Drinks with a Minister Podcast

Today I welcome Bethel Nathan, the Vice President of the International Association of Professional Wedding Officiants and the woman behind Ceremonies by Bethel and Elevate by Bethel to the podcast! This was a bit of big deal to me because when I first started Let's Get Married SoCal, Bethel was one of the officiants who mentored me from afar without knowing it. Her inclusivity of the LGBTQ community, her transparency with her pricing and value, the warmth with which all her couples spoke about her all inspired me when I entered into the wedding industry. Since then, I've had the privilege of not only hearing Bethel speak at places like the Wedding MBA and WeddingWire World conferences, but have even gotten to socialize with her a bit on a personal level as well. I hope you enjoy our conversation as much as I did! This episode's drinks: hot cocoa Topics we covered:

• How Bethel got into officiating
• Why it's so important for wedding professionals to have a business plan
• How Bethel helped influence me so much from the beginning of officiating
• Religious versus non-religious ceremonies
• How you can pre-qualify your wedding vendors by their websites and social media
• The two different wedding vendors: providing for your day and those with you on your day
• Why images are so important to show inclusivity and diversity
• How Bethel celebrates the cultural aspects of Jewishness without being religious
• How Bethel brings in her love of travel and language into the wedding ceremonies
• How Bethel and I make the unity ceremony in the wedding part of the relationship rituals
• Bethel schools me on how to pronounce "quaithe" in Gaelic
• How Bethel and I craft our ceremonies
• How we feel we bring a bit of our own good marriage vibes to our couples' ceremonies
• Why Bethel does not stay at any wedding reception
• How extroversion and introversion affect the way we run our businesses
• The structure and style of a ceremony with Bethel
• The questions we ask our couples to get the best info
• "Sometimes you don't know what marriage is until you're in it." – Bethel Nathan
• How our egalitarian marriages affect the way we word our ceremonies
• Bethel's advice for figuring out their ideal client and how to attract them
• Why you must meet Bethel before booking her
• Why I'm totally cool with strangers booking me without ever contacting me
• For wedding pros, it is important to price according to your value
• For couples, understand pricing is based on value NOT cost

Links to the awesome things and people mentioned:

• Ceremonies by Bethel
• Elevate by Bethel
• IAPWO (International Association of Professional Wedding Officiants)
• Evolve Your Wedding Business Podcast
• Wedding MBA
• WeddingWire World

Jessica Carrillo of Art & Soul Events is joining us to talk about style, crediting your fellow wedding pros, and how Instagram changed everything for us.

This episode's drinks: white wine

Topics we covered:

• Pin-up style and how I stumbled onto Jessica's work
• How Jessica got into wedding planning via beauty school, film school, and real estate management
• Why I love Jessica's style
• The importance of giving love (and credit!) to the wedding vendor team
• Why you should tag and list the vendors in Instagram
• We revisit officiant erasure
• The importance of acknowledging the individuals who help the couple along the way
• How we decided to share our personal lives and behind the scenes tidbits online
• How Instagram Stories changed the game for Jessica
• Why we value connecting with our couples as people matters so much
• How we keep boundaries between our public lives and our personal lives
• How Jessica adapts her boundaries as a creative entrepreneur
• Why you don't need to show your "hot mess" to keep it real
• How Jessica landed the job with Miss Rockabilly Ruby because of Instagram and Pin Up Girl Clothing
• We discuss how technology is a great tool and horrible master
• We talk about Jarvis (my phone) and the apps I use to enable single-tasking
• How we can help each other as wedding pros so we can all be acknowledged
• The brilliant way Jessica connects all the vendors by tagging all of the wedding pros the day after the wedding
• How officiants/celebrants can help make a wedding planner's life easier
• Why it's so important to be nice and check in with our fellow vendors as well as our couples
• Why limiting the scope of what you do in a contract is so important
• How part of our job is to educate our clients
• How Jessica's style is a blend of masculine and feminine elements, texture and color
• The way we avoid the "hungry at midnight in the cereal aisle" and "starving at The Cheesecake Factory" experience when we give couples choices
• Why I rail against the idea that the ceremony doesn't matter
• Why Jessica feels the wedding ceremony is the most special, memorable, and life-changing moment of the wedding day
• How the wedding really does change things
• Why we love our jobs so damn much
• "You know it's good when you made the officiant cry!"

