I’m going to ask you a simple question: Are you available right now? Of course, you’re listening to this, so your immediate answer is “yes.” But are you?

For years, I’ve talked about the constant negotiation between our time, energy, and resources. Today, I want to zero in on a nuance that seems small at first but has massive implications for our work, our relationships, and our own well-being. It’s the difference between being merely present and being truly available.

Think about a typical corporate scenario. You ask Mike and Sarah from HR if they are available for a 3:30 meeting, and they agree. They show up. They are physically in the conference room or logged into the video call. They have made their time available. But is their energy available?

You know what I’m talking about. You see the vacant nods, the lack of retention. On a video call, you see the tell-tale white glow on their face from another screen or the reflection of scrolling text in their glasses. They are physically present, but their energy—their focus, their mental capacity—is somewhere else entirely. Maybe Sarah has a problem at home, and her mind is there. In that case, no matter what her calendar says, she’s not really available for your meeting. The time is there, but the energy isn’t.

This becomes even more obvious when you’re a speaker or a teacher. You can have a room full of people who showed up for your 10 a.m. workshop. Their time is committed. But you see them fidgeting, looking at their phones, their minds clearly elsewhere. Their energy is being siphoned off, and as a result, they aren’t available to receive what you’re trying to give them.

This concept doesn’t just live at the office. It follows us home. You and your spouse might set aside two hours to sit in the same room and “spend time together.” You are technically available, right? But if you’re staring at your phone or have your laptop open, and every question they ask is met with a distracted, “Huh? What?” then you aren’t available for them. You’re available for your screen. Your energy is flowing toward your device, not your partner.

This is why an activity like playing a video game together can feel so connecting. You are both intensely available for the game, which means your energy is focused on the same goal. You are, in fact, available for each other.

This brings us to the most crucial relationship of all: the one you have with yourself. How often are you truly available for you?

This isn’t some esoteric concept. It’s profoundly practical. You might think, “I have free will. I’m always available for myself because I choose what to do.” But that’s not how life really works. How often have you committed to a task at work, but your brain is already on vacation? Or you come home from the office, but you haven’t mentally clocked out?

That drive home used to be a forced decompression period. For many who work from home, that buffer is gone. It takes a microsecond to walk from the “office” to the kitchen, but your mind is still at work. You are home, but you are not yet available for your family or for yourself.

Life is full of things we don’t plan for—a spill, an emergency call, an accident. That lack of availability is often the root cause of problems. A driver fiddling with their phone isn’t available to pay attention to the road, and the result can be a crash. At home, not listening to your spouse may not cause a physical accident, but it creates a relational one over time.

So, how do we fix this? It starts with awareness and is followed by self-control.

Being available for yourself means taking a breath and asking: What do I want to do right now? What do I need to do? What would make me happy?

In my new book, BeCAUSE!, I talk about the “monsters” (things we do to avoid pain) and “unicorns” (things we do to seek pleasure) that constantly pull our energy in different directions. When we live in a purely reactive state—bouncing between avoiding the boss’s anger and chasing the thrill of completing a project—we leave no space for ourselves. We become robots, always on, with no room to look up and ask, “Wait, what’s going on in my life? What do I really want?”

To become truly available, you must first create that space. You have to be willing to put your head up and check in with yourself. You must become available for you first. Only then can you genuinely offer your energy and availability to everything and everyone else in your life.

Thank you for being available for this message—not just with your time, but with your energy. The people who get the most out of this are the ones who truly engage. If you make yourself available for ideas like this, I’m sure you also make yourself available for yourself. And I hope you continue to do so.

Well, hey there. Welcome back. Hey, are you available for this podcast? Well, of course you are. You’re listening to it, right? Or are you?

Let’s talk about this whole concept. I’ve talked about time, energy, and resources so much. You can pretty much recite that. What I’m about to talk about is one of those things that when we look at it in its native situation, it may seem that I’m just being overly nuanced, but when we transfer it to a different situation, it becomes blatantly obvious. And I love that.

If you work in corporate America and you have to pull someone from another team or department or what have you and you’re like, “Hey, are you available at 3:30 for just a half hour meeting?” and they say, “Sure.” And so then they show up in the conference room or even, god forbid, on some sort of video call, they’re available, right? Well, their time is available, but is there energy?

And this is the nuanced part because you may say, “Well, yeah, I I met with Mike and Sarah from HR and they were available from 3:30 to 4 and we talked about whatever it is we talked about.” But if you find that there wasn’t a lot of retention or there was just a lot of nodding, or if it’s a video call, as you may be very well unfortunately aware of, if their face lights up with, suddenly lights up with white or changes or you can see things in their glasses, then you know they might not really be available. And you know what I’m talking about. Their energy is going somewhere else or it’s focused somewhere else. Or they may actually be in a meeting with you, but because Sarah has an issue going on at home, her mind may be elsewhere. And if her mind is elsewhere, her energy is elsewhere.

Let’s make it even less nuanced. If you’re teaching a class of 10 individuals, say a seminar or you’re giving a a talk or or what have you, say it’s a 1-hour, a 1-hour situation, whether it’s a workshop or a class or something, everyone who shows up at 10:00 a.m. for the 10 to 11 class is available, right? They they’re spending their time with you. Do you see how I paused there when the nor next word was going to show up? If people are fidgeting or looking at something else or they have their phones out, well, they may actually not be all that available for you. And it can be very frustrating as a speaker or a teacher that your students aren’t actually available for you. They’re physically there. They’re spending their time with you, but their energy is somewhere else or their energy is being siphoned off by something else, or they can’t seem to focus their energy on you. Obviously, if this same issue is affecting the actual teacher, then it can be very clear to the students that this person, they’re just not all that interesting to listen to. They’re just, “I I don’t get what she’s saying.” You would say, “I I I I’m trying, but you know, she’s not all that available because she’s focused on something else.”

This concept doesn’t just apply to your work life. And as you know with time, energy and resources and most of, most if not all of the concepts we talk about, it applies to you as the whole. And part of the whole is your non-work life. So if you’re available for your spouse, you know, you’re sitting in the same room for 2 hours, that’s being available, right? But if you’re staring at your phone or the time that you want to spend together watching a movie or talking or even sort of having that quiet we’re-just-existing-together time is always with you with your laptop open, and every time he or she asks you a question you go, “huh? huh? what?” and you have to switch gears from what you’re actually doing, then you’re not really available for them. You’re available for whatever it is that you’re doing. If you guys are playing a video game together or something, then you’re usually intensely available for the game, which means in fact you’re available for each other.

This availability affects everyone in your life, including someone who’s always with you. You. How often are you available for yourself? Oh my god. Is this like some weirdly esoteric concept or does that make immediate sense to you? Well, you may ask, “Well, how can I not be available for myself? I I have free will and I decide I’m going to work on work or play or this or that. Whatever it is I’m doing, I’m available for.”

Yeah, but that’s not how life works. You may commit to being available for work, but you’re just not there. Your your your brain is somewhere else. Especially people who go on vacation, you know what it’s like a couple days before vacation, they were already there mentally, right? Or someone who has trouble at home or someone who brings their work home with them. They don’t decompress from work. And I talked about this many years ago when we went through the lockdowns and all that fun stuff on how the disadvantage of someone who works at home is that it takes them a microsecond to work from their home office into the kitchen and to the rest of their house as opposed to someone who has a drive home. And the drive home is usually the decompression procedure. So, if you don’t get the decompression or you don’t participate in it or you don’t actively do it, you may come home and you’re still at work. You’re still there. You’re still on.

But back to you again. You may think, “Well, I’m always available for myself because I choose to do this, that, or the other thing.” Except we don’t choose to do this, that, or the other thing. How much of our lives realistically in a normal life is really you doing exactly what you want to do at every single moment? I would submit to you that even the most planned out, even the most prestigious life that you could live would still include things that you hadn’t really planned on doing. I mean, sometimes you spill something. Sometimes you get an emergency call from your kids or your spouse or what have you. Some there’s an accident, whatever it is, at some moment you may not be doing exactly what you want to do. In fact, it’s that lack of availability that is the cause of a lot of accidents. People weren’t there. They weren’t available to pay attention and drive. They’re fiddling with their radio or they are messing with their phone or they’re texting while they’re driving or they’re focused on something else and then boom, they’re in an accident. You don’t get into an accident, per se, at home because you weren’t listening to your husband, but it does eventually get noticeable when you always have to say, “Huh, huh? Yeah, yeah, that sounds great,” every single time there’s a conversation.

And let’s go back to ourselves. Being available for yourself means you truly take a breath and say, “What is it that I want to do right now? What is it that I should do? What is it that I need to do? What would make me happy?”

And we can talk all about the monsters and the unicorns if you’re familiar with my book Because which just came out. Thank you. And that how they pull you in different directions all the time. The pleasure of completing a project or the pain of thinking about being late or how you have to deal with your boss can very much make you not available for your spouse and yourself. You may decide to do something fun and your brain is somewhere else.

There are ways to get yourself to be more available for yourself, but it comes down to having a certain level of awareness and self-control. And I guess that’s probably what most of these podcast episodes boil down to. The awareness first and then the control of working with what we just became aware of. There’s a chapter in Because that I use magnets as an analogy of the pushing back towards the monsters and unicorns in your life and that if you push them too far, you’re just sort of floundering and existing. And if you let them slam together, there is none of this between space in which we can kind of take a breather because all we’re doing is reacting between seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. And we’re just like a robot. It’s we’re always on. We’re always doing that stuff. And there’s never any space to grow or to put our heads up and go, “Wait, what’s going on in my life? What is this? What do I really want?” And you have to do that first before you even say, “Okay, I’m just going to be available for myself.” You have to kind of put your head up and go, “What what am I doing here?” And you have to be available for you first and then available for everything else in your life.

