A while back I wrote about how you deserve better and should not settle for certain behaviors and certain types of people. This week I want to talk about not settling for certain types of relationships.

Uncommitted

As with so many things I feel compelled to write about, this one should go without saying, but any type of romantic, intimate relationship should include some sort of commitment. Why would you settle for a relationship that include any type of intimacy without any type of commitment?

This is not an original thought, I am paraphrasing Josh Harris here. But despite any disagreements I have with his book, I wholeheartedly agree with his premise that the level of intimacy should only increase as the level of commitment increases.

Sure, some people do have a problem committing. Some people have been burned and move slowly. I moved slowly. But, there was no intimacy until I made a commitment. And, at some point, even the most gun shy among us has to overcome the fear and commit if we ever want to experience a truly intimate relationship.

Related Post: My Current Girlfriend | Commitment in the Age of Gamophobia

You can’t just coast along indefinitely. Otherwise, years later you end up friends with benefits wondering if any sort of real relationship could ever even be an option.

Ambiguous

Closely related to the uncommitted relationship is the ambiguous relationship. You know, you kind of coast along, maybe go on a date occasionally, maybe you talk on the phone every now and again. Sometimes you think you see signs that they are interested in you and sometimes you don’t.

That’s okay in the short term, but you can’t let that drag on month after month. Either it is strictly a friendship or there is some romantic interest. Find out which it is before you waste valuable time hoping it is what it is not.

Power Struggle

Relationships should be based on love and respect. Relationships that turn into power struggles are the types of relationships you should avoid.

Maintaining any relationship, even a healthy one, can at times be a struggle. We each struggle with commitment, trust, and in general, letting people into our inner thought life on an intimate level. Those things are natural and you work through them together as your level of commitment and trust grows.

But relationships should never be a struggle for who’s in control. Love asks, what can I do for you? And, how can I make you feel more loved? Love never demands submission.

If you are always having to reinforce and defend you boundaries, you are in an unhealthy relationship. You deserve better than that type of relationship.

Unequal / Lopsided

Next, I want to talk about the kind of relationship The Bible warns us about – being unequally yoked. But, I want to apply it to more than just your spiritual walk. Yes, being in a relationship with someone of a different belief system or someone having the same beliefs as you, but not taking them as seriously as you do usually leads to bad outcomes.

But, what about relationships where the commitment to the relationship is lopsided, your intellects are vastly different, or your financial goals are completely opposite? You deserve better than a relationship where you are always pulling in different directions or pulling in the same d...