We watch “The Pandorica Opens” (Series 5, Episode 12) where the Doctor and Amy meet River Song for some Druidic sight seeing in Romanian England. Whilst there, Amy hooks up with a forgotten boyfriend, River Song makes an asp of herself and the Doctor plays “This Is Your Life” with all of his frenemies. As a result, Amy is killed, River Song gets blowed up real good, the Doctor gets stuck in a Hellraiser box…and that’s it?! WTF! Do they win out? Spoilers Pinhead…

We watch “The Lodger” (Series 5, Episode 11) where the Doctor ditches Amy in Colchester (really? that’s a place?) for karaoke with Craig. Whilst there, the Doctor auditions for “Top Chef”, “The Bachelor” and “Colchester’s Top Football Player” whilst Amy auditions for “Top TARDIS Driver”. All whilst the Doctor solves that Craig’s non-existent non-upstairs non-neighbor has been luring in passers-by and saves Craig’s current crush Sophie from spinsterhood. And speaking of spinsterhood, Amy finds an engagement ring in the TARDIS. Awkward…

We watch “Victor and the Doctor” (Series 5, Episode 10) where the Doctor tries to cheer up Amy by taking her to meet a suicidal artist in the 19th century. Whilst there, Van Gogh hits on the unknowingly single Amy, Amy gets attacked by an invisible monster during a visit to the loo, the Doctor tracks said monster with a machine that goes ‘ding’ and the trio gets ‘stoned’ with the locals. Still can’t get the picture out of my mind of the vivid orange children Van Gogh and Amy would have produced had she taken him up on his offer. Aiee!!!

We watch “Cold Blood” (Series 5, Episode 9) where Amy plays a high-stakes game of Monopoly with the Lizard King and the Doctor pulls a surprise out of Amy’s crack whilst trying to break on through to the other side. In between these shenanigans, identical lizard sisters are killed, awful human beings are chastised and Amy sees her future self again. All by herself. Because she never must have met the rory man. I mean the right man. I honestly don’t rory from rory that roryed from. What?

We watch “The Hungry Earth” (Series 5. Episode 8) where the Doctor takes Amy and Rory to Rio de Janeiro where they all have a lovely time. Whilst there, Amy is drafted to Samba during Carnival, Rory agrees to go native by having a ‘Brazilian’ and the Doctor discovers that ‘Christ The Redeemer’ is the disguised TARDIS of the Rani! Nope? Sorry. Wishful thinking. Instead the Whoby Crew arrive in futurish Wales where they get pulled into a mysterious mystery. Let’s hope Scrappy Who shows up to save the day in part two.

We watch “Amy’s Choice” (Series 5, Episode 7) where Amy and Rory get into the Doctor’s head and are ‘chilled’ by what they see. And by ‘get into the Doctor’s head’, I of course mean they literally dive into the messed up soup that makes the Doctor dysfunction. Whilst there, the Doctor creates his own ‘Truman’ show, Rory makes an unfortunate choice of hair style and Amy choo choo chooses her baby daddy. (Spoilers: it’s Rory)

We watch “The Vampires of Venice” (Series 5, Episode 6) where the Doctor, Amy and her fiance Rory travel to 16th century Italy to take in the sights. And by ‘take in the sights’ I mean distract Amy from snogging the Doctor. Again. Whilst there, Amy gets schooled in necking, Rory goes spear fishing, Guido blows himself up real good and Signora Rosanna just wants to meet the Doctor all the way. Yeah!

We watch “Flesh and Stone” (Series 5, Episode 5) where the Weeping Angels break all their established rules to this point…until the next time they break all their established rules to this point… Whilst there, we learn River Song is atoning for killing a good man (spoilers…), the Doctor tries to plug up Amy’s crack (unsuccessfully though…spoilers…) and Amy calms her pre-wedding jitters by trying to get into the Doctor’s trousers… but I will happily spoil that she in fact fails to do so. Umm…spoiler behind?

We watch “The Time of Angels” (Series 5, Episode 4) where Amy and the Doctor travel to the past after finding a love letter sent to him from her future spurring the Doctor to reconnect with the spoilerific River Song…his ex? pre? current? It’s timey wimey people! Whilst there, River brings a gun toting priest to their date, the Doctor finds that two heads are way better than one and Amy Pond gets something stuck in her eye. Perhaps if she blinks fast enough…wait..what?

We watch “Victory of the Daleks” (Series 5, Episode 3) where the Doctor and Amy get blitzed with Winston Churchill. Whilst London is under attack from Nazi bombers, Churchill unveils his latest weapon which is seriously, absolutely, positively not a Dalek. It’s TWO Daleks! Unfortunately, the Doctor is the first to blink in a staring contest with the Daleks and ends up responsible for the creation of the Crayola Daleks. Fortunately, Crayola Daleks melt under the heat of the Doctor’s gaze and scribble off to parts unknown. And we see Amy’s crack again!