So, first of all, thank you for being available for this episode. And if you truly are available for these episodes, meaning you are committing energy to it, and you can commit all the brain power energy you want while you’re cutting the grass or emptying the dishwasher. It’s two different brain systems. And I covered that in another episode. But in doing so, you will get the very most out of these episodes. And I can tell because the people who communicate with me, the people who have the comments, the people who actually reach out to me, or even people that I happen to know that said, “Hey, I caught your last episode.” Those are people that made themselves available for the podcast. And if they make themselves available for the podcast, I’m pretty sure they make themselves available for themselves.

I hope you do, too. I hope you enjoyed this. And as always, you’re important, and I appreciate you. Thank you.

In the world of productivity and time management, we’re often told to optimize our calendars and to-do lists. But what if the single most effective habit of top performers isn’t about complex systems, but about one simple principle? A fast “no” is always better than a time-wasting “yes.” This core idea reveals the true CEO mindset—a way of thinking focused on decisive action that has nothing to do with your job title and everything to do with reducing stress and reclaiming your time.

You might think that world-renowned authors, tech luminaries, and presidential candidates are the hardest people to schedule. The reality is often the exact opposite. The common thread among these high-achievers is their ability to make a decision—and make it fast.

When presented with an opportunity, they don’t leave it lingering in their inbox. They respond with a definitive “yes” or a respectful “no,” often within days. This isn’t because they have more free time; it’s because they have mastered their time by eliminating indecision. People who are hard to pin down are often drowning in a sea of non-committal “maybes,” a cycle that creates more work and anxiety for everyone involved.

Every task you put off—every email you promise to “get back to”—occupies valuable mental real estate. This constant loop of unfinished business is a major source of hidden stress. It’s like having too many apps open on your phone; eventually, everything slows down.

Conversely, taking immediate action, whether it’s tackling a task or simply scheduling a firm time to do it, frees up that mental space. The goal isn’t necessarily to do everything at once, but to decide its fate immediately. By converting a vague “I’ll do that later” into a concrete calendar event, you give your future self a clear command and your present self the gift of peace.

Adopting this leadership mindset is straightforward. The next time a request or task comes your way, you have two powerful choices:

By becoming a decisive person, you’ll find that the stress leading up to a decision was always the worst part. You’ll accomplish more, feel better about the commitments you make, and finally gain control over your most valuable resource: your time.

A fast no is much better than a time-wasting yes.

Well, hey there. Welcome back. It was a good decision for you to come back. See what I’m doing there? Now that we’ve passed 300 episodes, I want to give you a little behind-the-scenes look, which I think applies to everyday life. I want to apologize in advance that I’m about to use a word I hate using, and that is mindset, but it actually applies here. I want to talk about the CEO mindset, the leader mindset, the decision-maker mindset, and it has nothing to do with your position. It has to do with your, well, mindset.

So what does this have to do with my experience? I have interviews on this show periodically. I put a lot of effort into selecting and approaching people that I think are very interesting, dynamic, and can present something to my audience that’s unique and from a perspective that you won’t see anywhere else. I’ve been fortunate to have discussions with world-class musicians, presidential candidates, brilliant minds, famous authors, and technical luminaries. In addition to that, I have people that you may have never heard of, but I think they have a story to tell.

While all that’s going on, I am typically turning down people who are applying to be on the show because I need to act as a filter for you.

Do you know the one thing that the luminaries and world-renowned people have in common? I know that sounds so clickbaity. “The one thing these people have in common… you’d never guess.”

It’s their ability to make a freaking decision. That’s it.

That’s the one thing I think they all have in common. They have an ability to make a decision and they have integrity backing that up. The statistics are the opposite of what you would think. The people with the CEO mindset are the people that just get it done. We get it done because they can make a decision, stick with a decision, and be honest about the decision. And sometimes that decision is no.

When the decision is yes, they act upon it and they have control over their schedule. I will tell you it’s almost always days. Yes, days between contact, acceptance, and recording. That sounds insane, right? You would think the high-level CEOs are the people that are the hardest to nail down.

I have found that the people that are hard to nail down are the people who simply aren’t being honest with you, or they’re so bad at controlling their schedule that they just react to whatever is making the most noise. That’s a terrible way to live. Putting things off creates more work for you.

I did an episode about how doing things quickly when they come to you actually frees up a certain memory space, which feels like less stress. You can get to the point where you have these little mini-panic attacks and go, “Oh my god, I forgot… oh wait, no, I didn’t. I did it immediately.” I’m so used to thinking, “I’ll take care of that later,” that when I handle it right away, I later think I’ve forgotten it.

Think back to school when you were given a month for a project. Most people wait until the last few days because they become motivated by pressure. Well, imagine if you do it immediately. On the 28th day, when everyone else is panicking, you might panic too, thinking you forgot, but then you realize, “No, I did it on the first day.”

I understand you don’t always have the time slot in your day to do something. You might be running around like a chicken with your head cut off. But there’s a solve for that, too. You can schedule it. You see the difference? We have control over our future selves. We can schedule it. That’s the whole point of a calendar.

Don’t believe me? Fine. I’ll name names.

Now, you might say, “What if someone’s busy?” Then you schedule for when you do have time. If you’re out of the country for two weeks, you schedule it for when you come back. People schedule things months, and sometimes years, in advance. Anyone who’s had a formal wedding knows you have to book a hall a year-plus in advance.

In all 300 shows, there have only been two instances of people who did the opposite. And I knew the second they agreed that they weren’t going to be on the show. And again, as I’ve said, a fast no is much better than a time-wasting yes.

These, of course, will remain anonymous. One person was the very voice of a certain appliance that you probably have. The other was someone who told me to contact them in a month. To the very day and almost hour, I contacted them and got absolutely no response. A simple “no” would have been great and would have saved a little bit of my time and theirs.

Do things happen? Of course. But in your life, you will find that the things you have made decisive decisions about are the things that cost you the least stress. The pain is in the stress leading up to the decision, not the decision itself.

No one completes a marathon because they put it off. While some songs and books may take forever to write, it’s typically the ones you dive into and make a decision on that get done.

When you become decisive and realize that time is not a big sandbox you throw stuff into, but rather a road in front of you that you place objects onto, you’ll have so much less stress. You’ll feel better about what you do, and you’ll even feel better when you say no.

I hope that was helpful. Thank you again for listening and don’t forget that I appreciate you. Take care.

(Outro Music/Lyrics)

How to get there? I think it’s different for everyone. Some of us need work, others need fun. Some of us need purpose to overcome. But try to do what you love when it’s said and done. Cuz there’s so many differences in each of us. Trust your gut. It can show you what you want.

New Book Announcement: BeCAUSE!

I want to announce that my new book, my 10th, is out. It’s called Because Cause: The Fundamental Psychological Building Blocks That Enable You to or Prevent You from Accomplishing Anything, Everything, and Nothing. Check it out on Amazon. It’s only $9.99.

I find it quite illuminating to speak with people from all over the world. The power of our technology and interconnected world is that it allows me to have conversations I could never have.

I had the pleasure of chatting with Jamyang in this week’s podcast.

Jamyang Loden is a monk from Bhutan, the “country of gross national happiness,” (you’ll hear more about this later) currently residing at Ludakaru monastery in Bumang, central Bhutan. He has been living a monastic life since he was seven years old and is studying Buddhist philosophies.

Jamyang created a youtube channel (see link) to showcase Bhutan to the outside world from their own perspective.

Jamyang Loden details his daily routine as a monk, starting at 4:30 a.m. If you’ve ever wondered what that actually looks like, you’ll find out in detail.

English is a second language in Bhutan, and younger generations born after 2000 are particularly fluent. That makes it rather easy for me to have a chat like this and I am always appreciative that English is still the lingua franca.

Bhutan’s location is situated between China to the north and India to the south.

There are some unique facts about Bhutan, including its history of never being conquered and its status as a carbon-negative country. The country’s constitution mandates maintaining at least 60% forest coverage, contributing to its green landscape and small population of just over 700,000.

Bhutan is nearly 100% powered by hydropower. To me, Bhutanese architecture is harmonizing with nature, with buildings appearing integrated into the landscape and resembling sculptures. The drawings of the new international airport in Gelephu, which incorporates natural elements like trees indoors and features a modular design.

Gelephu Mindfulness City is a unique, large-scale project initiated by the king, designed to promote mindful living amidst nature. Uunlike cities with skyscrapers, Gelephu will integrate natural elements, allowing wildlife like elephants to roam within the city, providing tourists with a tranquil and immersive experience. It is an amazing project that you might hear more about on this channel…

I asked Jamyang for advice on meditation for those who find it difficult to stop thinking—not that this is ever an issue for me. :). Hear what he said. It might surprise you.

Check out his channel, FB and instagram, and tell him Alchemy for Life sent you!

Jamyang’s contact info:

https://www.youtube.com/@jamyangloden4935

facebook.com/share/14r3F1ipSD

https://www.instagram.com/monk_key_diary

Mark Bradford: Well hey there, welcome back. I’m here with Jamyang Loden. So, as I ask everyone, uh, tell everyone who you are and what you do.

Jamyang Loden: Okay, first of all, thank you Mark for giving me this opportunity to share about my country to your audiences uh especially Americans if I’m not mistaken.

Jamyang Loden: So um once again thank you very much. My name is Jamyong Loden and I am from Bhutan the country of cross national happiness. So uh currently I am a monk at Ludakaru monastery in Bumang that is uh central part of Bhutan. So uh yeah I’m learning Buddhist philosophies and it has been uh 7 years since I took monastic life and yeah that is a brief introduction of me

Mark Bradford: Well, that’s very good. I’m so, as I said before, I’m so happy to be able to speak with you. I love that the technology allows us to communicate in this way and and see each other. And speaking of that, uh you have definitely embraced technology because you have your own YouTube channel.

Jamyang Loden: Yes. Yes. A very small growing YouTube channel I should say. Um the shall I continue?

Mark Bradford: Oh, sure. I was just going to ask you uh if you would mind telling people about your channel. What is the uh purpose or mission of your channel?

