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Welcome back to Drunk By Noon!

In this milestone Episode 50, we’re joined by friend of the pod, George, for a chaotic deep dive into everything from secret PMC startups and AI drone training to post traumatic JFL disorder. We're all tier one operator F1 billionaires and we kill at Wendy's after our moms drop us off except for Peter whose mom threw him into a wood chipper at age six so he took the bus. Homeless people want to be friends with us.

In this episode, we cover:

The JFL Conspiracy: Our hot takes on the Jerry Seinfeld headlining announcement and why Montreal bookers might be looking for a protest.

The Hand Reveal: A 5-year-long mystery finally comes to light—we discuss Peter’s "character" and God’s blind spot.

Military Dreams & Regrets: Why we all wish we joined the reserves at 18 for that sweet pension and the reality of Nigerian roommates in winter survival training.

The Philosophy of Porn: A high-level comedic analysis of search histories, Teletubbies, and why some content is "straighter" than you think.

Childhood Pranks & Psychosis: Hallucinating cyclopses in a synagogue and the time Samson scared a random kid at camp for his own personal thrill.

Whether we're talking about the "Garlic Kings of Comedy" or the "Lebanese Weight Watchers," this episode is packed with the kind of unfiltered stories that only happen after a few drinks.

Follow the Guest: Check out George Assily on the Lebanese Weight Watchers podcast and catch him live at the Garlic Kings of Comedy.

Subscribe to Drunk By Noon for more weekly chaos, comedy, and questionable life choices.

Timestamps:

00:00 – Episode 50 Kickoff: Friend of the Pod, George!

00:17 – Debating "The List" & The Big Jay Epstein Files

02:02 – Pre-Show Rituals: Green Room Chaos & The Guardian Interview

04:00 – Classic Gaming Nostalgia: Call of Duty & Medal of Honour Rants

05:54 – SS Soldier Cosplay

06:38 – What is an F1 Billionaire? Tier Three Operator Talk

07:09 – Jerry Seinfeld at JFL0

8:20 – Hot Takes on JFL Booking & The Montreal Latino Population

12:13 – George’s Secret Career: Life as a Military Startup Contractor

13:14 – THE HAND REVEAL: A 5-Year Mystery Finally Explained

15:08 – God’s Blind Spot

17:08 – Wendy’s Breakthroughs

18:32 – Psychotic Breaks & The Orthodox Jews

21:12 – Explaining Middle Eastern Affairs

23:18 – The Katt Williams Impression Marathon

27:26 – Lebanese Weight Watchers

30:30 – Corporate Comedy Disasters

34:08 – The "Philosophy" of Corn: Teletubby Gbangs?

39:52 – George Floyd’s Secret Film Career? (Floyd the Landlord)

42:20 – Discord Billions: How George Got a Job via Discord

46:02 – Military Regrets: Why We Should Have Joined at 18

50:12 – The Science of Pranks: The 4 AM Devil Mask Incident

52:51 – Plugs: Lebanese Weight Watchers & Garlic Kings of Comedy

#DrunkByNoon #ComedyPodcast #JFL #JustForLaughs #MilitaryHumour #MontrealComedy #PodcastLife #Episode50

Is the world collectively hallucinating, or is it just another episode of Drunk By Noon? 🍻

In Episode 49, we’re diving deep into the weirdest corners of modern reality. We kick things off with the news of Trump and Joe Rogan discussing the potential legalization of psychedelics. Will mushrooms actually become the new frontier for medical research, or are we just risking a collective case of schizophrenia?

We debate the "modern-day wizard" look and whether conventional rehab paths are still the way to go.Things get even more surreal as we explore the "insider trading" of reality on Poly Market, the mystery of the first evolved eyeball 👁️, and a theory that God might just be a very small fish at the bottom of the ocean. 🐟

Finally, we take a trip (metaphorically) to New York City to figure out why it’s a magnet for both the ultra-rich and the "abjectly poor," before ranting about the true villains of Montreal: incompetent leasing agents.

Topics covered in this episode:

The legalization of psychedelics & mushroom companies.Trump, Joe Rogan, and the "fast track" for drug research.

Poly Market, betting on reality, and market manipulation.

Evolution: Did meat or mushrooms make us human?

The mystery of the first eyeball and God-as-a-fish theories.

Why New York City feels like it’s on the brink of destruction.

The nightmare of Montreal rental applications and drunk leasing agents.

Timestamps:

00:00 - Welcome to Episode

00:57 - Trump & Joe Rogan’s Psychedelic Legalization Laws

02:11 - Conventional Rehab vs. The "Modern-Day Wizard" Look

03:54 - Jordan Peterson, Matt Dillahunty, and Nicotine Cures

05:05 - Why you shouldn't do Mushrooms with your Therapist

06:26 - Stoned Ape Theory: Did Monkeys Evolve on Mushrooms?