Links to the awesome things and people mentioned:

• Rising Tide Society
• LA Wedding Vendors and Creatives Instagram
• Miss Rockabilly Ruby
• Doris MayDay
• Pin Up Girl Boutique
• The Silence Premium app on Android
• Han Hills, Humanist Celebrant
• Art & Soul Events
• Art & Soul Events Instagram
• Art & Soul Events Facebook

Alex Bruce Photography is back! This time we talk about those FAQ we often get from couples.

This episode's drinks:

Ommegang beer (Alex) and Sonic Screwdriver (me)

Topics we covered:

• Do you need a second shooter for your wedding?
• Why you need to ask your officiant more than if they are available on your date and their price
• Officiant sticker shock
• Why 30 minutes for your wedding isn't just 30 minutes of your officiant's time
• The benefits of having an engagement session with your photographer
• Tips for what to wear to your engagement session
• The art of ceremony
• I display how little I know about professional cameras
• What Alex wishes potential clients would ask him
• What I wish potential clients would ask me
• How you can incorporate Futurama (or anything else!) into your wedding
• Why you should stick to your guns about your wedding choices
• Inspiration versus replication and plagiarism
• How I take inspiration from the ideas my couples give
• How to broach the subject when the wedding pro you want is just out of your price range
• Is the ceremony important to you?
• Why it's important for wedding pros to know who their ideal client is
• Also why it's important for couples to know their priorities for the wedding
• Why I wish couples would ask their wedding pros if they have fun doing their job
• Wedding burnout prevent (hello, fellow wedding pros!)
• Be nice to your prospects, wedding pros! LOL ;-)
• How wedding pros can better address pain points
• Why wedding pros debate if we should or shouldn't put pricing on the website
• Compatibility with your wedding pros matters
• My virtual assistant Jarvis is awesome and why I name everything
• Alex shares his tech story with the Amazon Echo
• Kids and the funny way they interact with technology
• Facetiming with long-distance loved ones during the ceremony
• When you should book your photographer
• When you should book your officiant
• We show some love to Type A and Type B personalities and their differences
• Why wedding pros need to cross the vendor lines
• Introversion and extroversion in officiants
• I share if I get emotional at weddings
• Why it's so important for wedding pros to decompress and practice self-care

Links to the awesome things and people mentioned:

• Ommegang Brewery
• The What to Ask Your Photographer List on The Knot
• The What to Ask Your Officiant List on The Knot
• A Practical Wedding

Daniela VillaRamos from Once Upon a Vow is a New York City based "wedding wordsmith" AKA wedding officiant. She specializes in custom and bilingual Spanish ceremonies.

 

This episode's drinks:

Angry Orchard Hard Cider

 

Topics we covered:

• How Daniela and I discovered each other
• How Daniela got into officiating
• How I got into officiating
• Why Daniela prefers meeting in person before allowing a couple to book her services
• Why I love that couples never even have to talk with me if they don't want to
• How serving religious couples brings up interesting concerns for non-religious officiants
• We share our religious upbringing and how it has impacted our businesses
• We respond to the "marriage is just a piece of paper" thing
• What we think the wedding ceremony is all about
• We discuss our 2017 goals
• How she plans her time on wedding day as a New Yorker versus how I plan my time as Californian
• How we handle marriage license filings

 

Links to the awesome things and people mentioned:

• Daniela's website is Once Upon a Vow, and here's her Instagram and Facebook
• Angry Orchard Hard Cider
• Evolve Your Wedding Business
• Bethel Nathan
• MileIQ
• Waze: GPS Navigation

Keri Rico is one of my elopement photographers and a nerdy friend who is into Doctor Who, table-top gaming, and LARPing (Live-Action Role Play for the uninitiated).