Jamyang Loden: Okay. Thank you very much for this question. One second. Um uh the main reason or purpose that I created this YouTube channel is because uh I wanted to show my country to you know outside Bhutan because there are so many vloggers or YouTubers who are talking about our country within Bhutan and there are so many YouTubers outside Bhutan you know great YouTubers who comes to our country and show Bhutan to outside world. Then I thought you know why not I show my country to outside. It is it would be better that if I represent my country on my way own way and show to other you know other people that would be very uh you know meaningful. That is one reason and the another reason is uh as a monk you know uh we have so many less people coming out and speaking and sharing about their life and uh if I share about my spiritual journey then it would uh make others other people to learn what is spirituality that would give you know some insights of of uh what what is the life of a monk you you know as a monk.

Jamyang Loden: So that is one reason that is another reason why I created this YouTube channel and uh there are other factors uh which I am not able to remember now but then uh these are the two reasons you know main reasons why I created this YouTube and yeah and I think uh I would say I’m blessed to have you know uh that I got attention from outsiders as as I you know there’s one uh there’s a saying you when you want something everything conspires in helping achieve that. That is uh what I felt you know uh exactly as I wanted. Uh I got opportunity to talk about my country in one of the biggest YouTube channels you know uh about construction. They gave me platform and that has really helped me to pull the subscribers from you know western countries subscribe to my channel and now I think uh it is working well.

Mark Bradford: Oh,

Jamyang Loden: Yeah.

Mark Bradford: absolutely. And so I will let you know too that when this is published, I will make sure that there is a link, a very clear link to people being able to see your YouTube channel and being able

Jamyang Loden: Okay.

Mark Bradford: to find you and and so forth because I know people out there really want to learn. You know,

Jamyang Loden: Mhm.

Mark Bradford: YouTube is a wonderful way to to learn. It’s overwhelming. There’s so much that’s there. And

Jamyang Loden: Yeah. Yeah.

Mark Bradford: uh and people who listen to this podcast also want to learn. They want to know new things, maybe things that would be difficult to find otherwise. And the greatest thing about it is being able to hear directly from the person who’s experiencing it. You know, we can read about it all we want, but to be able to have the luxury of speaking to you directly is really, really cool. And you were mentioning uh being in the monastery and being a monk. I’m sure everyone would be very fascinated to hear sort of your description of that because I think everyone has a concept in their mind of what it is and I’m sure it varies depending on where you are in the world and so forth.

Mark Bradford: Would you mind sharing a little bit about what it is to be a monk and what your day-to-day activity looks like?

Jamyang Loden: Okay. Um, I’ll just uh begin with uh uh how I begin my day. So, uh my early bell rings at uh 4:30 a.m. standard time that is uh plus 6 GMT. So um my you know when there’s a ring uh in early hours 4:30 a.m. then all the monks will have to get up and get ready by 4:45. They’ll be they’ll have to sit in their room. So and you know they’ll have to uh read some some will memorize the shloka of of prayers and uh some will do some sort of recitation some will go with their prayer whatever it may be they’ll have to get ready by 4:45. So uh from 4 4:30 to 6 a.m. it will be morning study and from 6 to 7 a.m. it will be morning breakfast. So 7 to 9 will be first class morning class. Every monk will be attending their first class for 2 hours from 7 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. and after that uh there will be tea break for 30 minutes.

Jamyang Loden: It will be from 9:00 a.m. to 9:30 a.m. From 9:30 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. it will be second class. So from 11:30 to 1:00 p.m. it will be you know 1:30 p.m. Okay. Two hours will be for the lunch break. So in that lunch break we have ample of time. So some monks they’ll learn you know to blow trumpets to blow there are different Tibetan sort of musicals that are being used in performing rituals. So monks will learn that and some will go for learning handwriting is very important and uh yeah some will learn learn uh other sorts of uh ritual performing uh ideas. So that’s how we spend and from 1:30 to 3pm it will be revision class for the students who are below fifth standard. So but for for those who need not have to attend re revision class will have to sit in their room and do you know self-study from 3:30 to 4:30 it is English class for those students who do not know English. So they’ll have to attend the English class.

Jamyang Loden: Uh and uh for those who know English, they’ll have to do selfie study as usual. From 4:30 to 6:00 p.m. it will be evening I mean uh yeah 4:30 to 6 will be debate session. I don’t know whether you have seen how David and monks debate. So they they’ll be attending a devot session in which the what we have studied in the morning class and what are the doubts that you come while you know studying this will be solved during the David session. So monks they will debate and uh yeah many things happens in the debate session from 6:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. be even I mean inner time 1 hour from 7 7 to 8 exactly what we’re doing. So during this hour monks will be attending evening prayer. Okay. For 30 minutes 7 to 7:30 will be evening prayer and uh 1 hour will be you know we have leisure time. So you can do whatever you want to do till 8 8:30 from 8:30 to 10 p.m. will be night study.

Jamyang Loden: So from you know 10 10 p.m. to 4:30 a.m. will be your sleep time. So that’s yeah that’s my uh routine and it goes all the way from Monday till Friday. Yeah uh Monday till Friday but uh there little bit changes during Sunday and Saturday. So Saturday you have uh class till lunch you know I mean till morning so afternoon you’re free you can go anywhere you have time to you know uh go and I mean uh to the different places and during that time I take that opportunity to go to seed places and shoot a video

Mark Bradford: Mhm.

Jamyang Loden: okay that’s how I maintain my YouTube channel so otherwise I I’m packed I cannot uh you know overtake my schedule. So uh during that time weekend afternoon sometimes if if the place if the places are nearby then I take that opportunity during the afternoon hours otherwise uh if I have to travel longer distance then I take uh I go during the Sunday and uh editing time I’ll have to manage somehow. Yeah that’s how I do.

Mark Bradford: Right. That’s very impressive. Well, thank you. That is an awful lot to unpack for people. I’m sure they will listen to this twice just to get that schedule. That’s a that’s a lot and it really says a lot about you that you take your precious free time and then you once again commit that to helping people by creating the video. And like you said, as you know, when you create videos, it’s not just shooting the video. There’s a lot of time involved in editing them. And you’re your videos look very professional. They’re very polished. They’re very professional. You have titles. Uh everything looks very good. You have multiple camera

Jamyang Loden: Thank you.

Mark Bradford: angles.

Jamyang Loden: Thank you so

Mark Bradford: Yes.

Jamyang Loden: much.

Mark Bradford: Yeah. Very very well. It’s a very well done uh video series. So, I I encourage everyone to uh take a peek at it. It’s it’s really fun. Beautiful eye candy for people to see and a lot of learning.

Mark Bradford: And it’s fascinating that uh you specifically have an English class and that’s something I was going to ask you about which is very fortunate for me that you speak English because uh that helps us to communicate and the

Jamyang Loden: Okay.

Mark Bradford: national language of Bhutan is not English. It is um dona. Okay. I wanted to make sure I

Jamyang Loden: Yes.

Mark Bradford: said that right, Dunca. So that’s your your native language, but everyone at the monastery learns English.

Jamyang Loden: Yes. Um

Mark Bradford: Did you find it a hard language to pick up?

Jamyang Loden: for me you know um it’s not that I learned English in my monastery. Okay. Um I did my bachelor’s in uh bachelor’s in business ad administration from one of the business colleges in our

Mark Bradford: Oh.

Jamyang Loden: country.

Mark Bradford: Oh.

Jamyang Loden: Yeah, that’s how I picked up English. Otherwise, it would be very difficult for for me to speak English and just attending one hour in a in a day would be very difficult to pick up English.

Mark Bradford: Mhm.

Jamyang Loden: But I have the experience of attending you know English medium school for 17 years. Um yeah that’s why that’s how I speak English otherwise I have you know my background is a human resource management and uh yeah that’s how how I speak English.

Mark Bradford: Huh.

Jamyang Loden: But for the monks who are attending English, you know, they know basic how to write and uh they know how to speak also. Yeah, that’s how

Mark Bradford: And and since you are technologically connected and Bhutan is a has a very high level of technology connection. I looked I looked up what you know internet connectivity is for the average citizen. Uh it’s it’s uh they’re very well connected and just the connection that you and I have literally is is a very good quality connection. So, so your internet there is really good, which means also having access to other YouTube channels, English channels, and I’ve spoken with other people who are non-native speakers who tend to learn quite a bit also from just watching YouTube channels that are spoken in English.

Mark Bradford: Did did that was that a part at all in this for you?

Jamyang Loden: You mean uh did I learn English through that?

Mark Bradford: Yeah, there are some people who literally learned English just by watching those videos. I know

Jamyang Loden: Okay.

Mark Bradford: you said

Jamyang Loden: Okay.

Mark Bradford: you you you

Jamyang Loden: Okay.

Mark Bradford: had it in school, but I’m just curious if that helped at all.

Jamyang Loden: Definitely it really helped me. uh you see uh there are you know dark side of technology but if you know how to utilize then technologies are really awesome you know you you have control so technology doesn’t affect you but if you know how to control that then you have the right to you know steer the wheel wherever you want so um yes it really helped me but uh more than that I think uh my school has helped me to speak English and especially my college days because we did a lot of presentation in English. So English is our second language for the Buddhist English is second language by the way.

Jamyang Loden: So I think all the goodness uh speaks English very well and especially those generation who are born after 2000 they are far better than us. they you know their fluency in English it’s just uh chip up so for us our fluency might be really uh not that good but then uh the usage of word and all those uh I think uh we okay with that

Mark Bradford: No, I I think I do I think you do quite well and I think it’s amazing when you have a second language that you speak so well and that you say the population speaks so well as well. Uh, and in the be in the very, if I can switch gears, in the beginning, um, I I didn’t really set the set the table, if you will, for people to understand where you are. So, so Bhutan is, uh, bordering China. It, uh, correct? It’s a, it’s a country. If you wanted to describe sort of where it’s situated for people,

Jamyang Loden: Um okay. Um uh I’ll have to be specific because earlier I in that video I said Bhutan is between the two giant countries China and India.