07:46 - Brain Development: The Real Reason Humans Cook Meat

08:06 - Evolution Mystery: Where did the first Eyeball come from?

11:07 - Betting on Reality with Poly Market

12:28 - Insider Trading & Trump’s influence on the Market

15:58 - Trump’s comedic tweets & "The End is Near"

18:20 - Montreal Legend: The "Hollywood" Homeless Guy

20:56 - Why NYC feels like it’s on the brink of destruction

22:40 - The Magnetism of Poverty vs. Success in New York

25:52 - Is New York actually crazier than other cities?

27:50 - The "Logic" of being homeless in a warm climate

29:43 - Navigating the system: Comfort in the cesspool

32:04 - Rant: The nightmare of Montreal Rental Applications

Don't forget to follow us to join the noon-time chaos!

The guys return for an episode fuelled by Tinder fails, botched dental work, and international fugitives. Pecker attempts to coach the crew through a Persian Tinder match, while the table discusses why Brazil is the ultimate destination for global hide-and-seek.

The highlight of the episode comes when the group finally notices a physical detail about Peter that has been right in front of them for an entire year. From Rodrigo Duterte’s wild presidency in the Philippines to the chemistry of extracting gold from electronics in India, this episode covers the high-brow and the low-brow with equal irreverence.

Timestamps:

00:00 - The Gym & Hidden History

02:15 - Tinder Advice

04:05 - The 500km Dating Distance Problem

05:10 - The "Not Sponsored" Instagram Nose Strip Review

06:00 - Dental Dramas & Doctor Mentors

08:20 - The Big Reveal: Addressing Peter's Hand

11:10 - Family Secrets & "Mind Your Business"

13:40 - Survival Stories: The Combine Harvester Incident

18:40 - The "Useless Wizard" & Pickle Ball

23:15 - Fred Durst & The Worst Movie Ever Made

27:40 - Philippine Bounty Hunters & Global News

If you enjoyed the chaos, make sure to Subscribe and hit the bell icon!

Follow the podcast: Instagram: @canadiancomedycartelFacebook: The Canadian Comedy Cartel

In this episode:

• The Dating Game: "Rooftop adventures" and Tinder hookers.

• Health & Beauty: Why nasal strips fall off if you have a personality.

• Medical Horror: Mentors who cover for their friends' botched surgeries.

• The Big Reveal: Peter's three-fingered hand and his father's "mind your business" parenting style.

• Cinema Corner: Defending 'House of a 1000 Corpses' and roasting Fred Durst’s directorial debut.

• Global Economics: 24% interest rates in Iran and why everyone is buying gold.

Welcome back to Episode 47 of the Drunk By Noon podcast!

This week, the guys are joined by the return of the hilarious Saba Jakeman.In this episode, Saba pulls back the curtain on her side hustle as a "professional catfisher" (aka an OF manager). She breaks down the bizarre world of dealing with 60-year-old clients, and the specific phrase that almost got her fired.We also dive deep into a chaotic mix of topics including:

✅ Politics & Predictions: Why Donald Trump might announce a war while standing next to the Easter Bunny.

✅ Media & History: The 1980s bill that killed honest journalism and why TLC turned into a "medical freakshow" channel.

✅ Survival Lore: The weird science of "Rabbit Starvation" and the dangers of withdrawal.

✅ Montreal Stories: Growing up in Dorval, racial ambiguity, and a legendary moment at the Comedy Nest.

Support the Guest:Catch Saba Jakeman at the Detroit Women of Comedy Festival on May 16th!

Follow the Show:🔔 Subscribe for more unfiltered conversations and local Montreal comedy chaos.

#DrunkByNoon #MontrealComedy #Podcast #StandUpComedy #Trump #JFL #ComedyNest

Timestamps:

00:00 – Intro & Welcome back Saba Jakeman

00:45 – The "Online Pimping" Job: Professional Catfishing

01:30 – Getting in trouble with the boss: The "Jewish" incident

05:15 – Politics, Polymarket, and Trump’s Easter Bunny

08:40 – The Fairness Doctrine: Why the media is broken

12:20 – Rabbit Starvation & Benzo vs. Heroin withdrawal

18:10 – Immigration stories: Getting arrested for saying "Canada"

24:35 – Racial ambiguity in Dorval & South Asian prejudices

31:37 – "Days Since a Comic Got N*ked": The David Incident at Comedy Nest

32:30 – Saba’s Plugs: JFL Showcase & Detroit Comedy Festival

Welcome back to another episode of Drunk By Noon!

