and get a hold of you?

Charisma - Charismas Care (38:10):

Okay. So, um, my website is charisma care.com and I make everything easy. Facebook is charisma care. Instagram is charisma care. So on Facebook, I do a Facebook live every Friday at 10 to 10:30 AM. And I talk about different topics. Um, we talked about, um, short term disability and FMLA lag and how you can utilize that to care for your loved one. Um, we talk about, um, having the documentation and what you should have, and they'll in your documentation when you go to your doctor's office and what you sh the documents you should request and the ones you can just toss. So all of those are on my Facebook. I'm working on getting it to my Instagram, but I do those every week. So they're on there for people to go take a look at. Um, so, you know, I'm just always trying to educate the public because this information shouldn't be hidden from us should be in plain sight.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (39:11):

Yeah. And that's a, it's a huge point that you make because, um, when, when crisis strikes, it's like trying to find the information. And the other thing too, is like, if you've got a month or six weeks to search and Google and call people, you know, you can find what you're looking for. But a lot of times, unfortunately when you have that crisis mode, it's like, man, we need this information immediately today right now, because that tends to drive up the stress even more, not only what event just happened, but not having all the correct information. Okay.

Terry - AGEUcational (39:43):

And sometimes you don't even know what information you need.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (39:46):

That's a good point. Yeah. We don't know what we don't know.

Charisma - Charismas Care (39:49):

Right, right. So that's what I put on there. And it prevents you from having to do extra tests and doing the same things over and over and a library, that stuff you can just request, you don't have to know where it is. They can just give it to you.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (40:04):

Well, charisma, we appreciate it. Y'all reach out to charisma and go over to the face of her Facebook page and watch some of these short videos. I know that they'll be very helpful, no matter where, uh, you know, what part of the journey you're in as a caregiver, uh, start earlier, don't wait to, to get yourself in crisis, reach out and figure out how to be, uh, not only the best caregiver for your loved one, but the best caregiver for yourself as well. Yeah,

Terry - AGEUcational (40:31):

Definitely. Thank you so much, charisma. We really appreciate it. It's been a pleasure. Yes, it has.

Charisma - Charismas Care (40:37):

You're so welcome. Thank you for having me

Terry - AGEUcational (40:40):

Doing good work. Yep. Yep.

Roy - AGEUcational - Does Caregiving for a Loved One Have You Overwhelmed? Learn Selfcare and Anxiety Relief. (40:42):

All right. Well, that's going to do it for another episode of educational. Uh, again, you can find us at www dot age, you [inaudible] dot com. We are on all the major podcast platforms, iTunes, Google, Stitcher, Spotify, and many more. If we're not on your favorite one, if you'll reach out to me, I'll be glad to try to get us, uh, get you added on. We are also on all the major, uh, social media platforms, Facebook, there's a Facebook group. We'd like to get some, uh, group chats going on there trying to, you know, uh, put whatever, whatever questions you may have put them out there. Somebody has been through or going through what you are trying to, uh, reach out and help as many people as we can also Twitter, Instagram, and a, um, the video of this interview will, once the episode goes live, this video will be up on YouTube for you to go to as well. So until next time, this is Roy

Terry - AGEUcational (41:38):

It's Terry. Thank you. Thank you.

 

www.charismascare.com

www.ageucational.com