Jamyang Loden: Then many of the people were not really happy because they said it’s between Tibet and India. So uh I’ll have to recolor that. And uh also for those people who who are listening to this podcast and if if you watched that you know the the B1M channel then uh yes in Bhutan is between the two mostly populated countries in the world you know uh China in the north and India in the south. I think this this would be the perfect way of explaining my country. Uh just mentioning the border it would be quite know um controversial.

Mark Bradford: It sounds

Jamyang Loden: Uh

Mark Bradford: like it

Jamyang Loden: so

Mark Bradford: sounds like it was

Jamyang Loden: yeah so Bhutan yeah it is located between the two mostly populated countries in the world. So uh between these two giant country people often say it just it looks like a sandwich. So uh yeah Bhutan is located in between these two giant countries and there are so many interesting facts about my country. For instance, Bhutan is one of the one of the few countries in the whole world which is which has never been conquered by any countries so far.

Jamyang Loden: So it remained independent throughout the history and uh Bhutan is also one of the few countries to to be nominated as the car carbon negative country you know not only carbon free but carbon negative country.

Mark Bradford: Right.

Jamyang Loden: So, so in our country’s constitution, it is mandatory that country must maintain at least 60% of forest coverage. That’s why uh our country is looks really green and uh by the way our country’s country has so I mean less population we are uh more than 700,000 people only which makes which makes our country very you know uh small in population and even if I have to target my audience within the Bhutan then partly you know we have maybe 100 or 200,000 people who are having YouTube channel and uh all of them are not going to subscribe to my channel. So uh I think uh I’ve targeted in a in a right way my in a sense I’m not targeting to you know to get views and then sub number of subscribers. What I’m doing is uh conveying the message rightful message to the right audience.

Jamyang Loden: So uh anyways yeah Buhan is uh yeah that was uh about Bhutan and uh our king uh you know they have ruled for more than 100 years and still ruling and our king you know uh is like a god. So people often worship king as as as a leader who should be looked upon you know what other people look up to him as this u work. So we really appreciate and uh love you know his leadership. So yeah

Mark Bradford: Well,

Jamyang Loden: and uh

Mark Bradford: it’s

Jamyang Loden: yeah

Mark Bradford: very very impressive things. There are other things too just like your almost all of your power comes from hydropower. It’s it’s water power which is

Jamyang Loden: okay. Yeah.

Mark Bradford: really really impressive which also explains the carbon carbon negativity because you’re not really putting smoke into the air or anything. You’re and you’re not cutting trees down for that. you’re using the water which is also a bit of a problem too because you have to deal with flooding sometimes uh right I mean that that is a worry because of where you’re located but uh you uh in doing some reading I found that you uh your country didn’t take the standard route which would be to create cement canals and all that other stuff you you have uh fields with patties in them that almost act like

Mark Bradford: a a buffer so the plants themselves can absorb the water that comes down sometimes that you have to deal with. And I think that’s excellent. And it when people listen to this and see your channel and even look up your country, they’re going to find that it’s a wonderful mixture of trees and green and buildings. The buildings always look like they’re in harmony with the trees. It looks like the trees sometimes are winning. It it’s a and and the the the way that the buildings are built is really fascinating, too. There are lots of triangles and angles and they’re just absolutely they look like beautiful sculptures as well and they’re just so fascinating to look at. And you have an an international airport. I’m not sure if it was it’s finished. Uh it

Jamyang Loden: Um I don’t know It’s yet to begin in GMC, but we do have one in parro that that is uh uh small compared to the upcoming international airport in Galipur mindfulness city.

Mark Bradford: Okay. and and and so even that airport looks very much like the outside is inside because there’s trees

Jamyang Loden: Yes.

Mark Bradford: on the inside and and and it’s and the new uh the new airport is actually going to be modular in which sections can be moved and built and so forth. And you just mentioned and thank you for saying it out loud because I wasn’t sure how to say it. Gelifu is is that how

Jamyang Loden: Yes.

Mark Bradford: you say that? Okay. And

Jamyang Loden: Yes.

Mark Bradford: that

Jamyang Loden: Yes.

Mark Bradford: is the new mindfulness city. Uh would you mind introducing what that is?

Jamyang Loden: Um I think uh I might not be the right person to talk about this but then uh

Mark Bradford: That’s okay.

Jamyang Loden: uh as a common citizen you know um I think I do have voices. So unifu mindfulness city it is uh one of the unique cities that will come in come not only in in our country but uh in the whole world. So that project is one of the biggest project happening in our country. So uh his majesty the king has given you know a profound thought for this project.

Jamyang Loden: He wanted his people to you know enjoy you know uh the the the beauty that we have already in our country. So therefore his majesty has I mean uh even addressed in his national day speech that gainful mindfulness city is going to be the unique project in which you know there will be no skyscraper. It is not going to be like any other cities that we have seen suffered. It is going to be so unique and I don’t know how it is going to be but then we have so much hope you know so uh it is like mindfulness city you see uh so many people around the world they just tour to for instance if they go to Dubai we have so many skyscrapers Dubai is known for that so uh they just go there do some shopping and then enjoy the enjoy the vacation there But when it comes to Kalifu mindfully city, people will come here to you know stay mindfully with the nature around you know surrounded by nature. Elephants will be walking the corridor and there will be you know animals in that city and the the tourist who are going to come to Galifu they will enjoy the you know the the the beauty of uh sin the moment they woke up from their you know from the bed because those hotels I don’t know whether it should be hotel or not but then uh that what I I have understood so it will be surrounded by

Jamyang Loden: the the crops you know petty fields and that’s how we coming up with this project and uh it is going to be you know a very uh fascinating project.

Mark Bradford: It

Jamyang Loden: So

Mark Bradford: is

Jamyang Loden: uh

Mark Bradford: fascinating.

Jamyang Loden: first yeah the first thing is to do with the international airport because u people have people will have to come here and work for that uh the country is planning to go with the you know uh airport that’s why the airport uh I mean the the the airport construction has already begun. So uh yeah I don’t know much to say about that.

Mark Bradford: I I think you did an excellent job. That that’s good. That’s a very good understanding from the ground level because, you know, we can read it we can read about this from a publicity standpoint, but it’s much more fun to hear it from you who actually live there and you get to see it with your own eyes. So, and from what I’ve read, it’s fascinating, too, in which bridges are built not to be bridges, but they’re actually buildings that so you actually enter a building to cross a bridge, and it’s not unusual to see an elephant walk by and things like that.

Mark Bradford: So, that’s just a such a fascinating vision to have to just be able to think about that. And you mentioned the skyscrapers. So, in the city that I saw, I’m talking to you from uh Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and we have a small downtown compared to other cities. Uh it’s not as large as Chicago and so forth, but we do have some fairly large buildings and things. We have a little downtown area sometimes. And I used to work on uh above the 30th floor for for some time downtown. And sometimes I think about how cut off that is from the rest of the world to be that high up and also what that does to the skyline. And in Bhutan you never build above. Is it six stories? I think it’s something like that.

Jamyang Loden: Yes.

Mark Bradford: Right.

Jamyang Loden: Tallest building is the sixth story and

Mark Bradford: And

Jamyang Loden: we

Mark Bradford: it’s

Jamyang Loden: have countable count of buildings.

Mark Bradford: Yeah, it makes such a difference to see that. And I think I absolutely love that.

Mark Bradford: I love the concept of never building above that because it doesn’t poke up at the sky. Plus, I and I could be wrong on this. I know that uh firet trucks, their ladders only reach I think the seventh floor. So, it makes sense to sort of stop there, but uh I I think it it it’s prettier. And your buildings are made with with wood and they just they’re just so gorgeous. They don’t contrast. And you talked about Dubai. Dubai is sort of a city built in defiance of nature. Like you can

Jamyang Loden: Yes.

Mark Bradford: it looks like it’s fighting nature the entire time. It sticks out as if somebody cut and paste it there. But um but your country looks like everything is just living in harmony that things are built uh with respect for nature and it shows in the way the buildings are placed, the way the buildings are shaped. And your buildings still look like buildings though. They look they look like works of art actually, but they still look like man-made.

Mark Bradford: So I I appreciate that you create things that look like man, but you’re not trying to copy nature, per se. So you’re saying, look, this is what we create, but we can still work in harmony with what nature

Jamyang Loden: Yeah.

Mark Bradford: creates. And including the way that you allow paths to go through, animals crossing and so forth. And it’s I I truly hope that it’s a concept that can take off and be replicated all over the world, including the United States, where we can build cities like that, where we can be in harmony with nature, but still create our own unique look.

Jamyang Loden: Yes.

Mark Bradford: So, I think it’s I think it’s wonderful and I think Dubai is um with all due respect to Dubai, it’s sort of almost like the opposite of what you’re creating where it’s a stark contrast to nature where yours is just a a connection to nature. So, I think that’s that’s really really wonderful. I will definitely be following the construction and uh and watching very eagerly and excitedly to see how the construction proceeds.

Mark Bradford: I’ll certainly be checking out your channel and I hope other people do to to watch that construction. Um, so I have an interesting question for you that you you may have an interesting answer to and a lot of people uh participate in meditation and people

Jamyang Loden: Okay.

Mark Bradford: take yoga. I have a good friend who is a yoga teacher and I’ve learned a lot about yoga and meditation and and breathing and so forth and

Jamyang Loden: Okay. Mhm.

Mark Bradford: uh meditation for some people is very difficult because the last thing people can do is just not think. They can do all sorts of things but not thinking and I’m one of those people that not thinking does not come very naturally to me. I’m always thinking and and creating and so forth. So, do you have any advice or on people who are wanting to meditate more?

Jamyang Loden: um I don’t know whether it has to be advised or not but then uh I don’t have uh much experience of meditation but then uh as a student you know as someone who learns this kind of techniques uh theoretically uh I have something to share but I won’t say this as an advice because advice are given by those who have experience of doing meditation.

