In this episode of Kind of a Mess, I sit down with Dr Martina Zangger, survivor, therapist, lecturer, and author of Not My Shame. Martina’s story begins in Switzerland, hidden behind the façade of a “perfect” family, where she endured years of abuse at the hands of her grandfather and uncle. Searching for healing and belonging, she later found herself in the cult of Rajneesh in America, a place that promised freedom but became another cage.

To fund her devotion, Martina worked in sex work in Sydney at just nineteen years old, navigating fear, survival, and unexpected solidarity with other women. Eventually, she found the courage to walk away from the cult and began the long, painful process of therapy, uncovering the truth of her past and learning to shift the shame back to where it belonged, to the perpetrators.

Today, Martina is a respected psychotherapist and lecturer who has dedicated more than 20 years to supporting women and children impacted by sexual assault and domestic violence. This conversation is raw and courageous, but also filled with hope. It’s about survival, resilience, and the discovery that love doesn’t have to be dangerous, it can be safe, respectful, and kind.

Please note: this episode discusses child sexual abuse and sexual violence. If you need support, you can contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732.

Martina’s book ‘Not my Shame’ can be purchased on Amazon

https://www.amazon.com.au/Not-My-Shame-memoir-healing/dp/1763832058

Martina can be contacted through her website 

https://martinazangger.com.au/

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Martina's Journey

01:44 The Call to the Commune

05:36 Entering the Cult: Expectations vs. Reality

11:36 Disillusionment and the Harsh Truth

15:36 The Catalyst for Change

19:28 Healing and Moving Forward

21:57 Surviving Trauma: The Journey Begins

24:08 The Complexity of Suicidal Thoughts

27:11 Understanding Pain and Addiction

29:03 Finding Strength Through Education

32:32 The Power of Anger and Hope

35:23 Navigating the Work of Healing

38:11 The Healing Power of Storytelling