 

This episode's drinks:

Wilson Creek Sparkling Almond Wine and Keri's tequila with lime juice on the rocks

 

Topics we covered:

• How Keri and I met
• Why I say I'm "not kind of minister"
• Why Keri was so hesitant to join my elopement team
• Wedding photography versus elopement photography
• Our favorite Southern California elopement locations
• Keri's fear of goose poop and how that elopement still turned out beautifully
• We talk about LARPing and how that has influenced her relationship
• There's a new affordable and offbeat venue in Southern California and Keri is a part of it!
• Where Keri is at in her own wedding planning
• How the relationships change with marriage
• I share how I get to do a Scottish quaich or common cup ceremony with Scotch!
• We talk about our goals for 2017 and my bucket list

 

Links to the awesome things and people mentioned:

• You can check out Keri at keriricophotography.com
• Our Sweetheart Package
• You can even check out some of the pictures we mentioned on Instagram
• Riverview Recreation Park (great affordable offbeat venue!)

Michael and Andrew are one of my favorite couples over the years. They discuss their experience planning their wedding and all the dram that comes with that.

 

This episode's drinks:

Fake It Sangria!

 

Topics we covered:

• What it was like planning their wedding as a gay couple in Southern California
• Why they had a hard time finding an officiant
• How to let go on wedding day when you're a control freak
• The "oh shit" moment that happens for every couple
• Why Michael and Andrew disappeared the morning of their wedding
• Why I tell all my couples "FOR-EV-ER!"
• Michael and Andrew tell their engagement story
• What changes when you get married even after you've been together for years
• They share how they met (I can't tell you how many people meet at clubs!)
• How I made Michael blush
• They share how they wanted to be parents and then decided to get married
• We discuss the difficulties they had with their caterer
• The high pressure of perfect on weddings
• How Michael and Andrew feel about their dream wedding over a year later
• What they remember about their ceremony with me
• What they didn't anticipate after the wedding
• Michael shares his stance on the family drama that happened around their wedding
• What their favorite memory of their wedding is
• The advice that they have for wedding professionals
• How they missed their honeymoon year in exchange for family life
• We commiserate on parenting little ones
• Advice to newlyweds – pick a good honeymoon!
• What does vintage mean, y'all?!

 

Links to the awesome things and people mentioned:

• Alan from Simply Perfect Images
• Christina with Celebrations by CC
• Kimberly Crest
• Arrowhead DJ
• Some Crust Bakery

 

 

 

 

Han Hills is a humanist celebrant in South Carolina who loves personal and touching ceremonies.

This episode's drinks: green tea and green jasmine tea.

Topics we covered:

• Officiant erasure – why does the belt get credited in wedding magazines but the officiant doesn't?
• Why the wedding ceremony isn't just the necessary thing that has to happen between photos and the party
• The art of the ceremony
• Common cup ceremony, including why I created a tequila unity ceremony
• Why we love it when couples write their own vows even if it means just customizing repeat after me style vows
• "You create sound ripples that create emotion ripples that change the universe." – Han Hills
• You don't have to sit through the ceremony to earn the drink!
• Why we think clergy should be taught how to do ceremonies and not just sermons
• I share why I've considered becoming a Universalist Unitarian minister
• The importance of ritual in ceremonies and life at large
• How to be present instead of nervous during a ceremony
• Why officiants have different rules on how many ceremonies they will do in a day
• Pricing yourself according to your value
• "People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
• The logistics of repeat after me vows and personal vows
• Location affects booking season and wedding season
• How to schedule more time off for yourself as a wedding pro
• Why Han started doing audiobooks in between weddings
• Recommending fellow officiants/celebrants when you're booked
• Why I have an online scheduling system to book me online even though some officiants require a meeting first
• Sexism in choosing a wedding officiant
• Protecting your time as a wedding professional
• How we answer inquiries in a timely manner
• CEO dates as the burnout prevention answer
• Automation in your wedding business
• Why befriending your competition is actually getting to know your colleagues
• Your "about me" page is not about you! Which way does your website face?
• What are you really selling as a wedding professional?
• Why we need to stop using meaningless superlatives like "perfect" when describing weddings
• Attitude of gratitude people!