Jamyang Loden: So u so sorry um you know there there are two types of meditation shamata meditation and vibatna meditation. So most of the most of the people go with yamata meditation. I don’t know whether

Mark Bradford: Can you say

Jamyang Loden: is

Mark Bradford: that

Jamyang Loden: it

Mark Bradford: again? I’m not sure I’m hearing you. What kind of meditation?

Jamyang Loden: vibasna meditation and shamata meditation.

Mark Bradford: Oh, okay.

Jamyang Loden: So uh okay. So uh uh so uh you know when they do meditation just sitting and uh concentration you know giving the concentration you you know you you keep your concentration on on that particular object. For instance, for the monks, if they comfortable, they keep statue in front of them and then do you know a meditation in which uh they try to focus on one con one thing. Maybe some people focus on the breath. Some just uh listen to the music and uh they they try to bring concentration to that particular object for few minutes maybe 2 minutes maybe 3 minutes for the beginners 1 2 minutes is enough.

Jamyang Loden: So that’s how they how they do this uh samad meditation and uh in case of vibasa meditation it is advanced. So uh in in this meditation they do not focus on concentration they go with the flow of life. Yeah. So uh by the way you know you cannot easily learn this kind of meditation. Of course for for just to keep yourself calm and peace it is okay. But then for us as as a as a you know a scholar I I don’t know whether I should be called a scholar called as a scholar or not but then someone who learns you know philosophy philosophy in in a very advanced way for us uh if we want to go with this kind of meditation then we we must have a teacher who who guides us with his own experience. So it is going to be a very advanced but but for the people nowadays people are using that meditation to you know calm calm themselves to to make themselves feel peace in this uh you know uh redress life because uh life is you know nowadays we have so many um issues with the mental depression yeah so for those also I think it really works that’s why they they do this kind of marriage meditation and uh last time I had an opportunity to you know uh talk with few tourists from India.

Jamyang Loden: So they were asking me to share about the the this kind of basic meditation ideas and I I did you know explain to them this the the same method that I’m talking to you to them and uh I think they were really happy.

Mark Bradford: That’s wonderful. And and so what you’re saying is that there’s the uh meditation that’s more of a go with the flow versus just trying to stoically have no thoughts in your mind. It’s more of a just letting go. Would that

Jamyang Loden: Yeah.

Mark Bradford: be a because I’ve I’ve found that it’s almost counterintuitive instead of because the more you fight the more you fight the thoughts the harder they’re going to keep fighting back to be there. But when you

Jamyang Loden: Yes.

Mark Bradford: just sort of accept it and let it go and some some someone uh likened it to a catch and release almost like catching a fish and just letting it go. Oh, I caught another fish. I’ll just let that one go. I caught another one.

Mark Bradford: And and finally, you’re in the flow where the thoughts aren’t that important anymore.

Jamyang Loden: Just wait a minute. So sorry. Okay. Okay. Continue. So sorry.

Mark Bradford: Oh, that’s okay. No, no problem at all. I can I can I can snip that. So, so yes, the I think the catch and release seems to make be a good analogy for that where you just have these thoughts and you say, “Well, that’s nice.” The thoughts are

Jamyang Loden: Yeah,

Mark Bradford: part

Jamyang Loden: I

Mark Bradford: of

Jamyang Loden: guess.

Mark Bradford: being me and you let them go and the less you fight it, the less you have to fight it. But it that doesn’t make a lot of sense to people because they think

Jamyang Loden: Yeah.

Mark Bradford: they can exert their will and push it forward. But that’s the opposite of what they should do. But I’m just saying with my personal experience, that’s what I found. And it’s nice to hear that you suggest that as well.

Jamyang Loden: Yes. Yes. Um although you know if if the people really really want to pick up then they can go with 1 minute or 2 minutes for the beginners so they can go with the shamata meditation in which they’ll have to sit in a very comfortable position you know and then concentrate their focus on one particular thing. So that could be music, it could be uh an object in front of you. So you can comfortably look at that object and bring your concentration that to that object. Of course it thousands and millions of thoughts will you know

Mark Bradford: Mhm.

Jamyang Loden: come but then you’ll have to bring your concentration to that particular object that is shamata way of meditation. So after one to one to two minutes you can go to another that is vipasa meditation. So in v personal meditation as I already mentioned you can just uh let the mind to you know go with the flow of life wherever it takes you just follow that okay if if your if if if you if your mind takes you to Chicago then you go there Mexico go there you know even if if it takes you to that New York City’s um there’s there’s a tower you know so

Mark Bradford: Mhm.

Jamyang Loden: Yeah, you can go there but you just follow that and uh you know just go with your with the flow of your mind you know you just looking behind your mind that is uh your personal meditation.

Mark Bradford: And and

Jamyang Loden: Yeah.

Mark Bradford: I found in what you’re describing that your mind typically has something to say. And listening is is is is really the best thing to do. It’s it’s when we fight it that we have the conflict, we have the stress, we have the confusion. But when our mind tells us something, even if it seems like something we don’t want to hear or if it’s something counter to what we normally believe, I think it’s most important to listen to at least hear it out. It’s almost like a a small child that’s pulling on you and saying, “Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad.” And you can’t ignore your child and just say, “Okay, yes, and then see what it has to say.” And I think at least that’s what happens to me both with dreaming, lucid dreaming and meditation is that when there are these thoughts, I become very fascinated with why on earth I would have that.

Mark Bradford: And a lot of that leads to creativity. And creativity for me is this amazing thing that we can’t really define because it’s really making something from nothing. And

Jamyang Loden: Yeah.

Mark Bradford: it’s one of the true things in life that that is is something that we create out of nothing and it’s absolutely amazing.

Jamyang Loden: Yeah.

Mark Bradford: So, so speaking of creating, you get so much joy from everything that you’ve been talking about and I know you get joy from your videos and things. Do you have uh an additional hobby? Is there something else that you sort of do that you would consider a hobby or something that that’s fun that you haven’t mentioned?

Jamyang Loden: Um

Mark Bradford: And you can say no, but I’m just curious in case you

Jamyang Loden: no

Mark Bradford: have

Jamyang Loden: no

Mark Bradford: something like that.

Jamyang Loden: I’m just thinking you know uh ear I used to you know before joining monastic life I I really love you know singing but Then uh after joining monastery monastery you know uh I just forgot everything and uh yeah I I read I read uh I won’t say a lot of book but then I read some of the western philosophies too.

Jamyang Loden: For instance uh recently I bought um Nexus by Noah Yohari

Mark Bradford: Okay.

Jamyang Loden: and uh I forgot uh what’s that book? It’s a personality development book. One of the famous book I just forgot. Uh I I have in that my in my shelf but uh I’m not getting time to read those books. But I am you know taking time whenever I get old you know video always I cannot always stick with video. So sometimes I reach if I have time uh and uh yeah budget philosophies I cannot neglect that that is part of my life.

Mark Bradford: Mhm.

Jamyang Loden: So yeah, trading is one of the hobby

Mark Bradford: Okay.

Jamyang Loden: and

Mark Bradford: Well,

Jamyang Loden: uh

Mark Bradford: that’s that’s

Jamyang Loden: yeah

Mark Bradford: good to know. That’s very good to know

Jamyang Loden: what?

Mark Bradford: that you like reading. And um so what you’re saying is we’re going to see a second channel in which we see you singing and performing.

Jamyang Loden: Um not really

Mark Bradford: No, I’m

Jamyang Loden: because

Mark Bradford: kidding.

Jamyang Loden: uh uh there are certain you know venous rules which forbids or prohibits monks from singing. So

Mark Bradford: Oh. Oh, okay.

Jamyang Loden: yeah,

Mark Bradford: Okay. And and so you said when you joined monastic life, at what age did you join?

Jamyang Loden: I was 27 years old.

Mark Bradford: Oh, okay. Is that is that the standard? Is that is there a certain age that that happens or can it

Jamyang Loden: No,

Mark Bradford: be any age?

Jamyang Loden: there’s no standard to join monood. So mine was uh it was my own decision but for some you know for younger kids younger you know monks uh it it is not their decision it is their parents’ decision. So at such a young age their parents want their child to get enrolled in monastery because uh as a you know Buddhist and as a Buddhist if uh there’s at least one member from your family who is who is in in the monastery then it has some benefits for instance we do so many rituals and even during the funeral when whenever there’s someone who dies from a family then if if there’s someone to you know look after from the ministry then that’s always a plus point because they know what to do during the such event.

Jamyang Loden: So uh yeah that’s why people are always prefer to have at least one people from your family to join monistry but in my case it’s a different case you know I took on my own nobody forced me so that’s why I was uh not really old but then old compared to the monks uh that are around me. Yeah, that

Mark Bradford: That’s that’s quite a decision at 7 years old. That’s very impressive that you would choose that. Wow. But as you said, it’s it’s a common thing because most families have one at least one person, you said that would that would have joined monastic life.

Jamyang Loden: yeah. Yeah.

Mark Bradford: Okay. Well, very very amazing. you have an amazing schedule and you have uh fascinating thoughts on things and I think your country is also fascinating and I would love to visit I would love to see and and visit it as well but I can live through your videos and and other things for now and see what it’s like and speaking to you directly is fascinating.

Mark Bradford: Is there anything that you would like to know while we’re while we’re speaking if I flipped it around? Is there anything you would like to know about about my environment or the United States or or what have you?

Jamyang Loden: Yes. Yes. Uh you know I was when I received your text I was little bit curious because uh I had to search know after going to your link I I had to search about you and even found that you even uh achieved something. I mean that that was award-winning author. So I’m really you know I’m really happy to you know get uh notice from such kind of uh people. So I’m really happy. So just share me about your life. No. Uh

Mark Bradford: Oh, wow.

Jamyang Loden: yeah.

Mark Bradford: Wow.