In Episode 46, we’re joined by Montreal’s own rising comedy star and 2025 JFL New Face, Tom Murphy.In this episode, Tom opens up about his journey in the Montreal comedy scene, his upcoming move to Austin, Texas, and the whirlwind process of getting married and immigrating.

We dive into the realities of American representation for comedians, what it’s actually like performing at legendary spots like Gotham Comedy Club, and the differences between the Canadian and US comedy circuits.He also share his thoughts on the "hacky" labels in comedy, and why he's striking while the iron is hot. Whether you're a fan of stand-up comedy or just love a good, unfiltered conversation, this episode has it all.

Follow Tom Murphy:Instagram: @tomdlmurphy

Check out his new open mic at Ye Olde Orchard on Monkland on 9pm Sundays.

Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe to Drunk By Noon for more episodes.

Timestamps:

00:00 - Introduction: Welcome Tom Murphy

00:54 - The Solo Podcast Struggle & Lighting Woes

01:23 - Wedding Bells & A Low-Key Proposal

04:47 - Immigration Realities: Moving to Texas

06:03 - Movie Talk: John Travolta & The Microchip

06:45 - Why the Rush to Get Married?

08:34 - Planning a Non-Religious Wedding in Quebec

09:22 - The Legend of Dean Himself

10:56 - Why Austin, Texas? (90 Day Fiancé Vibes)

11:59 - The "Arrest Dreams" & Missing Jail on Tuesdays

14:10 - 27 Counts of Prison Escape?!

15:43 - Life Inside: Parole Officers & Mental Health

17:34 - Tom Murphy’s JFL New Faces Experience

19:32 - The Truth About Management vs. Agents

22:11 - Performing at Gotham Comedy Club & Sesh Comedy

23:58 - The Best Comics You’ve Never Heard Of

25:56 - The Decision to Move: Steam in Montreal vs. Starting Over

27:58 - Striking While the Iron is Hot

29:11 - Nick Mullen, Adam Friedland, & The Cum Town Legacy

30:52 - The Stavros Halkias Hurley’s Story

32:12 - Who is Black Leopard?

33:00 - Finding Loopholes: Character Comedy & Recovery Lines

34:09 - The Austin Plan: Kill Tony & Remote Work

36:06 - Reviewing the Infamous Kill Tony Montreal Clips

41:51 - Outro: Where to find Tom Murphy

This week on Drunk By Noon, the chaos reaches new heights. We dive deep into the Derek Chauvin prison stabbing and pension drama, the absolute absurdity of the "Manosphere" and Louis Theroux's latest documentary, and why the "Red Pill" community is actually living in a contradiction.

From the bizarre conspiracy of Nordic alien hybrids to the questionable logic of growing tomatoes on Mars instead of cocaine in Montreal—nothing is off limits. Plus, Michael recounts his experience self-excluding from the casino (and the AI facial recognition that comes with it).

Timestamps:

0:00 – Peter’s Mint Conspiracy & The Fentanyl Theory

1:12 – Prison Hierarchy: Derek Chauvin’s 2035 Release Date

3:43 – The Cowboy Comedian

5:11 – Louis Theroux vs. The Manosphere: Insecure Influencers

7:20 – The Red Pill Contradiction: Trans Creators & The Matrix

11:53 – Is it Illegal to Fake Autism?

13:00 – Nordic Aliens & The "Human-Alien Hybrid" Conspiracy

15:33 – JD Vance, Demons & The CERN Portal Theory

18:21 – Sneako’s Rebrand & Selling Your Soul for 13-Year-Old Fans

22:15 – The "Lighthouse" Focal Point & The Deli Waiter Story

24:45 – Freeing the Genie vs. The Will Smith Aladdin Bomb

27:52 – The Nazis’ Anti-Smoking Campaign

30:25 – CERN, Black Holes & Anti-Matter Spaceships

31:34 – Why can't we grow Cocaine in Montreal?

35:12 – The Area 51 Simulation & Vince Vaughn Movies

41:12 – Mike Self-Excludes from the Casino: AI Facial Recognition

44:06 – How do you pitch r*** aliens for your country?

In this episode of the Drunk By Noon podcast, we are joined by Montreal's rising open mic comedy star, Jon Allen!

Jon breaks down the unbelievable story of how a friend paid him a cool $1,000 just to do his very first stand-up set—and why that might end up being the financial peak of his comedy career.

We also get into his agonizing ride through a brutal gallbladder attack that struck after eating an entire Domino's pizza, what it’s like being pumped full of hospital drugs, and the hilarious reality of airport security, working at a milk factory and when the last time the Colts won the Superbowl.

Follow us on Instagram:@canadiancomedycartel

Come see us live: comedycartel.ca

Timestamps:

00:00 – Does Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Oz actually hold up?

