Crazy Appliances

Would you buy dish soap that only works on a fork?  How about an oven that only works when you’re starving?  Maybe a vacuum cleaner that only works when you’re sad, and then you have to call a number to turn it on once you’re sad again?

Does this all sound absurd?  Where am I going with this?  Have I had too many martinis?

The answers are yes, they are analogies, and I wish.

I’m referring to tools that we use that we expect to be universal.  Dish soap should pretty much work on anything that we want to wash in the kitchen.  An oven should work any time you want to use it, on anything you want to cook, within reason.  A vacuum cleaner should work regardless of your mood, and it should be your tool to control when you want to use it.

So why would you purchase the bizarro appliances I mentioned?  I dunno, why do you pay for coaching that is only meant for you being sad, or getting a divorce, or “finding the real you” or 90 days to creativity’ or to “unlock your potential” or “look at me I’m famous now?”

The difference between psychologists and coaches

I’m tired of saying “as I’ve said before” but, as I’ve said before, there’s a difference between a psychologist and a coach, a mentor and a consultant.

On a scale of -10 to +10, with -10 being the most in need, mentally and emotionally, and +10 being pretty much the apex of humanity most of us operate in the plus zone, +4, +5, +6 etc.  Psychologists are trained to deal with people in the negatives.  In fact I had a good conversation recently with someone who runs a facility staffed by psychologists.  He told me that their job is to bring people to zero, up from the negatives.  In my opinion, that’s where a coach comes in – helping someone go from a +2 to a +5, etc.

So again, what’s with the crazy appliances?  Well, it doesn’t make sense to sign up for, pay for and go through a system that focuses on a tiny issue that you’re having – temporarily.  Especially if this issue is intense enough to require a psychologist – then that’s just irresponsible.

Let me give you some examples.

In an alternate universe….

You are having a lot of difficulty in meeting the right person, you seem to ‘attract’ the wrong people and you are just exhausted from dating.  What do you do?  You go and buy some dish soup that only works on a fork!  Yeah, that’s it.  Er, I mean you hire a ‘dating coach.’  Yep, and this person, without asking many questions, has you go through her wonderful program of ‘love in 90 days.’  In this one-size-fits-all program you learn that you send out Magic Love Rays to everyone.  No, really.  Also, can I have more money?

Meanwhile in this universe…

You realize that there is a big picture.  You want dish soap that works on forks, spoons, knives, dishes, plates, cheese graters and even the Kitchen Aid mixing bowl.

So you sign up of Alchemy For Life.  You fill out the Balance Sheet, and you see that you don’t even have the energy to date right now – and in reviewing the sheet with the coach you figure out why.  It’s because of two reasons – 1) you are still in Finding A Job mode.  You frequently spend a LOT of energy and time trying to find one after being downsized, but now it’s over.  Now you can celebrate, and go out, and relax.  You can go back to having a hobby or two.  In addition,, 2) you have a dating profile that is all bullet points that don’t even match the kind of guy you really want.  We figure this out when we see that you put “Dating” in the productivity column because it’s a chore to you.  The profile is rewritten based on what you really want, a schedule of checking the site vs just taking a breather i...