Jamyang Loden: Yeah. Your

Mark Bradford: That’s

Jamyang Loden: life

Mark Bradford: not

Jamyang Loden: as as an as a writer. By the way I I did have a blog earlier. I used to write you know I used to share in my Facebook wherever I I go I used to share in my blog and uh now I’m not really uh into that it has been around 8 years since I studied blogging and uh now currently I have shifted to blogging because uh

Mark Bradford: Sure.

Jamyang Loden: people often you know uh are interested visually rather than reading you know we have I think the world has lost so many readers because of the videography So I’m really want I really wanted to know your uh you know your way of life as a writer as as a podcaster whatever you could say but then uh little bit about you

Mark Bradford: and and I don’t want to take too much of your time because this is really about you. But but thank you for asking that. So writing for me has been very fascinating. It’s it’s something I only started later in life. It’s uh I started writing non-fiction in which I was talking about. I was examining everything everything that had happened to me in life. I was examining. I went through a divorce. So then I had to start dating again.

Jamyang Loden: Okay.

Mark Bradford: examining how all humans connect to each other. And then I thought I found that it was based on one thing.

Mark Bradford: So I started a series called the status game and I wrote that and then I wrote a book on spirituality, religion or lack thereof because it was my examination of what I was seeing. And then I wrote and then I actually because of something a psychologist talked to me about and my my children. I had taken them to psychologist to make sure everything was going okay with them through this divorce. And that she had said that I was doing everything I could for them and that they were very well adjusted. But then she said, “What are you doing for you?” And that’s when I I didn’t have an answer. And then I thought, “Wow.” and she said if uh if you don’t take care of you there won’t be anything left for them and that’s when I really understood balance and so that’s what actually started me writing about balance uh that life is made of time energy and resources and that I started writing that but then one day I was in a cemetery taking a walk which is close to my house and and I don’t know how that how that works in your country but here people treat cemeteries almost like parks I mean, I actually have two loved ones in the cemetery near my house, but

Jamyang Loden: Thank

Mark Bradford: I take a walk in it regularly. I find it very peaceful. And

Jamyang Loden: Okay.

Mark Bradford: I actually heard what I thought were a conversation of voices in my head. Sort of

Jamyang Loden: Mhm.

Mark Bradford: like I was remembering a movie, but it wasn’t a movie I’d never heard. And that actually caused me to run home and write a poem. And that poem

Jamyang Loden: Okay.

Mark Bradford: became

Jamyang Loden: Uh

Mark Bradford: a book. It became my um my series. And you you mentioned the award. That’s the book I actually won an award for is my fiction. It’s uh and so it ended up being an epic trilogy and I I had never written a 400-page book before. And so

Jamyang Loden: Okay.

Mark Bradford: that’s where that came from. And as you know it almost like meditation, you go to a place and you go to this place where all this creativity flows out of you and you don’t mess with it. you leave you let it be and you you know you you give it you give it the energy it requires and you give it the focus it requires but you don’t mess with it you don’t question it you just you let it do what it needs to do and you let your mind do what it needs to so so that’s how writing became for me and then I and I actually switched back to non-fiction and I

Mark Bradford: switched back to fiction and then I

Jamyang Loden: Okay.

Mark Bradford: actually coached a few individuals on writing books that came to me for coaching and writing books to help them And and so that’s sort of how writing the podcast started at the same time that the writing started. Uh it was my quest to figure out balance. I wanted to see how do you really have balance in the modern world. And that’s where

Jamyang Loden: Nothing.

Mark Bradford: the the podcast and podcast leads me to wonderful people like you. And so, not only do I write these 10-minute episodes, but I do these hour-long chats with people who have a a perspective and a thought process that we don’t just see when we go to the grocery store. It’s something that is far away or something very interesting. And that’s why it’s so wonderful to connect with you and why I thought it would

Jamyang Loden: Nothing.

Mark Bradford: be really wonderful to connect with you on that. So, that’s my that’s my writing and and podcast journey in a nutshell.

Mark Bradford: So, without me taking too much time away from you, which is really why we’re here,

Jamyang Loden: Okay. Um, can I say something?

Mark Bradford: of course.

Jamyang Loden: You see, um, as a child, you know, I used to listen to podcast. Okay. So this is my first time you know me literally speaking in your podcast and I think it is a dream come true really you know really you know when when you were speaking I just thinking you know it just took back and uh I think as a child I used to listen to radio because back then we didn’t have internet facilities we didn’t have smartphone and uh the only friend I had was radio you know my mom bought one radio so I had to sit near the radio and then listen to every songs every you know people calling so we have a trend of people calling to the radio and then dedicating their you know messages so I used to you know dream one day you know I’ll be in that position and then do this kind of things and uh I think it is a really dreamed come true so I’m really Happy to be part of your podcast.

Mark Bradford: Well, I’m honored that you feel that way. That that means a lot to me and I I’m honored and I just I enjoy having people like you on, people who have fascinating stories to tell and can and can honestly and humbly share their lives. I think it means a lot to people and it allows people through technology to connect in a way they never could have. I mean, I would have never been able to speak to you if it wasn’t for technology. To be able to learn about your life personally is just such a wonderful uh fulfilling thing for me. So, I I appreciate you being on the show as well. And if you have any other shoutouts you’d like to give about your channel or to people, feel free. Uh otherwise I will make sure that I have the links on my article that I will write that you can uh that will link to your YouTube channel and anything else you have.

Jamyang Loden: Um just uh you know I want to first First of all thank my root guru for always blessing.

Jamyang Loden: It is his profound blessing that has kept me going you know further in life. So that is uh my uh you know prayer. So and also to those people who will be coming to my channel through your podcast make sure that you comment that you have come from the alchemy of life. Is it alchemy of life?

Mark Bradford: Alchemy for life.

Jamyang Loden: Okay. Alchemy for life. So make sure that you comment you have come from alchemy for life. That would you know make me to connect more and understand that yes such people have come from this channel and uh yeah

Mark Bradford: Yes, that’s that’s that’s great advice. And I feel the opposite is also true that if people come to listen to you here that that they should let me know that they came from your channel as well. So I think that’s that’s so we can see how people are pollinating, if you will. So that’s wonderful. Well,

Jamyang Loden: Nothing.

Mark Bradford: I promised you I would take an hour or less of your time.

Mark Bradford: I very much honor your time, especially hearing your schedule and that you fit this in so nicely. and I really appreciate you fitting it in so quickly and nicely for me around everything else that you’re crafting in your life. So, thank you again for being here and I’m sure we’ll speak again and it’ll be uh we can learn more about you and more about the city and and everything else. So thank you again.

Jamyang Loden: Yeah, definitely. So thank you so much once again for reaching me and I really felt you know honored to be part of your podcast and uh this podcast uh is not an ordinary podcast because that kind of podcast are educating people. They not entertaining you know just for the purpose of entertaining. that is educating educating people to listen and you know upgrade their life to update their life you know getting knowledge from such podcast so I’m really happy that I became a part of your journey part of your podcast so yeah uh we will be will be in touch and uh we we’ll be you know sharing our knowledge to each other.

Mark Bradford: Thank

Jamyang Loden: Yeah.

Mark Bradford: you. And yeah, and I hope it’s not the I hope it’s not the only time we talk. So, thank you. Thank you very much. It’s an equal honor for me you. So, thank you.

Jamyang Loden: Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I have last question. Do you have any plan to come Bhutan?

Mark Bradford: You know, that that crossed my mind that it crossed my mind. It would be fascinating. I’m not a I’m not a big fan of very long airplane rides, but

Jamyang Loden: Okay.

Mark Bradford: but uh but it sounds like a very fascinating, unique place to go. It it it seems like it’s worth the trip. I mean, the people seem nice, clearly very friendly, kind people. Uh knowing that everyone speaks English is a huge help. uh

Jamyang Loden: Okay.

Mark Bradford: it would be interesting to be one of the first users of the airport. So uh I would I just I think it would be a very wonderful thing to take in. So uh plans not on paper but I it crossed my mind.

Jamyang Loden: Okay. Anyways sir if you have any plan just let me know but

Mark Bradford: Oh, I

Jamyang Loden: uh

Mark Bradford: willthe

Jamyang Loden: it seems you you don’t have plan for now but then anything can happen you know so

Mark Bradford: if if I do if I do go, I would certainly seek you out. I would certainly let you know ahead of time so that I could say hello and and have tea with you or something like that. I think that would be wonderful.

Jamyang Loden: okay

Mark Bradford: Cool.

We deal with decisions every day. Many of the episodes deal with the decision process on both a grand and low level. Three Voices deals with how we communicate these decisions, work through them, talk to both ourselves and others about them. Going with your gut—the universal advice–is telling you to listen to your first voice.

Sometimes we say yes, and sometimes we say no. BeCAUSE! explores the why behind those decisions, why some feel really good, and why others might feel really bad. Sometimes the wrong decision feels good and sometimes the right one feels bad.

But how can the right one feel bad? It’s for the same reason that having your third piece of cake can feel good. If you’ve read BeCAUSE! then you know that we are seeking pleasure and avoiding pain on a complex granular level. We want the cake because the first two felt pretty good, ya know what I mean? But that doesn’t make it the right decision. Diets sometimes feel bad. Avoiding a food we love feels bad, avoiding a food we consider a reward feels worse, and avoiding a food we deem to be the only reward we get in our very stressful, controlled life feels horrible. But it’s the right thing to do.

We get this mostly when it comes to ‘guilty pleasures’ or things that we consider to be things we do purely for pleasure—playing games, watching TV and movies, binge watching our favorite series, escaping deep into a book, desserts, hobbies, etc. But we are far less cognizant of this when it comes to seemingly neutral decisions—or even decisions that aren’t even needed.

Take for example the dilemma of the solopreneur. Every dollar counts and each new client and gig is a win, right? Keep building, keep growing, keep increasing your reach and client base. More and more work. More and more clients. But what happens when a new gig isn’t a fit? What happens when a new client isn’t a fit? Should you do it anyway?