01:30 – Jon Allen’s Gallbladder surgery

03:05 – Introducing Montreal’s rising comedy star Jon Allen

04:00 – The Domino’s Pizza Gallbladder attack

06:25 – Hospital Highs: Fentanyl, Morphine, and Surgeon stories

08:40 – Why Jon hasn't showered in a full week

10:45 – The "Microplastics & Intermittent Fasting" lifestyle

12:40 – How to get paid $1,000 for your first-ever comedy set

15:00 – Weird Airport Security: The fake Superman & Batman

16:45 – Attempted kidnappings and bizarre customs incidents

19:15 – Smuggling animals: Ants, turtles, and wooden statues

20:25 – Invasive species: Asian Lady Beetles & toxic vines

22:10 – Atlantic City: Boardwalk luxury vs. Hard Ghetto

23:30 – Why Jon Allen hates Toronto

24:05 – Working at the Lactalis Milk Factory (The Lactantia truth)

26:20 – "Milking" the clock on warehouse night shifts

29:00 – The most bizarre surgery story from Ontario

33:25 – Getting paid a lump sum of cash on stage

34:20 – The reality of Just For Laughs (JFL) auditions

37:45 – The Corey Holcomb & Christina Payne controversy

43:40 – Outro/Plugs

What happens when you mix magic mushrooms, a double-decker Toronto tour bus, and a hijacked cameraman? Peak West Island Cinema.

In Episode 43, we're joined by Kevin Campbell to break down the wild backstory behind the cult classic docuseries Pussy Patrol. We're also diving into the conspiracy behind the Just For Laughs showcases, Pecker's heroism when faced with genderfluid people in jorts, something about Samson and buses, and because it's us, we obviously debate the attractiveness of Lola Bunny from Space Jam.

Timestamps:

00:00 - The JFL Audition Tape Conspiracy

03:54 - Pecker vs. Genderfluid Jorts

08:53 - How to Use a Belt in a Street Fight

11:02 - The Massive Bar Fredmir Brawl

13:15 - The Origins of Montreal's Cult Classic "Pussy Patrol"

19:04 - Taking Shrooms on a Toronto Sightseeing Bus

19:39 - Hijacking a Cameraman (Gone Wrong)

23:30 - Cops React to a "Porn Addiction" Extortion Letter

28:12 - "Shitty Cuisine" & Unhinged Comedy Shows

30:07 - Prank Calling Massage Parlors & The Space Jam Debate

38:12 - Tradesmen Asking for Opioids on the Line

39:47 - Plugs: Kevin's Show & Where to Watch Pussy Patrol

Follow Kevin on Instagram: @kevin_groovyguy

Watch Pussy Patrol on the Global Imperial YouTube Channel  @globalimperial 

Follow Canadian Comedy Cartel for the best clips and stand-up bits on instagram or visit our site for live stand-up shows:https://comedycartel.ca/@canadiancomedycartel on Instagram.

Welcome back to Drunk By Noon, Episode 42!

In this episode, the crew is joined by guest Jonathan Burrello, creator of the comic series Big Insane Happy, to discuss the grind of self-publishing graphic novels and building a weird creative "ecosystem".We dive deep into why Jonathan prefers local printing over Amazon KDP, the bizarre "Wolf of Vending Machines" story, and the legendary tale of hiring a college paper writer who lived in a room filled with static TVs and raw pasta. Plus, we get into 90s nostalgia with "Little Homies," the return of Chris Hansen, and the terrifying reality of Temu capsule houses.

Follow Jonathan Burrello (Big Insane Happy):

Instagram/Socials: @biginsanehappy

Latest Book: Monsters Paradise

Timestamps:

00:00 – Welcome back to Drunk By Noon Episode 42

02:02 – The Pickleball Coach scandal

03:20 – Jonathan’s book "Recently Single" & Monsters Paradise

05:35 – The high cost of local printing vs. Amazon KDP

07:45 – Creating a comic "ecosystem" & four-panel gag strips

09:31 – Turning down money for fan-made stuffed animals

10:43 – The "Wolf of Vending Machines" legend

11:16 – 90s "Little Homies" figurines & grocery store nostalgia

14:02 – Hiring a guy with raw pasta on his bed to write a Watchmen paper

15:57 – Big Spoon vs. Little Spoon & the Scary Movie franchise

17:35 – The Chucky TV show & Gen Z updates

19:15 – Creepy dolls, baby Kaijus, and The Suckling

21:07 – Killer Klowns from Outer Space & Death Race 2000

25:44 – Chris Hansen’s new "Gen Z" lingo

28:23 – Clint Eastwood’s 93-year-old grind & Acorn stairlifts

32:03 – Temu capsule houses & $500 dirt bikes

34:22 – The Oscars & Marty Supreme

35:09 – Where to follow "Big Insane Happy"