Opening weekend brought us PitchCom, a couple of bench-clearing conversations, and a labor rant about MLB mobile ordering not allowing us to tip our stadium workers. Seth Beer proves our bf designation absolutely on point, plus boyfriend heroics from Teoscar Hernandez, Bobby Witt, Jr., and Juan Soto. There’s former bf joy with Nelson Cruz (if you *have* to have a DH…) and picked too soon Joey Bart, plus dominos falling with Pedro Severino.  Jazz and Rachel go full Pottymouth. Patti searches desperately for a rhyme with Buck to describe her feelings for the Bucks Showalter and Joe. We add Staten Island to our ballpark tour plans to see Kelsie Whitmore in action. 20 year old Rōki Sasaki’s perfect game leads our international baseball news. And because we can’t help it, we spend a lot of time on sock height, what “striking out the side” really means, and imposing our own rules for ballpark behavior.

We say “extra slippy,” “I can hook you up with that koozie,” and “our frickin’ Church of Baseball.”

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