Take creatives like people who produce music, or art. If a company wants them to create a jingle for alcohol, but their music is about the opposite (or the band leader is sober now going on five years) what then?

Take the manager that has to interview a number of people, but is told that one individual is good for the company but there are two others that clearly have better skills, a personality more in line with the mission, and a better track record. What then?

What if your small company is presented with an opportunity to rescue a company from a crumbling infrastructure and you could be the hero? On paper it looks like a great opportunity if they just purchase all the equipment you propose and allow you the control needed to make it work for them (with ongoing involvement). But what if your first voice, your gut, your intuition tells you this won’t be the way it plays out, that in fact it will be a struggle to have them on board with what will really work. Then what?

One word. One difficult one. One word that can cause you to have stress and regret and soul-searching.

What is interesting is that I have to spell it out and make a case by case example of this in business, but if we were to apply this to relationships you would instantly get it. You’d know that someone isn’t a match, or that you’ve had red-flags experience and would make the very personal decision to end a relationship, or not even pursue one that fit the parameters. And you might even be offended that I am trying to tell you the kind of people you should pursue a relationship with.

In business we operate—seemingly—on simple rules of profit, margin, growth strategies, and all those other exciting terms we see ad nauseam on LinkedIn. But we don’t talk much about the clients you don’t pursue. But we should.

Saying no can be difficult. It can activate all sorts of Monsters and Unicorns that manipulate you into seeking the pleasure of making someone happy, being the hero, gaining more profit, gaining more status, having a perfect record. It will activate the monsters that push you away from the pain of seeing your bottom line continue to shrink, or the self-esteem drain of thinking a better person could do it, or the fear of missing out on an opportunity, or the pain of having your reputation be affected by a lack of skill.

So one must take the time and energy to activate the Monsters and Unicorns that seek the pleasure of being honest with yourself, or knowing that you choose the right thing over the obvious thing, or avoiding the pain of the hidden time bomb of being blamed for the failure of a system that is about to fall apart.

I remember my first no, years ago, when I had a meeting with a potential client. I met with them, saw their environment, spoke to the president. After a short while they let me know that they weren’t going to pursue me. I thanked them for their time and months later saw an article that applied to them. I thought it would be helpful for her to take a peek and I happily sent it to her. Weeks later she was so impressed by this that she mentioned that, and wanted to have me come in for a second, deeper look. This time I was dealing with a marketing person, and the deeper look revealed items that were completely unknown, a pricing structure that was non-existent, and an elevator ride in which I was told to make sure that I “showed up on time.” In two decades (at the time) of client interaction I had never missed a meeting, an appointment nor had I ever taken a sick day.

All those pieces came together into a resounding, but polite no, which was met with a “Oh so you think you probably can’t handle this.”

Two weeks after this I experienced something unique. Passing an exit sign on the freeway (which mentioned this business) gave me a terrible sinking feeling of my new client. Except that they weren’t. It was a three second roller coaster of opposing feelings—the dread and shock to the realization and relief. My no had paid off.

I find myself in a similar situation right now and am reminded of my first no. Back then I wasn’t aware of the Monsters and Unicorns and their purposes and placement.

But I see them now and I appreciate what they are doing and ultimately I will decide.

And I’ve decided the right answer is no.

Do you have a difficult “no” you’re trying to figure out? Let me know and I can help you identify the Monsters & Unicorns involved.

The metaphorical representation of a devil and an angel on a person’s shoulders dates back to the 16th century1. Throughout the 17th and 18th centuries, this concept was prominently featured in plays and allegorical art. By the early 1900s, it had found its way into cartoons as a visual shorthand to depict the internal struggle between virtues and vices. The angel serves to keep one on the “straight and narrow,” while the devil tempts one toward vices and earthly pleasures.

Did you hear what the devil is trying to get you to do? He was pulling you towards pleasures. Which does he sound like? The unicorn.

Confusing, no?

Well, no, not at all when you realize that the angel and devil metaphors are not the same as the “monster” and “unicorn.” This distinction can be a source of confusion for some who mistakenly believe them to be interchangeable.

In literature, the roles are clearly defined: the angel encourages you to do what is right and good, which is often the more challenging path. Conversely, the devil tempts you to take the easy, lazy, vindictive, or even mean-spirited route. The angel represents good, while the devil embodies bad.

However, neither the monster nor the unicorn is inherently good or bad; they are neutral. They function as psychological building blocks, each with a singular purpose driven by a cause. The unicorn pulls you toward pleasure and actively seeks it with you. Its goal is for you to experience pleasure, and it tugs at you when it finds it. The monster, on the other hand, wants to protect you from any and all pain.

As we know, “no pain, no gain.” Some necessary life experiences involve pain, and not all pleasurable things should be pursued.

In some instances, the devil’s work aligns with the unicorn’s, as he encourages the pursuit of earthly pleasures and vices. The angel’s role can mirror the monster’s by trying to keep you on a path that minimizes future sadness and regret, preventing actions you might later look back on with remorse.

However, the devil can also perform the monster’s function by convincing you to avoid something simply because it is difficult. The angel, at times, does the work of the unicorn by pushing you toward a higher, happier, and kinder purpose, which naturally feels good.

In literature and even in your own imagination, if you have perceived morality as a struggle between a devil and an angel, you will find that both are composed of multiple monsters and unicorns.

Your morality is constructed by these monsters and unicorns working in concert with a purpose. The way you pair and combine them creates powerful forces within your psyche. If you build your angel with a host of strong monsters and unicorns, your devil will be comparatively weak, and the reverse is also true.

While we often view the angel and devil as distinct entities with their own personalities, the monster and the unicorn are single-purpose building blocks. Each monster and each unicorn has a singular, specific purpose. The same monster that prevents you from doing something harmful in one relationship could also be the one that holds you back from doing something beneficial in another. Not only are they interchangeable, but their highly specific purposes can cause problems if misapplied.

Therefore, we can conceive of the angel and the devil as a higher form of thinking, positioned above the monster and the unicorn, as they are composed of them.

At a foundational level is Freud’s pleasure principle, a simple binary. This binary, when combined with causes, gives rise to the monsters and unicorns. Combinations of these monsters and unicorns then form your morality, which you can express as the devil and the angel on your shoulders. This entire construct ultimately shapes your personality and who you are.

Those who are religious or spiritual may feel that their monsters and unicorns come pre-packaged within their belief system. Others may feel they have acquired their monsters and unicorns along life’s journey and are simply the result of managing them.

Whether you believe you are guided by an angel and tempted by a devil, or if you feel closer to the pure binary that Freud described, monsters and unicorns are still part of the equation. Pre-packaged angels and devils from religious texts still contain monsters and unicorns that provide the “why” behind the drive to do good and avoid evil.

If you feel you have a devil on your shoulder that whispers “chocolate” too often, he is merely repeating the words of the unicorn inside him.

The more you break down the origin and the “why” of the devil and the angel, the more you will truly understand the source of your motivations. My subjective belief is that it is far better to communicate directly with your monsters and unicorns than to blindly accept that everything the angel says is good and everything the devil says is bad.

1. Marlowe, Christopher. Doctor Faustus. Written c. 1592. In the play, Faustus is visited by a Good Angel and Evil Angel who offer opposing moral advice—representing internal conflict akin to the modern angel/devil trope ↩︎

For those that have yet to read my new book because. Here’s a quick primer.

One day, I asked myself a question. If you could have anything you wanted, wouldn’t you? We already know how to do most things and if we don’t, we can Google them or talk to others about it. We want to lose weight, be a better person, learn a new skill, get a new job, pursue a meaningful career, be a better parent, become more resilient, and the list goes on.

But we don’t do that. Sometimes we struggle and sometimes we don’t.

There are things that in spite of us doing everything right we can’t seem to do. On the flipside there are things that we accomplish easily and our friends get very frustrated with us and simply say that “we just have a knack for it.”

My research led to two very important things:

Sigmund Freud’s pleasure principle.

Intense research on what all top performers have in common

But this wasn’t enough. Neither one of those things answered the real question they just stopped.

So I took it further and that is what created the book BeCAUSE!.

In this short episode, we give a recap of the book and talk about what it means to wake up to a monster.

Hello, and welcome back. I have something interesting for you today—a new concept for those who haven’t read my new book, and some bonus material for those who have. I will try to be brief, and I appreciate you not laughing at me for saying that.

If you could have anything you wanted, wouldn’t you take it? We all have goals. We want to lose some weight, be healthier, make more money, or change careers. We’d like to be more patient with our kids or finally finish that project we’ve been dragging our feet on.

So, why don’t we do these things? What’s stopping us?

Is it a lack of desire? No, we seem to genuinely want these outcomes. Is it a lack of knowledge? Most people have the knowledge they need, or they can easily Google it. The answer, I found, lies deeper.

My research led me to two interesting places. First was Sigmund Freud, the father of modern psychology. His flagship theory was the “pleasure principle,” in which he believed that we are all driven by two simple forces: seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. While foundational, this doesn’t fully explain why we fail to do things that we know will bring us pleasure.

So then I looked at top performers. I read books and studies, and they all pointed to one thing: repetition. But again, that didn’t make sense on its own. How do they maintain that repetition? How can normal people use that information?

That’s when I realized what was missing—the forces behind the scenes. What was shoving you into success? What was preventing you from failing? And what was preventing you from succeeding?

In our psyche, these forces are what I call Monsters and Unicorns. This is the concept at the heart of my new book, BeCAUSE!

The decisions we make and the actions we take are often the result of an entire audience of Monsters and Unicorns working with or against each other. The most important things in your life are dictated by the powerful ones you’ve put in place. The book is a short, good read, and it comes with worksheets to help you dive deeper and identify these forces in your own life.

Now that we’re on the same page, let’s get to something new and powerful.

When I write my experimental psychology books, I sometimes get this intense feeling that the book is just the beginning—a foundation we can build on. I liken it to discovering addition and then realizing subtraction, multiplication, and a whole world of mathematics can be built from that one core idea. Our brains are constantly testing the underpinnings of our reality, which is why when I talk about these concepts, I don’t get “you’re crazy” looks; I see the gears spinning in people’s heads as they absorb it.