My bestie is back! Minister Carla Panzera Ulloa of My Dream Ceremony joins me to chat about all kinds of crazy wedding goodness. This episode's drinks: Coffee made with Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf Crème Brulee coffee with milk and sugar. Topics we covered:

• Rain day plans for outdoor weddings
• What it is like to get hit on as the wedding officiant
• Funny reactions we get as female wedding officiants
• More funny reactions because we're young officiants
• What jail and prison weddings in California are like
• Reviewing what elopements are and aren't
• We discuss my Sweetheart Package
• Why arches and chairs have no place in an elopement
• How fun it was that Carla performed my 10-year vow renewal with my Husband
• My fun and ridiculous elopement adventures
• Carla tells her story about the surprise elopement she performed in a hot air balloon
• I share a surprise elopement story
• Do officiants get nervous or emotional at weddings?
• Why we both get nervous about weddings in full Spanish
• Why weddings are exhilarating and exhausting
• Why some officiants prefer weddings closer to home versus traveling
• How wedding pros determine travel time

Links to the awesome things and people mentioned:

• Hilton Honors program

Adrianne Miller is an elopement blogger at SimplyElope.com and we discuss why we love elopements.

This episode's drinks:

Adrianne was drinking Death Wish coffee and I was drinking a vanilla latte.

Topics we covered:

• How Adrianne came to blog about elopements
• What makes an elopement different from an intimate wedding
• How Adrianne and I discovered each other
• Why we love elopements so much
• Dream elopement locations
• We gush about the romance of weddings as dedicated romantics
• Officiant blindness (you know I'll rant about this)
• The pre-ceremony pow-wow I do before the wedding
• Why wedding coordinators and planners are so necessary on wedding day
• What is a concierge elopement service?
• What makes an amazing elopement
• Why professionals make all the different, even for an elopement
• I share several wonderful and ridiculous elopement stories with Adrianne
• Common misconceptions about elopements
• Big weddings are a fairly new concept
• Ethnic and cultural wedding traditions
• How we've experienced different people breaking down on wedding day (if they do at all)
• How loved ones unwittingly create stress for the couple on wedding day
• The one thing that Adrianne asks wedding guests to NOT do at the wedding
• What Adrianne recommends to keep in mind for your elopement
• Why so many couples elope and then have the big wedding later (you can have both!!)

Links to the awesome things and people mentioned:

• Death Wish coffee (http://bit.ly/drinksdeathwish) 
• Bethel Nathan of Ceremonies by Bethel (http://bit.ly/bethelisawesome)

Alex Bruce is a wedding photographer in Southern California (alexbrucephotography.net) and we discuss why we love working in the wedding industry. This episode's drinks: Alex was drinking St. Barnardus Abt 12 and I was drinking an eggnog martini. Marie's Eggnog Martini Recipe Ingredients:

• 1.5 oz Absolut Vanilla vodka
• 0.75 oz Kahlua
• 4 oz Southern Comfort Eggnog
• Dash of cinnamon

Instructions:

1. Pour vodka, Kahlua, and eggnog into a martini shaker with ice.
2. Shake for 5 seconds.
3. Strain into a martini glass and dash the top with cinnamon. Serve immediately.

Topics we covered:

• How Alex came into the wedding industry
• Why full-time is very different from one wedding vendor to another
• How much work happens behind the scenes for every wedding
• Unplugged wedding ceremonies versus the cell phone etiquette announcement
• The things that can go wrong during a wedding and why it's not the end of the world
• The story of the fainting groom
• Dealing with family drama on wedding day
• Alex's pet peeves
• What it's like to do a family member's wedding
• How the right vendors create good energy for their couples
• Our favorite moments on wedding day
• Why you should always let the couple eat at their reception without interruption
• The pros and cons of big weddings
• Why wedding pros also love intimate weddings
• Introverts and extroverts both hate small talk, apparently
• Why Alex loves engagement sessions
• Digital versus print for wedding photography
• Why some vendors require you to meet them before booking
• We share our "self-inflicted wound" stories
• Knowing who you are as a wedding vendor and respecting your limits
• How much time we work per wedding (not just the time with the couple)
• Why we love really getting to know our couples

Links to the awesome things and people mentioned:

• The Fifth Element Leelo's ID card I mentioned is from Loot Crate
• My version of the chocolate tasting ceremony was heavily inspired by Bethel Nathan - thanks for sharing that with me!
• The "I hate small talk" quote
• Heidi Thompson's Evolve Your Wedding Business Podcast
• Keri Rico Photography is part of my Sweetheart Package
• Alan of Simply Perfect Images is also part of my Sweetheart Package