This happened with BeCAUSE!. Even though the book was just published, two new ideas have already emerged from its foundation.

For those who have read the book, this will give you a new lens to look through. For those who haven’t, I implore you to read it. When you review your life, you might find something that will either encourage you or make you pause and think. Here it is:

If you discover that the majority of what you’re doing right now is because of a Monster—in other words, your primary motivation is avoiding pain—you are probably living in survival mode.

You wake up every morning and think, “Oh my god, I’m going to run out of money.” Or, “I hope this health thing gets better.” Or, “My marriage is falling apart.” Or, “I’m alone and I need to find someone.” Just one of these things can mean you wake up to a Monster every day. The Monster says, “I’ve got you. We need to do whatever it takes to not feel hopeless, poor, alone, or unhealthy.”

You can even have a great life with plenty of stability and still be in survival mode. If you have a horrible boss, you might wake up at 4 a.m. rewriting an email seven times, terrified of the conflict that might come your way. You aren’t seeking the pleasure of a job well done; you are desperately trying to avoid the pain of being attacked. A bad boss, much like a bad spouse, can have a huge impact on your life. That’s not what we’re meant to be experiencing.

People go into survival mode for all sorts of reasons—a breakup, a health issue, losing a job, a financial setback. It can even happen when it’s not about you. If you have a loved one going through something terrible, their struggle can put you in survival mode, too.

However, what if you woke up every morning to a giant Unicorn standing over your bed, saying, “Guess what we get to do today again?” Isn’t that a lot more desirable?

Monsters and Unicorns are neutral parts of your psyche. Waking up to a Unicorn—being pulled toward pleasure—is what we want to do. And seeking pleasure isn’t just about candy or naughty stuff; it includes our highest values. Being a good person, having integrity, and doing things for others are all ways of seeking a profound sense of pleasure.

So, for the purposes of this conversation, it would behoove you to think about whether you primarily wake up to a Monster or a Unicorn. As you’ll see in the book, they are in every single thing we do—our quirks, our personalities, our avoidance of trauma. We can’t get rid of them, but we can learn to manipulate, place, remove, and counter them.

It’s an interesting thing to give some time to: consider whether you’re waking up to a Unicorn or a Monster. Period.

I did tell you there were two new things from the book, but perhaps that’ll be the next episode. Stay tuned. Thank you for reading and thank you for being you. I appreciate you and I value you.

I’ve done two podcast episodes on large language models. I recently spun up and installed a large language model locally on my computer and built a project around it. I’m an avid user of echoes from Amazon. I have had Grammarly kick in to spellcheck for me. I tell my phone to add an appointment to my schedule all the time.

And I have a dire warning for you.

A recent MIT study proved something that I have been thinking for quite some time. Using.EEG (brain scans.) to provide data, the study showed that those who relied on ChatGPT for ideas and help with papers tended to not even to remember most of what they wrote. A lot of them didn’t even properly remember the titles. The bottom line was that they’re deeper learning wasn’t being engaged and when it wasn’t being engaged, it meant they weren’t using it. And it was getting weaker.

AI, the firming paradox and the end of the world

What science fiction and many people tell us is that AI will become sentient, judge mankind, find them wanting and wipe them out. And that will be it for us. But I believe it will happen in a very different way and is already happening.

But we can stop it.

Consider what I am suggesting, reflect on your own use, and read the MIT study for yourself.

Just don’t use an LLM to summarize it for you.

Every year I create a list of the top, most useful and helpful episodes of the previous year. This year because there has been a lot of interaction on current episodes. I’ve decided to do a midyear pause and reflect if you will.

Manuel Rendon of Timeplast and 4d programmable matterMeet Manuel Rendon, certified polymer science inventor and CEO of Timeplast, Inc. My first interview episode of 2025. Manuel joins the ranks of Scott Adams, the late John McAfee and others. 4d matter In the world of plastics, everything pretty much repels water. But what if you could create a plastic that truly dissolves in water …

Teacher, Teach Thyself Q&A and the answer (That’s so meta) Have you ever helped a friend who has a question or a conundrum, and the answer was so obvious to you that you easily spelled it out for them? You felt pretty smart. You noticed at some point that when you’ve had issues you turn to others for …

What I learned writing a screenplay (and how it might help you tell your own story) Telling a story in an unfamiliar medium with constraints you’re not accustomed to is a common theme in business. You may be the best story teller in your circle/medium/genre but if you need to tell your story outside of that it can be a challenge, …

The Anatomy of Ghosting We all know what it is. We have all done it. We’ve all had it done to us. Let’s talk about when it’s appropriate when it’s not, and why it can be so frustrating.

Non-Local Consciousness Let’s talk about non-local consciousness, who you’re really talking to when you’re on the phone, what happens to me and possibly you when something is put on the back burner.

Hypnosis and speaking to your manager. Speaking to the manager I want to speak to the manager. Rather, I want to speak to your manager. What do you think of when I say that? Do you think of the structure of your current employer? Do you make a joke that it’s your cat? Is there a spouse joke in there for you?

Good or Evil? A philosophical question for you. Don’t forget you can pause the episode to consider the question(s) as you move forward. How would you answer? Alchemy for Life™ podcast explores themes of experimental psychology, relationships, cognitive science, human behavior, mental models, consciousness, and psychological insights. We uncover hidden truths and ways to improve your life and get .

Which one is your favorite and why? Was it one I missed?

If you’re in the Milwaukee area, you can grab tickets to see my talk, Q&A and book signing on June 24!

There are still tickets available. Click the image use the QR code or click here to grab a ticket for yourself.

If you know someone who would get a kick out of this, feel free to forward it to them.

I look forward to seeing you there!

PS you can win free coaching too.

I want to speak to the manager. Rather, I want to speak to your manager.

What do you think of when I say that? Do you think of the structure of your current employer? Do you make a joke that it’s your cat? Is there a spouse joke in there for you? Or are you immediately defensive?

There’s a reason you may be defensive, and rightly so.

Have you ever been hypnotized? Have you ever had administrative access to a computer? Have you ever asked to speak to someone’s manager or been witness to someone else doing that?

Let’s talk about how all of these things are related, why it’s normal to be defensive, talking to someone else’s manager, and talking to your own manager.

Alchemy for Life™ podcast explores themes of experimental psychology, relationships, cognitive science, human behavior, mental models, consciousness, and psychological insights. We uncover hidden truths and ways to improve your life and get things done, or reduce stress and relax.

The latest book is BeCAUSE! The fundamental psychological building blocks that enable you to, or prevent you from, accomplishing anything, everything, and nothing.

“I want to speak to the manager.”

Or rather, I want to speak to your manager. Can I do that?

When I ask that question, your mind might immediately go to the structure of your business. Some might joke that their manager is their spouse, or even their cat. But if you’ve been a listener of this podcast, you know where I’m really going with this. I want to know who, or what, is directing your actions.

So, let’s be honest: Who is your manager?

First, let’s define what a manager is. It’s someone responsible for controlling, administering, and directing a part of a company. If it’s your manager, it’s someone responsible for your actions. This is where the trope of “I want to speak to the manager” comes from; you know you can only go so far with the person at the front counter because they don’t have the power to go against a certain rule. You need to talk to the person who can make an exception.

Now, let’s apply that metaphor to you. Think of your brain and the way you manage your life as an organization. You have your ground crew—your instincts and daily impulses. And then you have your higher brain functions—your core values, your logic, the part of you that says, “This is who I am. This is where the buck stops.”

That is your manager.

There’s a reason people don’t just walk up to you and say, “Hey, I want to talk to the manager immediately.” We have established mannerisms and relationships that grant us that level of access. When someone says, “Let’s be real,” “Let’s be honest,” or “Can I be candid with you?” those are all ways of phrasing, “I want to speak to the manager.”

Asking to talk to someone’s manager in this metaphorical way is like asking for administrative access to who they are. It’s similar to hypnosis. My quick assessment, after years of experience, is that if you are able to hypnotize someone, it’s like logging in as the administrator to their system. You are granted direct access to their core programming.

This is why we typically don’t have access to each other’s managers. Granting this access is a profound act of vulnerability, which is why it’s so important in our most trusted relationships. When you have vulnerability in a relationship—personal or business—that’s when you make real progress. Considering that 50% of marriages end in divorce, there’s probably not a lot of “talking to managers” going on before people make that lifelong commitment.

But what about speaking to your own manager? You might think that’s instant, but as I cover in my books Three Voices and BeCAUSE!, there are a lot of layers between your surface-level self and your core.

When you want to talk to your own manager, you’ll do things like look in the mirror or have a heart-to-heart with yourself. Typically, you’ll use your third voice—your speaking voice. You’ll talk out loud and say, “Come on, I’m better than this,” or “Why am I doing this?” You’re trying to access your higher administrative functions.

Getting that access is the challenge, but it’s also where the magic happens. You can buy all the books you want, but you’re not going to affect real change if you don’t have that vulnerability with yourself and say, “Look, I’m actually going to talk to my manager on this.”

My best and most interesting reviews on anything I do—books, coaching, or this podcast—are from people whose manager decided to talk back to me. Somehow, I reached their manager, and their manager came back and said, “You know what? Here’s what I think. And thank you.”

So on that note, thank you. And if you’ve gotten this far, thank you for letting me speak to your manager.

A philosophical question for you.

Don’t forget you can pause the episode to consider the question(s) as you move forward.

How would you answer?

Alchemy for Life™ podcast explores themes of experimental psychology, relationships, cognitive science, human behavior, mental models, consciousness, and psychological insights. We uncover hidden truths and ways to improve your life and get things done, or reduce stress and relax.

The latest book is BeAUSE! The fundamental psychological building blocks that enable you to, or prevent you from, accomplishing anything, everything, and nothing.